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WRESTLING COLUMNS

The High Spot: The WWE Re-Vamp - NEW ANNOUNCERS!
January 30, 2004 by Joseph Bachman


If you like this article buy me a new computer.

My website is closed, I hate my out-dated slow computer, and my throat has been swollen for 3 weeks and I should see a doctor, but I can't spend money so I can buy a new computer. I LOVE WRESTLING THOUGH!

Royal Recap
Thumbs up! Goldberg didn't win, Shawn Michaels didn't win, and finally a rumble with a diginfied truely deserving winner! KUDOS!

Raw Recap
I'm afraid that Benoit didn't get the pop and feel he needed, which could be a good or bad thing, because I'm still dreaming and pushing for a Jericho/HHH Wrestlemania re-match where Jericho takes "The Nose"'s world title away forever putting him over he would win the world title "for Trish" HAPPY EVER AFTER! Benoit would stay on Smackdown and setup a WWE Championship match with Kurt Angle where Benoit WOULD win the title he so deservingly...deserves. Of course Angle would have to beat Lesnar at No Way Out the month before but yeah...SO WHERE DOES JOHN CENA AND GUERRERO FIT? Hell throw them in the match make it a 4-way...Jackie shows her tits (on purpose this time) Kane is troubled by his brothers "dong" and HBK keeps asking for re-matches. In my book a tie is still NOT getting the job done, HBK please write yourself out of the main event storylines....

Quick thought: "Is it a coincidence that when it's said backstage that HHH and HBK have almost taken over writing Raw that they are in the main event? Very interesting...and STUPID! Actually I liked the Last Man Standing match, no complaints, I'll end this long thought with "I hope they end this NOW...although they won't and Triple H will have the title back a month after he loses it at Wrestlemania because he is your wrestling GAWD!"

I refrain from Wrestlemania talk because I don't know exactly what will happen and I've decided to be lazy and quit speculating for the time being and focus on the Super Bowl. (Patriots 16-13 over Panthers in OT)

NEW ANNOUNCE TEAM!

Okay by now Vince Mcmahon is sitting across from me and is getting real ancy, this is my imagination and he HAS to listen besides the occasional grumble about grapefruits and his ugly wife. I saw Triple H walk in and pitch to Vince McMahon his plan for 2004 which had a picture of Triple H holding the world title on the cover sheet and nothing else attatched to the cover sheet. McMahon seemed to give him the go for that plan. Vince then gave tips to Rico on how to flame better, Jackie flashing tips and then joked around with Booker T and Rob Van Dam and told them they are next in line for world title shots as he laughs and slaps his knee as they walk out the door, convinces Hardcore Holly that he really is "tough" as Vince gets another laugh and asks himself what to to with Ultimo Dragon even though he is a legend and should be wrestling Rey Mysterio for the Cruiserweight title right now....surprisingly calm McMahon looks at me with his eyebrow raised as if getting nausea from actually having to listen to someone besides himself...I speak...

Me: Your announcers Vince...You've got the wrong ones in the wrong places.

(Jim Ross barges in the room knocking over a chair with his gut)

JR: AUSTIN! VINCE! I just scouted a 7 foot MONSTER! He has no mic skills or wrestling skills but BY GAWD VINCE! He's a HOSS! You won't regret it!

Vince: HIRE HIM! The bigger the men the better!

Me: *shakes fist unapprovingly*

Vince: Proceed.

Me: I watch Raw and I see two old men bickering at eachother. "JR: What a BASTARD! That DAMN BASTARD! King: Calm down JR! PUPPIES!" NO NO NO! This is wrong, this is a joke! Here are some points>>>

1) THEY DON'T CALL MATCHES!
ex: (Rico is having a sound technical match with Lance Storm)
JR: BY GAWD! I left my Depends at home again! What am I gonna do King?!

King: Forget that! Did you see Jackie? I mean it was 2 weeks ago but did you see her?!

JR: I just want to say try my BBQ sauce folks you won't regret it!

King: I'd like to pour BBQ all over Stacy!
...it just gets worse from there...

2) THEY DON'T CALL THE MOVES!
ex: (same match)
JR: You better believe Austin will want revenge...WHAT A SHOT BY STORM!

King: Yeah, did you see Stacy? OUCH!

JR: NICE MOVE BY RICO!
...yeah...

3) WHEN THEY DO CALL A MOVE, ITS WRONG!
ex: (Evolution vs. Y2J & RVD...Batista SPINEBUSTERS Jericho to the outside)
JR: BATISTA! WITH THAT POWERBOMB!...(powerbomb?)

King: ....

JR: ....
...it's only once in a while he'll call a move, but most of the itme IT'S WRONG! TAKE THE SUPER BOWL FOR EXAMPLE! Would you want to watch the game where the announcers have no clue how to call the action?

ex: (Patriots score on Carolina)
Simms: HOMERUN! Delhomme's bounce pass to Jerry Rice gives the Yankees a 15 point defecit!

Gumbel: WTF?

Let me say this ONCE, and PLEASE REMEMBER THIS:

The INABILITY to call wrestling matches correctly is an insult to the wrestlers, the fans, and the sport itself!

The fact is the WWE HAS announcers that should be calling the action but they're not. I remember when the Coach was trying to announce matches and as poor of a job it was, it wasn't much worse than JR and the King. Get rid of Jerry Lawler, get rid of Jim Ross, they are no Gordon Solie, or Lord Alfred or Gorilla Monsoon. THEY MUST GO!

NEW Raw Announce Team!
Josh Mathews: He has great potential as an announcer and if you watch Velocity you will realize that he actually calls moves, move by move most of the time. They could bring him in as an "apprentice" of Jim Ross if needed, let him take over he knows what he's doing.
Jonathan Coachmen: Yes he's horrible but we NEED HEEL ANNOUNCERS! With Josh doing play by play we can still hear the moves and the Coach makes a good, easily hateable heel announcer!

NEW? Smackdown! Announce Team!
Tazz: I know this is nothing new but HE'S GOOD! He calls moves and has great chemistry with almost everyone.
Jim Ross: SO I guess I couldn't get rid of him, I think it's Lawler that makes him annoying. At the Rumble these two announced the Rumble match and it went well, Tazz filled in the moves, JR did color, this works and also works as an excuse to bring Austin to Smackdown if needed.

Heat/Velocity Announcers: I think they should play around with this...Have Al Snow stay on Heat, and have Michael Hayes stay on Velocity and every week have a "special guest announcer" One week Al Snow and RVD could do Heat, Hayes and Tajiri on Velocity. GOOD TIMES! NOT BAD!

The dignity of the people who call the wrestling matches should be high. ECW was so respected halfly because Joey Styles called literally EVERY move and brought an intelligence to the violence of ECW that made it stand out above the rest. Having middle aged/near retired men announcing matches that they cannot keep up with nor announce at all is NOT the way to go. The fans can learn moves and learn to respect them as well, and maybe a wrestler with much talent like Lance Storm could main event one day, and we could see great technical wrestlers move up the ladder quicker as appose to Chris Benoit who has waited 19 years for a world title reign, with the WWE's backstage politics is still not guaranteed. So I plead everyone to take notice of who's calling the matches. I myself can call every single move on Raw and we aren't watching the indies or Japan here, these are somewhat simple moves, LET'S CALL THEM! Let's add a little respect to the chaotic sport we love and cherish. Until next week, I'm out.

NEXT WEEK! CHANGING PPV AND MEDIA REVENUES!

by Joseph Bachman (http://wrestlingpassion.2ya.com)..


Jake Bye wrote:
In my humble opinon they do need to get rid of Jerry "the King" Lawler and replace him once again with Paul Heyman. I think The King is a bad influence on Jim Ross because he is actually a good comentator and knows what he is talking about, he should seeing how he is one of the talent scouts for the WWE among other things. Paul Heyman also knows his stuff as well and I think, humbly, he is a better commontator than a general manager. Further more, I once seen the two working together, Heyman and Ross got into a huge argument with each other bout the match that the two wrestlers in the ring stopped briefly and watched. So if the matches are boring you still have some form of entertainment besides hearing Lawler say puppies for the umpenth time.
wrote:

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