hannon: Cyber Sunday Predictions

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon

My Cyber Sunday Predictions

Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, breaks out his handy-dandy crystal ball, tea leaves and lucky coin to try and figure out the choices and winners for the oddest PPV of the year.

First of all, I don’t buy the whole premise that the fans actually get to make the choices. WWE will promote it that way to coax the fans to toss out even more money to text message their votes. Creative isn’t about to give up that much control to the lowly fans. Ok, now that I’ve climbed down off my soapbox about the WWE ripping off their fans with the whole Texting thing, let’s look at the matches.

Shelton Benjamin v ?
U.S. Title Match (Cyber Sunday Preview Match)

The Options: This is the one that will lead into the PPV. It reminds me of the old Heat shows that ran on MTV, just before PPVs. Benjamin finally gets gold, and he doesn’t even get a spot on the main show. Adding insult to injury are the three choices for his challengers:
A. R-Truth (Ron Killings)
B. MVP
C. Festus (Who’s brilliant idea was it to pass over Brian Kendrick, Jesse and Kung Fu Naki for the Corn-Fed Colossus?)

Predictions: I’m expecting R-Truth to get the vote. Since WWE will want to entice the people watching the Free-Per-View to pony up their hard earned cash for the show, I expect Shelton to drop the US title. R-Truth will use the Ax Kick to drop The Gold Standard.

Predicted Winner: R-Truth (new US Champ)
Predicted Grade: A

Beth Phoenix v Michelle McCool v Mickie James v Brie Bella v Candice Michelle v Eve v Jillian Hall v Katie Lea v Kelly Kelly v Layla v Lena Yada v Maria v Maryse v Natalya v Tiffany v Victoria
Diva Halloween Contest:

Prediction: This is the serious Hormone-kicker match for the night. All the Divas (with the exception of Victoria) will be in various slinky outfits. I won’t waste a lot of time on this Beer Run “match”. WWE will likely push Maria, as they usually do. I expect the Bella Twins to pull some kind of silly switch to confuse everyone. Maybe they might finally end the charade of the twins.

Predicted Winner: Maria
Predicted Grade: (Double) D

Pick the Tag Team Match

The Options: This is the oddball voting situation of the night. The three tag matches are:
A. The Miz & John Morrison v Cryme Tyme
B. Jaime Noble & Mickie James v William Regal & Layla
C. C.M. Punk & Kofi Kingston v Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase (World Tag Titles match)

Predictions: Sadly, the match will likely end up another re-hashing of the dull Miz/Morrison v Cryme Tyme feud. If the fans were to actually decide this match, Kofi and Punk would get a shot at the tag belts. Noble/James v Regal/Layla is just a “we gotta have three choices” addition. Since I’m expecting Miz/Morrison v Cryme Tyme, I give my predictions on that option. This match will go back and forth before breaking down into an out-of-control borefest. The ref will show mercy on the fans and call for the Double DQ to spare fans more pain.

Predicted Winner: Double DQ
Predicted Grade: C-

Kane v Rey Mysterio
Fans pick the Stipulation.

The Options: The Big Red Machine and the Lil’ Latin Warrior are at it again. This David v Goliath battle is a serious yawn fest. They will get to battle each other in one of three Gimmick Matches:
A. Falls Count Anywhere
B. No Holds Barred
C. 2 out of 3 Falls Match

Predictions: I’m going slightly out on a limb with this prediction. WWE is going to go Old School (circa 1978 World Class) with a 2 out of 3 battle. Kane will take the first fall with a Devastating Chokeslam after hitting the Kane Klothesline off the ropes. Kane will end up getting himself disqualified in the second fall for refusing to listen to the ref. Rey will have one of those “miracle comebacks” and take the deciding fall. After the match, Kane will tear into Rey and leave Rey a broken and beaten mess. This feud is due to come to a major end, soon. I’m expecting a twist on the Mask v Mask match at Survivor Series. If Rey loses, he loses his mask. If Rey wins, Kane has to start wearing his old mask again.

Predicted Winner: Rey Mysterio
Predicted Grade: A-

Matt Hardy v ?
ECW Championship Match

The Options: Matt is looking at three possible opponents in this match:
A. Mark Henry
B. Finlay
C. Evan Bourne

Predictions: I want to see Hardy v Bourne. Since WWE doesn’t really seem to care about ECW, they will likely toss Hardy in with Mark Henry. If they do that, Matt gets another Gimme match. Finlay is just a filler, because Tommy got snubbed and Miz and Morrison may be busy in the tag battle. This match will show just how lame ECW has become. The only way that this match would be decent is if Evan get the chance at the gold. Even then, Mark Henry will likely spoil the whole thing by attacking both men for getting passed over. Regardless, Matt Hardy leaves Cyber Sunday with his title. None of the big three belts will change hands on Sunday.

Predicted Winner: Matt Hardy
Predicted Grade: A- (if Bourne), D (if Henry)

Santino Marella v ?
Intercontinental Title match (Fans choose the opponent)

The Options: Santino will have to face one of three Legends in the I-C title match. All have been former I-C champs: The choices are:
A. Roddy Piper
B. Goldust
C. The Honky Tonk Man

Predictions: Santino’s trying to out-do the Honky Tonk Man’s record I-C title run. Only a fool would book Santino v Honky, this early. That match should happen at next year’s Cyber Sunday (assuming Sanrino still has the strap). Roddy Piper has already done an angle with Santno, so it wouldn’t make a lot of sense to re-hash their rivalry. That leaves Goldy. Dustin Rhodes/Runnels crashed harder than the Stock Market in TNA. He needs to reclaim his former gloryover in Vinnyland. He’s the most obvious choice to face Santino.

I also have a slight swerve in mind. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan got blith-whapped by Santino with the Jarrett (Guitar) Shot on Raw. I could see Duggan begging the chosen person to allow him to battle Santino, instead. If that were to happen, Santino would destroy Duggan with minimal effort. If Goldy gets the shot, Santino would freak out at the “Sissy Boy” and run for the hills, causing Goldy to win by count-out. I’m sticking with Santino over Duggan in the Swerve of the Night match.

Predicted Winner: Santino Marella
Predicted Grade: C

Undertaker v Big Show

The Options:The fans get to choose what type of bruality the two will dish out on each other. The choices are:
A. I Quit Match
B. Knockout Match
C. Last Man Standing Match

Predictions: Big Show laid out the Undertaker in their last big match. Undertaker will even things up, sending it to a Tie-Breaker match at <i.Survivor Series. The question is which kind of match will they battle in? WWE has really pushed the whole Knockout angle, so that seems like the best option. I’d personally prefer an I Quit match, which ‘Taker could win with the GogoPlata Choke. ‘Taker really needs to even the score, and a Knockout would be a perfect way to equal the scorecard. This match is going to be Bowling Shoe Ugly, to quote Jim Ross. I still stand by Big Show taking the beating of his life and Undertaker walking out with the win.

Predicted Winner: The Undertaker
Predicted Grade: B+

Chris Jericho v Batista
World Heavyweight Championship Match (Fans choose the special ref)

The Options: Mike Adamle has decided that this match needs a special ref. I have no idea why. The three choices for special guest ref are:
A. Randy Orton
B. Shawn Michaels
C. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

Predictions: The only way Orton gets to be ref is if he takes out the other two. That’s not likely to happen. Austin got the loudest pop of all from the various crowds, so if this were a fair vote, he’d win it for sure. Shawn has history with both men and would be a logical choice to throw in the mix. Austin is getting ready to roll out his latest cinematic stinker, so he could use the publicity. All in all, the special guest ref simply distracts from what should be a great match.

I’m going to go with Austin to get the striped shirt. Fans are getting bored with the whole Shawn v Jericho angle. When Jericho and Shawn ripped off the Robert Roode/Booker T angle at Sunnerslam, they both lost major points with the fans. If the Texas Rattlesnake is in this one, I see only one possible outcome. Austin gets fed up with both men, hits Stunners on both and walks out. Jericho retains on the No Contest. Batista will likely come back at Survivor Series to claim the belt. That could set up Cena v Batista II for the World title around the time of Royal Rumble. C.M. Punk gets pushed further into the darkness of mid-card Hell.

Predicted Winner: No Contest (Jericho retains)
Predicted Grade: B-

Triple H v ?
WWE Championship Match (Fans choose opponent):

The Options: Triple H will defend his title on Sunday. The options that the fans have to choose from are:
A. Triple H v Jeff Hardy
B. Triple H v Vladimir Kozlov
C. Triple H v Kozlow v Jeff Hardy

Predictions: A blind man could see this one coming. A Triple Threat Match is going to get the nod in a landslide vote. Again, I’m a cynic so I’m not going to say that the fans are actually going to make this match. Jeff has really floundered since his last bit of trouble with the Wellness Program. Hardy doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell of taking the strap off Triple H, especially at a B-level PPV.

Kozlov is undefeated and has basically destroyed all the mid-carders in sight. He also holds a victory over Jeff Hardy. If this was Survivor Series or Royal Rumble, I’d pick Kozlov in a heartbeat. Triple H’s well-documented ego just won’t allow him to drop the strap at anything less than one of the Big Four (Royal Rumble, Wrestlemania, Summerslam or Survivor Series). Triple H will likely take out Jeff, after Kozlov trashes the Rainbow-Haired Warrior. This will likely lead to some kind of Gimmick match at Survivor Series, like a Russian Gulag Match or a Siberian Stretcher Match between Triple H and Kozlov.

Predicted Winner: Triple H
Predicted Grade: B-

Final Grade: B-
Final Thoughts: This will likely be a major disappointment to the fans. It’s going to end up being about exciting as a mediocre edition of Raw. I’m hoping that Creative will surprise me with a few good twists to prove me wrong.

– Jay Shannon
TheHeadLocker@SBCGlobal.net
(10/25/08)

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