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WRESTLING COLUMNS

OWW Editorial: Some Zest From The Quest
June 11, 2005 by Kirsty Quested


Last month's Zest began with a bitch and a moan. I'd like to kick this one off by telling you about an email I received recently. I was going to include it here, but I don't want to embarrass the columnist it concerns, so I'll paraphrase. It was from a high school teacher in Ohio, who wanted to express how enthusiastic one of his students became about writing after having his column accepted to this website and how his skills had improved after I'd given him a little constructive criticism.

Grasshoppers, this is the kind of email that will nail a goofy grin to my face which I will wear for the rest of the week. Whenever I think that no-one is paying any attention to my journalistic advice, something like this will prove me totally and joyfully wrong. The teacher said he cared not a jot that his student chose to write about pro-wrestling (as honourable entertainment as we find it, not everyone shares that opinion), only that he'd become enthusiastic enough to put pen to paper in the first place. You know who you are. And you made my day, my week, my year!

In other column news, Marco Lima's article on The Greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time highlighted one of pro-wrestling's all time greats, Macho Man Randy Savage, and generated some interesting feedback. So many wonderful talents have held that belt, it was inevitable that there'd be a certain amount of disagreement, and I think it's entirely subjective anyway. The IC belt has a long and glorious tradition, and I think you'd be hard pressed to find a champ who didn't bring something unique to the title. Speaking of titles, Colm Kearns gave us Part 2 of his History of the WWE title, an article I found extremely informative. I'm eagerly awaiting Part 3.

When it comes to informative, I learned something new from the columns this month. I'd never heard of the Mass Transit incident - the very unfortunate case of Eric Kulas taking on too much too soon. Steve Brinn's article compelled me to Google Eric Kulas, with some very interesting results. All I can say is - wrestling may not be "real," but this doesn't mean it's easy to do. Don't lock up if you don't know what you're doing.

I was pleasantly surprised to see a positive article on Triple H for a change. Wes Martinez's He's That Damn Good was a refreshing change from the boos and hisses this guy gets. Yes, I KNOW he's the boss's son-in-law. Yes I KNOW he gets more title shots and title reigns than anyone else. Yes I KNOW he's a double-crossing, lying sneak. But I LIKE him for heaven's sake. He's got great in-ring ability. Wonderful on the mic. You can't accuse him of no-selling. And MOTORHEAD play his entrance music - live, sometimes! There has to be a top heel and if you ask me Hunter fits the bill. Wes seemingly agreed, and penned a well thought-out column explaining why.

There have been some diverse articles on the upcoming ECW One Night Stand. Ketheach O'Daillaigh and T.C. Anderson both presented their different points of view, to rousing feedback from many readers. Another column to fill its feedback section was from the often controversial Joe. L, who this month brought us WCW's 25 Biggest Blunders, Mistakes & Disasters. Joe assures us a sequel is in the works, and I for one await it with eager anticipation.

At the request of Brad and myself, Dave Hanson brought us Christian: The Man, The Myth, The Legend. It's the first time we've actually commissioned someone to write on a specific topic. With Christian getting so over lately, Brad felt we should spotlight him. Dave responded with enthusiasm, and the resulting article hit the nail on the head as far as our expectations went. Props to ya Dave, mucho appreciation.

As far as supreme effort goes, Antonio Figueroa's Batista vs. John Cena vs. Randy Orton takes out the prize. There was some sweat in that article! I got so involved in reading it, I nearly forgot to edit it - not that it needed much in the way of my red pen. I had to disagree with Antonio about Randy being the one all the girls go to see; personally I'd take Dave Batista any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

I know the SmackDown! ppv's aren't as widely watched as those of RAW, but I thoroughly enjoyed Judgment Day. We all saw that Kurt had that kick in the family jewels coming. I wish they'd bid that ridiculous storyline goodbye. Apart from anything else, it can't be much fun for Kurt's wife and kids. No surprises when Carlito took on the Big Show, with Matt Morgan standing around like the world's biggest stopped clock. Does anyone else feel like they're totally wasting Morgan? He could be so great, if only they would ditch that idiotic stutter once and for all. I believe Morgan has what it takes to be really great - another Diesel even, only better.

I always get a kick out of the Cruiserweight matches, especially with Paul London, and seeing him lock up with Chavo Guerrero was a treat, as it always is. I'm pleased they're allowing London a decent reign with the strap - long may it last. They're under-using him though. London has bucketloads of talent; maybe not enough real competition in that division?

Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio's match was spectacular, as I'd hoped it would be. And at least Rey was wearing a mask that stayed put this time. I don't get Eddie though. What's Rey done to piss him off this much? We've all seen Eddie the Heel before, but Eddie the Psychopath is going just a bit far. I never thought I'd see the day when Eddie Guerrero would be as vilified as this - and justifiably so.

Of course, the main event between John Cena and JBL was something else. One could see Cena was busted open for real - no blading - when he failed to get his hands up in time and took JBL's chair shot right in the forehead. I'm sure I actually saw the Tweety Birds chirping around Cena's head, and JBL's look of consternation was fleeting but genuine. A brawl that spent more time outside of the ring than in it, both these guys pushed the envelope right to its limit; we were starting to get into ECW territory here. Cena was like a blinded bull (how DID he see through all that blood?) and too much for JBL, who squawked the magical words "I Quit" while being threatened with an exhaust... well, wouldn't you?

Is anyone else bored silly with seeing MNM take on Charlie Haas and Hardcore Holly week after week after week after... don't get me wrong. As I said last month, I'm warming to MNM, gawd knows the tag team division needs some colour. And I like Haas and Holly, but the last few weeks of SmackDown! are giving me RSI. I still think it was far too soon to put the belts on these red carpet lads, and possibly we'd stay awake longer if they changed hands? One thing I never get tired of seeing is Melina entering the ring however. And I don't bat for that team!

While I'm on the subject of women, the raging feminist inside me broke free last week during the Angle/Booker T/Sharmell match, and stampeded all over the living room in disgust. Sharmell is a disgrace to the female gender! I know she's just a slip of a girl, but couldn't she at least have stood up to Angle rather than run screaming to hide behind hubby? Personally I'd rather have seen her stand her ground and take a beating than cowering in the corner. She had ample opportunities to assist Booker but did she? NO! I'll tell you this. If *I* had been the one putting up with Angle's bollocks over the past few weeks, my husband would have had to go THROUGH ME to get to Angle - and I certainly wouldn't have wasted opportunities to go krakatoa on his arse as she did. When she finally did strengthen that spine, it was only after Booker had subdued Angle, and even then all she could manage were temper-tanty bitch slaps. Where are the big girls like Chyna, grasshoppers? When will we again see the girls lock up with the guys? WHEN WILL WE HAVE EQUALITY???

To diversify slightly, I had been getting annoyed with Viscera's attempts to intimidate Lillian, but as soon as he started up the Barry White he had me! If I had been Ms. Garcia I might have found that difficult to resist, despite the crazy contacts and ample girth.

I'd been wondering where Taker was (and felt sure he'd be RAW's first draft) and after consulting a source I'd used for my article on him, I discovered he's once again become a proud poppa. Gracie Callaway was born in May - big congratulations to Mark and Sara.

Speaking of the Draft, I was NOT expecting Cena to move to RAW. Now they have both belts! I'm sure they'll rectify this as the Draft continues. While engaging in our weekly RAW analysis, Dave Hanson came up with three possible scenarios as a result of the Cena draft, and I thought I'd include them here to see what y'all think:

Scenario 1. Cena stays on RAW; Triple H wins the World Title at Hell In A Cell and is then drafted to SmackDown!; thusly, the WWE Title and the World Heavyweight Title have switched shows. In this scenario, Edge would also have to be drafted to SmackDown!, since they have made it clear that his money-in-the-bank contract is SPECIFICALLY for the World Title.

Scenario 2. Cena gets traded BACK to SmackDown! in exchange for 2-3 guys to equate to his value; last year, Triple H got drafted to SmackDown! and the then-GM Kurt Angle traded him back to RAW, in exchange for Booker T and the Dudley Boys. In this scenario, Batista could retain his title, AND Triple H could still get drafted to SmackDown!

Scenario 3. WWE RE-UNIFIES THE TITLES!!! BATISTA VS CENA IN THE DREAM MATCH OF THE CENTURY!!!

I know Batista has to drop the strap sometime. I just wish it weren't so. I'm almost breathless to see how he'll perform in Hell In A Cell with Hunter, who is really a Cell veteran and this is Batista's debut. I suspect there will be much wailing and knashing of teeth!

Sending Chris Benoit to SmackDown! is one of the stupider moves by WWE lately. I'm sure they have their reasons, but I see no place for him on SmackDown!, even if they were under-using him on RAW over the past year.

As for the Kane/Lita/Edge soap opera, all I can say is I'm relieved that we only have to hear the "You screwed Matt!" chants once a night, and I'm giving props to the bright spark in the creative department who recognised this was the only way to go. As fans we really shouldn't give a good-godamn WHAT they do with their private lives, and it's a shame that the real-life drama overshadowed that of the storyline, and to its detriment...

Well, I can't put it off any longer. I have news, my young padawans. The New Zealand Pro Wrestling Informer (www.nzpwi.co.nz) has offered me a position as a regular columnist. While I will remain Editor of OWW, and continue to write these monthly Editorials, my columns will now become the exclusive property of NZPWI. In other words, I'll no longer be penning my lengthy in-depth performer bios for OWW. And while this is saddening, I must admit to looking forward to writing for NZPWI with a great deal of eagerness. Aside from the fact that it's a New Zealand website, NZPWI has long been one of my favourite pro-wrestling sites overall. I've been skulking around it for quite some time, and to be taken on board by them is pretty damned special for me. The staff there are all very talented with some impressive backgrounds in both wrestling and in writing. It's no exaggeration to say I've a lot to live up to, and am more than a tad nervous about how my column will be received - it debuts on June 17. I hope that my OWW readers will head on over to NZPWI and check it out. And I also want to thank all my loyal readers (whom I sincerely hope will remain loyal!) for all the wonderful feedback you've given me for all my articles.

I want to take this opportunity to thank, from the bottom of my heart, the OWW Puppetmaster Brad Dykens. Brad, you premiered my very first wrestling article, answered my endless questions, gave me encouragement and never wavered in your support. You did all you could to bring my articles to a wider audience, and for that I'll be eternally grateful. Over this past year it's been your hand under my elbow all the way, and without it I would have faltered long ere since. When I told you I was moving on you were nothing but supportive and pleased for me. Words can't express the esteem in which I hold you, and I'm supremely glad that my new position allows me to remain at OWW as your Editor. You've been a great boss and an even better friend... thank you.

by Kirsty Quested


Antonio Figueroa wrote:
1) I agree with your 1st scenario on the Cena draft, as much as it pains me to admit it. The oe thing Smackdown! still had going for them was having the flagship championship. Now, even if HHH gets drafted, Smackdown! will have an inferior championship to go along with all the anti-Smackdown! propaganda WWE shoves down our throats (aka JR).

2) I think sending Benoit to Smackdown! was a great idea. I always said that he just didn't fit in on RAW. By the way, does everyone know just how many times Benoit has switched brands? Its ridiculous! (1- During the initial draft, Benoit [out on injury] is picked by Smackdown!; 2- July 2002, Benoit returns from injury, but signs with RAW, as his contract expired during his abscence; 3- August 2002, Benoit defects to Smackdown!; 4- January 2004, Benoit uses an inexplicable contractual loophole to use his Royal Rumble victory to jump to RAW; 5- June 2005, Benoit is drafted to Smackdown!). Anyway, I think this will be a great opportunity for Benoit, to be away from Triple H (unless he gets drafted too, which I think he will).

3) Unless Triple H gets drafted, I predict Cena's move to RAW will kill his career.

4) I think that re-unifying the WWE and World Championships is a good idea, but ONLY if it is done in the following way: Cena and Batista (both as champions) are on RAW, and have a title unification match, which Cena wins. Cena then becomes the World Heavyweight Champion, since Bischoff loves that name so much. Then, on Smackdown!, Mr. McMahon reveals that whoever holds the WWE Championship belt will still be recognized as the WWE Champion, and suddenly, everyone remembers that JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD still has the original WWE title belt! Since Cena created his own belt, Vince never officially recognized the title switch, therefore JBL is STILL the WWE Champion!
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