The Impact Insight

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
The Impact InsightOur resident philosopher looks at all the actions and excitement over in TNA

This was the follow-up to the Genesis Pay-per-view. A.J. Styles has now joined forces with Ric Flair and made a major heel turn. The Band was back to wreak havoc on everyone in sight.

The show opened with the highlights of Genesis. The Impact Zone was rebuilt. Brian Kendrick arrived. Scott Hall got into it with a “fan”. Mr. Anderson made his debut. Flair helped Styles to win. Styles busted Angle in the head with the title belt.

This Week’s Episode: A.J. Styles…Whooo!

A white limo pulled up in the back. Several hot women stepped out, then Flair and Styles followed. The men were dressed in sharp suits.

Flair came out with two hot women. TNA is using a Hendrix-ian version of Flair’s theme music (2001: A Space Odyssey). Taz felt Styles made a good choice to align with Flair. Flair said he loved TNA. Flair said he came to TNA for three reasons:

1. He hates Hulk Hogan. He wants to finish off Hogan.

2. Flair was looking for the next “Nature Boy”. Flair said it wouldn’t be Kurt Angle or Sting. Flair said that “A.J. “Stylin’ and Profilin’” Styles” would be the next “Nature Boy”. Flair started telling a slightly racy story about meeting some woman in a bar. (I thought Flair was married, again). He claimed to be in bed with Dixie Carter. Not the worst mental picture, Dixie buck naked.

Flair stopped to call out Styles. Styles had a sweet looking brunette on his arm. The crowd was hostile towards the TNA Champ. Styles wanted to know if the fans had a problem. He didn’t care if they did. Styles said he has done it all in TNA but he doesn’t get the respect he deserves. He reminded everyone that he is the “only Grand Slam Champ…ever”. Styles started talking like a mind-washed victim of Flair. Styles started throwing out Flair’s catchphrases, including “whooo!”.

Kurt Angle then came walking from the back. Behind him, Hulk Hogan walked. Hogan changed his mind about Kurt not getting anymore title shots in 2010. Hogan reminded Flair that he (Hogan) ran the show, not Flair. Hogan told Flair that if he showed up during the title match, Kurt would get the title. Styles and Kurt would fight in the main event.

Mick Foley was tearing up the backstage area. He kept screaming “Bischoff!”. Taz and Mike Tenay ran down the rest of the night’s card.

The British Invasion arrived to try and regain their World tag titles. Doug Williams has a new haircut, so the Brits are now easier to tell apart. Matt Morgan and Hernandez then came out wearing the tag belts.

Matt Morgan and Hernandez d Brutus Magnus and Doug Williams
World Tag Team Title Match

The Finish

The Brits double teamed Morgan. Brutus with the Rear Chin Lock. Morgan went for a Goozle but Brutus got free. Morgan nailed a Discus Clothesline. Doug and Hernandez both got tags. Hernandez with the Springboard Flying Shoulder on Doug. Hernandez with multiple power moves. Hernandez hit a variation of the Dominator. Hernandez wanted an Oklahoma Stampede on Doug but Brutus kicked SuperMex to prevent it. The kick led to a Bridging Back Suplex by Doug. Morgan made the save. Rob Terry handed the “Feast or Fired” briefcase to Brutus. Brutus accidentally hit Doug and Hernandez took the pin.

Grade: B-

Jay’s Thoughts: Time for Brutus to head back to Gladiator-Land over in the UK. The British Invasiono has run its course. As for Hernandez/Morgan, they just don’t work for me.

The Brits had a bit of a meltdown as Brutus tore into Rob. Mick Foley came out with a steel chair and took out all the Brits. He hit the Double Arm DDT on Brutus, onto the chair. Foley locked in the “Bang, Bang” pose. Foley, again, called for Bischoff. He said he would see Bischoff, later in the night.

TNA ran a piece on Bubba, the Love Sponge calling Jeff Jarrett. He called Jeff before 6:30 in the morning. Jeff was ticked that Bubba put him on the air without warning. Jeff said TNA was doing fine without Bubba, Hulk and the others. Jeff then hung up.

Hogan and Bischoff talked in the office. Hogan said “Cactus Jack” needed fixed. hogan had something else to deal with. Kevin Nash walked in and wanted to know what was up. Hogan said Hall and Sean “6-Pac” Waltman were out-of-control. Nash asked Hogan to cut the boys some slack. Hogan said the rest of “The Band” were too busy, clowning. hogan said that there was no room for partying in TNA.

Orlando Jordan walked out in a cheesy Flair-like robe. He danced all the way down the ramp. In the back, Christy Hemme chatted with D’Angelo Dinero. Dinero was more busy watching Whoopi Goldberg movies, instead of prepping for Jordan. Dinero called Jordan “Whoopi”.

Orlando Jordan d D’Angelo Dinero

The Finish:

Jordan grabbed the leg and swept the other. Pope with another Go Behind. Jordan made it to the ropes. Pope taunted Jordan. Jordan slapped Pope in the face. Pope with a Double Leg into a series of brutal chops, slaps and punches. Jordan fell into the ropes and Pope slid over Jordan’s back and landed on the floor. Jordan caught Pope coming in and snapped off a Dragon Screw Leg Whip. Jordan hit a Power Drive DDT to take the win.

Grade: B+

Jay’s Thoughts: Why can TNA learn to let a character become actually successful before the kill his/her momentum? Pope did it to Wolfe. Jordan does it to Pope. Next, expect Suicide to kill Jordan’s push. (shakes head in total confusion).

Hemme was back to talk to Kurt Angle. Kurt said A.J. has changed, thanks to Flair’s influence. Kurt wanted to serve up some justice to Styles and Flair.

It was time for more Bubba calls. Jeff was fed up with Bubba’s calls. Jeff said he didn’t need Hogan and/or Bischoff. He accused Hogan and Bischoff of killing WCW.

Eric Young came in to get answers from Nash. He wanted to know if Nash was still with him or he is with “The Band”. Nash felt Eric would fit in with “The Band”.

TNA looked back at the loss of Angelina Love. Lacey Von Erich took Love’s spot. Love returned, a couple weeks back, and tore into her former teammates in the Beautiful People. Love was set to go off on Madison Rayne, next.

Bubba was back to annoy the home audience. They could have thrown one or two more matches in during the time they wasted with the Howard Stern-wanna-be. Bubba talked about TNA’s Civil War. Jeff said that Bubba enjoyed stirring crap. Jeff said the TNA fans just don’t like the changes in TNA. Bubba said Jeff didn’t like Hogan and wanted to drag his lawyers in. Jeff said that TNA needs to get rid of Bischoff. Bubba said Hogan asked him to call Jeff. Jeff wants Bubba there for the meeting.

Bobby Lashley was in to talk to Bischoff. Bobby said the games were done, he wanted to wrestle. Bischoff said Bobby showed a lot of manhood by admitting making mistakes. Bischoff danced around his response. Bischoff said that he needed to talk to Hogan and he’d have an answer, next week.

Madison Rayne oozed from the back, looking luscious, other than the over-dose of war paint. Rayne did the Booty Shimmy as she entered the ring. Love then came out to new music.

Angelina Love d Madison Rayne

Love did her own Shimmy. Love has quite a bit more ink, since leaving and coming back. Rayne started wailing away on Love. Rayne with a Knife Edge Chop. Love threw Rayne to the mat and began to punch away. Love got face time in this match. Love kicked away at Rayne and threw her into the corner. Love taunted Rayner. Rayne reversed an Irish Whip but ended up on the wrong end of a Pump Kick.

Grade: C

Jay’s Thoughts: Wake me when it’s over…Oh, it’s over. Darn, not enough time for a quick nap. Just about the time you thing that TNA knows how to push the female talent, they throw in a train wreck like this garbage.

Love ripped Rayne’s top off and choked her with it. Rayne was still wearing a neon pink bra. Von Erich and Sky came down to help their partner, only to get taken out by Love. Lacey drew back with her “ugly stick” but stopped when Love saw her. Rayne attacked Love’s leg and held her. Lacey then beat down on Love with the stick. All three women tore into Love. The Beautiful People stood over the downed Angelina Love.

Bubba was in the back with Hall and Waltman. Hall accused Waltman of being stoned, by reference. hall said that they were there to get “good guy TNA contracts” by the end of the night. In the back, Bischoff and Hogan walked. They had something to say.

Hogan and Bischoff came out to brand new rocking guitar riffs into the old nWo music. Hogan noticed a group of fans, bowing to him. Hogan took the stick and looked around. Hogan seems to be growing back the “Hollywood” mixed-color beard. Hogan said TNA had new momentum. Hogan said he was there to take care of business, right now. Hogan said he was tired of the silliness. Hall, Nash and Waltman started to come out, but Hogan stopped them. Hogan said the party was over and for Waltman and Hall to hit the road. “The Band” walked towards the ring but security stopped them. Waltman was actually smoking in the Impact Zone.

Mick Foley then came out to “schedule his appointment”. Bischoff demanded security take him away. Foley wanted to talk. Bischoff told security to take Foley to his (Bischoff’s) office.

Security was still trying to get rid of Hall and Waltman. Nash said he would fix the situation. The Nasty Boys then made their return to the ring. Their opponents were members of the fractured World Elite, Eric Young and Kevin Nash.

The Nasty Boys d Eric Young and Kevin Nash

The Finish:

Knobbs took the tag and the Nasties hit the double team. Nash took the tag and Kneelifted Knobbs in the corner, over and over. Nash with Elbow Shots and a Running Clothesline in the corner. Knobbs with a Back Elbow and a tag to Sags. Sags hit a weak Clothesline, which Nash gold. Nash with the Big Boot. Eric took the tag and hit a Savage Elbow. Knobbs and Nash fought on the floor. The Nasties double teamed Young in the corner and did the old Pit Stop. The Nasties hit the Power Whip Splash in the corner. Sags hit a lame looking Pump Handle Slam to take out Eric Young.

Grade: C-

Jay’s Thoughts: I didn’t like the Nasties, 20 years ago, when they had minimal talent. Now they are just another example of how kissing up to Hogan can get you a spot on the roster. So, when does TNA officially change their name to WCW Lite? I’m willing to bet the farm that TNA will do a name change in the near future. I can only hope that Team 3D embarrasses the Nasties.

Mr. (Kennedy) Anderson was walking backstage. He would make his Impact debut, next.

Backstage, during the break, The Nasty Boys were taken out by Team 3D with chairs. Yeah!

Ken Anderson used brass knucks on Abyss at Genesis to take out the Monster. Anderson stood on the ramp. He bounced towards the ring, receiving a mixed reaction. He called for the old-fashioned mic to drop. He was bathed in blue light as the mic lowered to his hand. Anderson said he wasn’t in TNA because of Twitter, Internet, etc… he said he was there because Hogan called him personally.

Anderson said he would get opportunities that he wouldn’t get “elsewhere”. Anderson said he wasn’t going to do the “lip service” thing, like others. he said “Actions speak louder than words”. Anderson then bragged about his actions at Genesis. Abyss slipped into the ring. Anderson didn’t see him. Anderson bragged about beating The Monster. Anderson mentioned how big and stupid and moronic and clumsy Abyss was. Abyss just fumed as Anderson kept rambling. Anderson started to do his “Mr. Anderson” cry but Abyss tapped him on the shoulder and tore him a knew one. Abyss with a Splash in the corner. Anderson bailed out of the ring and inched up the ramp. Abyss wanted more of Anderson, but he wouldn’t get it, this week.

Bischoff talked with Abyss, in the back. Abyss apologized for his actions. Bischoff said Abyss only has a job because Hogan liked him. Bischoff said Abyss has screwed up two shows in a row. Abyss was nervous about his future. Bischoff said it would depend on Foley. Security held Foley in check. Bischoff teased Foley. Foley said he had a few things to say, for Eric’s ears only. Bischoff asked the security guys to take a break. Bischoff wasn’t worried about Foley. Foley said he didn’t like what Bischoff was doing to TNA. Foley said he would stop Bischoff, by force, if necessary. Bischoff asked the cameraman and others to leave. Foley kept screaming as Bischoff shut the office door.

Kurt Angle came out for the main event. Kurt had a look of all-business on his face. Styles then came out to a seriously negative reaction. Flair was not with Styles.

A.J. Styles d Kurt Angle
TNA World Title Match

The Finish:

Styles slapped on a Figure Four Leglock! Styles yanked on the leg to increase the pain. Kurt made it to the ropes. Kurt blocked Styles’ punches and then hit Clotheslines. Styles got a Big Boot but Kurt hit an Overhead release Suplex. Kurt tried for the AngleSlam but Styles turned it into an Arm Drag. Kurt hit the Hat Trick Germans. Kurt went for the pin but only got two. Kurt dropped the straps and waited for Styles. Kurt tried, again, for the AngleSlam. Styles got free and clocked him with the Pele. Styles set for the Styles Clash but Kurt reversed it into the AngleLock. Styles tried to get to the ring but couldn’t make it. Styles roleld through and locked in the AngleLock! The ref called for the bell. Can you say Orlando Screw-Job?.

Grade: C (A for action, D for stupid rip-off finish)

Kurt screamed at Hogan for the crappy ending. He said he (Kurt) could go back to WWE. Angle quit and then spat in Hogan’s face. It was a perfect shot-for-shot remake of Montreal, 1997.

Jay’s Thoughts: Is TNA so lacking in decent writers that they have to rip off something from 12 years old? Really? Somebody needs to head down to the Orlando Zoo and kidnap a couple of monkeys. They surely could do better than this mess.

Durign the break, Kurt lost his cool. He cursed wildly and stormed around the ring. The crowd was totally behind Kurt. Kurt threw a chair into the new set. Tenay wanted to know what Hogan’s role was in all this. Bischoff then walked from the back, dripping blood from a cut on his head. Bischoff called for the stick. Bischoff “fired” Mick Foley. That blood just didn’t quite have a realistic feel to it. Welcome to WCW, Version 2.0.

Final Grade: C

Final Thoughts: They say history repeats itself. This all smells like the early days of WCW’s rise to destruction. They have all the pieces: Nash, Hogan and Bischoff. They have already gotten rid of the six-sided ring, which made TNA unique. Now, they are filling the roster with Hogan’s flunkies and wanna-be flunkies. Throw Flair’s ego in the mix and the mortician can start working on the headstone. I really am disappointed in Jarrett, Dixie and whatever other brain-dead moron decided that bringing in Hogan and his crew was a Good idea. Time to don my black armband in mourning for TNA. It was a great 7 years.

– Jay Shannon
TheHeadLocker@SBCGlobal.net
(1/24/10)