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WRESTLING COLUMNS

Online World of Wrestling Fan Jam 02/2006
Short Columns by Obsessed Fans


The Worst Gimmick's Ever - by John Howell

Kayfabe: refers to the portrayal of events within the industry as real, that is the portrayal of professional wrestling as not staged or worked. Back before the Attitude era, there was kayfabe, and it included some of the worst gimmicks ever. In this article, I decided to poke a little fun at some of the gimmicks which I consider to be the worst.

"Spark Plug" Bob Holly - Start your engines, its everybody's favourite NASCAR driver, "Spark Plugg" Bob Holly. This gimmick is a stain on the career of Bob Holly. The fans really never got behind this gimmick, and within a few years it died out. A FEW YEARS?!? this gimmick should of never been born. A 24 hour tag team title reign with the 1-2-3 kid was the highlight of the mans first run in the WWF. Thankfully, Holly came back to get over with the hard-core division, and redeemed himself. Now, let's never speak of this again....

Adam Bomb - Adam Bomb had survived a nuclear incident on Three Mile Island, but was forced to wear goggles as a result of the radiation he had absorbed. In addition, Bomb had apparently gained super-size and super-strength... yeah, right!! Bomb would throw rubber nuclear missiles into the audience as he approached the ring... how much more scared can you already be? Luckily, Bryan Clark never really got out of the starting gate with this gimmick, and left the WWF within a year.

Friar Ferguson - Friar who? Nuff' said.

Bastion Booger - Ouch. Kudos to Mike Shaw, for putting up with not just one, but TWO ridiculous gimmicks (see above). The slob from the sewers was meant to scare people, but just was just laughed at... kind of suited him though, didn't it?

Mantuar - The beast from the Labyrinth made his way into WWF in December 1994 until April 1995. His biggest win came against Aldo Montoya. He Came to the ring wearing a bull head and ran around the ring in circles. I've often wondered what the WWF creative team smoking when they came up with this one.

Giant Gonzales - What list would be complete without this man. Giant Gonzales wore a hairy body suit to the ring and had a brief feud with the Undertaker; competed in arguably the worst Wrestlemania of all time (Wrestlemania IX) ,and had a match with the Undertaker that lasted 7:32. Thats 7:32 minutes more than the match should of lasted. That about sums up his career in the WWF.

The GobbledyGooker. - Wow. Vinny Mac must of been on a bender when he came up this one. The absolute worst gimmick of all time bar none; about a billion times worse than all of the gimmicks above put together; hated from the moment it hatched. The Gooker never even got in the ring. Within a few weeks, the Gooker was gone. I mean c'mon, a giant bird for cryin' out loud!! What a waste of the WWF's time and money.

And there you have it. A small selection of some of the worst WWE gimmicks of all time. Now I know I've missed a few, so special mentions goes to Kamala, Papa Shango, Damien Demento, Mabel, Kwang, Aldo Montoya, The fake Outsiders, and of course... The Repo Man.


Let Silence Ring - by Jasper Sha

I haven't written in a long time, but that's because things have been going relatively well in the wrestling world and I'm quite content with the way everything has been going. Wrestlers are in good storylines or in good matches, people who deserve some time are finally taking the chance to take their time, and ratings seem to be up. However, something makes me disgusted.

I know there has been an article talking about the cheapening of Eddie's legacy and I agree. However, it got me thinking and it made me realize something. We as fans can do something to show our disagreement to these low brow tactics. Simply put, we stop, period. Do not cheer, do not yell, do not looked shocked, and do not anything when things of such hugely disagreeable natures are spoken.

It hurts more than anything than to have one of the best wrestlers to walk (more than probable) into the WWE hall of fame and into wrestling legend-hood with such comments on recent Smackdown! have shown. Don't get me wrong, I think that the WWE is starting to draw some amazing storylines and ideas together and it shows in the ratings. But, some things are not tolerated.

I ask you, do not make noise when comments degrading against Eddie are spoken. Regardless of what he may have wanted for the industry or what his desires were, we'll never know. We do know is that no one should be disrespected like that. You see, the WWE wants us to cheer and boo; the more we do it, the more that the wrestling industry thinks they're on the right track. Most often than not, they're on the money. But, when they hear silence, they know something is wrong.



This article may not do much in terms of large scale movements, but I hope you'll stop for just those few moments if you're at a show and remain quiet. If anything, it's to respect to a man who gave more than his life to the industry and do us. Remain silent and passive whenever you feel disgusted or realize when something rubs you the wrong way that badly at a wrestling show. Get up, go to the bathroom, or just sit back. Through our passiveness, let them know this is not acceptable. After all, in an industry where any reaction is a good reaction, don't let them have one.

This piece is pretty short and sweet, but it's honest. Don't let them tarnish Latino Heat or anything else. Just let it be.


Rey Mysterio, World Champion... NOT!
- by Thor R.

Before reading this may I say that I love Mysterio's high flying luchadore style of wrestling that seem to keep the crowd on its feet every week on Friday night Smackdown!

But let's face it, he just doesn't have what it takes to be a World Heavyweight Champion. A Cruiserweight champion no doubt, perhaps a Tag Team Champion when paired with a big guy, maybe and that's a small maybe, a transitional U.S. Champion.

But think of him as a World Heavyweight Champion for a second. A small guy, somehow beating a focused wrestler like Kurt Angle who will do ANYTHING to retain his title, or if Undertaker had it they would make an unbelievable David and Goliath story but not one person in that audience would buy into Rey Mysterio hitting a 619 on the Phenom, hitting the West Coast Pop and securing himself for the 1-2-3. It just doesn't happen and if it does no one would believe it.


Now let's think of Rey Mysterio as a charismatic speaker on the mic. This is what has been seen in the last 2 weeks. Rey coming out on his low-rider and talking to Eddie Guererro. Not addressing the crowd for their undying support, not bragging about himself overcoming the odds and winning the Royal Rumble, no. He comes out in Eddie's lowrider and talks to Eddie. During this time pay attention to the crowd. No ones smiling about that fact that Rey's thanking his friend, they already chanted Eddie... Eddie whenever Chavo, Benoit or Mysterio did Eddie's moves enough to make it look like non of them have moves of their own.

And last but not least, lets think for a second, does Rey even deserve a title shot? That should end with a resounding NO! He gets himself a title almost every two months he has stood in the spotlight long enough. If you want to think of deserving a title for once, Heck you could consider Scotty Too Hotty over Rey Mysterio. The guy has been competing in the WWE for a long time now, loses all the time, doesn't complain and how they repay him is not even giving him a spot in the Royal Rumble, but I'm getting off topic.

My point is that almost anyone would be a better champion than Rey Mysterio, he lost to Mark Henry for goodness sakes.


Bring Back the European Championship - by V. Chauhan

With so many "up and coming superstars" in the WWE today, I think it is time to reinstate the European Championship. While it didn't seem to hold as much prestige as the other titles - or as Chris Jericho (who has won every major title in the company) put it: "I kind of think it was a worthless title anyway," - it was definitely a kick-start to many WWF wrestlers' careers.

The likes of Kurt Angle, Eddie Guerrero, Christian, D-Lo Brown, Val Venis, and Test have all benefited from winning the title, as it propelled them to Intercontinental status; in the case of Angle and Guerrero, eventually to the WWF/WWE Championship. Not to mention the already accomplished HHH, Owen Hart, and the first European Champion British Bulldog, who won it in Germany. The title was also a reward for mid-card wrestlers, and in that respect I feel it should be brought back. Wrestlers like Perry Saturn, Hardy Boyz (as singles competitors), Al Snow, The Hurricane and William Regal (who also had a brief run as an IC champion). Looking at the WWE today, I think its logical to bring it back.

"You hate to see a title like (the European Championship) get dropped," Angle said. "Then again, there's only a certain amount of time in the show.". This brings me to my next point. If there isn't enough time on RAW or SmackDown!, the European Championship matches could take place on Heat and Velocity. This would be ideal given the current timetable WWE has, as the would-be contenders are all wrestling on these shows anyway. Heat and Velocity are great wrestling shows in their own right; they focus primarily on wrestling. What better than to have a Championship associated with these programs? To save the belt designers' time, it might as well be the European Championship.

There are a lot of reasons for the European Championship to once more rise from the ashes, but sadly I think this article is as far as it goes.


SHUT UP AND WRESTLE - by Jarrod Kyle

I've been a wrestling fan for as long as I can remember. All my life I have lived to watch these modern day warriors get into the squared circle and do battle. But as of the last, let's say decade, these warriors have been turned into nothing more than rambling idiots. Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with a guy cutting a long promo to hype up a rivalry, but give me a break. It use to be that guys like Ric Flair would come out, get on the mic and stir it up between himself and his challenger. That's one of the things that made The Nature Boy the Nature Boy; he had the talent to keep the fans attention for a long amount of time. I personally can remember dressing up in my blue bathrobe and standing in front of the bathroom mirror and repeating those immortal words "To be the man. You have to beat the man. Woooo !". However nowadays it seems that wrestlers come out to the ring, rant and rave about what it is that they are going to do but never say a single thing to make us the fans care anymore about the program they are working.

There are on the other hand a handful of guys today that can still come out and dazzle us with there verbal skills. For example, Triple H. There is a guy that twenty years from now guys will still be ripping off. The Undertaker is another. Granted, the Deadman doesn't say much but when he does believe me it sticks in the memories of everyone. But one of my favorites to listen to - and a man that will only continue to get better with time - is the Legend Killer himself, Randy Orton. Sure, look at the stock he comes from but Randy is a self-made man when it comes to working the mic.

Your probably asking yourself, "Why is this such a big deal to this guy?". I am sick and tired of seeing guys that I love to watch wrestle have there enigma sullied by bad promos. I always loved, and still do, Brock Lesnar. Here was a man who had it all; a great body, good skills, and a drive to be the best. I never fully understood why Paul Heymen did all his talking until he begged for a match with Goldberg at WrestleMania and ruined the picture of barbaric perfection that I had of him. Another great example - The Ultimate Warrior. Enough said.

Look, here is my point. I wish the "powers that be" would stop ruining these great performers in the fans eyes by letting them talk. If it's not there work on it until it is, and if it's still not there don't let them talk. All that's going to happen is that the fans, the ones who actually care about the sport, are going to stop caring . We want to see wrestling; that's what we tuned in for after all. So to sum it all up, please, for the love of everything that is good and decent: SHUT UP AND WRESTLE.


Shannon Moore - Original Punkster - by Darren Westcott

Charismatic. Wild. Controversial. Unique. Just a few words to describe Shannon Moore. The self-proclaimed "Prince of Punk" is the newest addition to TNA's high-flying, fast paced X-Division. This bold and charismatic superstar will surely stand out now that he has come to TNA.

Making his debut on the TNA iMPACT! Titan-tron, he appeared holding the sign "The X Division needs to get Punk'd." It was a surprise to see the Prince of Punk on the stage and a lot of people were wondering why he was there and what he was trying to do. He didn't hang around long enough to make an impact. Two weeks later, he appeared in the Styles & Daniels vs. AMW NWA World Tag Team Titles match and attacked A.J. Styles. Going up to the second rope and executing the deadly Moorgasm (a flying Neckbreaker of the second rope), he cost Styles and Daniels the match. Then again two weeks later Moore appeared on iMPACT! during the presentation of the Mr. TNA award to A.J. Styles, stealing the award. This resulted in the Phenomenal One chasing the Prince of Punk around the arena until they had to be restrained by security.

But, as most of you know, the Phenomenal A.J. Styles doesn't back down to anyone and a week later, a street fight was issued for iMPACT!. This was Shannon Moore's debut match in a televised event, and he beat A.J. after an interruption from Christopher Daniels.

This is just the beginning of Shannon Moore making an impact in TNA. I for one can't wait to see the Prince of Punk in the future with TNA and witness this amazing performances. Long live the Prince of Punk!


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