It's Report Card Time for the WWE Divas
June 20, 2006 by Avi Krebs
Hello there everybody, for those of you out there who are fans of all those reality television shows then you are probably aware of the fact that these particular shows have now become as annual an occurrence as filing your taxes. The amount of reality shows that are actually made available for the viewing public is astounding. One thing that can be said about such blockbuster shows such as American Idol™, Survivor™, and America's Next Top Model™ is that they give an opportunity for thousands of every day beautiful people a chance to shine. Now this is all fine and good assuming you are a) An incredibly talented singer (or in the most recent case, a decent singer who can win over crowds with cheesy dance moves), b) In peak physical condition, or if not that at least be a relatively good looking person, and finally c) Know how to walk across a catwalk with one of those Zoolander like pout expressions without cracking up or tripping. Probably also helps to have some modeling experience too I guess. Well you can now add one more reality show to that list of annual events; it is none other than the WWE $250,000 Diva Search 2k6 Edition. Now much like the previously mentioned reality show juggernauts, the DS gives ONE individual a chance at the top prize, which in this case is a WWE contract and $250,000 in your purse. However unlike the other reality shows, the DS has given an opportunity for other wannabe divas a chance to live out their life long dream of parading around in a bathing suit, or lingerie in front of millions of people watching at home.
Okay, I am aware there is more to these elusive diva beauty contests then just that, but based on what they have forced us to watch for the past two versions, it seems that they save all the interesting stuff for after the competition when maybe a half dozen or so of them finalists are given contracts. To quickly recap the previous two DS contests, the first one was won by a Ms. Christy Hemme who if anyone has been paying any attention to my previous articles would know that I had high hopes to see her succeed in the world of wrestling. I still do, just she will be doing it in TNA. Then there is winner #2 - Ashley Massaro who was recently signed for three years and was even more recently sent to Smackdown where divas go to die, if you catch my drift. So now everyone is up to date with the DS, now that brings us to the subject of this article where we "undress" the current crop of WWE divas and conclude each report by giving them a letter grade to sum up just how well they have been performing as a WWE diva. My only assumption for having another DS is that Vinnie-Mac would just love to have more eye-candy to ogle. Of course we cannot forget that this also provides a few lucky ladies their moment to shine and based on the past two editions it basically falls onto the laps of the viewers to decide who the winner is. Then again, where did I hear that those polls on WWE.com are rigged" Oh well for some divas their reports are going to be complimentary and recognize just how much of an asset they have been to the WWE. Of course not ever diva is going to be given this praise, some in particular are going to be taken through the proverbial meat-grinder and what is left of them probably would be similar to some of the skimpy outfits that they sometimes wear. For those of you who know of my "Top 10 superstars for 2k5" article, I again encourage everyone out there to voice their opinions about the divas and feel free to throw in your own conclusions and heck if it is to your liking, letter grades much like the ones I will be using. So before I begin let me state that I am not Matt Striker (for you WWE fans) or Dean Douglas (for you WWF fans) but I am taking the role of teacher and am ready to begin so take your seats everybody and let the execution, err evaluation of the divas begin.
On the Raw side:
Well I think the best way to show all the incoming divas, as well as the present batch of divas that are not making the grade how it is done by indicating a model example of how good a diva can be. Trish has been at or near the top of the diva pyramid for a few years now. It would be hard to find another diva past or present who has gone through a bigger transfiguration than Stratus. Then again, one cannot forget that Stratus did not become the star she is today overnight. It took plenty of hard work and dedication (which was used to get through being thrown into some pretty uncongenial angles), as well as polishing out her moves in the ring, and we are talking about the moves that helped her go from being mindless valet, to a true WWE superstar. I've said it before and shall say it again, Stratus has looked better in the ring then some of her male counterparts. Stratus also has the benefit of having a Kurt Angle like moniker which means she could play the role of heel or face almost seamlessly without making either option look drastic. Presently she is playing the role of the tutor for one of Raw's newest recruits Beth Phoenix. Although Trish has not been doing much in ring work lately because of injuries and outside commitments (She is hosting Canada's Walk of Fame for those who didn't know). There really is not that much left that Trish has left to prove aside from continuing to excel, and hopefully make something out of the divas she has put under her wing. It is too bad Ashley Massaro was moved to Smackdown because she was well on her way to getting something accomplished (in the aspect of wrestling) under Stratus but for now and most likely the near future as well there is no diva in the WWE who comes close to being the complete package or a truly genuine finished product as Trish Stratus and for that she receives the top grades in the class.
FINAL GRADE: A+
How the mighty have indeed fallen, it is hard to believe that one neck injury outside of wrestling and one home wrecker situation also outside of wrestling has resulted in what was one of the most prominent divas to become a mere shadow of her former self. Now to be fair, I surely can understand that anyone who suffered from a serious neck injury will not likely be the same when and if they choose to get back into the squared circle and have put that into consideration in regards to Lita's final grade. However, with that being said there is certainly more that can be done for Lita than to make her Edge's little play thing. Now I don't need to reiterate the who Edge-Lita-Matt Hardy Jerry Springer inspired breakdown because it is under the assumption that everybody knows about it and considering that the WWE is quite good at implementing real life storylines into their programs it would be hard to ignore it even if you have been living under a rock during all this time. I think that despite her obvious short comings, Lita can do more than what she is presently doing; considering she is giving Candice Michelle a run for the money as far as being the best dare I say it "tramp" on Raw. Personally I feel that her being with Edge is only bringing the rated R superstar down, while not making the most of Lita's otherwise unnoticeable talents. One can easily mistake Lita has a newbie diva even though she has been around the wrestling block for quite some time. Since Lita has proven she can take the heel role and sort of make something out of it, the next sensible thing to do is take one of the divas presently under contract in OVW or DSW and do to them what Trish is doing with Beth and just help groom them along until they are capable of taking care of things on their own. The whole screw Matt Hardy deal is so last year, and unless Lita is able to get out of this rut that involves being Edge's ticket to ride (draw your own conclusions people), Lita's final grade reflects her current contributions to everything diva.
FINAL GRADE: C
She's a graduate of the Godfather's school of hoes and wrasslin' or something like that. However it seems that those creative monkeys have no clue what to do with this dark haired vixen. Who would have thought that her first gimmick (post ho) where she played the role of the psychotic, messed up in the head chick would be her most successful" Of course when you compare this gimmick to the bizarre techno-happy Victoria right up to the present thuggish-bad ass chick image than maybe this first gimmick was used just to establish Victoria's credentials as someone who wasn't just going to participate in lingerie pillow fight matches. Those of you who remember Victoria's first real push should remember at the time she was forced to drag along Steven Richards and what does it tell you when Victoria had the inside track in the looks and the wrestling department" It can be used as a fresh reminder that there are women capable of actually doing more in the WWE than prancing around in some skimpy negligee. Victoria is up there with Trish and Mickie when it comes to mixing it up in the ring, unfortunately the WWE has lately been giving dear Victoria the one step forward-two steps back approach which has involved Victoria again having to drag around some dead weight which in this instance we will call Torrie Wilson and Candice Michelle. If Victoria was in TNA she would easily be one of the top draws in the women's division. For now it seems that Victoria's best days in the WWE are well behind her, which is a shame because the WWE has grown accustom to letting guaranteed talent go to waste. So Victoria's grade can be considered a reflection of sorts on those crazy kooks in WWE land more so than that of Victoria herself. Perhaps if Vince McMahon spent less time feeling up Candice and more time to take notice that some of his talent is not being properly used then maybe there would be some hope for Victoria. Oh wait, Vince has no time to look into that kind of matter lately he is a busy man these days you know.
FINAL GRADE: C
She is as cute as a button, she is as adorable as a little puppy, she is as welcoming to the naked eye as a ray of sunshine early in the morning, and if I do not give it a rest with all these metaphors I am going to make myself sick. So getting back to Maria's evaluation, if there is one thing I can say positively about Maria it is that despite the fact that she might be the biggest air head on the face of the planet, that she really does give it her all out there in everything that she is expected to do. On the plus side to this, she is likely the easiest WWE diva you would be able to bring home to meet mom and dad Wait, I am being informed that Maria just plays an airhead on television and is not actually like that in person. Right, and I bet Eugene is not actually intellectually challenged either because it would be horrible for the WWE to exploit something like that considering how many people out there actually have to deal with that and not get the financial backing of a rich, fat WWE contract. So where was I" Oh yes getting back to Maria, if there is another thing worth noting it would be that Maria reminds me a little bit of a pokemon. In her first form, she comes across as a rather plain back stage interviewer who appears sluggish and clearly does not show everything she has to offer. Then she evolves ever so slightly into the host of the WWE kiss cam which thankfully for us at home is shown on WWE.com unlimited. However she is also getting some experience in the ring, and dare I say it she looks better out there then some other divas. So with this in mind, it seems that for Maria the pokemon to evolve into her final stage, she just needs to get a little more training in the ring and who knows, right now I would say it is pretty outlandish to put Maria and Trish in the same sentence but there is a glimmer of hope out there that Maria will become the next great diva turned grappler in the ranks of the WWE and we are all rooting for her to succeed.
FINAL GRADE: C+
Okay, it is time to put the women and children to bed people because as they say in the wrestling word, business is about to pick up. I can only try to promise that this will not turn into one giant punch-line but based on what Candice has provided for us in the considerably short time she has been employed in the WWE, I might be letting her off pretty easily. The similarities between Candice and another Vince McMahon play thing we will call Sable is striking. They both were signed for their incredible background in professional wrestling over their amazing supermodel bodies, I think. They have both been thrust into the ring which has led to disastrous results and the sound of thousands of remote controls clicking off the channel in unison. They both signed on to bare all for Playboy magazine which proved to make millions for Vinnie-Mac, and Mr Heffner. Then who can forget what was already addressed once earlier (and sadly is probably going to be addressed again later) both of these ladies have spent some well earned camera time in some form of a passionate embrace with VKM. Now it is not all gloom and doom for everybody's favourite Go-Daddy girl. It mostly is but if I can say one nice thing it would be that Candice is just doing what she is suppose to do, and you cannot argue that she has any difficulty getting freaky with men twice her age. All she needs to do to completely emulate Sable is get herself some breast implants (assuming she has not done so already) and then sue the WWE for sexual harassment which for us watching at home makes us have to wonder just what the heck has to happen for her to make a legitimate case. We all know what happened to Sable when she tried, so my word of advice for Candice is to not cross a McMahon the WRONG way. Her final grade is a testament to all her inspiring performances every week on Raw.
FINAL GRADE: D-
Now for those of you who felt I was really hard on Candice, or if you are just a big fan of the belle from Boise, Idaho then I strongly suggest you just skip this entire evaluation because I feel I let Candice off with a slap on the risk because she is still relatively new and if she does follow the same road Sable does, she will be joining her as well on the unemployment line and therefore I will have no need to belittle her in the future. However, Torrie Wilson gets none of that security considering how long she has been around and no matter what I or anyone else out there who might agree with me thinks. There is just no way of going around the fact that for all her faults, her shortcomings, her lack of worthwhile qualities to even consider her a legitimate diva amongst anything else, she still is bringing home the money. For one, it rattles my brain to think that she is still gainfully employed while her husband Billy Kidman has to take any offer that comes his way to help pay the bills. Now I am positive there are endearing qualities inside Torrie Wilson, and you can see them without even having to take off her clothes. However, the argument can be made that perhaps Torrie Wilson just is not expected to accomplish anything worthwhile in the WWE. For every single thing she has been involved in, it just makes it seem even more bizarre that she is still getting a push to be on television for reasons that even McMahonism cannot explain. I also think that if she wants to be taken seriously in the ring then here is a simple solution, LEARN HOW TO WRESTLE. After all the years spent in WCW and the WWE why is it so hard for this girl to do a simple headlock without having to grab a head full of hair" Speaking of hair, the old fashioned throw your opponent by the hair manoeuvre is just plain tiring. Even when Torrie comes out dressed as cheerleader, Santa's little helper or a school girl it just does not have the same effect as you would think because she has done it so many times before, yawn. This could be a stretch but even Chloe the dog deserves better than this so it is time to give Torrie the grade she so rightfully deserves.
FINAL GRADE: F (Chloe the dog gets a D because she is so very cute)
Now that I have that taken care of, it is time to talk about a diva who is well on her way to becoming the next Mickie and Trish as oppose to the next Candice and Torrie. This alone can be considered very high praise. Now there is not much I can write about for Beth except that she looks like she worked her tail off to get to where she is today. She might seem awfully fragile (she was injured during the time of this evaluation), there is no denying that she is entitled to a bright future assuming the WWE is smart enough to let her wrestling ability which is quite impressive shine and let everything else associated with being a diva come later. Mark my words when I say that Beth Phoenix is going to be a star in the WWE.
FINAL GRADE: Incomplete
Just when it looked like the women's division on Raw was about to become a one woman show, bursting onto the scenes is this bundle of kinetic energy called Mickie James. Now as for throwing everything but the kitchen sink when it came to evaluating Torrie, for Mickie it is much easier to just sum her up as being the most polished superstar male or female; to hit the WWE in recent times. Although the psycho gimmick has been done to death before in the WWE with Victoria being the most recent example, Mickie takes this and does she ever run away with it and I think it is only fitting that she ascend the steps (as few as they may be) to become the women's champion at Wrestlemania 22. I do think that it would prove more beneficial to let Mickie's wrestling define the athlete she is but again when you are able to take a gimmick as far as she has it is not a bad thing to keep it going. I really cannot see Mickie James as anything else but I would also not be surprised if and when she is put in a new direction that she excels with that too. Since she is a diva, I will throw in the obligatory statement that Mickie is one of the finest specimens of all the divas in the WWE. That Kenny Doane (of the Spirit Squad) is a lucky man to be engaged to this lady. Talent, looks, personality and the WWE women's championship; Mickie James truly has it all, and to think she has not even reached her prime yet. If the WWE ever decides to do a compilation of the top fifty divas of all time, then Mickie would easily be in the top five and maybe even in the number one spot. Go Mickie Go!
FINAL GRADE: A+
Okay, Melina gets at least a B thanks to her very enticing and alluring entrance that much can be said right off the bat. For those who may have missed it, Melina being traded for Ashley Massaro can be considered a pretty bad deal for Smackdown who was devoid of many if any talented divas anyways. To further elaborate on what makes Melina one of the most underrated and most likely one of the most underappreciated divas in the WWE look no further than to some of Mick Foley's most recent blogs..on WWE.com! Sorry, had to throw in the shameless plug there but my point here is that if anyone has read over some of Mick's blogs you will notice that he makes many a reference to one Ms. Melina. Now I know they are both adults here, but it seems just a little bit creepy to have Mick talking about his admiration for the young diva. Although it is more likely he is just bragging about being able to get closer to her than most other people in the company including her storyline homies Joey Mercury and Johnny Nitro. The only thing I find even stranger than Foley's blogs about Melina are that he weaved some similar praise to one Stacy Keibler not too long ago in those very same blogs. So what did make Melina the best diva on Smackdown" Well it involves doing all the little things that goes with being a manager very well. She really is a throwback to the female managers of yesteryear such as Sunny, or going even further back to the likes of Mrs Elizabeth or Sensational Sherri. Plus if anyone did not notice it, is this woman a heck of a screamer or what" The most significant if not surprising thing worth mentioning is that Melina can actually wrestle. I kid you not, she was given some time in OWW to get some practice in but she was not even given the chance on Smackdown to show it off. Here is hoping that on Raw, where she is among the best divas around that Melina can get recognized for more than having one heck of a sexy entrance.
FINAL GRADE: A
And on the Smackdown side:
Oh Ashley, is this a foreshadowing of what your future will hold" If I can be like Lance Storm and be serious for a minute, I willingly admit that I was rooting for Ashley during the course of last year's Diva Search contest. Considering the abundance of divas that were given contracts from the inaugural contest, Ashley just seemed to be a little different from the majority of those who got contracts because of nothing more than being sexy. Do not get me wrong here folks, Ashley is just as lovely to look at as the rest of them but I would say her feistiness and open attitude, (the girl did give her out her real phone number and e-mail address remember) that she truly was a lock to win it all. Of course her competition were all cookie cutter, run of the mill DS contestants but that is not to take away from Ashley's accomplishment. While on Raw she was given a chance to work with Trish and later Mickie and although she is far from seasoned, she still took her bumps like everyone else. Then she got injured but was given a three year contract extension which probably is not as endearing as it sounds considering how the WWE was quick to get rid of Christy (first to Smackdown) then out of the company once Ashley became established. Then again Christy's contract just was not renewed. However with yet another new diva soon to be gracing the WWE, Ashley was banished to Smackdown where she has no one of the calibre of Trish, Mickie, or even Victoria to help her learn the ropes. At best, she could become the best reason to check out Smackdown outside of Rey Mysterio Mr. Kennedy and Bobby Lashley. At worst, she could become the best reason to check out TNA and be reunited with Christy Hemme once VKM hand picks the next diva floozy to become $250,000 richer. The horror, oh the horror that is World Wrestling Entertainment.
FINAL GRADE: B
I would not even have considered giving Jillian a grade if she still had that absolutely ridiculous mutant mole on her face, but who would have thought we would have the Boogeyman to thank for getting rid of that" Here is hoping the Boogeyman will now stay AWOL and remain in relative obscurity until the WWE decides to rid themselves of that albatross but that would in turn be interesting because when was the last time a superstar was let go while being undefeated" Anyways, getting back to Jillian Hall there is a chance that she could really elevate herself out of what has been a considerably spotty career on Smackdown thus far. Sure she gave us all an excuse to actually want to sit through a JBL promo but now that she has been relieved of her duties to the Wrestling God, it is about time Jillian gets a proper push up the diva pyramid. Her match against Kristal was not exactly groundbreaking but it is nice to see that although Smackdown is clearly inferior to Raw at this point in time, its performers are still willing to go out and give one hundred percent in effort even if they do not have the talent or ability to make up for it. Putting Jillian with Paul London and Brian Kendrick is actually beneficial for everybody. It gives Jillian a chance to try something new and more importantly put here in the foreground with the tag team champions as oppose to being behind, far behind in the back to JBL. As for London and Kendrick, they could beat MNM as much as they like, but having a diva to lead the way changes them from being a nice tag team that no one cares to see, into a tag team that people can remember as being incredibly talented as well as the team with that luscious looking diva Jillian Hall. See how everybody wins here" On Raw, Jillian would be lucky to be a mid-carder to the other divas, but on Smackdown she has the opportunity god willing, I mean Vince McMahon willing to succeed.
FINAL GRADE: B-
She is half-heartedly known as the other diva to be given a contract out right after the second DS. You will have to forgive me if this evaluation does not go into great depth simply because there is not an abundance of information to write about Kristal mainly because she is being used in the absolute most minimized way possible. Sure she is a back stage announcer which is an easy way to get some air-time but considering she is in reality the second best female announcer behind Maria who is conveniently on Raw, it has to get you thinking what else can she do" The big problem I see here is that Kristal just has not been put into a storyline/gimmick that has been able to promote her as being more than just another piece of eye candy for us all to salivate over. In all fairness, I would like to declare that Kristal is just if not more attractive to look at then some of the other divas out there. It just does not matter much when you get to see her for once for about three minutes each time Smackdown is on. If Kristal gets some proper training down in OVW I will be bold enough to state that Kristal the grappler would be much better in the WWE than Kristal the backstage interviewer. So it is with great regret that I give Kristal such a mediocre grade considering that she is only doing what she is getting paid for and that there is definitely more to Kristal than meets the eye, but it will take more than doing some pre-determined scripted backstage interviews to establish Ms. Marshall as being a truly great diva. It would not surprise me if she was twice as popular in TNA and her grade would likely reflect that, for now though her grade is probably the same grade I would give to the WWE in regards to how it uses some of its talent.
FINAL GRADE: D+
As I write this evaluation I can just picture her squawky, annoying chants of all hail King Booker ringing in my ears. The fact that this is decaying my brains to no end ironically proves that while some divas have yet to find the perfect gimmick, Sharmell or should I say Queen Sharmell has been given the chance to be the most annoying personality on Smackdown since Stephanie McMahon and she does a tremendous job of it too. This is certainly different from the first time I heard about Sharmell Sullivan. It would be a few years ago when I came across one of those diva magazines and while it included all the familiar faces it also had this miscellaneous woman amongst its pages. She also appeared on the WWE divas website to boot which further made me wonder if I had just missed a whole month of WWE programming where this woman was somehow brought into the fold. These questions would remain unanswered until recently when Sharmell was to be permanently paired with her real life husband Booker T. Pairing real life couples is nothing new in the world of wrestling so this makes more sense than having them work with other individuals. Since then this gruesome twosome has been providing some of Smackdown's more intense moments which have only continued to perpetuate since Booker T has been crowned King of the Ring. Much like with the Jillian/London/Kendrick trio. Booker and Sharmell are naturally a perfect pair and have taken the whole King and Queen angle to places I have not seen since Macho King Randy Savage and Queen Sensational Sherri shared the crown back in the late eighties and early nineties and we all found those two to be incredibly annoying right" So now we get to endure the reign of Booker and Sharmell some fifteen years later and I will give kudos to them for making an old resurrected gimmick seem fresh again.
FINAL GRADE: B
Wait just a minute here, is this actually correct" Is Michelle McCool still with the company" I was really caught off guard when she strutted her way out to interrupt that Kristal/Jillian five star wrestling match. Now based on McCool's refreshingly short promo, it seems that she might be doing some pseudo-Paris Hilton style gimmick. It is too early to give her a proper evaluation since she has done virtually next to nothing in the company over the past few months and therefore her grade is an incomplete. However if she remains true to her latest shtick, that vertical line that presently stands for an I could easily be joined by two parallel horizontal lines to form another more appropriate letter. Honestly, she would look much better pairing with Carlito Cool to form the rather innovative pairing of Cool and McCool. Sure it sounds lame now, but I bet no one would be against it if the WWE came up with this idea themselves. Now that would be considered genius.
FINAL GRADE: Incomplete
For those who are unaware of it, Stacy is actually pictured on the Raw side of the roster on WWE.com which means that she has most likely joined the likes of Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Rock as being gone from the WWE, but certainly not forgotten. It does not come as too much of a surprise to see Stacy getting some recognition in Hollywood even though all she has done thus far was compete in a Dancing with the Stars television program. It is probably much easier to go along the Hollywood route to get recognized as oppose to being just a glorified performer on a wrestling show. While other divas try to get cheap fame by posing for Playboy, Stacy Keibler on the other hand has appeared on an assortment of magazines that go beyond just the ones that cater to the testosterone filled male demographic. She certainly has the look to make a name for herself outside of wrestling which might prove to be an even bigger blessing since she was not all that special in the WWE. Sure she is the reigning WWE babe of the year (which counts for what I do not really know) but even if she was around there are a slew of divas who could easily take that title from her. Stacy was given a chance to wrestle but looked almost as bad as Torrie Wilson in the ring so that proved to be a failed experiment. To add insult to injury, she would no longer have the most entertaining ring entrance now either. That of course belongs to Melina and call me crazy but Beth Phoenix as a mighty nifty entrance as well so if Stacy Keibler is not the best at something what does that make her aside from ordinary" If Stacy does return to the WWE she is bound to get her fair share of fans back and be amongst the most popular divas but until she decides to come back her grade is as follows.
FINAL GRADE: D
So there you have it ladies and gentlemen, each diva has been thoroughly examined and the results speak for themselves. Although the next Diva Search is going to be hyped as much if not more than any of the upcoming PPVs that the WWE will be offering, it is unlikely going to be all that different from what has been done the previous two times. Sure Canadians are now eligible to participate but it would not surprise me if the only Canadians who advanced were Torrie Wilson/Candice Michelle look-alikes who hail from Toronto (One of only three or four Canadian cities that the WWE will actually acknowledge). So I am not really holding my breath on this one as far as who becomes the next big thing outside of Brock Lesnar in the WWE. Yes, I think that beautiful women and wrestling do mix very well, and can even be done without having to be over the top, tacky, or tasteless. Now someone just has to remind Vince McMahon that you can have beautiful women actually doing legitimate wrestling in the ring and actually be using them for something other than lingerie pillow fights and bra and panties matches which have become as much a WWE staple as pyrotechnics. Until next time everybody, class is officially dismissed.
by Avi Krebs..
THE GRADES AREN'T THAT ACCURATE. LITA IS A C" AND MARIA IS A C+" SOMETHING IS WRONG.
Dylan L. wrote:
This was a pretty good column, it was pretty long. Nice little touch with the grading thing. You put topics, and you backed up your topics with details, pretty good. Only one problem with me. i think they all deserve F's. They are a waste of professional wrestling T.V. time.
Jon Rosaler wrote:
I would give everyone the exact same grade (except Torrie Wilson, she's more like a DD, uh, I mean D, ha ha. :-p) --- I think you should have added the ECW divas and Lillian -- Well, this is what I would give them
Lilian Garcia- The Viscera/Charlie Haas TRIangle is decent at best, but Isn't Haas Married""" Poor Charlie, he always ends up with the love triangle feuds. First, Jackie and Dawn, now this peace of Crap"
I admire for Lillian for trying. Their are not a lot of female announcers these days. I think it's a joke that 15 years from now, some 10 year old asks his friend who was a great announcer, Lilian Garcia or Howard Finkel. Howard Finkel is a legend, so there's no way the friens would pick Lillian for being hot. I don't think she is that hot, I give her an 8/10 for looks (Now I see how Dwayne feels). She debuted in 1999 in the WWF.
She was a part-time interviewer, but again, she's just a waste of space on the WWE.com Raw page, I mean, I don't see Tony Chimel on the Smackdown page.
Final Grade: D+
Trinity: Former TNA Knockout, Stephanie Finochio worked for TNA for about a year taking Chyna's place. She then signed to Smackdown in October, 2005. She was originally suppose to work a Bi-Sexual storyline with Orlando Jordan, but OJ got released. She debuted on the Network debut of ECW on Sci Fi as a member of the FBI. She still uses her Trademark name, Trinity (Wonder Why"). Not that I don't like that name, I mean, I like the Matrix as much as the next guy, but why not pick a religious name like Serenity, Faith or Grace" Intstead of a name, based on a girl who had sex running on Bateries"
Final Grade: A- (I've seen TNA, she has all the potential in the world)
Jazz: She has yet to make her Sci Fi debut, but Jazz is pretty close to a Black Chyna at best. Her ego was uncanny at best. 2-time Women's champion and also at one time, a member of Teddy Long's playas. I have yet to see what Jazz did in ECW, though.
Final Grade: Incomplete.
Shelly: She was once shown on Velocity as a Valet for Paul Burchill (too bad the pirate Gimmick was dropped), but she was not good enough for the role. She did work a Pregnant storyline with Burchill in OVW, but it wasn't meant to be. She made her debut on the 2nd Episode of ECW Sci-Fi.
Final Grade: Incomplete
Kelly: Ok, I'm honestly not to crazy about this one, her real name is Barbie Blank. Why the hell couldn't WWE just ler her use her real name" I didn't even know there were real Barbie's out there. She has an A++ body, but doesn't WWE already have a 5 cent brained chick with a Billion dollar body (yeah, a billion to sleep with Maria)" Well, all I know about her is she is a swimsuit model.
Final Grade: Incomplete (but looks to be an "F")
Francine: Yeah, she was great, putting on great feuds with Beulah. I really didn't like the way Edge showed no respect for a woman who was out of practice. Francine should beat the crap out of Edge for beating up her rival. Francine was a tomboy, (then agin, in ECW, who isn't"). She is suppose to make her debut really soon. Uhhh, IDK, she's a good looker.
Final Grade: B-
Beulah: *sigh* If you didn't know by now, I didn't want you to know. She lost her touch in the ring, she actuallt had enough potential to fight guys. She hardly put up a greeat catfight with Lita (Well, I did see 2 woman fight UFC style naked on Limewire, so afterthat, I don't think, I will have a favorite WWE or TNA catfight). I hope she can redeem herself through time.
Final Grade: C
Simeon Hubbard wrote:
I don't know what to say about the WWE Women's Division, I mean ever since Trish, Ashley, and Beth Phoenix got injured, the WWE Women's Division has gotten completly boring, I mean SD! has another bikini contest, RAW goes back to degrading matches by having Torrie and Candice competing in that idiotic Wet 'N' Wild Matches, and Vinnie Mac promotes ANOTHER Tag Team Bra & Panties Match.
Also Jillian Hall is a great athlete, yet she's STILL stuck on SD!
Lita and Melina are also great athletes, yet they are STILL used as valets for Edge and that idiotic Johnny Nitro.
Mickie James has yet to defend the Women's Title and she NEEDS an opponent very bad.
as for Torrie and Maria: they need more training.
also Candice Michelle should belong in a Dog Pound w/the rest of the dogs.
and as for Trish Stratus and Victoria they have not been on RAW for 2 weeks ever since Beth Phoenix was injured and Victoria is an AWESOME athlete, yet she is STILL competing on Heat, and BTW I would rather for her to wrestle on TV instead on a computer screen, I mean why can't WWE just bring back Sunday Night Heat back to the USA Network instead of on wwe.com"
I just hope that the WWE gets their act together, otherwise I would LOVE for Victoria, Lita, Jillian Hall, Melina, Trish, and all of the REAL talneted women to head to TNA where they can @ least be respected for their in-ring ability and not just on their looks.
I mean the WWE has gotten completly boring and TNA also needs to get more airtime on SPIKE and I'm sure that they will one day, b/c TNA is WRESTLING, WWE has turned their shows RAW, SD!, and ECW into a comedy freakfest.
Vinnie Mac GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.
Jonathan Preston wrote:
I really liked this column and found it very interesting and I must say I agree with you on a lot of grades. Mickie James is the best Diva in the WWE hands down. When you combine looks and in ring ability she's untouchable!! She deserves an A+. Stacy Keibler I would have given her a different grade. I would have given her an F. From the moment she stepped into the WWE she was nothing and she's still nothing. Who cares if she can dance. The sport is wrestling and she can't wrestle. She's never involved in any good story lines. The best storyline I seen was when Scott Steiner and Test was fighting over her and that wasn't even good. And you were waaaaaaaayyyy to nice to Ashley Massaro. She deserves an F for sure. Have you seen her in the ring" She is horrible!!! Edge needs to swap chicks and take Ashley over Lita so the WWE can take advantage of a female who can actually wrestle. Besides, if Edge can steal Lita from Matt, I'm sure he could steal Ashley from him too. HAHA!! Seriously though, Ashley would be better accompanying somebody then actually wrestling....
Cruz Barnard wrote:
I abosolutly agree that Trish gets an A+ because she has been the one solid woman wrestler that the WWE has had these past couple of years and she is VERY HOT!!!! I think Lita should get an F- though because she has reduced herself from being a great woman's wrestler to being Edge's "Sexpot". I would also agree that Victoria gets a C+ because she has the in ring talent to earn a solid A+ but the WWE Creative Team just dosen't know the right way to use her! They need to wake up and put her in the ring! Maria Kannelis is a perfect Backstage Ring announcer and she is VERY HOT and I would give her a B+ Plus! Candace Michell diserves a B+ because she has shown skill in the ring and outside the ring(PLAYBOY,Go-Daddy, Wet T-Shirt contests! OH MY!) I Would give Torrie Wilson a C+ because she has shown more of her wrestling ability this year then in prior years, besides Torrie has always been more of a show girl then a wrestler! Just think of her as a more provocative Stacy Kiebler! Beth Phoenix should get an A+ because I think she's shown enough ring skill to earn that! I agree with the A+ you gave to Mickie James because she has shown an amazing amount of wrestling ability and an enormus amount of charisma and I dare say she is almost as hot as Trish! Melina has become a great manager over time and she really avoided a diaster of a storyline(Batista sexually molesting her!), and she deserves the A(Do the splits!). Ashely, I am sad to say, only should get a C+ because she showed a little bit of talent in the ring but she got injured and traded to SmackDown! and becuse of that we will most surely not see her wrestle! Oh Well, Iguess it will be really nice to see what she can do outside the ring!
Jillian Hall deserves a B+ because she really did a good job portraying the character of M.N.M's & JBL's manger and I hope to see her soon a someone else manager! I would give Kristal a F- because not only is she butt-ass ugly but she exposes her nasty self on SmackDown! almost every week and it is un-bearable! Sharmell also gets a F-, but not because shes ugly(Acuatually, she kinda a radiant light to herself), but because she is ANNOYING! Michelle McCool-No comment. Stacy Kiebler derserves an A+ because she decided to let her WWE contract run out and persue her life long dream of dancing! I mean, she turned down millions of dollars and she really is too good for wrestling(I don't mean this in a snobby way!). If you read the PWI Issue with Rey Mysterio(Or was it Sting) you know what I Mean! GREAT ARTICLE!
Martin F. wrote: I think that for some of the women. I have to disagree with some of your grades.
Trish Stratus: I'm a big fan of Trish, and I agree with everything you said about her having mainstream attention and having worked tremendously hard to achieve the success she's had. However, she was injured for much of 2005, and her character has stalled somewhat since her return in that her character and its appeal to the fans was based on her underdog status against the bigger, better skilled women and her determination in fighting them. Now that she's become what I call "the veteran diva", there's nowhere else for her character to go, and that will ultimately cause staleness and boredom with her character. I think we've seen some of that already with a slight decrease in her fan response (although part of that was a lack of credible opponents - hardly Trish's fault). I don't see her character having the flexibility of the Undertaker where he went from undead zombie to Satan worshiper to bad ass biker back to an undead zombie (I could be wrong, but it would take a very talented creative writing staff to come up with some sort of transition for her character, and I just don't see that from this bunch). For those reasons, instead of an A+, I'd give Trish an A-.
Lita: True, she's not wrestling, but turning heel gave her a new lease on life, and it allowed her to cut holier than thou, mean spirited promos, and interfere in matches to draw heat to herself and Edge. Someone compared her to Sensational Sherri, and I quite think that's an apt comparison. Instead of a C, I'd give Lita a B- or B.
Maria: I agree she's very cute, and being a native Chicagoan, I'm biased towards her, since she's from the Windy City too; however, I think at this point, she has "potential" and that's about it. I saw a pic of her during the WWE's overseas tour where she picked up a marine and was surprised she was that strong. I think she could possibly train to become something in the ring, but so far, she hasn't gotten that training, or else she just hasn't nailed it down yet. She's limited in what she can do, and in recent months they haven't used her as much. I think a C- or D+ would be more appropriate.
Torrie: Her T&A factor is played out, but even so, she still looks great doing it, and remarkably, she's REALLY improved her in ring work in recent weeks. I think an F is far too harsh for her. Maybe she'll never win the Women's Championship, but if she continues to improve like this, who knows" I'd give her a D+ or C-.
Mickie James: I like Mickie a lot and was very proud of her for winning the Women's Championship at WrestleMania 22. I think it's great for the women's division to have another major star besides Trish. The problem with Mickie is that there are few women who can provide her with a feud or challenge that people will care about. Candace, Maria, and Torrie are no match for her and fans won't buy into them as legit threats. Victoria and Lita are never used in the ring anymore. Beth Phoenix has yet to develop a character fans can attach to. The only person who fans can care about in a feud with Mickie right now is Trish. I think that in the long term, WWE needs to separate Trish and Mickie and have them go their own ways, but WWE seems to be hesitant to do that because they might be afraid that Mickie won't draw interest from fans if she's in a feud with someone besides Trish. Now that's not a knock on Mickie's abilities, but rather pointing to the fact that the women's division doesn't have the depth of talent it did from 2001-2004. All the talented women got fired or quit, and the few talented women they do have besides Trish aren't being used. I think we need to wait and see how Mickie does in a non-Trish feud. But make no mistake, she's great in the ring, and plays her character perfectly to the point where WWE might end up making her a face by accident. Instead of an A+, I'd give her an A- right now.
Jon Rosaler wrote:
Ok, It looks like Jonathan Preston and Cruz Bernard would actually agree with my grades, but I sure as hell do not agree with them.
Jonathan Preston, Shame on you. Ashley in no way deserves an F. She is decent enough to be the next Torrie Wilson or Stacy Keibler. I was praying she would win the DS to be honest, cause I like her Hat, hee hee = P. Seriously, give her time, she is getting better each show.
Now, onto "TOM" Cruz. You stupid racist dork! You're giving Kristal and Sharmel F-'s because they are black. What" Are you gonna give Jacqueline , Linda (Shaniqua) Miles,and Jazz the same grade and maybe Mama Benjamin an F--" Sure, I don't find Kristal attractive, but not becuz she's black, cuz she has a really thick back that Big Show or Mark Henry could fit right on. I find Sharmel attractive, but she is a queen married to a King. I find Gail Kim and Christy Hemme attractive. A+ for both ;).
as for you too. You both deserve F--'s for being so tasteful
Mark Patai wrote:
Hey Avi, I'd have to say this is the best Divas Column I've read on this site. I loved th subject, and you explained you're opinion really well.
However, some grades are really not that fair. You're giving a talented Diva wrestler like Jillian B-, while Mrs.Sharmell gets away with a B. I just dont think its fair.
How about Lita" The girl hasn't been doing anything just being Edge's sex toy, and she gets a C. Something is wrong with that picture, I think Lita should get something along the lines of an F+, only because she plays the role of the slut really well, wait a minute... that's just her being herself =)
Now Dylan, I've seen you post you're little negative comments about Divas all over Diva columns, listen buddy. If you hate the Divas so much and think they are a waste, why bother reading the columns" I Do understand that some Divas are truly a waste of television, but if us fans see an incredible match between Victoria and Trish, I'm not complaning.
Avi, guess what" Now its time for me to give you a mark on you're column. [Hehe=)] Avi, you're overall mark for this Column is a B+. Well done.
I must say as far as RAW goes, i agree w/ most of your grading. I don't watch SMACKDOWN , so i cannot comment. I am truely disappointed with the way the WWE has been using their Divas.
Lita: here's a woman that has talent. we've all seen it. I cannot blame her for the decisions that she's made concerning her career and personal well-being. a neck injury is serious business and shouldn't be taken lightly. But there are better ways to use Lita, as you've mentioned. At this point, being Edge's sidekick is growing old for me. she has no mike skills; everything that comes out of her mouth is completely annoying and useless. i rather watch her do a moonsault, than hear her try to make out a sentence.
so i beg the WWE do to something more useful with her, like taking a newcomer and showing them the ropes (example: Christy Hemme). Now how come that can work for Trish (w/ Ashley, and now Beth), but not for Lita"""""
Victoria: another woman that can wrestle. but what are they doing with her"""" i don't find Victoria super sexy, but to me, her in-ring skills make up for that. i enjoyed watching her mix it up w/ Trish and Jazz, in the past. Then they put her as part of (as Trish called them) the skankateers.
To add inslut to injury, Torrie Wilson and Candice Michelle now see more in-ring action than she does"! WTF is going on here" I say the WWE should do her a favor and let her go. She would do a hell of a lot better in TNA.
Another thing that erks me is this damn Diva Search. Now I'm not being a hater, just stating the fact that I like to watch wrestling!!!!! So filling my 2hrs with this kind of crap is just simply boring to me. But that's not the part that really gets to me, its what it entails. Here's a contest that allows one lucky woman ( and i do stress lucky) to win $250,000 and a 1 yr WWE contract. And for doing what exactly" oh yeah; nothing! Here are a bunch of chicks who,for the most part, could care less about being a wrestler, having the opportunity to be a WWE Diva. Then you have a women who are in the developmental circuits, busting their asses for a break; where's the logic in this" So my sympathies to those who eat,sleep and breathe wrestling for as long as they have and still keep the dream alive. I'll give credit where credt is due; Ashley and Christy have come out and admit that they want to actually wrestle and i see the potential in both of them. But i find it rather insluting that some of these women actually think that coming down to the ring to look pretty is still acceptable. NEWSFLASH: that worked in the 80s and 90s, but we've evolved since then.
Jackson Moore wrote:
I read through this list and have sreious problem with Ashley and Kristal's grades. Ash;ey, the winner of the diva search, who told everyone she was training during hte diva search, sucks in the ring. And you saying that she could be on the level of Torrie and Stacy isnt saying anything good. Her matches are boring and she is so slow in the ring its sad. Her "technical"
match with Trish is horrible and as are all of her matches with Torrie.
Victoria has to work very hard to carry her.
And Kristal gets a D+" You say she needs to in OVW" You must not keep up with the news. When she signed the sent her down to DSW immedietly. She was down there for seven months before her bra and panties match with Jillian.
She went out there and did a hell of a job. She didn't bptch her sunset flip like Ashley did. But Ashley gets a B" Her second, a mixed tag, was even better. At seven months of training, she bust out headscissors! Ashley couldnt get her legs up for a pin attempt to Torrie. But she gets a B" Her last match with Jillian a few weeks ago was technical. They sent Ashley out there not for commentary, but to she her watch a technical match is supposed to look like. I have everyone of Kristal's matches and I'd be more than happy to send you a link so you can see why Kristal is better than Ashley.
Oh and she owned Ashley in the bikini contest a few weeks ago, too.
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