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WRESTLING COLUMNS

Triple H vs. The World
June 9, 2005 by Duncan Newton-Gaines


On RAW this past Monday night, Triple H stated that nobody could do what he does in the ring better than he does it. After consulting with my friends, we decided that not only is this a blatant falsehood, but that we could easily could up with a list of people who do things in the ring better than Triple H could ever hope to. The following article is a comparison of the things that Triple H does in the ring, and the people who can do better.

Throwing a punch: Terry Funk, Steve Regal. Performing a toe kick: Chris Jericho. Using a double underhook facebuster: Christopher Daniels, CM Punk. Having ridiculous facial hair: Hulk Hogan, Tyson Tomko. Choking someone out with the sleeper hold: Roddy Piper. Using a chop: Ric Flair. Spitting liquid: Tajiri. Having long, blonde hair: Chris Jericho, Edge, Axl Rotten, Hanson, Steve Austin. Holding down talent: Hulk Hogan. Breaking an opponent's neck with a botched move: Chris Benoit. Insulting an adversary: Chris Jericho, The Rock. Cheating to win: Eddie Guerrero. Blading to the point of dyeing his own hair red: Steve Corino. Tearing his quad walking across the ring: Kevin Nash.

At this point, we had all had a good laugh, but we began to wonder if Triple H was able to do ANYTHING in the ring better than someone else. After a lot of thinking, headaches, and denting the wall with our skulls in frustration, we came up with the following three things that Triple H can do in the ring better than anyone else in wrestling.

Job to the Ultimate Warrior
Job to the Brooklyn Brawler
Have a pointlessly large nose

This list is by no means comprehensive, so if anyone can think of something we forgot on either list, please let us know. We hope everyone who reads this will get at least a chuckle out of it.

by Duncan Newton-Gaines ..


Erkka Järvinen wrote:
Ok i bet your friends had really fun time creating this piece of CRAP article. Hell, i cant even call this an article, this is a pointless joke about my favourite wrestler. Why this was even published to this great website" I can't argue with your opinions because you clearly dont have one. If you hate HHH, then atleast express it so it has some worth. Let's see some of your "arguments" on what someone does better than HHH. Throwing a punch, toe kick, facebuster, hair, sleeper hold, a chop...oh those are so great indicators on how great a wrestler/performer is. Great work, you are a moron.

If HHH would have not been in the past 3 years, that World Heavyweight Championship would have NO value! Triple H has made the belt look good with AMAZING matches and with good title changes. Chris Benoit ring the bell" So why dont you just admit that HHH IS the greatest thing in the wrestling business today!
Jesse Lee wrote:
This article was created by no other reason than to express your dislike of Triple H. It's ok that you dislike him and I think he is one of the best. However, the article you wrote doesn't express anything helpful or filled with any information other than list of wrestlers you probably like more. Everyone knows that Trips lost to Warrior and Brawler. And the large nose comment was just a cheap shot. Come on man, try harder. Write about why he should step down from the spotlight for a while rather than writing a list of some other wrestlers.
c-sallee wrote:
Okay, people who didn't take this column for the funny ass joke that it was are just being hyper sensitive. The bottom line is that when anybody says that they are the best in the world they are opening themselves up for something like this. Especially when they are not even close to being even the best in their own company.

As for why he should step down, very simple, old chips my friends...........Stale as hell. He's been spoutin off the same damn pre PPV promo for almost two years. I'll beat you cuz I beat so and so and so and so and so and so.

Finally leaving almost every fan saying exactly that........... SO.

Completely no selling two losses to the current champ is no way to help someone get over. So please don't spout off the where would we be without Hunter crap. Or burying anybody you're allowed to. Does Jericho, Orton, ring a bell"
Jason "Xtremefalls"Simmons wrote:
Duncan that was the funniest article ever, and your right. the sad thing is everyone who likes him are completely blind to reality of the situation. They say he is one of the best in the ring which is just a bull lie and its obvious there just trying to pull something out of there ass. They also say he has great microphone skill which is another lie he says the same crap every week. THey also say he is the greatest superstar the likes of Flair, Hogan, Austin, Foley, and Rock which is a lie cause all of them could draw some money while HHH doesn't.
Ian wrote:
Great read Duncan, although I do believe that Triple H is good at one other thing. Getting thrown into a pig pen full of feces, I don't think I've ever seen anyone do it as well as good ol' Cripple HGH...

I can't believe the two idiots who wrote in with their opinions don't have a sense of humor, but I suppose that their mothers must've scratched that portion of their brains off while trying to give themselves at home abortions. It's not supposed to be serious you dimwits.
Anthony Mcmullen wrote:
I liked the article. Erkka, I think you need to admit that the only reason hhh has won most of those world championship is because he has married that slut Stephanie McMahon.
Dev Hasan wrote:
I aint here to bash the author or anything. You just did this artical to just bash Triple H. It had nothing else but bashing. Triple H isnt the only guy in the busniess that does something wrong. If you say that then why don't we all just post a reply here naming every single wrestler what they did wrong"

Just to say Triple H doesnt use chops. Chop's look like crap. And to put Ric Flair into Triple H's league is a joke. Triple H is better than Ric Flair. Talking about Ric Flair, I saw his match with Bret Hart again and laughed my ass off how Ric tried to go toe to toe with Bret and Bret simply out-wrestled him and don't give me some stupid "he wasnt in his prime" crap cause it was in the early 90's. Bret was the best there was, the best there is, and the best there ever will be. Thats why he hates Bret.

Before some Ric Flair fan comes over and tells me whats what. I don't care if he won the belt 16 times. He was a bum. All he did was do 2 moves and cut his forehead with a blade. You talk about wrestling moves and such...who does the Double Hook Piledriver aka The Pedigree" who uses the Sledgehammer in wrestling" don't say Rikishi because Triple H used that sledgehammer before Rikishi.

Let's put it this way which alot of fan's dont think of! we had the title off Triple H for 9 months. That's almost a year...we saw him go into feuds with Eugene, William Regal and Shawn Michaels. The feuds had brillant build up, it was all built up all good and Triple H's storylines still had more intrest than Randy's with Benoit or Kane being the number contender with absolutely no build up what so ever. Triple H winning that belt saved the company before Randy's stupid un-needed run lost WWE big figures and it did for the 3 weeks he was champion. The first time I ever begged for WWE to have Triple H win the title was then when Randy was and Im glad he did win it finally.

Triple H can actually wrestle. He has charisma. He is basically the TOTAL package for a wrestler but to hold talent like Chris Jericho down is stupid. Chris Jericho is probley the best wrestler on RAW with Chris Benoit and a few other guys.
God of Gods wrote:
I'll admitt that for a very long time i had allways hated HHH. Never really took him all that seriously... after a while tho i became less critical of him, and then when i read his book that he wrote and realized his past and what hed doen to get to where hes at, iv acctully started to become a fan of his. I agree that Hunter is one of the only ppl to give the world title true meaning. (Batista hasnt had it long enough for me to judge) As i sit here reading all of the stuff that some of you had said about HHH, i am forced to ask this question.. If hes that damn bad then why has he been around for countless years..." Why has the company desided to keep the belt on him so long.." Why has his matchs been some of the greatest.. such as his hell in a cell with Shawn Michaels" The bottem line is that he is 'that damn good' He wouldnt be where he is today if he wasnt. And with no disrespect to any other raw competitors.. hes been carying raw for the past few years.
robbie_754 wrote:
I myself cannot stand Triple H and his arrogance, but even I must admit this is a useless article, couloms are about discussing the things in wrestling, storylines, feuds you must see, wrestlers who you feel deserves a push in their fed, things like that not some crap where you post something which is general trash, I mean he's acting he would be likely to say that, and what's more loads of people can work better than him and most of us know this, so next time when you post a column make sure it has a meaning instead of wasting your time with garbage like this.
LanceCrucifix wrote:
You forgot about habeing more nick names then anyone else, for those of you who said the person who made this was, "Stupid" and "Didn't know what he was talking about." I leave you with this, was he lying"
Erkka Järvinen wrote:
Wow hold up a sec "xtremefalls" Simmons. I am tired of your old crap on how HHH fan dont know what is happening. Like you know what i think" I like HHH period and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. I am aware on how HHH has hold down talent sometimes or how he uses backstage politics i think its clear. So you dont need to tell me how i am "blind to the reality". Maybe i just like Paul Michael LeVesque, maybe i like TheGame since i started watching wrestling or maybe i am just hooked up to the guy. If you dont like HHH, does that mean his fans arent on same level as you"
Kelvin J. Fisher wrote:
I realize that this article was intended to be a joke but sadly it's true otherwise Trips' minions wouldn't have reacted so strongly to it. Erkka, did I misread your post" Did you mention Trips and the phrase "Amazing Matches" in the same sentence" I've never seen one of these elusive "Amazing Matches" starring Mr. Helmsley-McMahon. Any credit should go to Toothless Agression for carrying that lug each and every time. Jesse, I started reading your post but I got to the part where you said that Trips was one of the best and I had to stop reading becaue I couldn't stop laughing at the absurdity of that remark. David Arquette was a better champ than Trips.

Duncan, I did think of one thing that you missed in your list that Trips can do better than anyone else in the ring, cure insomnia.
Eduver3 wrote:
ok, ok, ok. lets get things straight. triple h is one of, if not,THE BEST wrestler in the industry today.its a shame that he gets defeated by guys like goldberg and batista, who are overrated and who triple h would destroy in real matches.the only reason triple h is not adored as much as john cena and batista is because he's not a babyface wrestler.ask those people who boo him who where they were cheering to win at royal rumble 2002" triple h, thats who. and why" because for a short time triple h was a babyface wrestler but then he became the bad guy and once again booed no matter how much he proved himself.triple h is one of the smartest wrestlers EVER.along with kurt angle, triple h one of the most under appreciated wrestler in the wwe.wwe fans, dont like a wrestler because he/she s the new fad, like them because there good.
God of Gods wrote:
I have always tried to be somewhat fair in my comments, but LanceCrucifix your as much of an idiot as the person who wrote this column. Who cares how many names / nicknames he has had" It goes with the buisness, and most of the time was not his choise. Either way, having several nicknames has absolutly nothing to do with his in ring ability. I wouldnt be surprised if you were the 'friend' that helped him write it. Either way, this artical is absolutly the worst one i have ever read, and i am ashamed that it even made it on to this site.
Anthony Mcmullen wrote:
Errka, if you hhh fans aren't blind, why the hell do you overlook his backstage politics
Tedodinho wrote:
Sweet Jaysus. I have read some of the most blinkered opinions on here. I could poke fun at how hypocritical God of Gods was being calling someone an idiot when he can't even spell 'article' right but I won't because that isn't the point.

To all the blind sheep HHH followers. I respect your right to have a favourite wrestler. However, what I can't stand, is the fact that anyone who makes valid points about his flaws is called a moron or an idiot.

Dev Hasan- If Flair is so shit, why then does your beloved HHH style himself on him" Why then is he so many peoples favourite wrestler despite being a heel for much of his career" To say someone who wrestled iron man matches against some of the best names in the business; who can cut a killer promo and who did it every night; who was on top long before I was born and stayed there without having to marry the boss' daughter; who can still work a good match etc...to say he is crap, well no wonder nobody replied to your post. As for your revisionist history of Triple H not having the belt for 9 months and feuding with Eugene etc, who was booked to be the biggest star on the show despite not having the belt, whose feuds were more important than the championshop. Triple H only feuded with Eugene because Eugene was hot at the time and please, what build-up did his 'feud' with William Regal have. He beat Regal up, and Regal never got his heat back.

God of Gods- of course a book (ghost)written by HHH is going to put him in a positive light. And of course he's the only one to give the title true meaning...he's booked that way. Look at how weak they've made Batista. Batista is supposed to be this unstoppable animal and you don't have HHH showing any fear" You have Batista cut a promo about how great HHH is" You have a HHH match being promoted than the World Title match (last years HIAC with Shawn Michaels)" The night after he loses the title, he's out there cutting another 20 minute promo" How won't HHH look good.

Robbie_754- the article entertained me, and many others. It wasn't an analytical article, it was meant to be humorous and it did that. In the newspapers or even on the news you don't always have serious news, you have the occasional light hearted piece. There are only so many times we can rehash how HHH needs to be shelved for a bit.

Eduver3- Kurt Angle has been a heel for most of his career, or a very poor babyface in my opinion, but he is my favourite wrestler...go figure! 'real matches...' -You, my friend, are definately taking the piss. How did you come by this very informed conclusion"

You'll notice I only went after anti-Duncan opinions. This is because I feel Duncan's article was valid. HHH was once a good heel. Someone you wanted to see get his ass kicked. Now when I see him, the heel heat i have for him is get him off my TV. He can still wrestle, but he is stale and boring in everything else. He might be carrying the company...but where to" To be honest he's a nothing wrestler whose title reigns mean less with each passing win. I mean what really has he ever done. He hasn't drawn big like Hogan, Austin or Rock, he hasn't made new stars like Foley (or even Rock, who willingly jobs if it will help the business eg the Hurricane and look what happened afterwards- nothing). His ringwork, while excellent is nowhere near that of Benoit, Angle or Guerrero. His promos are boring and formulaic and I have nightmares about him being my professor in a 2 hour lecture. So, how is he the best. How is he special.
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