By Sean McCaffrey, http://doinow.com writer:
Here’s your straight-to-the-point Survivor Series Review!!!
PRESHOW:
Fandango w/Rosa Mendes d. Justin Gabriel
I forgot Gabriel was still under contract. Mendes must have pictures or dirt on someone. That, or they can’t fire her because she was beat up and treated for drug use while under their employ. Either way, she is fun to look at, but atrocious and does not do anything positive for pro wrestling while the camera is on her. Remember that time Fandango beat Chris Jericho? Waste of time for two guys who will be hanging out at James Soubasis “LEGENDS OF THE RING” convention sometime next year.
Jack Swagger d. Cesaro
Did Cesaro really piss people off when he said he didn’t want to see Orton vs Cena again? It sucks that he has no political backing. I feel like Swagger has been there 10 years and in the same spot for the majority of that time. Not a bad match, just another meaningless match for the sake of killing time.
ACTUAL PPV MATCHES:
Vince McMahon came out to do a promo, explaining the stipulations for the main event. If I’m watching this show, for free, on this WWE Network, wouldn’t you assume I know why I tuned in? I hate when WWE does this. I don’t need 384388 commercials and promos in-show to hype up a show I’m already watching. You don’t see Homeland taking commercials, to advertise the same episode of Homeland they are airing.
The Authority and Cena were out there as Vince was going over everything. This just seemed like a waste of time. The whole thing makes no sense to me. If HHH’s job was truly in jeopardy, why wouldn’t he wrestle for his team and defend himself? If HHH hates Cena, how come his job isn’t in peril? Nothing makes any sense. I heard that Vince feels that his fans don’t care and will just tune in anyway. He’s sort of right. I haven’t been enamored with the WWE in years but still watch out of habit. I just bitch and moan about it, not like that will change anything. A wrestling fan will always watch, no matter how stupid and how many plotholes you can point out in any given segment.
For the WWE Tag Team Titles
FATAL Four Way Match where no one dies, so why is it called fatal?
The Miz & Mizdow d. (C) Goldust & Stardust, Los Matadores w/The Bull and The Usos to win the WWE Tag Team Championships
Same old USO spotfest that you get every time they are out there. Not that it’s bad, but they do the same thing every show.
Thought the sons of Dust should’ve dropped the belts in a real program. This run comes off kinda blah to lose the belts this way. WWE just wanted to transition the belts on to an act that’s caught fire, despite the WWE trying to push it that way. Mizdow is over, but after he beats the Miz in their inevitable feud, where does he go from there on the card? Doing jobs for Sheamus and Rusev?
Match wasn’t bad or anything, I just wasn’t into it. With no story, why should I care? The live crowd loved it and I thought Mizdow got a bigger pop than the Brandon Lee wannabe.
They announced that Austin would do a live podcast with Vince McMahon on 12/1 on the network. Let’s hope that comes through, unlike the promised immediate post-show.
SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH
Highlights of this botchfest were the commentators talking about Doink The Clown, midgets and the Mean Street Posse for about 6 minutes. If the announcers presenting me the match don’t care and treat it as a joke, why should I care?
The babyfaces clean sweep this mess. Feel bad for Natalya who tries. I don’t see the infatuation some people have with Paige until she starts investing in some Colgate. I can’t believe Cameron still has a job.
Bray Wyatt d. Dean Ambrose via DQ
Another silly match with no story. Ambrose went from the biggest babyface not named John Cena, to being in a midcard match. WWE fucked the fans last PPV with Wyatt ruining the Ambrose/Rollins finish. They needed an out, so a Bray Wyatt run-in was booked. However, Ambrose losing just hurts his stock and they can’t beat Bray his first match back in under this new run. So again, they booked themselves in a corner, and had Ambrose use a chair for a quick DQ.
I hate Bray Wyatt. I’ve said it before. I’ve seen his character done on TV by better actors. His stuff is all ripped off and when you boil it all down, he’s just a fat guy in a Hawaiian shirt that recites scenes out Justified Season 2.
In a total, “YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS SHIT IS GOING” moment, after the match, Ambrose used Tables Ladders and Chairs on Wyatt. Immediately afterwards, it was announced these two were being booked in a TLC match for the next Sunday event on the network, the “TLC” show. Came off so predictable. Either pull the trigger with Ambrose or don’t. Obviously Reigns is there guy, but why hurt someone else because of it? Ambrose is more over and more versatile as a performer. He’s under their employ. It’s not like if Ambrose does well, it hurts the WWE’s bottom line. I’ll never get that with them.
For example, some of you may know Jessicka Havok, or Havok as she’s going by today in TNA. When she first started, she was doing tag matches for me. I could see in her performance she could be higher up in the card. I tried it out. The more she worked for my WSU shows, the crowd ate it up. DVD sales were up. Her individual matches on my streaming partner’s site were sought out. She was helping my business. I originally pegged someone else to be my big heel, but I couldn’t deny, Havok was doing so much better. I adjusted and ran with it. In turn, the last two years of my WSU career were my most profitable, gave us the most exposure and in turn, Havok grew as a worker and has a gig with a company that’s on TV sometimes. If you’re discovering Havok just now, go back to the old WSU shows of 2011-2012. That’s where she discovered herself and her character. I’ll never get why WWE has to fight themselves, instead of just going with something.
PS: Thank you Havok for your work for me, it was a pleasure and I’m glad when I see your name in results all over the world.
The Bunny & Adam Rose d. Heath Slater & Titus O’Neil
This was a match, on a show, that was designed to get people to order the under-performing WWE Network. I’m sure people shelled out $9.99 after this shit.
Roman Reigns did a horrible promo about wanting to come back. As much as they try to make him a bad ass motherfucker, it comes off phony. I heard he’s a good talker in real life. They should go with that. Whatever comes off natural usually works best.
When I look at Reigns, Danielson and other guys on the card, how would Steve Austin and The Rock even exist if they came up in these present times? Everything is so regimented. It’s so hard to break out and do your own thing.
Also, I’ve talked about this before, but I will never get the WWE Network mentality. They advertise all day long all these 90’s highlights to their PG fanbase. They call the 90’s the “Golden Era”. If it was that fucking golden, why are you putting out a plastic product now? They are shooting themselves in the foot.
Really, here’s your problem:
WWE’s Target Audience Today – 8-12 year old kids
WWE’s Target Audience for the WWE Network – 30-50 somethings
Kids can’t afford the network. The people who can watch the current product and are so fucking turned off by it that they go do something else. THERE IS SO MANY THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR FREE TIME RIGHT NOW THAN ANY OTHER TIME IN HISTORY. You got Netflix. Amazon Prime. Blurays. Video games. Books. Magazines. Sports. NFL Redzone. Hulu. HBO On The Go, etc, etc, etc! If you fail on the first impression, no one is going to go back to you.
End of the day WWE – what’s worth more, the Mattel deal or the WWE Network?
The whole business has changed. I get why they were PG. But everything is out the window now. Nothing is what it was. It might be time to go back to even a PG13 product. I’m not talking blood fests, cursing and sex all the time, I’m just talking about a more mature product. A product that doesn’t include farm animals or cheesy announcers laughing. I don’t want chair shots. I just want to feel that I haven’t been hit by a chair after deciphering and processing a Monday Night Raw.
For the WWE Divas Title
Brie Bella kissed AJ, Nikki then kicked AJ, and that was your match. New champion. Hell of a way to get the belt over. The story the announcers tried to push was that AJ cost Daniel Bryan, Brie’s husband, the World Title, three years ago in this fashion. Too convoluted and no slow burn to get there.
What a waste of the whole Bella program. Rumors are that AJ is taking a break. If that’s the case, why not do a clean match and make the belt mean something? Obviously not her choice, but another horrible booking decision.
MAIN EVENT
SURVIVOR SERIES
TEAM CENA v TEAM AUTHORITY w/stooges
Blah blah blah, you know all the stips and all the crap that went along with this match.
Ready for the plotholes and why I will always use my friend’s Network account tha buy my own?
– For some reason, WWE decided we needed to see Cena vs Big Show again. Big Show has more turn overs than the Jets. Who the fuck wants to see this?
– Whatever happened to the world champion having to defend the title within 30 days? Did we just throw that out the window?
– Why wouldn’t HHH fight for his own job?
– Why would there be swerves and ref bumps when HHH could just do whatever he wanted anyway?
– Why was Rusev/Henry teaming after having a near-blood feud just two weeks ago?
– Why would Big Show wrestle and risk injuring himself for 20 minutes, to just turn anyway? Why knock out his “friend” Mark Henry while he was at it? Is he a racist?
– If Rollins is allowed to run in whenever he wants, how come no one on Team Cena thought of the same idea?
Ugh, I’m wasting too much time on this shit.
Major developments was this was the match that was supposed to make you see Ziggler as a star. Here is why that won’t happen:
– We are entering Wrestlemania season. If you think Ziggler is booked in a top 3 match, you’re fucking high.
– Reigns, Lesnar and Danielson will be back soon.
– HHH and Sting seem to have a program.
– There are no opponents for him.
Ziggler worked his balls off. What else is new? He’s a great hand. We all know this. It’s not like he’s going to be a main eventer because there is no room for that. You think he’s bumping Reigns?
Big story was a 55 year old balding Sting gingerly walking out. After staring at HHH for 3 minutes, he punched him. HHH had to sell ridiculously here, as he had to wait for Sting to hobble to him and give him the Scorpion Death Drop. Sting looks old. He’s lucky he wears facepaint and long clothing, or he’d look older.
I was never a Sting fan anyway, but tell me how this makes sense:
– Sting’s first time in WWE, and this is how he’s booked? Wouldn’t it make sense if Sting was here 13 years ago at the WWE v WCW Survivor Series?
– Why would Sting come out for this match?
– Why would HHH wait 20 minutes for Sting to get to the ring, rather than making sure his team won first?
– Nobody outside of HHH wants to see Sting vs HHH. Everyone knows the money match is with The Undertaker. If Taker can’t go, Rock will gladly take this match.
– Why does Sting care about the Authority? In his 30 year career, he’s never shown interest in the WWE. This silly program is what has him fired up?
In all honesty, I’ve heard bigger pops for Santino Marella. As I mentioned above, it’s two different audiences. You got the smart marks and older fans who liked Sting, the same Sting that was always thought to be inferior to WWE guys during his run. Then you have fans who weren’t even alive during some of his horrible TNA run, never mind his prime. Randy Orton or Jericho would’ve got a bigger pop in this spot.
I wonder how many smart marks will say that Sting stole Ziggler’s thunder now?
Final McWord
At least the Rangers won.
And yes, of course I’ll watch Raw because I can’t break this addiction of watching wrestling on Mondays.
—
Sean McCaffrey
@NYCTHEMIC on the twitter