ECW (5/12) Extrene Exan!

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
The ECW (5/12) Extreme Examination
Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, brings us all the fun and excitement from the Tuesday Night Delight, ECW.

On this Judgment Day preview episode of ECW, Christian and Jack Swagger had a little chat about life, the universe and everything. Also, a third generation star got a slight identity change as he returned to join his “family”.

Christian and Jack Swagger waited in Tiffany’s office. She told them that she would not tolerate letting everything break down into chaos. Both men were told to keep their hands to themselves during the Peep Show. Tiffany said that if either man got physical with the other, there would be consequences.

ECW was live from Dayton, Ohio. Mark Henry came out for the opening bout. He had Tony Atlas at his heels. Mark was set to battle the Hardcore Icon, Tommy Dreamer. Tommy got, of course, a huge pop when he came from the back.

Mark Henry d Tommy Dreamer

The Finish:

Mark whipped Tommy to the corner. Tommy clutched his neck. Mark hit a hard Headbutt but wouldn’t follow up. Mark went for a Splash but ate a boot. Tommy came off the ropes, into a Bearhug. Tommy broke free and went to the ropes. Mark Brick Walled Tommy but missed and Elbow Drop. Tommy hit a trio of Elbows, including a Running version. Tommy then hit the Slider Dropkick into the corner. Tommy cut loose with the Primal Scream. Tommy connected with the D(reamer)DT but Mark got the foot on the ropes at two. Mark sent Tommy to the corner. Tommy tried for a School Boy but couldn’t move the behemoth. Mark sat down on Tommy. Tommy got to his feet and staggered into the World’s Strongest Slam.

Grade: A-

Jay’s Thoughts: It seems odd to give Mark such a high grade. This match turned out to be much better than I expected. I’d really like to see Mark get rid of Tony Atlas. I’m not Atlas’ biggest fan. Some of us still remember Puerto Rico and Brody. I was hoping that Mark would get moved to Raw or Smackdown during the Draft.

As for Tommy, I just don’t understand what the writers are thinking. Tommy is closing in on his target date to win or retire. Tommy keeps losing, almost every week. If Tommy does manage to get the title, it’s going to look like a complete fluke. Tommy deserves better than that. He’s the last remaining member of the old ECW. He should be getting treated with respect and not used as cannon fodder for the Heel of the Week. (Climbing down off my soapbox, now, Thank You).

Gregory Helms talked with Natalya and Tyson Kidd. Natalya was banned from ringside during the match against Finlay. Helms flirted with Natalya but she just blew him off. “What’s up with that?”

The promo for Superstars listed the main event as…get ready…Big Show v Hornswoggle. Yeah, that’s fair.

The Irish Brawler, Finlay, came out for the next contest. He looks so lost without little Hornswoggle. ECW looked at Finlay’s assist in helping Evan Bourne beat Tyson Kidd, last week. Kidd came out after the video piece, ready to gain some revenge.

Finlay d Tyson Kidd (by DQ)

The Finish:

Finlay beat on Tyson and then sent him to the corner. Tyson got the boot up and then went up to the middle rope. Finlay Arm Dragged Tyson off the corner. Finlay hit a series of Clotheslines and the Rolling HIlls. Finlay Shouldered Tyson into the corner. Finlay went for the Celtic Cross when David Hart (no longer D.H) Smith ran in and attacked Finlay. Smith tore into Finlay with a fury. When Finlay started to fight back, Tyson came in with the shillelagh and cracked the leg. Smith then took Finlay to the outside and beat on him. The “New Foundation” decimated Finlay. They actually hit the Hart Attack on Finlay. Natalya came out to complete the trio. Welcome to ECW…the NEW Hart Foundation (or would that be the Canadian Bulldogs?)

Grade: A-

Jay’s Thoughts: I’ve been waiting for the arrival of the New Hart Foundation/Canadian Bulldogs. Why the heck it’s on ECW? ECW has absolutely no tag team division, so this makes no sense. The Foundation/Bulldogs should have gone to Smackdown, to offset the Colons on Raw. I do think that this team is going to really cause waves in ECW and the entire WWE. I hope the Next Generation Curse passes them by. It’s wreaked havoc with the Flairs, the Armstrongs, the Von Erichs and so many others. It’s even struck their cousin, Teddy Hart, who has basically self-destructed.

ECW returned and looked at the arrival of David Hart Smith. Josh and Matt then talked about Batista’s vanquishing of Legacy on Raw. Batista took out each man, individually. He was in the process of destroying Orton, when Rhodes and DiBiase showed up to help their leader. Batista just trashed everyone in sight. Batista did get to attack the ankle of Orton before Ted and Cody showed up. Batista totally destroyed the triad and screamed at Orton.

Josh and Matt talked about Judgment Day. Should be an interesting show.

In the back, Zack Ryder wanted to go play in the gym. Tiffany allowed him to go. Paul Burchill and Katie Lea came in to complain about not being on the show for the second week in a row. Katie warned that her brother tended to get into trouble, when he had too much time on his hand.

ECW ran another Rocky-like promo for Vladimir Kozlov. Kozlov threw things around and called for competition. He would continue his Goldberg run…next.

Vladimir stomped from the back. In the ring, Chad Collyer, a great indy star, waited for his destruction. Matt really pushed Collyer’s amateur background. It didn’t help.

Vladimir Kozlov d Chad Collyer

Chad went for a Go Behind but Kozlov flipped Chad to the canvas. Kozlov trapped Chad in an Inverted Front Face Lock. Chad scooted across the mat to reach the ropes. Kozlov kicked Chad as an insult. Chad started to fight back but Kozlov trapped him in the Al Snow Headbutt. Kozlov Snap Mared Chad over and then threw him into the corner. Chad got one good shot in and went to the ropes. Kozlov caught him, off the ropes, with a Headbutt to the chest. Kozlov kicked Chad in the chest and then dropped the Iron Curtain on the indy sensation.

Grade: B-

Jay’s Thoughts: Finally, Kozlov gets someone that gives him minimal resistance. The last few weeks have been filled with Kozlov Squashes. To see Chad actually put up a fight was a nice change of pace. He still got trashed but not completely squashed. I still don’t like the path that the writers are sending Kozlov down. He’s being promoted as a cyborg-like wrestling machine but he’s been defeated in numerous high-profile matches. Guess ol’ Koz has a glitch in his programming.

Josh actually went into the ring to talk with Kozlov. Josh wanted to know what set him apart from other WWE stars. Kozlov bragged about his Russian training. Kozlov said he would dominate everyone in ECW. He then left the ring and scowled at everyone.

Christian arrived for the first Peep Show in 4 years. The Peeps were loud and proud for their favorite son. Christian welcomed his fans to their show. Christian welcomed the former ECW champ to his show.

Swagger walked out, without his trademark grin. Christian taunted Swagger with the ECW title. Christian said that people thought Swagger was a sore loser. Swagger whined about Backlash. He sent it to a video of where Christian exposed the turnbuckle. That led to Christian to be able to pull the Killswitch and take the title. Swagger wanted to know what Christian had to say. Christian said that he just showed how Christian beat him and he also noticed that Swagger left out where he (Jack) exposed the other turnbuckle. Christian ran a comedy video of Swagger. It really focused on Swagger’s lisp. Christian said he made the video to make Jack look stupid. Swagger said he would own Christian on Sunday. Swagger started screaming at Christian. Swagger said that Christian couldn’t touch him during the Peep Show. Christian said that the good thing about being the host of a show was that he could determine when it was over. Christian then popped Swagger in the face. Swagger went to the back, as Christian held his title high.

Grade: C

Jay’s Thoughts: I just don’t like these silly talk segments. Piper was the only one who ever did a decent segment. I’ve seen them all: Snake Pit, Barber Shop, Flower Shop, Blackjack’s BBQ, (Buddy) Rogers’ Corner, Cutting Edge, etc… They all bore me to tears. I would have rather seen Paul Burchill v Zack Ryder. I guess it was seen as necessary to push the title match but it was just a good reason to switch over to Biggest Loser.

Final Grade: B

Final Thoughts: Not a bad show but could have been much better. The end of the show really dragged it down. The arrival of David Hart Smith was kind of cool but it would have been better done on Smackdown.

I wanted to end this week’s column was a bit of an odd request. My best friend, who lives in England, is about to become a grandmother. The unborn baby, named Chloe, is facing some major health issues that are jeopardizing her little life. Please keep little Chloe in your most positive of thoughts. With enough positivism flowing to her, she might just make it through this crisis. Thanks.

Peace.

– Jay Shannon
TheHeadLocker@SBCGlobal.net
(5/14/09)

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