HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
My Summer Slam Predictions
Our resident philosopher breaks out the crystal ball, tea leaves and lucky coin to predict the Fall Classic.
Team Mickie: Mickie James, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim and Melina v Team Michelle: Michelle McCool, Jillian Hall, Beth Phoenix, Layla and Alicia Fox
Traditional Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match
Backstory: Well, there really isn’t one in this one. All the women are just thrown in as Faces v Heels. This is mostly to get the hormones going.
Prediction: Expect a good reason to go grab fresh popcorn. This is going to be brief but boring. Unlike TNA, WWE doesn’t give a rat’s backside about making their females appear like wrestlers. It will likely come down to Mickie, Michelle, and Melina. The numbers game will win out and the “good girls” get the nod.
Predicted Winners: Team Mickie
Predicted Grade: C
Undertaker v Big Show v Chris Jericho
Triple Threat Match for the World Title
Backstory: Big Show turned on his Raw partners at Breaking Point to help Team Smackdown win the Multi-man tag team match. As a reward, Big Show was granted a title shot. Jericho, who made the actual pin, whined to the high heavens that he should get the shot. Teddy Long got fed up with the grumbling and put both men against the Dead Man.
Predictions: Big Show and Jericho both want Taker’s World title. Neither are going to get it. The in-fighting between the tag champs will be their downfall. They will likely weaken Taker with repeated double teams then the pinfalls will start. Show and Jericho will keep the other from pinning Taker. Big Show will get fed up and knock out Jericho. Taker will then throw Show out of the ring and take the easy pin.
Predicted Winner: Undertaker
Predicted Grade: B
Team Kingston: Kofi Kingston, MVP, Mark Henry, R-Truth, and Christian v Team Orton: Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase, Jr., Cody Rhodes, C.M. Punk and William Regal
Traditional Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match
Backstory: Orton blames Kofi for costing him the WWE title. Orton jumped Kofi and kicked the stuffing out of the Piranha from Ghana. Kofi got his revenge by trashing Orton’s brand new race car. As for the others, C.M. Punk lost to R-Truth in a big upset on Smackdown. Punk, of course, blamed the ref. Christian and Regal have fought over the ECW title, several times. The other four are just thrown in to fill out the match.
Prediction: This just might be the match that leads to the Ted DiBiase face turn. I could see it coming down to Ted v Kofi. Ted gets blasted with Trouble in Paradise and loses. Orton comes in and starts to yell at Ted. Orton slaps Ted and the fight is on. Only about the last 2-3 minutes of this match will be worth watching, I think.
Predicted Winners: Team Kingston
Predicted Grade: B
Rey Mysterio v Batista
Backstory: At the last PPV, Rey and Batista were in a Fatal Four Way for Undertaker’s World Title. Batista had Taker beaten and went for the pin. Rey broke it up. Batista took exception and the war was on. Yawn.
Prediction: This is my “Who Gives a Crap?” match. Batista is an injury waiting to happen. Rey lost a lot of momentum when he couldn’t stay clean. I expect WWE to play safe with this one. Give it to Rey by disqualification. This is just the opening match in the series, so it really doesn’t mean much of anything.
Predicted Winner: Rey Mysterio (by DQ)
Predicted Grade: C
Team Miz: The Miz, Sheamus, Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, and Dolph Ziggler v Team Morrison: John Morrison, Shelton Benjamin, Matt Hardy, Evan Bourne and Finlay
Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Tag Team Match
Backstory: Miz and Morrison, former tag team greats, were split by the Draft. Miz won the U.S. title, while Morrison took the I-C strap after Rey failed the Wellness Program. At Bragging Rights, Miz defeated Morrison in a singles match. This is kind of a rematch, with a few extra mid-carders thrown in for good measure.
Prediction: Since Miz took the last PPV, expect Morrison to take this one. Sheamus will likely get his pale posterior disqualified, after destroying Finlay and/or Hardy. Morrison will have to come back to beat the odds to win this one. I see this as a possible launching pad for a series between Morrison and McIntyre.
Predicted Winners: Team Morrison
Predicted Grade: B
John Cena v Triple H v Shawn Michaels
Triple Threat Match for the WWE title
Backstory: D-X has been mean to little Hornswoggle so the dwarf talked one of the Guest Hosts, I forget which one, to making this match. HHH has been pushing that D-X is a unit (in a good way) and it didn’t matter which D-Xer won, as long as the title came to the team. Methinks this shall create a problem.
Prediction: There are a couple of ways that I could see this one going. The worst case scenario is that Hornswoggle gets involved and it turns into a silly comedy skit, gone bad. Cena would wait for the distraction and hit the Attitude Adjustment on Shawn to take the win. Shawn and HHH then start breaking down and it leads to a huge fight, either at Royal Rumble or Wrestlemania 26.
The other scenario, which I like much better, is that Shawn takes out Cena with a little Sweet Chin Music. HHH is all smiles and celebration but the seed is planted. At Royal Rumble< Trip wins the Rumble and challenges Shawn for the strap at Wrestlemania. This would be Shawn’s retirement match. That would bring in monster buy rates. If the writers have two brain cells, this is the path that they would choose. That is the one I’m going with, though I just see that darn dwarf screwing up this whole match.
Predicted Winner: Shawn Michaels (new champ)
Predicted Grade: A-
Final Grade: B+
Final Thoughts: This is shaping up to be one of the weakest Survivor Series events, ever. With the possible exception of the Cena/D-X match, none of these battles really excite me. The team battles are lame. The feud between Rey and Batista is meaningless. I will be passing on this year’s Survivor Series. I might pick it up when it hits DVD.
— Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(11/21/2009)