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Rob Van Dam is a colossal idiot. Before I receive too many death threats, allow me to explain myself. Rob Van Dam spent years as the internet wrestling community's favorite underdog. He was the greatest wrestler to never have won the biggest title. He was proof that Vince McMahon was out of touch-after all, why is he pushing other people when Rob Van Dam hasn't won a title yet" RVD achieved an adoring "if only" status, perhaps only rivalled by Christian.

Finally, his recognition came. He beat John Cena in a match with the most intense crowd reaction in recent history. He won not one, but two championships, and carried them both with a confident presence not seen since Chris Jericho carried both championships with him as the Undisputed Champion. After years of supporters pining for his big push, it was there. He was on top, and he deserved it.

Then, just when it appeared he was ready to enjoy his long-overdue reign, he lost both his titles in less than a month, and was suspended the same night. A few days ago, he was a dual champion. Now, he's not even on the active roster. What happened"

Like most too-short reigns, it's easy to blame Vince for being stupid and holding people back. However, RVD got himself in some serious trouble, and being completely removed from the picture is actually an example of writers trying to work around a sudden development. For those who know the story, you can skip the rest of this paragraph. For those who haven't heard yet: Rob Van Dam was driving a car with Sabu as a passenger, when they were pulled over for speeding. Upon confronting the two, the officer sensed marijuana. After a short search, RVD was busted for 18 grams of pot and 5 Vicodin pills, and Sabu was busted for miscellaneous paraphernalia and 9 pills of an unknown "controlled substance." In accordance with WWE's new wellness policy, RVD has been suspended without pay for 30 days, while Sabu was fined $1,000.

I, for one, am totally in support of this. It's not like the rules were a sudden shock or great unknown. Vince had a huge meeting with the entire roster as he explained every point, pausing to ask several times if anyone had any questions. There is footage of this meeting on WWE.com. Also, I don't care how well you can wrestle or how long you were held back without a push; driving under the influence is *not cool.* No, most of my frustration is at RVD himself, who completely blew a chance that the entire internet wrestling community was tearing their hair out waiting for him to get.

There is good news to be had, though. First, this incident is a perfect testing ground for the new wellness policy. Sure, it's easy to say that a new policy is there, especially when the fallout of Eddie Guerrero's death is strongly pushing sympathy toward adopting one. However, there was concern about what the WWE would actually do if someone important violated it. If they let RVD off the hook, then it would send the message that the new policy is meaningless. I'm glad that they're not afraid to take action against anyone, even someone carrying two championships. (Of course, the jury is still out on what would happen if Triple H got caught with steroids, but even still.) Also, there are new champions. Congratulations to Edge, whose last reign was entirely too short, and who will hopefully now have a chance to shine. Big Show is...average, but you could certainly do worse. Plus, according to Wikipedia, Big Show is now the first person to hold the WWE, WCW, and ECW titles. Milestones are neat.

ECW itself is in a mess right now, but there is a very small chance to turn this into a surprisingly good angle. I am positive this will go completely ignored, so this may be considered fantasy booking at this point, but it's an idea worth mentioning. First, I feel that Paul Heyman's heel turn was not a good idea. ECW needs Heyman as their roguish father, a Robin Hood-like figure who defies "the man" and brings ECW to the fans. Heyman is just not suited to be an Eric Bischoff-like evil manager figure. He pulled it off on SmackDown!, but I highly doubt it will fly on ECW.

A better scenario would involve Heyman cutting a promo where he explains himself to the crowd with more or less the same reasoning I just stated here: that RVD blew it. I personally feel that the WWE has made too many Eddie Guerrero references and that he should be allowed to rest in peace already, but this might actually be a justified excuse. "You deliberately ignored a policy set out in Eddie's memory! How could you"" If they take that angle far enough, it could even lead to a perfect excuse to debut the straight-edge sensation, C.M. Punk. Heyman has booked for OVW, so he has to know that Punk is waiting for the call-up. Of course, getting the idea past Vince is another matter.

In closing, and on a slightly different subject, I do have to offer a little sympathy. Pot is stupid, and there is no excuse for driving under the influence, but there's also the matter of the painkillers. Let's face it: if there's anyone out there who really *does* need that many painkillers, it would be Sabu. In an ideal world, house shows would be phased out so that the wrestlers wouldn't be taking that many bumps for no reason, thus leading to painkiller abuse in the first place. However, that's the subject for an entirely different column.

Kjorteo Kalante ..