The High Spot: Filtering the Roster
January 9, 2004 by Joseph Bachman
Oh what a gloriuous night it was! LSU 21 OKLAHOMA 14! I know rooting hardcore for LSU INSPITE of Jim Ross may not be the best thing to do, but it sure made me feel good knowing that we won't hear good ol' JR scream about his "sooners"...even though a "sooner" by definition is someone who "cheats to get land" (check your U.S. history books on that one) BUT I'M HAPPY!
Filtering the roster
Now I wrote a column last week on "gimmicks" and how the WWE needed them. It wasn't posted on OWW but you can read it by checking out this link: http://wrestlingaftershock.net/ths1.html"
Now in my fake meeting with Vince McMahon we move on to cutting down the roster. Gimmicks sort of go along with this as the more you cut down the roster, the better you have to make the surrounding wrestlers, SO here we go!
The FBI: (Chuck Palumbo, Nunzio, Johnny Stamboli) - Look, they just don't create a strong presence. I know it's mean but having a name like CHUCK PALUMBO will get you nowhere in wrestling, maybe even in life, Stamboli has had 2 years to make something but hasn't done ANYTHING and Nunzio, although an ECW alumni, he as well has grown stale. Get em' outta here!
Vince: Who in the hell do you think you ARGH! I'm Vincent Kennedy McMahon GOD DAMMIT!
Me: Vince, I haven't said anything yet.
Vince: Oh...please continue.
Me: You NEED to slice your roster almost in half! You have wrestlers that either A) Can't wrestle B) Can't perform C) Can't talk or D) Fail to draw ANY heat or pops...
SO, let's know that this DOES save you money Vince, and will make your wrestlers happier KNOWING that since they are NOT gone, they have a spot on the roster with full trust and knowledge that YOU WILL USE THEM PROPERLY!
(This is where Vince starts laughing hysterically and screams to Triple H "Use wrestlers correctly!? That's a laugh!" as Triple H tightens the dog collar and leash around Brian Gerwitz's neck)
Pink slip list:
Gail Kim: - Do I need a reason for this? I think not.
Rosey: - I was happy to see him in S.H.I.T. but that as well is stale and Rosey just doesn't have "it". Cut him.
Hardcore Holly: - Feuding with Brock Lesnar is an insult to some other Smackdown wrestler that could and WOULD do a better job of it. Let's face it, he will always be "Spark Plugg Bob Holly" AKA "X-pac's bitch" He's done.
Billy Kidman: - Nothing. He has done nothing, the crowd really isn't that much into him, I know Torrie would be mad, but WE have plans for Torrie that will make her happy! He's out.
Nathan Jones: - Uhh, do I need to explain this one too? I think not.
Matt Morgan: - Hmm, we don't know ANYTHING about him, but from what I can see, no wrestling skills, mic skills and just another one of your "big men" that you like so much. GONE.
Garrison Cade: - Get these non-gimmick having video game dorks out of the WWE. I'm a video game dork too, but at least I'm a fun guy. Cade is just BORING...and DULL, and BORING...GONE!
Mark Jindrak: - Read above.
Mark Henry: - Sexual Chocolate is overrated, and he doesn't have it anymore, plus he gets no heat. He's done!
...last but definately not least...
Goldberg: - The fans will get over his loss, you don't like him anyways, and he wants to become the unstoppable machine he was in WCW. These are times I like Triple H and HBK because at least they EARNED their way into the main events as opposed to someone who can't wrestle, talk, perform, carry a match, or do ANYTHING right, except bitch about how he is made to look "weak" when he becomes world champ within 6 months of his arrival, beats The Rock, Chris Jericho, HBK, Triple H and so on...and he's weak? GET HIM OUT HE IS BAD FOR THE COMPANY!
Moving on now...Gimmicks. This might have been in the last column but I'll touch up on it because it is important. The wrestlers below either need there gimmicks refreshed, changed, or to switch to a non-wrestling role...
(About now Vince is doing lines of crack..:)...okay, so that's messed up.)
The Big Show: - THIS MAN IS FUNNY! Give him a stand up comedian gimmick or something! He just walks around and yells. It's annoying. He has talent, let him use it.
A-Train: - He should be on my pink slip list, but he DOES draw heat, and he DOES have some skill, I'm thinking maybe a pissed off piercing artist like he was before? SOMETHING besides a choo-choo-train gimmick.
Dudley Boyz: - I hate them. Two half brothers who like "wood"...Shoot me. They are a GOOD tag team, but their gimmick NEEDS refreshment BAD. Turn them heel, change "wood" to babred wire tables, SOMETHING, the Dudleyz have had the SAME BORING gimmick for 7 years now...time do do something with them. No I'm not buying the "Pro-USA" gimmick either, leave that to Angle or a drunk Bradshaw.
Hurricane: - I love him, I do, but this superhero crap is getting old...either you put him on a COMPETING tag team or change him back to Gregory Helms.
Shannon Moore: - HEY! These two used to be a tag team! Moore and Helms would make a GREAT tag team for lets say SMACKDOWN?! Moore is also a good talent who was getting pushed *YES! A GOOD MOVE!* so keep it up. I can see Moore having a death metal gimmick or something like that, he just needs some personality now.
Orlando Jordan: - Speaking of tag teams, he would be good for it. Jordan has a good look to him, and can make a good future in the WWE. How about teaming with Rodney Mack on Raw? Solid Tag Team there.
Booker T: - He needs a refreshment, he's stale, noone cares about Booker T anymore so yeah...do something with him.
The Undertaker: - DEADMAN. NOW. Or else he should retire.
Sean O'Haire: - He had a great psychologist like gimmick, what happened? Piper? He has a GREAT GIMMICK and your doing NOTHING with him. Dammit Vince!
With that said ALSO we need some roster trades...this would benifit both shows ALOT...
Undertaker to RAW
Torrie to RAW
Stacy to SMACKDOWN!
Steiner to SMACKDOWN!
RVD to SMACKDOWN!
Hurricane to SMACKDOWN!
Orlando Jordan to RAW
Edge to RAW
Billy Gunn to RAW
APA to RAW
Kane to SMACKDOWN!
Torrie can wrestle, she would shake up the womens division a little, Steiner and RVD need a place to shine, Taker needs to feud with Evolution as the deadman, Kane needs not to be on the same roster as his brother, Jordan is with Mack, Hurricane is with Moore, Edge just needs a new start...TRUST ME it would work! Here is the NEW revised rosters below:
Val Venis/Lance Storm
Rodney Mack/Orlando Jordan
Rob Van Dam
World's Greatest tag Team
Rey Mysterio jr.
Now, I know some wrestlers on the list is rumored to be released, let me just say Vince, you're a dumbass.
THAT is how we filter the roster...it is cleaned up and leveled out now so both shows can excell, trust me, this would work. (how many times have I said that?)
by Joseph Bachman ..
Phil Haller wrote:
Whoa! Mr. Bachman knows shit all about the business you want to fire Billy Kidman? What are you on you like the Big Show cos hes funny wrestling isnt about gimmicks Big Show sucks he should Piss off Billy Kidman is a fine young athlete. You say Torrie Wilson can wrestle and she would be happy even though her husband has been fired and he is a great talent? Well if Torrie Wilson was a nice person and not just some sellout slut she would leave to. Garrison Cade and Jindrak also they are great talent. This is my list of firings
Brock Lesnar. Just another monster gimmick who is average and thinks hes top shit in real life cos hes been pushed for his size release Lesnar and i bet you my bottom dollar you woulnt see him on the indy scene that goes for a lot of the wwe jackass's they couldnt give 2 craps about wrestling just the cash.
A-Train and Big Show look at the state of them.
Rikishi - He's just another fat guy get rid.
Mark Henry - This No selling unathletic terrible wonder needs to go.
KIMO NOT FUCKING ROSEY! - release him so the indy fans can see the reformation of The Island Boys NOT 3 MINUTE FUCKING WARNING! This gimmick is destroying him and under it all he can actually wrestle kindof hes not great but he's better than some of the crap on the roster.
Scott Steiner - His body is trash and hes lost his zing.
Test - Just another pointless Powerhouse
Stacy & Torrie and Dawn Marie - They cant wrestle and are just 3 money hungry lil cock teases. Another thing for mr. bachman Gail Kim is probably one of if not the best female on the roster u dumbass.
Matt Morgan - Big Nobody
The WWE should push Paul London, Chris Benoit, Eddy Guerrero, Rhyno, Yoshihiro Tajiri, Jimmy Yang, Sakoda, CHris Jericho, Lance Storm, Spanky, Jamie Knoble, Kurt Angle. SIZE and GIMMICKS DONT MEAN SHIT. Sorry if this reply is a little heated just these smarks piss me off.
Brad Dykens wrote:
I agree with very little of what Bachman said and 99% of what Haller said.. My one big objection is Matt Morgan, he isn't a "Big Nobody"! Don't judge someone who hasn't been given the time to proove himself.. My big idea for Matt Morgan is to turn him into a huge babyface and make him feud with Big Show into Wrestlemania XX where they would have a "BodySlam Challenge" match to pay tribute to Big John Studd & Andre The Giant..
By the way, Bachman, Nathan Jones has already solved that problem himself..
Kenneth Taylor wrote:
I disagree with most all of these comments. Whats
really needed is storylines. The WWE needs to bring in
someone with a knowledge of wrestling to do their
booking. Possibly former wrestlers (stressing FORMER,
we all know what happens when current wrestlers get on
the booking committee, or people with a history in the
business. A three or four man booking team would work,
all with different responsibilities. They could bring
back storylines and fueds. Not these half ass resons
for a match we get now. They need to take the title
defenses off of TV, that way the PPV's have more
importance. And most importantly kick everyone with
the last name MCmahon off TV for good. Managers are
needed for the guys without the mic skills. They need
to tease more on TV about the fueds, that way fans
will want to go to the arena more to see the matches.
There are several more things that could be done, but
this has gone on too long as is.
First of all WWE lack strong Heels. ok on Raw we have Kane and Triple H and who is the next strongest Scott Steiner who isnt main event status anymore. And on Smackdown Heel's just suck big time they have no major one that can actually wrestle they have to many going at the power house gimmik it sucks what we need is more matches like Angle/Benoit or Benoit/Guerrero those are the matches that people want not Big Show/Cena their styles clash
Tag team divisions seriously need more help on both shows's on raw youve got 1 strong tag team Dudleys and unless we get the hardys back together or another tag team to contend with them who have talent i will loose interest in it all together where as on Smackdown im already sick of the Bashams there and it took like 4 months for Eddie and Chavo to finally split up no strong tag teams left they need Brian Christopher back with Scotty
They need to make some serious roster cuts they shouldnt of split the roster up yes it does give mid carders the push like Bob Holly despite what people say ive been a fan of him from the start and im glad hes finally getting his chance even though he wont win cause of his past status
HBK and Triple H are currently keeping some prestige in the world title but HBK Needs to go to WM20 with it here are how the rankings for raw and sd world title should stand in my eyes
Mathew Santilli wrote his own Filtering the Roster column:
Click Here To Read It..
KMASTERDIXON wrote his own Filtering the Roster column:
Click Here To Read It..
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