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WRESTLING COLUMNS

OWW Editorial: Some Zest From The Quest
August 5, 2005 by Kirsty Quested


Housekeeping. Whether you're actually manoeuvring a vacuum cleaner around under beds, organising files and folders on your computer or in your desk, or forcing yourself to update your mobile phone (you really DON'T need to keep text messages going back a year), housekeeping remains a necessary evil for everyone... well, everyone who requires even a minimal amount of structure in order to function. Generally speaking, when it comes to housekeeping, I border on the obsessive... except when it comes to forcing tediousness on others, and then I can elevate procrastination to an art form. It doesn't help me sleep however, so in the interests of improved REM, this months' Zest, as far as OWW is concerned, will have to spend some time on housekeeping. Let's get it out there, let's get it over and done with, and move on to the good stuff.

1. In the interests of decreasing the tedium as we move along, I'll start with the real sore paw. I've been putting this off for some time. It applies to everyone who wishes to submit a column to OWW, but most especially to my newly appointed Official Columnists, whom I expect to set an example.

* * * THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT * * *

The Fifth Commandment states: "LIMIT WWE ANALYSIS: Over-analyzing the WWE product doesn't help anything. It does absolutely nothing to post a dozen "How I would fix the WWE" columns. Everyone has his or her own ideas. No offence, but you're a fan, you're a mark, you would crash and burn if you were in a position of control within the WWE... and WWE doesn't give a rat's ass what you think anyway, so they're not reading it." Despite people regularly protesting that they DO read the Commandments, really, they do, I continue to be inundated with columns that not only break the 5th, they pull it apart and JUMP all over the pieces. I can therefore only conclude that the definition itself is lacking, so I shall clarify.

The product is never going to please all the people all the time. Like any other long-running entertainment, WWE is cyclical, which means it's always going to have the inevitable ups and downs. When it's going through a period of ludicrousness... without mentioning specifics... I get an inbox flooded with columns about where they're going wrong. OK. I get it. I even agree with you! But if we posted all these fix-it columns, we would have to change our name from Online World of Wrestling to Where WWE Is Going Wrong And How To Fix It. People, people. There are FORUMS out there, gazillions of them. Find one, find two, find a hundred, and vent to your hearts content. Debate the product until you start to bleed from your eyes, but do not, if you value your Editor's sanity, put it into a column for OWW. I can speak no more plainly than this.

When it comes to columns that are borderline - and Brad and I engage in the futile exercise of "You decide." "No, it's your decision." "I'm not making the decision." "Well I'm not making it either!" - generally speaking, we tend to give the author the benefit of the doubt and post the column. This generosity comes back to bite us in the arse, after I reject a blatantly analytical column and am subsequently subjected to the "But you posted HIS column!" rant. Well, no more. I'm hereby tightening up on the 5th and I will make exceptions for no-one... Official Columnists, I'm looking at you. I want you to set an example. You were chosen because of your ability, which I know amounts to a great deal more than analyzing the product.

If anyone is unsure whether their column will or won't break the 5th, just send it to me and ask. If you have a topic in mind, but are concerned that it's crossing the line, ask me. I'll help you out all I can. But I'm making no more exceptions, I'm tightening up on the slack for columns that might be borderline, and most of all - and I really mean this, so listen up - I'm not taking any more shit about it! The rule exists, and not only is not going anywhere, it's just gotten tougher.

2. The Montreal Screwjob. I had mentioned this once before, and I'm not bitching, but I'm just going to reiterate for newer readers and aspiring columnists: we don't accept any columns that deal exclusively with this travesty of an event. Simply put, the website has enough columns covering enough points of view. Maybe I should put it in the Commandments?

3. PPV recaps. This would be the 2nd Commandment. Brad does these and he gets them up pretty damn fast, for informative and archival purposes. After big ppv's, like WrestleMania, we will set up a feedback forum for you to submit a paragraph or two giving your thoughts on the event.

That pretty much takes care of the Columns section, although I do have an announcement. The popularity of this section continues to grow, and I find I'm receiving an increasing number of articles as the months go by - it's getting harder to keep up. So, in order to deal effectively with the growing interest in this section, Brad and I decided to appoint a co-Editor. JT joins us from www.411mania.com/wrestling. Columns will still be sent directly to me, but I'll be siphoning a few off into the very capable hands of JT, who will also be enforcing the 10 Commandments, bringing some new blood into OWW, and effectively preventing me from insanity. Big shout-out to JT - you are my saviour!

The Columns section this month has been rife with what are some major happenings in the world of professional wrestling. The most controversial event - the dropping of the Muhammad Hassan character - generated a response so huge Brad opened up a special Fan-Jam page for everyone to air their views. In full-length columns, Zakkari Tyler's "Why Are We Afraid Of Hassan?" article also prompted a huge response. Hardly surprising really. Likewise, the shock return of Matt Hardy on July 11 during RAW inspired very interesting pieces such as James Chason's "What Matt Hardy Is Not Saying" and James Rican's "Rising On Edge." New York wrestler and new Ohio Valley Wrestling recruit, Mason Raige, who was part of the security team on July 11 on RAW, provided us with a unique backstage take on his experience of Matt Hardy's return, as well as a humorous review of Hulk Hogan's new reality TV show, Hogan Knows Best.

From our Official Columnists this month, Dave Hanson had us all re-evaluate our "fan-status" - and very effectively too - with his "Accept It, Admit It, We're All Marks." I confess I thought this column would drum up a helluva lot of controversy; proving me completely wrong, the feedback was almost 100% positive. I mean it when I say I was delighted to be wrong on this occasion. Johnny LaRue continued the Hassan controversy with "Good Riddance To Hassan" and the always-controversial Joe L. gave us the unique "Classic Crap: Xtreme Pro Wrestling." Colm Kearns provided us with Part 4 of his "History of the WWE Title" - well worth a read.

I don't even know where to begin when it comes to recent events in WWE. I confess to feeling extremely sorry for Mark Copani, aka Muhammad Hassan, who was the bleating pound-flesh-sacrifice demanded for WWE's beyond-foolish error. A very young, very courageous man, who did damned well with the gimmick he was stuck with. Generated some incredible heat, was even beginning to get over. He now pays for WWE's inexcusable insensitivity, which as far as heads rolling in that company goes, is pretty much par for the course. A moment of silence for Mark Copani here; he did not deserve this.

Once everyone had gotten over the shock of Shawn Michaels' heel turn, it seems that many are beginning to agree with some of what he's saying. I for one believe that Hulkamania could have had the send-off it deserved at WrestleMania - the Hall of Fame induction, the last pounding in the ring - and off he should have sailed, into the red and yellow sunset. But no. Oh no no no. "Hogan Knows Best," the Hulkster's new reality TV show, is nothing more than a blatant effort to plug young Brooke's music career - and it in turn has been getting the plug on RAW as the Hulkster's cameos have gone from bouncing to boring. That many are agreeing with HBK's half-work, half-shoot promos is proof that Hulkamania has now entered the annals of the ridiculous, when it could have - and should have - had its final moment of glory and left us all with a warm fuzzy feeling. Flog that dead horse, WWE - flog it! Of course the upside is that Shawn returns to heel status - something he's always been better at, with his wit and natural flamboyance. However, with his views getting increasingly over among wrestling fans, his heel status may be short-lived, whether they want it to be or not.

The return of Matt Hardy proved that WWE creative can still work us when they want to - and while smarks worldwide can beat their chests and declare they saw this coming, I for one am GLAD to have been worked. I LOVE that I'm still enough of a mark to be fooled. I've been kayfabed, and I love it! And I don't believe for a second that anyone really saw this coming - at least, not before the "wedding" anyway. I had all my appendages crossed for Edge vs. Matt Hardy at SummerSlam, and now that it will happen, I've got a Cheshire-cat grin I can't wipe off. Give those boys a street fight!

It almost - but not quite - almost makes up for the travesty of a storyline, and even greater travesty of wasting two fine wrestling talents in the whole Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio mess. Once they bring someone's kids into it, my stomach just turns. And churns. I could quite happily have gone the rest of my life never knowing Eddie's little secret, and as clued in as Dominic may be to the whole thing, the fact remains that he's a child. Who has to go to school. What must he endure there? And since when did wrestling fans demand soap opera storylines? Please let it be over after SummerSlam - please.

SummerSlam is a PPV I'm looking forward to with great anticipation. The card so far shows potential for a fantastic show. The match-ups are wonderful - who can remember the last time there were this many main-event quality matches in one PPV? Now all they have to do is remember that we are WRESTLING fans, and that if we want a soap opera, we'll turn over to Days Of Our Lives. If WWE Creative can keep this uppermost in their often twisted little minds, then I believe we are in for a show that will rival, if not outmatch, WrestleMania 21.

On that note, grasshoppers, I bid you adieu.

by Kirsty Quested


Erkka Järvinen wrote:
I might sound crazy but i think that this Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero storyline is one of the bests in loooong time. I love the new guerrero, its something different than usual but Eddie can really put passion in his character and make it look like he is a real psycho.
Eduver3 wrote:
great article. i love the "some zest from the quest articles. i agree w/ alot of your views on the wwe. i love micheals heel turn so far, when he made fun of hulk hogan i said "he's back". im 16, i guess older fans can say hogan was way better before but i don't care. i hate it everytime i see him in the ring, just reture dammit! you cant wrestle! i hope shawn beats hogan in my hometown of d.c. as far of you saying theres alot of ppv quality matches in one show, totally agree. i love that we're gonna see orton vs. undertaker, at wrestlemania i was goin for taker b/c it was wrestlemania, he has to stay undefeated there, but at summerslam, i hope i see orton come out on top. i also love that jericho is back on the title run, i also want him to win and oh please turn the belt back to the original wwe belt. now, as far as hardy vs. edge goes, i dont really know who to go for. im like 50/50 on this. of course everyone will be 100% matt, but i kinda wanna see edge win. anyways kirsty, great article, and let me help you out a bit, PEOPLE FPRGET ABOUT THE MONTREAL SCREWJOB!
Joshua O wrote:
hey, great job with your article, i love everything you churn out, they are always great reads. i just want to say that Hogan, while at 16 i never got to see his older matches, is in no way whatsoever an interesting performer. He's just too damn slow, and you get sick of him taking those punches, wagging that finger then doing it all over, then big bnoot, leg drop, 1,2,3. I am also the biggest Shawn Michaels mark, and i cant wait for him to come down to Australia in october, i just got the tickets today, so Hogan loses there for Summerslam as well. But what im wondering, is has anybody thought about how the match will go? Ive been giving it a bit of thought, and it suddenly hit me like a bolt of lightning! HBK, after pulling Hogan's weight for the match, will hit a low blow on Hogan, and then go into the corner for some Sweet Chin Music. As the band begins to warm up, the greatest the creative team will have since turning Michaels. A Run in from, wait for it... BRET HART!!! While i myself am not in particular a Hart fan, i still think this would get an amazing reaction from the fans, and would be the best way for the match to happen. Hogan can win, then retire when his show flops, "sailing off into that red and yellow sunset" as you put it, after beating someone (regretably HBK) and then perhaps, depending on Bret's condition, he can return for one match, at Survivor series, where i can see him beating HBK with a sharpshooter, (hopefully this will stop all the complaining, Shawn was only doing his job). But this is a very valid idea, because Bret is hanging around the WWE HQ lately apparently, already has his Bio up on WWE.com,(http://www.wwe.com/superstars/brethart1/brethart/profile/) and can use this to promote his DVD. Now obviously, i dont know Bret Hart, and i cant comment on his condition, although i do know about his strokes, butall the pieces fit. Hart has his Bio up, he can use this for his DVD, the perfect set up for a survivor series rematch, and lately, and the WWE has been using the website for setup for a number of posibilities (Matt Hardy, and im hoping Brock Lesnar), anyways, this is what i hope for at least, (i just thought it nessecary to state, that while i dont particularly like Bret Hart, he has had some great matches, thats an undeniable fact)
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