HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
My Slammiversary Predictions
Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, takes a look at TNA’s equivalent of Wrestlemania. He uses his handy dandy crystal ball, tea leaves and lucky coin to try and predict the winners, losers and future plans for TNA.
The Big Announcement
Dixie Carter, Sting and Hulk Hogan have all teased a major change in the works. “Deception” was brought up as the key word. I’ve had several people write me as to my thoughts on what this is all about. After running about a dozen scenarios through my weary little brain, I think I may know what they are going. Eric Bischoff has buddied up to Hogan for a long time. Bischoff and Sting worked WCW together for many years. I’m expecting Bischoff to go for a “hostile takeover”, uniting Sting, Flair, Jarrett and a few others from the WCW days to do an Invasion angle.
Now, on to the action…
Brother Ray v Jesse Neal
Backstory: Ray and Devon trained Jesse, after he left the Navy. Jesse was one of the first successful graduates of the Team 3D Wrestling Academy. Jesse asked permission to battle them as the tag team partner of Matt Morgan. They gave him their blessing to do so. Morgan and Neal lost and Matt tried to destroy the former military man. Shannon Moore rushed down to make the save and they formed INK, Inc. Team 3D were slightly offended by the cockiness of the new duo and the fight was on. Ray has taken it personal, in the last few weeks, and talked about how useless Neal is. Devon has been telling Ray to back off the kid but Bubba ain’t having any part of calming down.
Prediction: This match is going to be ugly. Ray is going to try and ground and pound on the youngster, Neal. Neal is going to fly, if possible. Morre and Devon are likely going to get involved, somehow. I expect this to go to a No Contest.
Predicted Winner: No Contest
Matt Morgan v Hernandez
Backstory: Morgan and Hernandez were the tag team champs. Morgan began to slowly change during their reign. Morgan attacked Hernandez and put him on the shelf by kicking his head into the steel ring post. After recovering, Hernandez has returned for vengeance.
Prediction: Morgan is not going to have a good Sunday afternoon. Hernandez is in the best shape of his career and he’s ticked off. Morgan is going to try and buddy up to Hernandez, but Super Mex won’t be buying what Morgan’s trying to sell. Hernandez is going to amaze everyone with the Border Toss (and maybe a new move or two) to decimate his former tag partner.
Predicted Winner: Hernandez
Predicted Grade: B+
Desmond Wolfe v Abyss
Monster’s Ball Match
Backstory: Wolfe wanted the Hall of Fame ring that Abyss wears. He would have given it to Ric Flair (the ring was Hogan’s). Abyss challenged Wolfe to put up his valet/girlfriend, Chelsea, against the ring. Abyss took the win and the girl. Wolfe has been wanting revenge, ever since. This time around, they are playing in Abyss’ backyard, the Monster’s Ball.
Prediction: There are two things working against Abyss in this one: 1. His damaged arm and 2. Chelsea. She is the most unpredictable element in this whole scenario. I expect her to take a pretty nasty little bump, which will distracted the soft-hearted Abyss. Wolfe will take advantage, when Abyss is trying to get back in the ring and hit a version of the Tower of Doom (likely onto something punishing, like a barbed wire plank or table) to take the win. Chelsea will likely then urn out to show Abyss that it was all an act to get her man back on top.
Predicted Winner: Desmond Wolfe
Predicted Grade: A-
Kurt Angle v Kazarian (#10 Contender)
Backstory: Angle gave up his top 10 spot in TNA, so he could prove himslf. His plan is to work his way up the ladder, old-school style, to become the top contender to the World Title. Kazarian is his first obstacle.
Prediction: Be prepared for a glorified squash. Kaz will get a little bit of offense but Kurt is going to run the show. He is going to take out Kazarian with the AngleSlam and then look up the ladder to the championship.
Predicted Winner: Kurt Angle
Predicted Grade: B-
Roxxi v Madison Rayne
Knockout Singles Title Match
Backstory: Roxxi broke her ankle, badly, around the first of the year. She’s come back and immediately set her sights on the Knockout title. Madison Rayne, fresh off “retiring” Tara, feels invincible. Roxxi has Rosie in her corner. Madison has Lacey Von Erich and Velvet Sky in hers.
Prediction:: Rosie is going to be the determining factor in this one. The rather chunky new Knockout has made a vow to eliminate The Beautiful People. She will neutralize Sky and Lacey in this one. The distraction will allow Roxxi to take the Knockout title after nailing the Voodoo Drop. I could see Angelina Love and Rosie team up to go after the Knockout tag belts.
Predicted Winner (and New Knockout Champ): Roxxi
Brian Kendrick v Douglas Williams
X-Division Title Match
Backstory: After losing his title due to the Volcano Rule (If you are trapped in England, you lose your title), Williams returned to take the title that he never lost from Kazarian. Williams’ next opponent is the slightly-odd Kendrick.
Prediction: I met Brian Kendrick a few weeks back and he’s a great guy. He deserves the chance to finally wear singles gold. I think he’s superior to Williams but I’m not sure if TNA will see it that way. Kendrick will put up a fantastic fight but Williams will hit his Rolling Reverse Poerbomb (Chaos Theory) to retain.
Predicted Winner: Douglas Williams
Predicted Grade: A
Mr. Anderson and Jeff Hardy v Beer Money
Backstory: Anderson finally seems to be on his way to a full face turn. He’s admitted that he’s an “A**H***”. The crowd even chants it. Hardy is skating on thin ice, as his upcoming drug trial is pending. Beer Money has been the “go-to” team when he comes to solid matches.
Prediction: I have a feeling this is where the big swerve of the night is going to come in. Anderson and Hardy are likely going to be dominating the match when Hardy suddenly catches Anderson with the Twist of Fate and Swanton. He will later explain that he came to TNA to be a star, not get stuck with lame partners in tag team matches. He might even get a shot in on his brother, Matt. Beer Money will take the “Gimme” win.
Predicted Winner: Beer Money
Predicted Grade: B
A.J. Styles v Jay Lethal
Backstory: Styles was/is the protege of Ric Flair. Styles fell out of Flair’s good graces when he lost the TNA World title to Rob Van Dam. Lethal insulted Flair when he did a spot-on imitation of him. Styles, to try and gain favor with Flair, has decided to eliminate Lethal.
Prediction: This match is going to rock the house. Both men are fabulous grapplers. Lethal is finally getting the push he deserves. If Flair doesn’t get involved, Lethal is going to slap on the Lethal Leglock (Figure Four) to take the win. If Flair shows up, Lethal just might get cheated out of the win.I think Styles is going to lose and Flair is going to flip out. I could see Flair v Styles, down the road. Styles will have to go through Kazarian, first. Bound For Glory would be a great stage for Styles v Flair.
Predicted Winner: Jay Lethal
Predicted Grade: A+
Sting v Rob Van Dam
TNA World Heavyweight Title Match
Backstory: Sting has gone ’round the bend, blamind Hogan for everything from World War II to Global Warming. He’s decided to take out everyone in sight. He started with Jeff Jarrett. RVD is supposedly next.
Prediction: This match is going to be pathetic. Why would I say that? Sting v RVD should be a dream match. If it were just Sting and RVD, I would go above the top. Just about every top star in the company is going to get involved in this mess. I could almost see a Jeff Hardy heel turn. Jeff Jarrett might be in the middle of it. Hogan and Bischoff are likely going to stick their noses in, as well. I don’t expect Sting to take the match, but it won’t be a clear-cut win. This is going to be a major disappointment to the fans.
Predicted Winner: RVD
Predicted Grade: C
Final Grade: B+
Final Thoughts: This one is likely going to disappoint some fans. The endings of these matches are going to stink like three-day-old fish. That being said, I am ordering the show as an early “Father’s Day” present for myself. I actually have a rare Sunday off, so I decided that the surprises just might be worth the cost of admission.