OWW Editorial: The J to the T
January 19, 2006 by James Thomlison
Well, hello my faith-fuls... as if writing one column (okay, two counting the Cena one) would actually net me a faithful following. Perhaps I'm just being wishful because I recap ByteThis! and nobody reads me. Picture, if you will, an imaginary "IWC Totem Pole". Now, see that lowest level? I'm two rungs underneath that. So, since I pump out four columns a week that nobody gives a sh** about, I make up for it by posting an editorial every two months in which I make myself seem really important. Hey, it works for Paris Hilton.
Wow, has it been two months already? I tell you, it sure doesn't feel like it - but more on that later. Before I dive into the what-have-yous, it is my professional duty to tell you about all the goodies you may have missed over the holidays!!!
First and foremost, be sure to check out the OnlineWorldofWrestling Year End Awards! I did not get a vote in this, and thus, any disagreements you may have with it may be directed at Brad. And on that subject, Brad, why exactly didn't I get a vote? Nobody likes a dictator.
Official Columnist (OC) Johnny LaRue is back in good health, and takes a look at the failure that was The WBF. Personally, I was overseas at the time and had never heard of it. Sounds like I lucked out.
Kirsty had her bi-monthly OWW Editorial. She praised me. A lot. Buttering JT up = required reading, people! You want to read Kirsty anyway, because she does amazing things over at NZPWI.com; including talking to people I would never be able to talk to even if I was Meltzer... okay, that perhaps was a stretch, but you get the idea.
OC Matthew Geddes touches on something I think we all can relate to in his column titled Non-Believers. What kills me is when I drag my father to a wrestling show, and he spends the evening pointing out how they fake it. "Hello dad, I'm a columnist in the IWC... I'm AWARE of how they do it!".
Another OC of ours, Colm Kearns dropped part 3 of [unspecified] in his multi-article covering of the History of the Intercontinental Title. It's a good read, and a good dose of history.
The readers seemed to truly enjoy a piece about The Crusher: Reggie Lisowski by OC Langdon Beck. I edited that column, and must agree that it was one fine piece of literature. Think Samoa Joe - 50's version. Langdon also has had a change of heart regarding Jamie Noble.
OC Jacob Kuhn wrote an article defending Jeff Jarrett. A bunch of people disagreed with him. Shocker. Who says internet wrestling fans aren't predictable? I don't agree 100 % with all of his comments, but I agree with the general message he was sending. More on that later.
Of course, as you know, we're not all official columnists! We take reader submissions as well, and we have quite a few of those to mention!
First up, Bobby Lange looks at the career (to this point) of Victoria. The Widow's Peak is one of the most devastating moves in all of wrestling, and it's a shame I don't see it enough. But this isn't about me; go read Bobby!
Steven P. takes a look at Big Show and Kane as a "tag team". I use quotations because it's the E, and I'm making a snicker.
Does the Hulkster still have it? That is the question posed by Justin P. From the looks of the feedback, no. We'll see about that when forty thousand people are marking the f*** out on April 2nd in Chicago.
Peter Le wraps up his breakdown of TNA with the Tag Team Division. You should check out his X-Division and Heavyweight Division columns as well. Once you have, you should be all set to enjoy TNA goodness.
We received a really well written... wait, did I just say "really well written"... the Hell? How did I get this job again? What I meant was, we received a very very well written article on Kurt Angle (part 1) from a kid named James Ahsan. He's 14, and puts a lot of our writing to shame. How does that make ya' feel, old man?
Jose Perez is calling you all out for your complaining-slash-taking-for-granted-ness towards wrestling. Personally, I enjoyed the article and also learned that I am never, ever moving to Spain.
Should Chris Jericho be the next RAW GM? Well, Amanda Peterson seems to think so, and I second that! Assuming he would be an active wrestler / GM.
And finally, Anthony Peterson tells us why Samoa Joe inspires him. A good read, and you're right, Joe is a beast. Now if he'd just talk more... oh.
Ahhhh, HTML is fun isn't it kids? Don't worry, it's okay that you don't get it. You don't spend thirty hours a week on the net doing it. Just trust me: It's a b**ch. Now that we have that out of the way, let's get to it!!!
First, I would like to completely bore you by bringing you up to date on what's been going on with me. I'll start by mentioning that since Brad doesn't pay me nearly enough to be a full time employee here, I'm in currently in the midst of a twenty-one day work streak without a single day off. Yay. The holidays were absolutely insane for me ...at least, I think they were. I've been known to tip back a beer or seven now and again, and a few specific holidays were no exception.
I'm told I had a wonderful New Year.
I've continued by multi-tasking over at 411mania.com, and would suggest anyone who hasn't seen it yet to mosey over and check out the new format. As you can probably figure out if I have an editorial, I'm also continuing my editing responsibilities here at OWW. For the record, I do still thoroughly enjoy playfully, completely-innocent-because-I-know-her-husband-reads-this flirting with Kirsty; and giving Brad sh** is always fun, so why stop now? In related news, in an attempt to sabotage my safety, Kirsty's husband pointed out to me that my hired Bodyguard - Pacific - was an alcoholic, and had to be fired. Fortunately for me though, I was able to call in a few favors, pull a few strings, and retain the services of his completely sober brother, Atlantic.
As we learned last time, I'm a huge fan of Christian; and in fact, have spoken with him since the last time we had this little chat. I owe that completely to Kirsty, and all I had to do was promise her my first born. A fair trade, indeed. In an attempt to stay on topic, I'll share why I brought Christian up. I got some feedback from the last column, and am going to use it to dive right into the column! First up we have Phil, who wanted to hit the hard topics right away:
"Just read your column James and this is the second time ever were I had to email the author and tell him what a FANTASTIC job he did. It takes a lot to blow me away, but you did it with ease. I haven't laughed out loud as much reading a column ever. I myself am no stranger to the world of lengthy columns, but yours was truly a pleasure to read. The sarcasm through out reminded me a lot of myself and was brilliantly done. Two columns of mine that if you haven't read yet that I know you would love are, "The Best of Times" and "RAW Frustration". Read these two and you will find we are very much alike especially in "RAW Frustration". I used a lot of sarcasm and for the most part people loved it. Have fun at the Survivor Series and if you see Vince or Stephanie PLEASE flip them off once for me. This will mark the first time in history that I will not be ordering the Series. I was on the fence and then when WWE named Davari as the referee to what could have been the best match of the night I told myself, "Don't order it because you are going to just be pissed when it's over!!" If you do take a sec to read my columns that I mentioned, send me an email and let me know what you think. Given you have 1/63 power at OWW, feel free to post this endorsement of yourself below the column. Looking forward to your next one James, DON'T CHANGE YOUR STYLE AT ALL!!! It's magic.
....okay, so maybe I just threw one in there to appease my ego and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I'll try to be serious.
Next up was Adrian. We're actually going to get into several parts of Adrian's email, but there is one particular portion I need to get out of the way immediately.
"P.S., I know you're not a fan of the guy but I must admit I find it funny that the Boogeyman seems to get his kicks off of scary the mess out of people...although maybe I'm looking at his gimmick in the wrong manner".
First of all, looking at the Boogeyman in ANY manner is the wrong way to look at his gimmick. Want to look at something when he's on TV? Look at your refrigerator door opening because it's time to get a damn snack. But, I'm going to save the Boogeyman for the WWE portion of this. For now, I'll leave it in the hands of my good buddy Geoff Eubanks, who covers the SmackDown! 3R's over at 411:
"The Boogerman is coming to get JBL...?! - Wow, when he says he's coming to get us, he's not kidding, is he? This program is going to be a cornucopia of AWFUL. Just as I thought they figured out that JBL has become at least a capable enough performer such that, as long as he's paired up with solid talent and is kept away from the WHT, he's not as bile-inspiring as he was during the program with Eddie Guerrero, but if THIS is the plan, they may as well exhume Eddie and let JBL go at him the way he did Matt Hardy tonight and at the PPV. And PLEASE don't send in hate mail over that tongue-in-cheek comment which was simply a euphemism for how much I value this Boogeyman, both as a performer and a character, and most certainly NOT meant in ANY way to disrespect one of the greatest and my own very favorite performers of all time in Eddie...I'm suggesting that Eddie STILL could get more out of JBL than The Boogeyman will ever be able to...as a matter of fact, and here's a chilling thought, folks...JBL's going to be the polished hand in this program...chew on THAT, worm breath. As a matter of fact, if you're one of these f***tards who's bringing signs to the arena like "I came to see The Boogeyman" and "Boogeyman 4 President", not only are you more harmful to the business than any perceived poor-taste comment I could ever make, you're part of the whole problem WWE is currently experiencing and I'll even go so far as to say that you're not a wrestling fan. Go to the f***ing circus and stop encouraging Vince's insanity. If more people stood up and said, uh, NO, then maybe we'd have a better overall product. Worked on the f***ing Juniors, didn't it?"
No retort necessary. The man clearly speaks for both of us just fine. Adrian also gave me:
"Dear James Tomlison
I just read your editorial and it was so good...and funny that I couldn't stop laughing. You seem to have the same sense of humor I do, as well a lot of the same opinions about wrestling that I share as well. Anyway, I know you're a busy man but I wanted to your opinions on two things
2. The low number of black superstars in wrestling.
Please respond when you can and thank you for your time
To be honest, I don't think it's because of any of the reasons that it used to be. Twenty years ago, it probably really was black men were held down because they were black. But times are different, and Vince has been around black people all his life. I think now more than anything it's the fact most black athletes do not want to be wrestlers. They want to play professional sports. It's a craft they can learn young and hone for years before ever reaching the big time. You don't exactly have little league wrestling available. Are there some politics still involved? I'm sure there are, but I no longer think it's a case of promotions just flat out turning people away anymore simply because they're black. Not only that, Booker was one of the most over WCW Champions in history. I don't think Vince is ignoring this, I just think that there hasn't been a right time, and that Stephanie is busy bending the industry over and f***ing it in the a**.
I don't mean to get off topic, but my father was hired seven years ago by a man. A man who knew his business. My father was part of a four man team that was considered the best IT crew in the entire state of Michigan. Five years later, he handed control over to his daughter. Within the last two years, all four of those men have been let go, and replaced by younger guys who don't know sh** but work for much less. I tried to tell my dad I knew exactly what that was like. He says to me "you couldn't have the slightest clue".
Now that I've rambled entirely too much, those of you paying attention will have noticed that - that was Adrian's second topic. Adrian, you're first?
Well, FINALLY! We're going to talk some wrestling, and it's about damn time! I never even realized I didn't say a word about TNA in my last editorial until Adrian pointed it out to me, so I suppose I've got a lot to cover.
FYI: That is not an open invite to email me telling me everything I failed to talk about.
The truth is I like TNA, and liked them long before Christian ever made the jump. In fact, I used to watch even when it had the terrific 3 p.m. time-slot on Fox Sports. Clearly, they felt it was the bread and butter of their programming.
It's been a couple of years now, but I'm still adjusting to the six-sided ring. I have no issues with it; it's just that for some reason, the angles I see on TV make it seem too small. All one has to do though is watch a match or three, and clearly, it in no way takes away from anything. Plus, it allows easy set-up for one of my favorite finishers, the Pounce.
There are times when Don West makes me want to shoot a dose of valium into his arms so he'll calm the f*** down, but the Professor Mike Tenay manages to keep me sane enough to not get too distracted from the show.
Of course the big news this week coming out of TNA was the debut of Sting at Final Resolution. A decent Pay-Per-View, but people seem to forget what's REALLY important in all this... Christian Cage is 4 - 0 in TNA
I don't have as many problems as most seem to have with Jeff Jarrett. With every successful title defense, he draws more and more heat on him; and if you ask me, has successfully managed to attain a current level of heel heat that is completely unmatched by any wrestler in any other promotion in the world. Say what you want but that is a serious accomplishment. And what the Hell people? Can somebody tell me ONE thing wrong with the word "Slapnutz"?... it's funny, rolls off the tongue easily, and never gets stale. If anything is stale about Jeff Jarrett, it's that God awful haircut and out-dated fashion sense. Speaking of which, who in creative thought it was a good idea that every hot chick sans Traci Brooks should be involved with Jeff Jarrett? Is he drinking some kind of magical "I got massive game" juice that I'm unaware exists? Hold on, I need to check something...
I rest my case.
Team Canada needs to go away. Not because they can't wrestle. Not because they're no good on the mic. Not because they're horrible performers... I just don't like them, dammit! No particular reason, it's kind of like how I feel about Paul London. I just don't get what the big deal is, and could care either way if he's on my television or not. No offense to any of the aforementioned wrestlers. In fairness, just about all members involved with Team Canada are quit good at what they do. Bobby Roode most certainly put in his Indy dues for one, and I can't knock him.
...Brad just gave me a raise for that, being Canadian and all.
Abyss is a monster, flat out. I really enjoy that they haven't gotten anywhere near the whole unmasking thing, or even having him talk at all. Consistency in the character development is key.
AJ, Christopher Daniels, Samoa Joe, and a few others are gold in the ring, period. There is no joke to be made and no elaboration necessary.
I really like what they're doing in the X-Division. Those guys bust their a** for us on a consistent basis, and I look forward to X-Division matches more than any other match in the business (sans specialty matches). The Tag Team Division isn't quite as strong as it was say a year ago, but it's still a lot better than anything the E is attempting to pass as a TTD. Yes, I do abbreviate, because the WWE has done nothing worthy lately of me actually typing out the words Tag Team Division.... sh**, they still got me.
I'm definitely happy that Ron "The Truth" Killings has finally gone back to being a single's competitor. He reminds me of a younger, quicker Booker T - also a favorite of mine - with his athleticism and in ring abilities. He was getting buried under the whole 3LK thing, and now if he can be a tad more serious with his character, he easily can be considered for the title scene.
Speaking of the title scene, that's one interesting clusterf*** isn't it? I think half the roster has won #1 contenders matches in the last three months. I smell King of the Mountain. Considering I haven't been able to catch one of those yet, I'd certainly welcome it... as long as Christian wins, of course. Truth be told, all of the #1 contenders have a viable shot to win. Abyss, Monty, Cage (and I have to assume Sting); the list just goes on and on.
THIS JUST IN!!!: *(in best Ivan Drago from Rocky IV voice)*: Samoa Joe will break you. Seriously, I never had the pleasure of watching Samoa Joe until he got to TNA, and all I remember thinking was "Jesus - do not make direct eye contact with that beast". The guy can go like going is goi..ing....out of... style... okay that didn't work out exactly like I planned but I think you get the idea.
And out of curiosity, who in the f*** did Elix Skipper piss off? He went from headlining X-Division matches to what I consider to be the weakest tag team in TNA... and speaking of things I need explained, what in the H-E-double hockey sticks is Kip James thinking? What, you don't get TNA Pay-Per-Views?
Alex Shelley and Shannon Moore scare me in ways that grown men should not scare other grown men. In fact, they're creeping me out so much, I'm done with TNA!
Now that we have TNA out of the way, that leaves the WWE. [insert your own joke here].
Before we start, I just have to mention that "Warrior" - who is now suing the WWE (more specifically, Vince and Linda) for the Self-Destruction DVD - officially changed his "last name" to "Warrior"... making his legal name now "Warrior Warrior".... there are one hundred and fifty three jokes I could make here, but I think the fact that the man has legally gotten his name changed to "Warrior Warrior" certainly provides a deeper level of comedic relief than I could ever hope to provide.
JT: So, Warrior Warrior... what'd you think of the DVD?
Yeah, it's certainly been an odd couple of months, which means I have plenty to talk about! As usual we're going to start with the RAW side of things; but before we do, we have the Royal Rumble coming up in just under ten days! Let's have a looksey and what we know thus far.
...okay, so all we know is that John Cena will be taking on Edge for the WWE Championship. Personally, I'm hoping Edge wins here. If you want to solidify him as a main-event guy, you need to have him main-event WrestleMania. Then you have Triple H somehow screwed at in the Rumble match, setting up Cena vs. Triple H vs. Edge for the title at WM 22. Your welcome WWE, the bill is in the mail. As for the actual Rumble match itself, write it down because you're hearing it here first. Either Rey Mysterio or Shawn Michaels will win the rumble, and beat Kurt Angle at WM for the World Heavyweight Championship. I don't particularly care who it is. Rey has deserved a title run for years, and Michaels winning the rumble for the third time would be history. Either way, it makes for a fine show, and kicks off the Road to WrestleMania beautifully. The second bill is in the mail. Onto the shows, shall we?
The biggest news coming out of the RAW camp is that ....Kurt Angle won the World Heavyweight Title on SmackDown! ...?
For those of you who don't watch or give two sh**s about wrestling, but happen to just read this site for reasons I'm sure I'll never understand, John Cena finally lost his title. He was defeated by Edge at New Year's Revolution when Edge cashed in his Money in the Bank contract. Edge then went on Monday night and got naked with Lita. Matt Hardy was going to call to congratulate him, but then remembered Lita was his sl*t first, and that he's now a member of the job-squad on SmackDown!. Upon this realization, he immediately gave his new girlfriend - Diva Search winner Ashley - a Twist of Fate.
As for Edge, I may not completely agree with some of the things in his personal life, but I will give him credit for the fact that he has not liked the recent storyline with Lita - particularly the sex segment - because he has apparently seen the error of his ways and is trying to reconcile with his ex-wife. Now that you and I have both come to the realization that we don't give a sh**, let's discuss his title win. I for one, was happy for the guy. He's put in his years, and it's almost a shame he is going to be a transition champion. But of course, with Trips not having held the title in a year, and Cena still being Vince's golden child, it's only a matter of time for young Adam Copeland.
Speaking of John Cena, I REALLY felt happy for that guy the night he lost the title. Did anyone else notice how relieved he seemed on RAW the next night? Make no mistake people, when you are Champion in the E, it is not all cake and roses. That promo he cut talking about the people that don't like him was pure gold. It was so nice to see him without the belt. That is not a knock on him, that is an observation that it was getting stale and now with him no longer being unbeatable and also chasing the title has a new freshness to it that was desperately needed.
The HeartThrobs have been sent back to OVW. I guess wearing pink and acting gay just won't get you over with a bunch of guys who love tits and a** anymore. Oh well, it doesn't matter, they only have one tag team on RAW anyway, and they're both single's competitors ...I can really tell how hard creative has been working on this.
In Diva news:
Is having sex with:
The world is not a fair place.
Carlito has had himself quite a month, eh? His participation in the Elimination Chamber really impressed me. I saw moves and effort from him I don't think I've ever seen. As the hair grows, so does the motivation. I wonder if he spits in the face of people who have fevers.
It's okay, nobody else got it either.
Masters on the other hand, has still not done anything to impress me. He can't talk, he can't wrestle, and he's being pushed to the moon while people like Shelton Benjamin are stuck in booking limbo. Did I mention that the world is not a fair place? Seriously, I would rather watch turtles f*** while a dog stares at them with that same look he stares at you with when you're having sex than I would deal with the Mastercrap on my television.
Snitsky is still on the roster. Enough said.
Since the last time we spoke, the Hurricane retired in favor of a pr*ck heel character known as "Gregory Helms". Let me ask you something Vince. Would it REALLY have been that big of a deal if he had kept his old / real name? Gregory Helms sounds like a bad porn star name; and his collared shirts and sunglasses aren't helping that image any. Another thing not helping matters is jobbing to King when it serves absolutely no purpose other than to get you cheap heat. ...oh wait, that would have been if he'd actually won.
Kane is still around; still portrayed as a monster, then booked as a jobber. I like Kane, I really do. He just needs to snap on somebody to give him his edge back. Killing a small puppy in the middle of the ring would work.
Is Lita injured and I just don't know about it? She done nothing in the last two months other than play arm candy to Edge, and show her naked breasts on national television. Not that we mind, but when not attempting to break her neck or someone else's, she a fine wrestler. She along with Victoria and Trish should be working with these new girls and trying to get some of the "green" that's so horribly visible off of them. Of course, that would require Victoria to do some actual wrestling, and apparently, there are no plans for that to happen anytime soon either. Surprisingly, I actually like the Trish / Mickie storyline, because A. It actually has purpose, unlike most of the Diva storylines, and B. It's good to finally have Trish back into the full time mix. Maria is really starting to grow on me. She is slowing showing each week that she isn't quite as dumb as we think, and she's adding more to her wrestling repertoire with each match. I believe this is done on purpose, leading to her just snapping on these b****es. In other Diva news, Torrie Wilson's dog, Chloe, has been added to the RAW Superstars page...
...I'm not joking.
Wait... what? I covered the entire Diva part for RAW in one paragraph? ...sounds about right.
Ric Flair is STILL the Intercontinental Champion. I don't necessarily mind this, but I don't particularly like it either. Guys like Shelton, Masters, and Carlito could be gaining invaluable experience going back and forth with each other for a year or so over this belt. Of course, if anybody on the booking team suggested him dropping the belt, he may drive his car to the meeting room, get out, and smack that guy around. WOOOOOOOOOO! Gotta love lame jokes that aren't funny and completely bomb!
Rob Van Dam will be back at the Rumble! Personally, I cannot wait. RVD is great, and his return is LONG overdue.
Rob Van Dam is beyond the IC Title. Privy?
Shawn Michaels continues to have an outstanding year (you know what I mean). I'm telling you, the past eighteen months - in my opinion - have been some of the best of his entire career. And I don't care what you say, Shelton Benjamin off the middle of the top rope into Sweet Chin Music is the spot of 2005. I really hope that he (along with Booker) get the big belt at least one more time before they have to leave the game. Considering Shawn Michaels recently said he'd like to be around for a few more years (and why shouldn't he be), I'm thinking his chances may be good, even if it's a transitional reign.
Shelton Benjamin. Shelton, Shelton, Shelton. The mother character will be funny for a little, but it will get old quick. For now, anything that gets him on television is fine with me. I honestly think he is the finest athlete on RAW. Yes, I am aware Kurt Angle is on RAW. What Shelton needs is the IC title back around his waist, and the booking team to remember that he exists.
Well, after a few months off, Triple H seems to be back into the shuffle of things, and just in time for WrestleMania. No, that wasn't (can't find the damn word) fa-see-shus at all ....what? Why are you looking at me like that? I'm serious! Kidding aside, I would like to congratulate Trips and Stephanie on their first child (expecting). I imagine the conversation when they told Vince went something like this:
STEPH: Dad, I'm pregnant. Me and Paul are going to have a baby.
*Steph leaves room*
HHH: Let me beat Flair's record and I'll name it Vince.
I slay me [ © Csonka 2005]. Ahh, what a way to end the RAW side of things. Overall it's been a fair show lately, and I'm expecting more of the same as we head towards the Rumble. The months between the Rumble and WrestleMania are typically pretty good.
Moving over to the SmackDown! side, clearly the news is Big Dave having to give up the strap do to injury. Gee, what a shocker. They knew he had the tricep tear before, they knew he had it the second time, and they were still allowing him to work. Not just light work either. Main storylines, house shows, the works. It was only a matter of time. I'm just glad they aren't pointing the finger at Mark Henry, because they need to be pointing it at themselves for not taking the big guy out of service for the months he needed to rehab. Third tricep tear. Same tricep. Here's wishing him the best, but he's 40, and despite the fact nobody wants to say it, he may not be back.
The Boogeyman is still continue
Ehehehe yeah, like I was really going to dive into that one.
Randy Orton successfully won the United States Championship for Booker T. There is just all kinds of wrong to this. Could they not just wait for Booker to heal up? Is Randy Orton Booker's b**ch now? Did Benoit really have to do the job? All these answers and more in the next edition of "What in the F**K is creative thinking".
Speaking of Randy Orton, if there is one thing I liked about the whole situation is that a heel helping another heel adds to said heels heat. The more heel heat on Randy Orton, the more over he is. Also, the more over he is as a heel, the less likely they are to turn him face. *Enter fuzzy dream sequence*
JT in 2004: "Dude, you're crazy. No way they turn him face, he's entirely too over as a heel."
*Exit fuzzy dream sequence*
Well, a man can hope anyway...
In Benoit news, he has apparently told sources that while his contract is up soon, he has no intentions of leaving WWE anytime soon. Translation: I'm not going to TNA. My thoughts: This f***ing sucks. Vince is never going to push him like he should, and with all the restrictions on what the wrestlers can and can't do, Benoit has really fallen into a repetitive move-set trance.
This week on SmackDown!, Fit Finlay will be debuting. Not much to add to that. I don't remember much about him, but from what I understand he's a pretty decent a**-kicker. I think age will be the biggest factor on the impact he has.
Hardcore Holly hasn't been on my television for months; further proof that creative can read my thoughts and absolutely refuse to put over anyone that I like.
So, JBL lucked out and landed himself a program with the Boogeyman. I can assure you of one thing, I will be watching wrestling with one eye closed as to only see the half of the screen with JBL on it. People still continue to give JBL sh**, which in turn continues to boggle my mind to no end. The guy should be on TV based on his ability to speak alone. I swear, he could cut a promo about tap-dancing squirrels running wild in the Himalayan Mountains and I'd be entertained. Another bonus is that his "whatever-the-hell-she is" got that God-awful "whatever-you-call-it" taken off her face. No, credit will not be given to the Boogeyman for anything - EVER - recent events included. So now, I can focus on the large chest Jillian carries around on her, because we all know that I want nothing more than to see a bunch of eye candy when I'm watching a wrestling show.
I'm not going to delve too much into the tag team situation. SmackDown! tries, and RAW doesn't. Same with the cruisiers. Let's move on.
Last week on ByteThis I was lucky enough to be graced by MISTAAAAAAHHHH KENNNNEEEEDDAAAY........ if you're waiting for it, you can keep waiting. I think I'm the only one in the entire IWC that is able to resist the urge to say it a second time. At any rate, I'll be the first to tell you I'm not a bandwagon guy, but Mr. Kennedy makes it REALLY hard. So, while I'm not marking the f*** out yet, I am slowly letting my fan-ness grow. The guy flat out has got it on the mic the likes I haven't seen in quite some time from a rookie. I'm expecting by this time next year, I will be a full blown mark, screaming for a title run in 2007.
Bobby Lashley hasn't really done much since the last time we talked. He's a beast, and needs a ton of work. Lather, rinse, repeat.
As most of you have probably heard, Juvi has been released from the WWE. Two people named "Psicosis" and "Super Crazy" completely strayed away from him before the sh** hit the fan. The irony in that is just funny to me, perhaps I'm alone.
Paul Burchill has impressed me despite me having to go searching through the Velocity archives to find him. He's got some tools, and that finisher he uses is sick. If you've never seen it, I'd suggest going here and check it out. I'm assuming he travels with William Regal, and that can only help bring him along faster.
And of course, the newest addition to the SmackDown! brand, Kurt Angle; your new World Heavyweight Champion. I heard that Dusty Rhodes came up with the idea to put the belt on him.
Thank you. At least someone is paying attention.
I mean, come on, it makes NO sense that it's been so long since Kurt Angle had a title run. Everybody on the planet knows that he can out-wrestle anybody on the roster, and only a few can match his level of "performing". I have been screaming for him to have the belt for about a year now, and I'm glad it's finally happened. Now, here's to hoping he stays healthy through Mania.
Before I leave you good folks for another eight weeks, I figured I'd give you some good ammunition to fire my way when you're feeling a little froggy. I love Stacy Keibler; I mean... I really... LOVE Stacy Keibler. She is by far my favorite Diva, and-
-sorry.. got distracted there. At any rate, she is by far my favorite Diva, and currently on the reality show "Dancing with the Stars". Now, I'm not the biggest fan of reality television; especially a show about famous people dancing with professionals in the spirit of competition, but there was no way I was not going to tune in to see her. Now, I originally thought this was a three or four night event and I would be rid of it forever. Well, I was wrong. It actually goes on for WEEKS, and since she's doing so damn good, that means I will be suffering through this garbage for months. You may point and laugh now.
When reached for comment for his thoughts on the show and who he thought will win it, IWGP Champion Brock Lesnar simply had this to say:
Have a great couple of months kids. I'll see you at the end of March on the heels of WrestleMania 22!
by James "JT" Thomlison
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