HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
The iMPACT (6/18) iNSIGHT!
Our resident philosopher looks at the lead-in to Slammiversary edition of iMPACT!
TNA fleshed out the rest of the card for Slammiversary. There were more surprises than at a Triplets’ birthday party. Foes united, former lovers reunited (sort of) and…well, let’s just take a look.
The show opened with a look at Jeff Jarrett’s suspension and Kurt’s tainted win over Sting to advance to the King of the Mountain match at Slammiversary. The video package then teased the main event.
Tonight’s Episode: “Welcome back, Jeffrey!”
Mick Foley made his entrance to a mixed reaction. The ring was full of balloons and streamers. Foley had Earl Hebner at his side. He also had a clown (no, I don’t mean Rocco and Sal). The Goon Squad was at Foley’s side. Foley talked about having his smile back. Foley said Earl Hebner’s damage was just soft tissue damage. Foley called out A.J. Styles, who had a cool new entrance video. Styles had his Legends belt with him. Foley then called out Samoa Joe. Joe was draped in the black towel as he stomped to the ring. Foley then called out the “second-greatest acquisition in TNA History”, Kurt Angle. Kurt came out to a new modified entrance theme. Foley thanked Kurt for joining the party. Foley called out Jeff Jarrett. The sirens wailed as Jeff came out onto the ramp.
Jeff couldn’t believe the craziness in the ring. Jeff asked Foley if he had lost his freakin’ mind. Foley said he had one more trick up his sleeve. Confetti snowed down from the rafters. Jeff was not amused by the chaos. Foley booked a “Peace, Love and Understanding” match, Foley teamed Styles and Joe, Angle and Sting, and himself and Jarrett for the three-way tag team Dance! Jeff didn’t look happy to have to team with Foley. Foley tried to get everyone to do a unity thing, but they didn’t want to deal with it. Jeff left the ring. Kurt and Styles joined hands with Foley but Joe just walked up and clocked Kurt. Security and Styles pulled Joe back.
In the back, JB announced that Raven and Daffney would battle Taylor Wilde and Abyss at Slammiversary. Daffney would battle in “A Match made in Hell” against Taylor and Awesome Kong. Daffney would team with Angelina Love, though she only trusted Raven to partner with. JB then turned to talk with Raven. Raven was set to battle Jethro Holliday in a “Clockwork Orange House of Fun” match. Raven said the mixed tag match at Slammiversary would be another Monster’s Ball match (they’re getting use out of that one, lately). Raven talked about Abyss being in the building, because he could smell and taste Abyss. Raven started rambling about how he and Abyss were so alike, broken homes, mommies who didn’t love them, addiction to pain, etc… Raven said that he was intelligent enough to fit into society, where Abyss was not. Raven called Abyss “a mindless abomination that should be put down like a rabid dog”. Raven told Abyss to manufacture tombstones for both of them for Monster’s Ball. “Welcome to our funeral. Quoth the Raven…Nevermore!”
Mike Tenay sent it to a video package about Shane Douglas’ desire for a Second Chance. Douglas will face Daniels for a spot on the TNA roster. The loser of the match on Sunday will leave TNA.
Daniels came out to face Amazing Red.
Daniels d Amazing Red
The Finish:
When the two got back in the ring, Red started kicking Daniels’ thigh, before heading to the ropes. Tenay announce the Free-per-View match for Sunday. Eric Young would team with Rhino to face (read that lose) to the British Invasion. Daniels Clotheslined Red, inside out, as the Amazing One bounced off the ropes. Daniels hit a Running Kick to get a two count. Daniels locked in a Chin Wrench. Red Elbowed free but Daniels threw him in the corner. Red hit a Trouble in Paradise-like Buzzsaw Enziguri and a Dropkick to rock Daniels. Red then hit a Jumping Spin Kick. Daniels flipped Red over the ropes and onto the apron. Red hit a Hurancanrana. Daniels charged but missed and hit the corner. Red hit a Flying DDT off the middle ropes. Daniels hooked the ropes to block the Irish Whip. Daniels then reversed the Irish Whip and caught Red with a Spicoli Driver/Death Valley Driver. Red’s eyes were glazed. Daniels nailed a Uranage and hit the BME (Best Moonsault Ever) to take the win.
Grade: A+
Jay’s Thoughts: I hate to think that Daniels is going to be leaving TNA. After Sunday, I have the sneaking suspicion that Daniels will trade his Ankh symbol for a skull mask. As for this match, outstanding on all fronts. Kudos to two of the best men in the business. Red really deseres a run at the X-Division belt.
Daniels actually checked on Red after the match. Douglas came onto the Tron. Douglas said Daniels didn’t deserve a Second Chance, Douglas did. He accepted the challenge. Douglas or Daniels will have a spot on the roster, after Sunday. One will be unemployed. My thoughts? The Hardcore Collective (former ECW stars) is growing. Douglas would make a great addition.
Lauren talked with Taylor, Raisha Saeed and Kong. Lauren had a bandaged arm, thanks to Daffney’s attack, last week. Taylor said she was trying to help Daffney when it all went wrong. Taylor said that she was ready to travel through Hell. Kong spoke! “Monster will kill Princess, first. Monster will kill Monster, last”. I’m still not used to her talking. It’s kind of an Abdullah the Butcher kind of thing, for me.
Mike Tenay and Don West ran down the night’s card. There were three big matches left to go. West then took it to Slammiversary Update, where he started to run down the matches. Matt Morgan broke in and asked Sting to meet him in the ring. The Stinger came from the back to listen to what Morgan had to say. Morgan started bragging about what a superstar he was. He also said that he was a college grad. Morgan was throwing veiled threats at Sting. Morgan said that Sting wouldn’t let him in the Mafia, because he had never been a World champ. Morgan said that he wasn’t given the chance to go for the title. Morgan said that Sting should consider him for a World champion level competitor. Morgan challenged Sting for a match at Slammiversary. Morgan said he was better than Sting. Sting threatened to bite off Morgan’s pointing finger. Sting counter-offered Morgan a great deal. Sting said that he would give Sting his spot in the Mafia, IF Morgan could beat him. Morgan agreed and Sting then tossed Morgan over the ropes, when Morgan went to back jump The Icon.
JB chatted with Jeff Jarrett about Mick Foley’s bizarre antics. JB had notes on Foley’s recent actions. JB suggested that the storyline had more twists than a pretzel factory. Jeff didn’t know which Mick Foley would show up in Detroit. Jeff wasn’t sure if Foley would be his partner or enemy, but the title would come home on Sunday.
Jethro Holliday showed up for the “Clockwork Orange House of Fun” match. He picked up a trash can and threw it in the ring. The crowd actually popped as Raven and Dr. Stevie showed up. Raven had his kendo stick swinging.
Raven d Jethro Holliday
Clockwork Orange House of Fun Match
The Finish:
Raven blasted Jethro with the can lid and then grabbed a steel chair. Raven set for the Raven Effect DDT but Jethro countered. Raven threw a punch but Jethro brought up the chair. Raven punched the chair and yelped in pain. Jethro set the chair up in the ring and sat Raven on it. Jethro hit a Running Knee to topple Raven over. Jethro Uranaged Raven into the steel cage wall. Jethro sandwiched Raven between the cage wall and the ropes. Jethro hit a Running Boot. Jethro rushed at Raven but Raven side-stepped him. Jethro went into the cage, which collapsed. Raven then pinned Jethro on the floor.
Grade: A
Jay’s Thoughts: Jethro needs his Homer. He’s doing a great job (pun fully intended) as the weekly whipping boy for the featured star. He needs to move back to Waxahachie (finally a chance to spell my little sister’s hometown) and get that same hillbilly feel that he had in the WWE. Raven, well, he’s still the same Raven that he was in 1994, only a little older and slower. The bloody battle against Abyss on Sunday should be something that will actually help Abyss, even if he loses. Raven has the ability to bring a decent match out of a block of wood.
After the match, the Psycho-Sexy Daffney danced down with a strait jacket. Raven dragged Jethro back in the ring and Raven Effected him onto the steel chair. Dr. Stevie strapped Jethro in the jacket. Abyss stormed from the back. The Psycho Collective bailed out of the ring as Abyss pointed at Stevie, Daffney and Raven.
Don West talked with Samoa Joe. West wanted to know who Joe was listening to. Joe corrected West to say he was taking advice from someone. When West tried to ask who the mystery person was, Joe said the person would be revealed, in due time. Joe talked about his relationship with Styles being rocky. Joe then moved on to discuss he mission to annihilate the Main Event Mafia. Joe felt the Mafia had taken from the men who built TNA. Joe said that he would target Kurt Angle, on Sunday. I have a funny feeling that Joe’s “adviser” will show up on Sunday. I still think it’s Karen Angle! Don then ran down a few upcoming shows.
The Beautiful People asked Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne to watch her back against that “Bee-atch”. They thought she meant Kong or Taylor. She was talking about Daffney. Break time.
Lauren talked with Abyss about the Monster’s Ball match on Sunday. She wanted to know if Abyss had anything to say. He giggled as he addressed the Psycho Collective. Abyss said he’s been through many wars and had the scars to prove it. Abyss talked about bleeding in his sleep (creepy). Abyss actually said the bleeding was a “warm and fuzzy feeling”. Abyss cried as he looked at Lauren’s injured arm. The two started crying. Lauren walked off, hysterical. Abyss told the Psycho Collective that they shouldn’t have done what they did. Abyss started talking about his mommy telling him not to hit girls. Abyss said Daffney wasn’t a girl, she was a “whacked out, crazy b*tch”. Abyss said his next target was Dr. Stevie. Abyss said Stevie wouldn’t need a doctor, he’d need a mortician.
Daffney walked out for the Hour Turner match of the week. She was joined by the Knockouts Champion, Angelina Love. Love had the rest of Mi Pi Sexy with her. Love will battle Tara on Sunday, at Slammiversary. After flaunting the “sexiness”, Taylor Wilde bounced from the back. At least she’s dropped her Popeye-look. She was joined by my favorite female wrestler, Awesome Kong. Kong has Raisha at her side.
Awesome Kong & Taylor Wilde d Daffney & Angelina Love
The Finish:
<Love hit a Savate Kick and tried for a pin, only getting two. Love threw a straight pun ch and sent Wilde to the ropes. Both women Faceplanted the other. Love tagged out to Daffney. Wilde was able to tag out to Kong. Kong hit a pair of Clotheslines. Kong went for the Awesome Bomb but Love rushed in and tried to hit the Bicycle Kick to Kong's face. Kong blocked it and shoved Love away. Kong then grabbed Love in the Thunderlips Clutch (watch Rocky III). On the outside, Raisha got Hair Sprayed in the eyes. Kong ignored the outside shenanigans and took out Daffney with the Implant Buster!Kong easily pinned the Punk Princess.
Grade: B+
Jay’s Thoughts: Kong really needs a fresh start. She’s getting shuffled further back into the slowly crumbling Knockouts division. Heck, she’s not even involved in the Big Daddy card of the year. Why creative didn’t throw ODB, Kong, “Cooter” Deaner and Stevie into the Monster’s Ball mix is beyond me. TNA is really not using its talent, properly. Love just leaves me cold. Phony, plastic people have always been annoying to me. The real person might be a nice person but the character is a whining, self-centered pampered princess that drives most people crazy, and not in a good way.
The Beautiful People Triple Teamed Kong. Love used a Drop Toe Hold to send Kong, face first, into a steel chair. Wilde was hung, upside down, in the corner. Tara rushed down to clean house. Love jumped Tara from behind and tried to Irish Whip her to the ropes. Tara reversed the move and Love high-tailed it out of there. Tara then turned and had a staredown with Kong. Nothing was said and no punches were thrown, but I sense a future Super-Battle a brewin’.
JB interviewed Team 3D about Sunday and tonight. Team 3D were leaving for Japan, defending the IWGP titles and returning to face Beer Money on Sunday.JB questioned the lack of respect. Ray was a little confused why Beer Money did come to the rescue, last week. Ray talked about the relationship over the past three months. Devon said it would be in Beer Money’s best interest to get things straight before Slammiversary. “Oh my brothers, testify!”
ODB continued the training of “Cooter” Deaner. Deaner finally caught the silly duck. ODB said it was time.
SoCalVal tried to interview Lethal Consequences and the Motor City Machine Guns. Jay was really nasty towards his former love. Shelley talked about one of the Guns taking the X-title. Jay took exception at the idea of Sabin or Shelley taking the title. It broke down to total chaos. Val sent it to break. I think it would be funny if they took Suicide’s mask off and instead of Kaz (which everyone is sure is under the hood), it was Sonjay Dutt. Of course, I’m pretty sure Dutt got his walking papers, a few months back.
Val talked with Beer Money. Roode and Storm were surprised that Team 3D felt they earned an explanation. Storm and Roode said that they were having fun (43,126 bottles of beer, 3 strippers, 2 bottles of whiskey and a midget). Devon and Ray didn’t find their attitude funny. Team 3D gave them a pass. Storm smarted off that Team could come back as their “B*tch”. Devon got ticked and attacked Storm. Team 3D and Beer Money battled in the back.
Lethal Consequences came out for the next match. They showed off in the ring before their partners, Sabin and Shelley, showed up. The X-title will be contested in Detroit, home town of the Guns…hmmm. The music for Team 3D rang out. Team 3D and Beer Money fought from the back. They went after each other. Ray ran Roode into the post. and pounded away. Devon tore into Storm. Devon was double whipped into the post. Lethal Consequences hit Stereo Tope Con Hilos onto Beer Money. Ray kicked Creed in the ribs, as Devon went after Lethal.
Out of nowhere, Suicide showed up in the ring and hit the Running Dropkick on Sabin. He then Fireman Carry’d Shelley up and hit the Front Roll. Suicide then took off. Devon rolled Lethal into the ring, as the bell officially started the match.
Team 3D & Beer Money d Lethal Consequences & the Motor City Machine Guns
8-man tag match
Team 3D hit a Inverted 3D on Creed. Team hit a Double Back Body Drop on Lethal. They then took out Shelley with the 3D!
Grade: B
Jay’s Thoughts: This match was too chaotic for my taste. This, on paper, could have been an amazing super-match. As it was, the match lasted about 25 seconds. There were a few high spots, going in, which is my reason for the grade it received. I think these four will continue to comprise the core of the company’s tag scene. The Brits may also get in the inner circle, as well. I’m a huge tag team fan, so I’d love to see Lance Cade come in to reunite with Jethro (Trevor Murdoch). The tag match on Sunday should be a barn burner. I think Beer Money is going to take the straps but keep the face position, thanks to an amazing battle.
Beer Money and Team 3D screamed at each other.
Val talked with Styles and Joe. Styles admitted loving the excitement in the business. Styles said that with Joe on his team, there is no stopping the team. Joe said that Styles couldn’t wrestle with his fracture. Joe said he would handle it for them. Joe tapped the Legends title (sending a message?). TNA went to break.
JB was with Mick Foley for a special announcement. Foley introduced the new Head of Security. He called him Mr. Davis, but the guy went out of shot, so fast, that I couldn’t confirm if that was “Nightmare” Danny Davis or not. I’m pretty sure it was. Jeremy talked about Twitter. Jeremy brought out a strange new picture. Foley called for his maintenance guy…Kip James. Kip had to hang a picture as part of his job.
West and Tenay ran down the updated Slammiversary card.
JB chatted with Kurt Angle. JB wondered why Kurt and Sting were getting along so well. Kurt said he is under much less stress, now than Sting is the Godfather of the Mafia. Kurt said Sting has put his life in a new mindset. Kurt said that Booker, Steiner and Nash would be in Detroit. Kurt said he would kick Joe’s *ss and take the World title. Kurt said that they would all celebrate.
Samoa Joe was the first out for the main event match. A.J. Styles was next out, walking through his shower of sparks.. Team 2 arrived, with Kurt Angle showing up first. He rose from the depths of the Impact Zone. Sting joined the fray from the wings. He had his violet Sgt. Pepper jacket on. Jeff Jarrett was the fifth man to arrive. He was part of Team 3. The crowd was very vocal in their support of The Founder. Mick Foley was the last to arrive. He was in full Cactus Jack gear and had security with him.
Samoa Joe & A.J. Styles d Kurt Angle & Sting and Jeff Jarrett & Mick Foley
The Finish:
Kurt sent Jeff to the corner but JJ hit a big Book and then went for a Crucifix. Kurt slipped free and cranked on the AngleLock. Jeff tried to go for his partner, but Mick was still at the announce table. Foley stood up and sat back down. Jeff hit an Enziguri to boot Kurt. Jeff tagged out to Samoa Joe. Joe hit Clotheslines on both member of the Mafia. Joe Powerbombed Angle ONTO Sting. Jeff and Foley got into a fist fight on the floor. Jeff waffled Foley with a steel chair. Jeff attacked the security squad. In the ring, Joe nailed Kurt Angle with the Muscle Buster to take the win. Styles and Joe embraced as TNA went tot he replay.
Grade: A-
Jay’s Thoughts: It was obvious that TNA was keeping Styles and Joe safe. Both are injured and needed to take it easy. Joe got to tease his destruction of Kurt. Foley’s little trip to the announce table just pushed his out-in-the-ozone character a little further out. I hope that Foley drops the belt on Sunday. I want to see Bobby Lashley (if he’s even still in TNA) battle Kurt Angle.
Tenay ended by saying that Jeff Jarrett has never lost a King of the Mountain match.
Final Grade: A-
Final Thoughts: It was a decent informercial for Sunday’s Slammiversary card. TNA really needs to pull off something spectacular on Sunday. There are some great matches set and I think the fans will be happy. I just hope they let a belt or two switch hands. You can read my predictions here at OWW. The next six months in TNA will be put in place by what happens at Slammiversary.
Peace
— Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(6/22/09)