Impact (10/1) Insight

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
The Impact (10/1) Insight
Our resident philosopher examines the chaos that was this week’s TNA Impact.

TNA continued with the bickering between the various factions. A third generation star Iron Clawed her way onto the roster. Also, Kevin Nash went after Dr. Stevie, who attacked him last week. This and much more chaos flowed out of Orlando, this week.

Abyss stormed to the ring to open the show. TNA looked back at Mick Foley’s attack on Abyss, last week. Abyss said that he couldn’t compete, according to the doctors. Abyss wanted answers. He called out Foley to give him the answers. The crowd started chanted “We want answers!” Foley’s music then sounded and Mick strolled from the back. Foley had security just a half-step behind him. Foley also brandished Barbie, the barbed wire baseball bat.

 

Foley couldn’t believe that Abyss felt Foley owed him for anything. Foley ranted about his 24 years in the business. Foley said he paved the way for guys like Abyss. Foley said he didn’t owe Abyss anything. Abyss wanted to make one thing clear: He was trying to save Foley against Nash. Abyss said the picture damage (from last week) was an accident when he went into Foley’s office to get the barbed wire bat. Foley agreed it was an accident. Foley also told Chris that he had no permission to go into the office or get the bat. Foley accused Abyss of messing up his Legends title shot. Foley said Chris destroyed his most prized possession, the picture. Foley said he didn’t need Abyss’ help, now or ever. Foley talked about his various wars, including Hell in the Cell or when he lost his ear. Foley said that he didn’t need Abyss or his help. Abyss said Foley “was” Abyss’ hero. Abyss said he wanted to be like Foley. He screamed that he got into the business because of Foley. Abyss said that watching Foley got him through beatings from his father. Abyss showed off the stitches in his head that Foley gave him, last week.

Foley tried to calm Abyss down. Foley back-peddled about hurting Abyss. Foley said he went to the hospital to get shards of plastic out of his hand. The shards came from the video tape that he smashed into Abyss’s head. Foley then brought a copy of the original picture that Chris destroyed. Foley called Abyss a cheap imitation. Foley talked about Abyss’ run in TNA. Foley accused Abyss of being a “cheap imitation of Mick Foley”. He then called Abyss a “wanna-be”. Foley then bashed Abyss with the framed duplicate picture and left the ring. Abyss got to his feet and stormed after Foley. Security rushed Abyss, only to get destroyed. All three security guards were laid out and Abyss charged down the entrance tube to find the man who attacked him.

Segment Grade: A-

Jay’s Thoughts: This feud is going to help both sides. Abyss has been bogged down in nowhere feuds and silly storylines for months. This will allow “The Monster” to get back to his Extreme Roots. Foley will get to cast aside his goofy image and bring back the sadistic Cactus Jack persona. I look forward to this one, big time.

Lauren was trying to calm Abyss down. He was shrieking at the top of his lungs. She called for someone else to take over the interviews because she couldn’t leave Abyss.

Back in the arena, Amazing Red waited in the ring. Kiyoshi and Sheik Abdul Bashir came out for the Ladder Match. The winner of the match would get an X-Division title match, next week. Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed then arrived for the battle.

Amazing Red d Kiyoshi, Sheik Abdul Bashir, Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed
Five-Way Ladder Match to determine the number one contender to the X-Division title

The Finish:

In a split screen, Abyss was shown, backstage, demanding to know where Foley was. Back in the ring, Bashir planted Creed with a Backward Locked Tombstone Piledriver. Jay then caught Bashir with the Lethal Combination. Jay sat the ladder up and started to climb. Jay touched the clipboard with the contract, but Red tipped the ladder over. Jay landed, throat-first, over the top rope. Kiyoshi and Bashir double teamed Red, again. Red rolled over Kiyoshi’s back to deliver a Crescent Kick to Bashir. Red then planted Kiyoshi with an amazing (pun fully intended) Tilt-a-Whirl Tornado DDT. Jay then tried to attack Red, but Red ducked under Jay and then Power DDT’d him into the mat. Red took out Creed with a Buzzsaw Enziguri. He then came off the ropes for a Seated Hurancanrana! Creed hit so hard that he threw up! Red then went to the top of the ladder to get the contract!

Grade: A+
Jay’s Thoughts: What an incredible opening match! Red deserves to take the strap of Joe. Joe should be focusing on A.J. Styles’ World title. Red could have some legendary matches against the other smaller, faster men, if given a chance.

Abyss was still screaming for Foley, backstage. J talked with Red at ringside. Red wanted to enjoy his
victory. Jay came up and screamed at “Red Rooster” about stealing the win. Creed calmed Jay down. Abyss was still looking for his former hero.

JB pushed the TNA Text service. He brought out Dr. Stevie and Daffney. JB wanted to know if Stevie had anything to do with Foley’s actions. Stevie then shrieked at Nash for stealing his money. Stevie screamed that he would end Nash’s career. Daffney said Stevie was angry and she was mad. What she was was falling out of her too tight prom dress.

Back to the arena, where Dr. Stevie’s new theme music played. Stevie was wearing light blue scrub pants. Daffney followed closely behind him. Kevin Nash then came out in Diesel leathers. This was a non-title match. TNA looked back at the assault on Nash, last week.

Kevin Nash d Dr. Stevie (Richards)
Non-Legends Title Match

Stevie jumped out of the ring as the bell sounded. Nash went out after him. Daffney distracted Nash, which allowed Stevie to jump Nash. Stevie slammed Nash into the steel steps and then rolled him back into the ring. Stevie pounded on the skull of Nash. Stevie did his old Big Stevie Cool pose. Stevie hit an Elbow Drop and then went for more punches and a Headbutt. Stevie stalked Nash. Dr. Stevie tried to lock in “General Anesthesia” aka the Million Dollar Dream. Nash got to his feet and ran Stevie into the corner. Daffney slipped the steel riding crop to Stevie. He didn’t get to use it, as Nash hit the Big Boot. Daffney was shocked. Nash dropped the straps and strolled up to Stevie. Nash pulled Stevie into the Jackknife Powerbomb! Nash just put one foot on Stevie’s chest to take the win.

Grade: B

Jay’s Thoughts: Dr. Stevie is about the most useless character in wrestling history. The gimmick stinks like month-old fish. The attitude is just disturbing. The only good thing about the Dr. Stevie thing is that we get to see Daffney almost explode out of her way-too-tight costumes. There’s just something about a Goth chick that works for me. As for Nash, well he’s Nash. he’s arrogant, over-rated and annoying. I’m ready to see him hang up the leather pants and either decide to do acting or become a manager.

Eric Young and the World Elite were on their way to Kurt Angle’s office for an apology. Traci Brooks and Christy Hemme walked towards the entrance ramp for the Battle of the Playboy Models.

The Main Event Mafia and the World Elite were screaming at each other. Kurt told Eric he had five seconds to explain why he was there. Eric said that Kurt had to apologize or there would be a big problem. Booker T walked up and got in Eric’s face. Eric said the World Elite need the Mafia, but the Mafia needs the Elite, even more. Eric told Booker to step back, behind Kurt. Eric said that he would show Kurt how he should have handled Matt Morgan. Kurt said that the foreigners weren’t going to screw up “the big picture”.

Traci came out in a skin-tight pink and black outfit. Taz said he couldn’t look at Traci’s pictures, because he was happily married. I’m not married, just yet, so I have seen the pictures. My glasses took hours to de-fog. Whew! Christy Hemme then bounced out in a white and black outfit. Taz then compared the two girls “ears” (they were both wearing bunny ears). Mike Tenay said “Who’s looking at their ears?”. You got that right, Mike.

Christy Hemme v Traci Brooks
Battle of the Bunnies

Traci kicked Christy in the corner, as Tenay praised Hugh Hefner. Traci hit a series of Knife Edge Chops and then choked Christy on the ropes. Traci came off the ropes and drove both knees into Christy’s back. Traci Bieled Christy by use of the hair. Traci went for a Splash but took two boots to the chest. Christy then hit a spinning Faceplant. Christy then hit the Standing Ax Kick. Traci kicked out at two. Christy then called for the FFG, but missed it. Traci almost got the pin. Traci Knife Edge Chopped Christy in the corner and then Pie-Faced her. Traci charged at Christy would do a Spread Eagle into a Roll-up, as the cameraman became my new best friend. Traci couldn’t kick out.ODB d Awesome Kong
Knockout Title Match

Grade: B (for Bra-Busting Action )

Jay’s Thoughts: This was just a fluff (no, not the bunny tail) kind of match. Who won this one? The fans. Hemme and Brooks are both beautiful and talented. This match had no bearing on future Knockout championship matches, but who really cares?

After the match, Traci jumped Christy from behind.Traci hit an Inverted Shoulder Breaker/Jawbreaker combo.

Out back, Abyss was being assaulted by Foley and the barbed wire bat. Abyss Goozled Foley and threw him over some equipment. Security rushed out to pull Abyss off Foley. Foley still waned to fight. It took everyone and their brother to keep the two apart.

Tenay and Taz then talked about the interview with Styles and Sting. Tenay asked the two about the match at Bound For Glory. Tenay wanted to know what was going through Styles’ mind when he wanted to issue the challenge. Styles said that he had to prove he could beat the best, Sting. Sting talked about his 23 years in the business. Sting brought up the whole “passing the torch” thing and Styles took exception. Styles wanted to know if Sting passed the torch because he didn’t want it anymore. Styles wanted to know if Sting was ready for the battle. Styles said if Sting was 100% into this match, don’t lace up the boots. Tension was thicker than frozen molasses.

Tara came out with her tarantula, Poison. Tara was out to watch ODB’s first Knockout title defense. Taz brought out her new T-Shirt to Mike. Taz was not comfortable with the spider. Awesome Kong, with Raisha Saeed, came out to try and regain the Knockout title. Kong looked like she has dropped some weight. Tara said she respected Kong and wanted to battle the best. ODB then came out with her flask and her belt. TNA looked back at the Knockout Tag Team title match from last week. ODB took exception to Tara taking off on her to fight Kong.

 

The Finish:

Kong Scoop Slammed ODB and then Leg Dropped her. ODB kicked out at two. Saeed strolled over to Tara as Kong slapped on a Camel Clutch, in the ring. Saeed shoved Tara, who left the announce table to chase Saeed to the ring. Kong grabbed Tara by the hair and tried to drag her into the ring. Tara jumped off the apron and pulled Kong’s throat down into the top rope. Since Kong initiated the assault, there was no DQ. ODB School Girl’d Kong to retain her title.

Grade: C

Tara joined ODB in the ring. Tara clapped for ODB. The two got into a screaming match. The two started shoving each other and then threw hard Fore-arm shots. The two tore into each other until Kong ran over both of them. Kong planted ODB with the Implant Buster.. Kong then grabbed Tara and did the same Implant Buster on her. Kong then left the ring. In the back, Kurt Angle warmed up for his match.

Jay’s Thoughts: Tara needs to make up her mind just who she is going to feud with, Kong or ODB. I’m hoping for a Triple Threat match at Bound For Glory between the three to settle the score.

Kurt rose from the bowels of the Impact Zone. His opponent was Hernandez. Hernandez is now billed from Houston.

Kurt Angle v Hernandez (Double Count-out)

The Finish:

After 24 seconds up in the air, Hernandez finished the Stall Suplex to send Kurt to the mat. That was incredible. Hernandez missed the Corner Splash and Kurt hit the German Suplex. Kurt was still dizzy. Kurt punched way at SuperMex.. He then kicked Hernandez’s left leg, over and over. Hernadnez shoved Kurt away but Kurt Clipped the knee. Kurt punched and kicked Hernandez. Hernandez began to fight back. Kurt went to the ropes and tried for a Crossbody. Hernandez converted it a Sit-Out Powerbomb. Hernandez went for the Border Toss but Kurt got free. Hernandez then lifted Kurt up and hit an Inverted Powerbomb on Kurt. Kurt barely kickedout. Kurt rolled out to the floor. Hernandez hit hte Knife Edge Chop and ran Kurtinto the apron and guardrail. The ref kept counting and called for the Double Count-out.

Grade: A

The World Elite jumped Hernandez on the floor, after the match. They also jumped Kurt! Kurt and Hernandez were dragged to the back. Hernandez was taken out with a Low Blow. When the World Elite tried to attack Kurt, the rest of the Main Event Mafia made the save. It broke down into all-our war.

Jay’s Thoughts: TNA needs to decide if the Mafia members are going to wear white hats or black ones. This tweener situation is irritating. The World Elite is so darn wishy-washy that I can’t take them serious. Putting Eric Young in charge was a horrible mistake. He’s a decent wrestler but weak on the stick. The Mafia should be squashing the World Elite. The fact that they aren’t says something about the lack of writing talent in TNA>

SoCalVal talked with Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley. The Guns wanted to announce that they would introduce their new music, next week.

The Beautiful People were introduced. Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky had something to say. The girls were not their normal perky selves. They didn’t even do the Rope Straddle entrance. Velvet had the stick. She said that Angelina Love was no longer a member of the Beautiful People. Velvet said that she and Madison were not happy with their recent actions. Velvet said that their behavior was due to Angelina’s influence. Madison said Angelina turned them into monsters. The crowd was getting bored with this silliness. Madison said that the Beautiful People wanted to show their true colors. Every man in the room just woke up. Madison said that they wanted to start fresh. They invited Sarita and Taylor Wilde to the ring to apologize.

The Knockout Tag Team champs came out to face the girls that they will face at Bound For Glory. Velvet offered their apologies to the champs. The Beautiful People offered handshakes, which the champs accepted. The Beautiful People tried to attack the champs but Wilde and Sarita began to fight back. Suddenly, Lacey Von Erich slid into the ring! She clamped on the family trademark Iron Claw on Sarita’s skull! Lacey did her daddy and grandpa proud with the move. Welcome to the Beautiful People, Lacey Von Erich!

Segment Grade: B (for Boy, was that predictable)

Jay’s Thoughts: Somebody in the WWE should have their backside kicked for ever letting Lacey go. She is vicious and delicious. I’ve watched a few tapes of her in action and she’s going to end up a serious contender to the Knockout title, in very short order. TNA pulled off a major coup replacing Lover with Lacey. Somebody earned their Christmas Bonus, this year.

SoCalVal talked with Matt Morgan. Val wanted to know how Matt would stay focused with the Mafia and World Elite at war. Matt could care less about the little skermish. Tonight, he would destroy Eric, tonight. At Bound For Glory, he would annihilate Kurt Angle. Matt said not only have they awakened a giant but they have p*ssed him off.

Don West talked about upcoming shows.

Val talked with the Beautiful People. Velvet introduced Lacey Von Erich to the world. Lacey took the stick and thanked the Knockout for letting her take the ugly out of TNA.

Eric Young strolled from the back. Matt Morgan wasn’t far behind.

Eric Young v Matt Morgan (No Contest)

The two men stood toe to toe. Morgan shoved EY away and then went for the Chokeslam. Eric Back Elbowed his way free. Morgan put Eric in the corner and hit the Sing Song Back Elbows in the corner. Morgan hit a Big Splash and the Side Drop. Eric did the Flair Flop on the Irish Whip. Eric hit the Missile Dropkick on Morgan. He followed up with the Fore-arm Drops. Eric went to the ropes but jumped into a boot to the face. Morgan Chokeslammed Eric into the corner and hit teh Discus Clothesline. Morgan choked Eric on the ropes. Morgan called for the Slider Boot. Morgan talked with the fnas but took a chair to the head. It was Kurt Angle, dressed like Abyss. The Mafia got in the ring and demolished Eric Young. The rest of the World Elite ran out and it turned into the weekly gang fight.

Grade: B (Boring!)

Jay’s Thoughts: This was like watching grass grow. Morgan has never lived up to his potential. Eric just doesn’t fit in main event matches. Both these guys are acceptable wrestlers but nowhere near the level of superstar that TNA is trying to push them to be.

The fight was still going when TNA returned. TNA went right back into commercial. Huh?

While the fight continued in the ring, JB talked with Team 3D and Bobby Lashley. Brother Ray talked about the three of them facing The British Invasion and Rhino. Ray felt that he owed his “brother”, Devon, an apology. Ray said that the Brits cost Team 3D their championships. Bobby made the “Testify” comment.

Beer Money joined the announce team for the next match. They had some great new music. They shared their beer with Taz and Tenay. The British Invasion was the next to arrive. The Brits were joined by their partner, Rhino. Rhino rushed to the ring.Team 3D then came out for the battle. They were joined by “The Boss”, Bobby Lashley.

Team 3D and Bobby Lashley d The British Invasion and Rhino
Six-Man Tag Team Match

The Finish:

Bobby Lashley made the tag as Doug went seriously pale. Bobby pounded away but Doug sent Boddy to the corner. Bobby hit a Back Body Drop into the ozone. Boddy hit the Shock Treatment on Doug and then nailed the La Bandera Clothesline. Rhino tried to help the Brits to regroup. Doug scooted back in the ring and tagged out to Rhino. Bobby brought Devon in. Rhino Kneelifted tDevon and sent him tot eh enemy corner. The Brits Posted Devon. The Briss made quick tags and hit the Necktie Neckbreaker. Brutus hit the Scoop Slam and cinched in the Rear Chin Lock. Devon got to his feet and Elbowed free. Brutus blasted Devon with a Back Elbow and then popped Ray. He backed off from Bobby and turned into an Amazing Grace Uranage Chokeslam. Bobby and Doug got the tags. He went to town on all three men with Corner Clotheslines. Bobby then Speared Rhino. Bobby hit the Oklahoma Stampede on Doug. The match broke down into total chaos. Team 3D hit the Wazzup! on Rhino, with help from Bobby. Ray told Devon “Get the Tables!” Instead, Ray and Devon hit the Inverted 3D on Rhino. Bobby Chokeslammed on Brutus. Bobby then slapped the Dragon Sleeper on Doug Williams to take the win for his team.

Grade: A-

Jay’s Thoughts: Seeing Lashley use the Dragon Sleeper was a bit of a let-down. He has amazing strength, why not use it? Other than that little annoyance, this match was a great way to close the night.

Team 3D celebrated with Beer Money. Samoa Joe then ran out to slap on the Kokina Clutch on Lashley. Lashley drifted off into darkness as TNA faded out.

Final Grade: B

Final Thoughts: Lashley v Joe? Now there is a match worth sitting and watching. This show was a rollercoaster of excellence and patheticness. The whole Main Event Mafia v World Elite feud reminds me of when my grandkids, Eric and Tim, get into one of their little squabbles. There’s never any real substance to their disagreements and the boys are just grumpy and want to try and one-up the other.

Peace

–Jay Shannon
TheHeadLocker@SBCGlobal.net
(10/5/09)

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