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WRESTLING COLUMNS

I Gotta Say This #1 - Unforgiven Hoax
August 7, 2003 - by Brad Dykens

I gotta say this: Sometimes I am so ashamed to be a wrestling fan. Sometimes I just want to wear a paper bag over my head as not to be recognized in the sea of stupidity that envelopes the wrestling world. I want to address the latest bullshit circulating around the internet and chat rooms and cause quite a stir amung people who think they know what they're talking about. This specific item of absurdity I am refering to is the following well-produced piece of baffoonery..



Ok, looks pretty cool doesn't it.. Good concept right? Yeah I'll admit it, whoever did this is pretty damn good.. But with the software available these days, any 12 year old reject with a computer can be "pretty damn good".. Over the years, I have become very aware of just how many idiotic fans there are out there, after all, that is the WWE's primary demographic. Vince McMahon, Jerry Springer & Howard Stern all got rich at the expense of uneducated dumbass idiots! Ok, I'm sorry I shouldn't be insulting the fans, its not really their fault, oh wait it is. But I digress. Anyone with a brain doesn't need me to list the reasons why this angle won't work, but since that rules out 90% of the wrestling fan population, I'll humor you..

  1. It's WCW (that is reason enough) and it didn't work the first time they tried it..

  2. Why isn't Goldberg in the poster? If they were truely planning on pulling this storyline off, Goldberg would naturally have to be the focal point of the group.. His contract expires shortly after Wrestlemania XX, assuming he doesn't walk out before that, so they know he will not be with the company long-term. They're just trying to get their money's worth before his enivitable depature from the company. And by money's worth, I mean a LOSS in revenue..

  3. Kevin Nash is wearing an NWO T-Shirt, if the WWE creative staff thought up this gimmick, they would have airbrushed that logo off or used a different Kevin Nash photograph.. They found out 'the hard way' that NWO has no business being rehashed in the WWE..

  4. The hierachy on the poster is all wrong.. Politically, Kevin Nash would be right behind Eric Bischoff. Everybody knows politics always rears its ugly head in every aspect of WWE storylines..

Ok let's now analyze the participants who were unfortunate enough to be mixed up in this sick hoax..

Eric Bischoff: I have been telling people for a long time that Authority figures have run their course, and should be eliminated from WWE storylines.. That means no BOSS character, no General Manager, no Director of Authority, no match-maker, no commissioner, no booker (this just exposes that wrestling is all fake - sorry but wrestling was better when we weren't sure).. Eric Bischoff is the ONE good thing about this proposed storyline. He would be great in a managerial roll and figurehead mouthpiece..

Scott Steiner: Let's face it, he's crap, he'll contribute to the overall crappiness of the group and the speedy demise (if it happens in the first place).. I'm at a loss at what they should do with this guy, I wanna suggest putting him in a tag team but I honestly don't beleive that would work, unless they brought back Rick Steiner..

Booker T: Booker T has amazing talent, but let's not fool ourselves into believing WWE will ever take him seriously as a main eventer.. It just isn't going to happen..

Kevin Nash: Kevin Nash is also crap. He hasn't been able to work a decent match in 5 years, and his promos are exaustingly boring. There is no place for Kevin Nash in wrestling any more..

Who else could be involved?

Well, Bill Goldberg should be at the top of the group. But he isn't. Probably because they don't expect him to with the company by that date.. But in order for this group to have ANY legs at all, Goldberg has to be somehow involved. The fans are already booing him, but even though it's the wrong kind of heat, WWE will try to transfer that into heel-status eventually anyway..

Sting is supposed to be coming in soon. If he does or not, I don't know, your guess is as good as mine. But if (or should I say when) Goldberg is uncooperative, Sting would be a great guy to fill in the top teir..

Ric Flair & Arn Anderson: I'm not sure what their rolls would be, but they'd have to be there.. They could take turns accompanying the talent to the ring for their matches. Ric Flair is still one crazy son of a bitch who out-performs just about everybody on the roster. My only worry is that fans have a hard time accepting him as a heel..

The Hurricane: He has WCW blood running through him, but by rights, he has no reason to turn on WWF, because he is the last guy who can say he's been screwed by the company. He's gotten a steady push in matches with all the top wrestlers in the company..

Shane McMahon: He tried it once, would he be stupid enough to try it again? They would never book a McMahon to look stupid would they?

Mark Jindrak: But does anybody care? I guess someone's gotta do the job in any future 5-on-5 winner-take-all competition..

Alright STOP, take a deep breath. I was almost convincing myself that this could actually happen. But don't be stupid, it WILL NOT happen. And if it does, I'll gladly eat my words.. The McMahons had a diamond opportunity to pull this angle off when they initially purchased World Championship Wrestling from Ted Turner, and the failed miserably. Like I said at the top of this column, WWE fans are brainless, and have the attention spans of a 4 year old. "What's WCW?" will be the reaction of many fans..

I highly encourage WWE to go through with this idea, because the MORE YOU SUCK, the better NWA TNA looks, and the closer they come to the enivitable conclusion of them kickin' your ass!

I just had to say that.

by Brad Dykens


UPDATE
From: "Russell Potter"
To: vns_canadian@yahoo.com
Subject: A reply to your column
Date: Wed, 13 Aug 2003 22:35:38 -0400

Hey,

I checked out your column. It made alot of good points. However, you give people too much credit. Someone actually stole that picture off a fantasy wallpaper website (http://www.the-showstoppers.com/wallpapers_misc.htm) and edited it to include the Unforgiven icon. Just thought I would bring that to your attention. Thanks.

Russ

wrote:

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