WWE tag team legends The Hart Foundation
Written by Darbie Gatorade
When I am bored I often have to deal with an unsuspecting flow of creative juices. Someone recently challenged me to come up with some fantasy booking ideas and I sometimes get carried away. What started out as a fun little game ended up being a 42-match marathon. When you read down this list of matches, please remember that wrestlers are assumed to be in their prime.
In my mind this is the ultimate wrestling show (which would end up being a full blown weekend of incredible matches). In fact I have split the madness up into three nights, with three strategically booked cards, each with multiple epic main events. I took a lot of time organizing the cards so the shows would flow in a manner that would keep the fans attention. It’s not as easy as it looks, considering I set a rule that I could only use a wrestler once for the entire weekend. This my attempt at fantasy booking.
Look at each match, close your eyes, and imagine how the match would play out in your head. You might find your own creative juices flowing. You’re encouraged to leave comments at the bottom of the page. Please use your imagination when you read this article and enjoy yourself!
[[[ FRIDAY NIGHT ]]]
This match would set the pace for the entire weekend’s festivities. The crowd would be so into this action from start to finish. The fans will always respect and adore Styles, and RVD & Sabu are tremendously popular. I remember seeing a triple ladder match during the early days of TNA that was simply amazing, and it was between Styles, Low-Ki, and Jerry Lynn. I think RVD should come out on top for this one – just to make the fans happy. All three competitors would be in line to challenge for the Light Heavyweight title (defended by Brian Pillman later against Brian Kendrick).
I have to give some exposure to the jobber nation, so I picked the six most memorable jobbers I could think of and set them loose against each other. The fans would be catching their breath from the triple ladder match anyway. There would be lots of heckling towards the heel team. Lanny Poffo would get to read a poem and throw frisbee’s to the audience. I have always heard rumors that the Young Stallions hated each other, so I’d have them start fighting and leave Poffo by himself. Iron Mike would score the victory over Poffo to win for his team. Barry Horrowitz would pat himself on the back, and the Brawler would knock him out with one punch after the match!
There’s a promotion in western Canada called ECCW that used to have a Jobber championship where the loser of the match would leave with the title. I thought that was pretty unique and I would likely create that title for my promotion.
Billy Jack Haynes was one of my guilty pleasures back in the 80’s, just like Mr. Anderson is for me now. Anderson would talk circles around Billy Jack in the lead up to this match, but Haynes’ power would catch the a$$hole off guard. Anderson would get Haynes up for the Green Bay Plunge, but the Oregon powerhouse would slip out and lock in his patented Full Nelson, forcing Anderson to submit from the pain.
From the moment I saw BigDaddy V debut on ECW television I thought he was an Abdullah the Butcher copy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else make that comparison. If Big Daddy shared Abdullah’s sadistic style maybe he would have been around longer. Abby would have to take V under his wing and teach him how to be a madman. They would be babyface, taking on the long-time heel faction led by Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. There would be a moment where Bundy and V went head-to-head in the middle of the ring trading big-man moves. There’s something fascinating about watching the big men clash, especially when they know what they’re doing in the ring. Abdullah’s tactics would end up costing his team the victory after he pulled out a fork and sliced King Kong Bundy open causing the blood to flow. The referee would call for the disqualification and then bolt to avoid Abby making good on his threats. I’m going to try to keep the “hardcore” to a minimum, but there will be a Hardcore division led by Samoa Joe as champion.
In the weekend’s first championship match, I would put Intercontinental champion Drew McIntyre against the legendary ultimate mastermind Jake “The Snake” Roberts. The thing about McIntyre is that he thinks he is smarter than everyone else, but he would have another thing coming when he went into the snake pit with Jake Roberts. Drew would spend most of the match trying to figure out Roberts, and finally he would find a weakness to exploit, but suddenly out of nowhere Jake would plant McIntyre with a DDT to win the Inercontinental title just like that! Roberts would go on to defend the title against challengers such as Mr. Perfect, Raven, Christopher Daniels, Brian Pillman, Ric Flair, Rob Van Dam, Sabu, Desmond Wolfe, and eventually drop it to Bryan Danielson.
Hillbilly Jim & Eugene would have a good time dancing around the ring to “Don’t Go Messing with a Country Boy” until the drop-dead serious combination of One Man Gang & Big Van Vader hit the ring and squashed their opponents in 30 seconds flat – and I mean FLAT.
Kevin Nash & Scott Hall (heels) would come out to the ring and do a survey asking if the fans if they thought Kane was too ugly and should he put his mask back on. Kane would come out and back Hall into a corner, but Nash would come to the rescue and the match would start. About 10 minutes into the match, Hall would slip a set of brass knux in to Nash. Kane would kick the weapon away and plant Nash with a choke-slam, but the referee would accidentally get knocked down in the process. Hall would jump in the ring and attack Kane. Hall would pick up the knux and prepare to bash Kane, but Kane would catch his fist in mid-air. Nash would recover and spin Kane around and shove his head between his knees to set him up for the Jacknife power-bomb, but Kane would slip out and hit a second choke-slam for the victory!
I’m not sure if this match ever happened, but probably not during their prime, as the Boogie Woogie Man was an NWA guy and Superstar Graham was a WWWF guy. These two flamboyant grapplers are without a doubt, two of the greatest characters in the history of professional wrestling. Just imagine the promos leading up to the match and the wild and crazy things they would say about each other. Valiant would have the full support of the fans, but Graham would have the fashion plate at ringside to guide him to a strong victory over the legendary Valiant brother. They could continue to feud and have Jimmy bring in one of his brothers to do battle with Graham and perhaps Jesse Ventura?
I had a lot of fun putting this one together. At first I wanted to put Santino Marella with Gorilla Monsoon (Gino Marella) because Santino was named after Gino. However I just love watching Monsoon as a heel, so I put Santino with fellow stallion Bruno Sammartino. What better tag team parter for the Gorilla than an Animal. If you’ve never seen George Steele work as a heel then you are truly missing something special. Santino would play the starstruck tag team partner to the living legend, as Bruno would obviously have to carry the team. I have also chosen Bruno & Santino to be my fantasy promotion’s tag team champions. Sammartino would lead by example, and Marella would adopt all of Bruno’s greatest traits while they were a tag team. Bruno would tame their beastly opponents and allow Santino to pick up the pinfall so he could stick his chest out and be proud. For future consideration, I would be putting Gorilla Monsoon and George Steele into the Hardcore division. My Hardcore champion would be Samoa Joe, and he would defend the title on day three against Umaga.
I can’t even imagine what would happen if these two clashed in a match, but they were two names I had left over so I decided to throw them together in a Falls Count Anywhere match to see what would happen. The intrique would be extremely high and I’m sure Race could take Lesnar for a ride! The styles are so different but similar enough to make you think these two could steal the show. There’s no way I could book Race in his prime to job to a guy like Lesnar, so Race would be pushed to the limit, but eventually force Lesnar to tap out to the figure four leg lock. Lesnar would get pissed and throw a fit, but he would be a man and shake hands with the legendary Race after the match. Future storylines could consist of Race teaming up with Lesnar to take on Sammartino & Santino.
What a combustable situation we would have if we ever got to see the Dynamite Kid team up with his biggest fan, Chris Benoit. You can also add ROH star Davey Richards to the mix, as he has patterned his style after both controversial wrestlers. Their cerebral approach would force Guerrero, Malenko, and Noble to take some bumps and sell some lumps. I’m going to make Dynamite, Benoit, and Richards the heels here, just because they are phenomenal at being jerks. This match would be full of submissions, high-flying assaults, and multiple near-falls. Truly spectacular water-cooler conversation type stuff. I would have the finish be Guerrero hitting the frog-splash on somebody for the win after the heels had a falling out. If I were to book for the future I would love to see Dynamite vs. Benoit vs. Richards at an upcoming event.
Time to slow things down a little bit. Warrior and Luger would spend 15 minutes posing and comparing biceps before stumbling through a three minute match. They would fall out of the ring and brawl through the crowd until they were both counted out of the ring. Unfortunately the feud would continue.
What can I say, I think I have outdone myself. This is just epic and unfathomable. Just stop and think about the possibilities. Wow. Just wow. Let me just clarify that we’re talking about the outstanding respectable Iron Sheik from the mid-80’s as opposed to the loudmouth joke that is walking around these days. I would have all four men feel each other out for 10 minutes to build the suspense. The Iron Sheik would end up being the first elimination when he fell victim to a Lou Thesz submission hold. Next up Verne Gagne would take an Angle-slam and get pinned by Lou Thesz. Thesz would begin to look unstoppable. It would come down to Angle vs. Thesz and the fans would stand and applaud the showdown. They would remain standing for the rest of the contest. The match would go on for another 20 minutes and it would end with Angle hitting an Angle-slam and locking Thesz in the Ankle-lock. Thesz would make it to the ropes repeatedly, only for Angle to pull him back into the ring and reapply. Thesz would eventually tap out and hand the victory to Angle. They would shake hands before exiting the ring. A possible match-up for the future would be Angle vs. The Iron Sheik – since they didn’t get to settle very much in this match.
This war would be the culmination of a feud that was going on between Sting and the Sheik for months. Take a moment and imagine how those matches would play out if you will. Meanwhile there would be other singles feuds brewing in the company between Michaels/Bad News, Foley/Muraco, Patriot/Raven, and Kirchner/Windham. All of those match-ups have me salivating, so let’s put them on opposite sides of the War Games steel cage match. First to enter the cage would be Kirchner and Windham for five minutes of brutality to settle their drama. Of course the heels win the coin toss and send in Raven. After two minutes the faces send in the Patriot, who goes straight after his enemy Raven. Next the heels send in Muraco, who is soon followed by Foley. They would make a big deal about Foley being in a cage with Muraco (because the Muraco/Snuka cage match inspired him to become a wrestler). Next the heels would send in Bad News, who is soon followed by Michaels. The Sheik comes in pre-maturely and throws a fireball at the Patriot, who sells it but is at least protected by his mask (they could say it melted to his face). Sting bursts through the curtain and goes after the Sheik. Stinger splashes are landed. The “Match Beyond” begins and after 12 minutes of carnage it is Raven who submits to Sting’s scorpion deathlock. Future bookings include Sting & The Patriot vs. The Sheik & Raven. Foley vs. Muraco in a steel cage, and Michaels vs. Bad News in any kind of stipulation match.
[[[ SATURDAY NIGHT ]]]
TAG TEAM ULTIMATE-X MATCH
The Killer Bees (Brian Blair & Jim Brunzel)
The Motor City Machine Guns (Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley)
I originally had this down as a Scaffold match, but I figured an Ultimate X match would be much more entertaining. Those scaffold matches of the 80’s were usually terrible. I started the first night’s card off with a Ladder match, so I think the Ultimate X is a great way to kick off day number two. It’s hard to imagine the Killer Bees doing an Ultimate X, but I think they would be great at it. However they don’t have the insanity instinct that the Machine Guns have so I’m booking Sabin/Shelley to win it.
This is going to be a straight wrestling match. Bobby Heenan will be doing all the cliche heel manager stuff out the outside, and Daniels is going to fall for everything. Rick Rude will dominate, and win in a basic squash match. I love Christopher Daniels and I will book him in better storylines in the future but at this point it was important for him to job to a big star like Rude. I will be pushing Rude into the World Heavyweight title scene against the winner of Rock vs. Hart. Meanwhile, Daniels will get involved in the Light Heavyweight division against A.J. Styles, Brian Kendrick, Brian Pillman, Rey Mysterio, Jushin Thunder Liger, Tiger Mask, Jerry Lynn, and others from the division.
TAG TEAM 4-WAY CHALLENGE
The Hardy Boyz (Matt & Jeff Hardy)
The Brisco Brothers (Jack & Jerry Brisco)
The Rock’N’Roll Express (Robert Gibson & Ricky Morton)
America’s Most Wanted (Chris Harris & James Storm)
When I was booking these matches, I spent a lot of time creating my own tag teams, but there are many regular teams out there who deserve a spot on the card. These four teams represent four different eras and I think they would work brilliantly together. I was never a fan of the 4-WAY Tag Team match, but I’m sure with the talent involved, they could pull something out of their hat. Just to give the match a twist, I will put in a rule that four wrestlers (one from each team) will be in the ring at the same time, just to make it fair. I sat here staring at my screen for what seemed like an eternity trying to figure out who I would want to win. The Brisco’s would make the best challengers for Bruno & Santino’s tag team title. I was such a huge fan of AMW when they were at their peak, so I’m tempted to put them over. The Hardy’s are probably the most popular, but that doesn’t automatically make you a winner. I think out of shere respect, I will give the victory to the Rock’NRoll Express!
This would be a straight up cruiserweight match with lots of high flying and stiff kicks. X-Pac would carry the match with his North American style but it would be Ultimo Dragon scoring the victory and earning a shot at the Light Heavyweight title. The current champion would be Brian Pillman, who would defend against Brian Kendrick later on this card. X-Pac would turn babyface and go into a storyline against Nash & Hall. X-Pac would form a tag team with Jerry Lynn to face the Outsiders.
Look what I have done here. Just look what I’ve done. Two amazing competitors who have legitimate claims to the BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD title. With such a huge roster, I just might create that title and have Backlund, Danielson, Benoit, Regal, and other guys like that fight for it in pure wrestling-type matches. This match might not be the loudest confrontation, but the crowd will be on the edge of their seats for sure. They will lock in hold after hold, causing the fans to gasp and moan as they imagine the pain being inflicted. Each man will spend an inhuman amount of time locked in one submission hold or another, but in the end, Danielson will use his trademark Cattle Mutilation to make the great Mr. Backlund submit.
I never actually got to see a Karl Gotch match, but I imagine he works best with men who are bigger than him. Luckily Kamala will have the disciple to work with such a grizzled veteran. Gotch will use Kamala as his personal toy, while the Ugandan Giant just won’t be able to figure things out before it’s too late and his shoulders are pinned. Gotch can challenge for the Intercontinental title, the Hardcore title, the World Heavyweight title, the BEST IN THE WORLD title, or even find a tag team partner to go after the Tag Team titles.
It just keeps on getting better doesn’t it? Mr. Perfect and C.M. Punk would work so well together, but who would be the heel? Punk is the bad guy and Perfect is the good guy. I would have Punk’s goon squad (Luke Gallows, the Brooklyn Brawler, Iron Mike Sharpe, and Barry Horrowitz) attack Perfect backstage before the match and injure his ankle. Perfect would be late getting to the ring, and get counted out immediately to go down one fall. Perfect would limp to the ring and beat a second 10-count to start the match. Punk would methodically work on Perfect’s ankle and play to the crowd. Punk would use an Anklelock to make Perfect submit and go up 2-0. Punk would goof off for five minutes before Perfect got up and started grappling to the best of his ability. Punk would score two more pinfalls on the helpless Perfect causing the fans to boo wildly. Punk would be enormously over-confident at this point. Suddenly, Perfect would score a surprise roll-up to earn a fall. Punk would act like “so what, it’s one fall!” Perfect would bounce off the ropes and hit a one-legged drop-kick sending Punk flying into the ropes. Perfect would roll-up Punk for another quick three count! Punk would start to get aggrevated at this point. Perfect would get to his feet and stablize himself. For the remaining 15 minutes, Perfect would showcase his amazing wrestling skill by schooling Punk in mat wrestling. Perfect would lock Punk in a Full Nelson while grinding his face into the mat causing Punk to submit. Punk would be off his rocker now and charge at Perfect, only to be caught by a forearm to the jaw. Perfect would land on top of a stunned Punk for another three-count! With the score even at 4-4 and two minutes left on the clock, Punk would bail out of the ring to kill time. Perfect would be unable to chase the cowardly heel. Punk would keep sliding into the ring to break the count and then slide back out. Punk’s goons would return to get Perfect’s attention on the opposite side of the ring. With 30 seconds remaining, Punk would try to sneak attack Perfect from behind. Perfect would sense what was happening and turn around just in time! Perfect would grab Punk around the waist as he tried to run away and prepare for a Perfect-plex, but Punk would hold onto the ropes. Perfect would tug and pull at Punk’s waist, until he (Punk) finally lost his grip, going over for the Perfect-plex, hitting his head on the mat, and going down to the 1-2-3 just as time ran out (perfect timing) giving Mr. Perfect the victory!
TEN MAN CANADIAN-RULES TAG TEAM MATCH
Dino Bravo & Rick Martel & Chris Jericho & Lance Storm & Christian
Steve Corino & Davey Boy Smith & Owen Hart & Jacques Rougeau & Pierre Ouellet
( REFEREE: “Canada’s Greatest Athlete” Gene Kiniski )
Here we go with another ring full of unbelievable talent. Every man would get to show off his stuff. Bravo’s team would be the good guys, and Corino’s team would be the heels. Let me just clarify, we’re talking about the babyface Dino Bravo who was famous in the Montreal rings, as opposed to the bleach-blonde “strongman” heel from the WWF. Same guy just different eras. Anyway this match would stem from a feud between Steve Corino and Dino Bravo, and they would captain their teams here. I’d also have Storm/Jericho feuding against Owen/Bulldog. The remaining guys would be supporting players. Corino would be particularly harsh with the rulings make by referee Gene Kiniski. Midway through the match, Jericho/Storm and Owen/Bulldog would fight to the back, leaving six guys in the ring. The finish would see Martel & Christian hold back Rougeau & Ouellet while Bravo over-powered Corino and scored the pin!
The Light Heavyweight title would be featured in this match between two of the best characters wrestling ever produced. It would be the battle of the Loose Cannon’s and the build-up for this match would be mind-bending. No one would even understand what either man was saying, but they would know that it was leading to something good. Pillman would be playing the psychotic good guy, and Kendrick would be the slightly less psychotic babyface. With the added “I Quit” stipulation, it would turn out to be a competition to see who the better psycho was. Lots of innovative psychology imployed throughout the match, which would end with Kendrick quitting to the superior psycho!
Let me be specific when I say I want the old Andre the Giant with hair to take on Big Sid with his manager, the great Harvey Wippleman. I was tempted to let Sid use the old Lord Humongous gimmick but thought Sid would be more intriguing. Sid, with help from his manager, would be able to score more offense on the giant than anyone else up until that point. Eventually I would have ring announcer Howard Finkel do something to eliminate Wippleman. I would have Sid repeatedly attempt to slam the Giant but fail. Eventually this obsession would cost Sid, as he would pull a muscle in his back. Andre would follow up with some of his trademark moves and finish Sid off once and for all.
SIX MAN TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
Demolition (Ax & Smash & Crush) [champions]
The Freebirds (Michael Hayes & Terry Gordy & Buddy Roberts)
Not many people like the six man tag team titles, but with a roster this big, I say what the heck. There are only two six man units who could represent this championship and they are Demolition and the Freebirds. Two of my favorites. Demolition would go in as the champions, but the Freebirds would come out as the champions. Other challengers in this division could be Davey Richards & Dynamite Kid & Chris Benoit…. or King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd & Rick Rude…. or Abdullah the Butcher & Big Daddy V & Kamala…. or Junk Yard Dog & Hillbilly Jim & Eugene…. or even Punk’s Goons (Brooklyn Brawler & Mike Sharpe & Barry Horrowitz).
Wooooooooooooo! This match happened once before but Buddy Rogers was so out of his prime it was kind of a joke. Here we get to see Flair vs. Rogers in an epic battle of the Nature Boys. These men would go back and forth. Flair would be the heel, and Rogers would be the babyface, but both men would be playing dirty. The finish would see Flair squirm his way out of the figure four, then take Rogers down with a low-blow, and apply his own figure four until Rogers was forced to give up!
Up until this point, you were probably wondering who I was going to book as my champion – the top guy to represent my fantasy promotion. Well it may or may not surprise you that I have chosen the Rock to be my champion. He may not have been in the wrestling business long, but he was certainly one of the greatest while he was here. He had the best timing of anyone I’ve ever seen in the ring. I would also use those same words to describe Bret “The Hitman” Hart, who would be the Rock’s #1 contender for this match. They would go back and forth and create all sorts of drama for the fans to react to. I would make both men babyface going into the match with the following backstory. The build for this match would have involved Owen Hart playing pranks on both men, making it look like the other was the culprit. Rock and Bret would develop a distrust for each other. Owen would be seen laughing in the background. They could also do segments throughout the show which featured Owen further stirring the pot backstage, but he would be caught red-handed by brother Bret. Bret would put all the pieces together and realize it was Owen playing all the tricks. The story of the match would have Bret repeatedly trying to tell the Rock that it was Owen that set them up. Rock would not hear anything of it and kept knocking Bret around, causing Bret to fight back. Eventually Owen would show up at ringside and laugh at Bret when the Rock’s back was turned. Bret would look at Rock and point at Owen saying “look at him laughing at us!” while Owen would sit there looking like an angel. The finish of the match would see Owen grab Bret’s leg from the outside, causing Bret to stumble and lose focus. The Rock would see this and hit the Rock Bottom and retain his title! This would lead to another Bret vs. Owen feud, including some Bret/Foley vs. Owen/Rock tag team matches.
Are you kidding me? Not many clashes could steal the main event away from Flair vs. Rogers and Rock vs. Hart, but the Undertaker vs. the eternally unpredictable Bruiser Brody would be the most epic main event ever. Surely this match would end in a disqualification, so let’s take it to the next level and throw them into the Hell in a Cell environment. Would anyone come out of this alive? The Undertaker would, of course, be the good guy, and Bruiser Brody would play the out of control heel. I wanted to give Brody a manager, so I gave him Mad Dog Buzz Sawyer. Why did I pick Buzz? Well, because there’s an old story that Undertaker paid Buzz to train him when he first started, and Buzz took his money and ran. So yeah, there’s probably some heat there. The Undertaker would be taken to limits that not even he could imagine for this match. The build-up for this match would have a long series matches that ended in disqualifications. This would be the only way to settle the issue between Undertaker and Bruiser Brody. After lots of blood was spilt (mostly by Brody), the finish would involve Paul Bearer knocking out out Buzz Sawyer with the urn and taking a few hundred bucks out of his pocket as retribution for the Undertaker many years ago. Inside the cell, Undertaker would nail Brody with the Tombstone Pile-driver for the HUGE victory!
[[[ SUNDAY NIGHT ]]]