Kelly Kelly = Terrible Terrible
July 15, 2006 by Mike Robbins
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I have to be honest and tell you guys that I never watched ECW back in the day. I won't claim to be an old school ECW fan that knew about Taz, Sabu, Raven or Rhyno before they showed up on WWE or WCW TV. In fact, I only saw one ECW PPV in 1999 which featured Mike Awesome and Masato Tanaka in the main event. I remember the match being great and remember enjoying it but I can't tell you anything else about the card or even what the show was called. I've seen "The Rise and Fall of ECW" and thought I had a pretty good idea what to expect from the new ECW. I became even more excited after the Wednesday ECW vs. RAW special which saw Sabu and John Cena go at it. Say what you want about Cena but that match with Sabu was fun to watch. That said, I got my hopes up. I should've known what to expect from Vince McMahon's ECW.
Many have already said that this new ECW is just a third brand or "The B Team" or "The C Team" depending on where you view SmackDown! Regardless of how little faith you have in Vince, I'm quite sure that no one's vision of ECW (except Vinnie Mac's) could have possibly included the abysmal Diva Diva known as Kelly Kelly. Randy Orton may be "The Legend Killer" but for me Kelly Kelly is "The Ratings Killer".
I must tell you that my opinion of ECW has gone down because of Double K's tireless promotion. But it didn't start out this way. In fact, my interpretation of the new ECW's first match featuring the Zombie and the Sandman was very positive. As you know, the Zombie (he's another column in himself) got on the mic and just growled. Sandman came down and beat him with a cane. To me, this was saying "Hey, we're done talking, we're not going to kick off our shows with a 15 minute promo, we're just going to beat some @ss." Despite the lame nature of the Zombie character, I take my metaphor and wash it down with a Coors Light and smile. I figure that this new ECW is going to be about the "wrestlers" or "extremists", as they are being called, not divas in wet t-shirts who carry dogs name Chloe.
Then came Kelly's Expose. Now, if I wanted to watch something like this, I'd take my wife out to a nice dinner, play some Marvin Gaye music and pray something goes well for me OR I'd order something "Adult" on PPV for $3.99 and tell her to go out with some friends. But I wanted to watch Hardcore Wrestling. So, when I see this clearly inexperienced (at what she's supposed to be doing), goofy smiling, plastic diva that Vince plucked off a college campus somewhere in Florida, I start to worry about the new ECW. As Kelly is dancing, semi-suggestively, I see that this girl cannot even get her bra off for this stupid skit. I laugh and say "Vince- you haven't actually watched an old ECW shows, have you""
Now a lot of times in the history of wrestling, gimmicks have come and gone in a week's time; I was hoping this would be the same. Perhaps the exhibitionist would go the way of the Goon, TL Hopper, Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz, and Mantaur. But, much to my dismay, they proceed to bring Kelly back in each of the last three or four weeks killing ten valuable minutes of an hour of programming. Then, they paired her up with playmate Candice Michelle. Kelly resembled a young pre-teen girl trying to emulate something she saw on TV or one who was copying the moves of an older sister. I thought ECW divas would be tough-- the Francine's and Dawn Marie's of the group. Kelly looks like she's be subdued by a medium glass of water- Wizard of Oz style. That's right, she'd be melting.
To top this off, they have some guy I've never heard of in any circle, Mike Knox cover her up with a towel in each of the last three shows. Both Knox and Kelly are horrible uses of precious air time that can be showcased on talents like Sabu, the Sandman, Justin Credible or Tommy Dreamer-- actual ECW wrestlers. This past week, Knox was canned by the Sandman- deservedly so, not for covering up Kelly but for taking up valuable TV time that could be used on actual wrestling. Now, I don't condone violence against women in any way, but for ECW to truly survive, I think it's time the Sandman reared back and canned Kelly. Vince, please save the bikini contests and lingerie pillow fights for Mondays. That's when my wife goes out for drinks with her friends.
by Mike Robbins ..
Mike Siggia wrote:
What a well written article and I couldn't agree more.
I've been reading these columns for a while and have never felt more compelled to actually write in with a response. The closest thing to an "Expose" the ECW had ever had before is when Kimona Wanalaya did a striptease for the crowd once.....and that was only because the ring was broken and they had used it as a distraction for the fans so it would give them time to fix it. ECW didn't need to rely on cheap eye candy like this, because they gave real wrestling fans what they wanted: actual wrestling. I realize that this version of ECW isn't "your parents ECW", so to speak, but the point of this product was that it was supposed to be an alternative to the crap that WWE and WCW would put out. Now it IS the crap that WWE puts out and we're subjected to the mindlessness of Kelly Kelly.
Mr. Robbins had made a comment about how he doesn't advocate violence against women and such, but ECW did, and the majority of the fans loved it. And that's not even a knock against the girls, as they trained their asses off to take bumps and learn their trades. I tip my hat to girls like Francine, Lita and Dawn Marie who earned their stripes with this promotion, as you know it wasn't an easy road to go down.
The tie-in here is that I'd love to see Kelly Kelly get properly baptised. Even if this current version of ECW is watered down, in the spirit of the original, one basic rule should still apply. In the original, there wasn't a single member of that roster that was considered above anyone else, let alone untouchable and nobody was given the velvet glove treatment.
Kelly has contributed nothing but her cookie cutter diva looks and a stiff interpretation of dancing that makes me actually question whether I was too harsh on the Nitro girls or not. I'm not the biggest fan of the Sandman, but I pray he gives Kelly the same medicine that he'd given to Missy Hyatt and Lori Fuller before her and that's a good and thorough caning. Then you might get an "ECW!" chant in her favor......but I doubt it. ; )
Laurie B. wrote:
The only good things about her "exposť" - 1). She's quite attractive, and 2). The music accompanying her striptease has Snoop Dogg on it.
Other than that; complete waste of time. But then again, this is WWE. I mean ECW. I mean WWE. I'm confused!
...and honestly..."Kelly Kelly""! Well, at least with all the crushing disappointment of the new ECW we have something to laugh about.
Gus D. wrote:
Thanks for writing this. I was about to write a piece on why Kelly Kelly doesnt deserve to be in ECW. I mean, what kind of stripper or "exhibitionist" doesnt know how to take off their own bra. Im guessing she had someone put it on for her!
Gary Mulcahy wrote:
I couldn't agree with you more man. The first time I saw Kelly's expose, I was extremely angered. That is not what ECW was about. ECW was not about flaunting sexuality. That fact is obvious to due its superstars, who were hardly lookers (compare guys like The Sandman and Raven to Randy Orton and Rob Conway, you know"). The other thing is, she isn' even that talented to begin with. I can't even say she should be sent to Raw, because her little stripteases are extremely weak. Even the company itself admitted Kelly looked like a child compared to Candice when they danced together. It is just sad to see Vince McMahon trying to shove his own horrible influences down ECW's throat.
Brandon Buckner wrote:
I agree with Mike 100% in this article. Kelly reminds me of the spoiled little rich girl who takes up the job stripping just because she wants to be a "wild child." She has absolutely no idea what she is doing up there, apparent by her acquired moves while trying to dance. The best thing Vince can do is can this segment, use her for the victim angle with Knox and let Sandman, for instance, be the hero. Thanks,
Thomas Bradley wrote:
I think Kelly Kelly, is a dumb bimbo. Just like all of those bimbo RAW Diva Search contesants. She absolutley has no freigen talent what so bit. She should be on a porn movie, instead of wrestling. But this is ECW, and E is for Extreme, and I guess that's there version of woman, sex objects. Well Kelly Kelly is just like most of the divas in wrestling today, all boobs and butt, no wrestling talent what so bit.
Jon Rosaler wrote:
Yeah, When I first found out a model named Barbie Blank came to the WWE, I thought she would just another Diva Search like wrestler, but instead like Kimona and Dawn Marie, she has bgan her own strip tease and her name is Kelly. Why pick that name over a name like Barbie" Is it the fact that the Barbie doll had a little sister named Kelly" Why not Mike Knox use the name "Ken" and while he's at it, him and Kelly could have a faction called Barbie's Dreamhouse and Kelly's theme song could be "Kelly Kelly she's so very cuddley"" And we can find her someone named Krissy and Mr.Potato Head. Man, Why did they make ECW with Extremists are are named after Dolls,Movie Characters (Trinity), Movie Actors (Rob Van Dam) and Disney Characters (Justin Credible, Sandman). This is far beyond what Kimona the invisible Kimono would have in mind.
Paul Fisher wrote:
Well I have to say I agree. Unluckily I am totally single, so waiting for my wife is not an option. But I can't stand the "New" ECW. ECW was the home of hardcore, and made a name for itself by being so.
With that ECW was also the home to great wrestling. Were is it""", the original stars from ECW's hey day are way past there prime. Sandman is great, but how many low level jobbers can he cane for 3 minutes. It's great but there's no story line being delivered. Balls Mahoney was a overrated jobber 8 years ago. Now he's just 8 years older and shows it. And the real stars are in TNA ( Dudleys,Douglas,Rhyno)
Now for Kelly Kelly, when will WWE Creative and Vince realize eye candy has it's purpose. And it's not center stage. I mean as a young man I was in love with Elizabeth. And you know what made her more intriguing not seeing her dressed like a street walking hooker and dancing.But just being by ringside. Or if you want Woman's wrestling get real women in there not Barbie Dolls.
Ms. Kelly's Expose is ridiculous. Is ECW in that bad of shape you need filler. I mean who needs a dizzying half stripper girl wasting my time. And her dance with Candice Michelle actually sounded great. It wasn't. Thank god for DVR, so not only can I skip commercials I can skip Kelly Kelly's time.
Now I'm WWE's main demographic 18-35 Male, single. One would think I would be all over it, but you know what. Pretty girls are a dime a dozen on TV, but good wrestling seems to be a scarce commodity today
[I Forgot To Sign My Name] wrote:
Kelly Kelly is a ECW Vixen she is not stupid like everybody else says she got the right to live her dream she can expose it's not your business if she expose.
Jose Aguirre wrote:
I agree with the fact that the whole Kelly and Mike Knox angle is a complete waste of precious air time. You have to remember that Paul Heyman and Tommy Dreamer have control over ECW and they run decisions by Vince McMahon, so even though Vince is partly responsible, it's mostly Heyman and Dreamer who are putting this stuff on the air.
Well Mike, at least your admission that you never watched ECW bck in the day gives you 'some' excuse for completely ignoring the facts.
I quote "I laugh and say "Vince- you haven't actually watched an old ECW shows, have you"" ".
Well actually yes he has, it is you (and aparently other repliers) who have not. ECW have always had this kind of content, barely a show (and certainly not a major one) went by without at least one woman appearing wearing next to nothing, usually leading to a catfight where it was bloody miraculous that the clothes stayed on.
Remember this is the promotion that highlighted Kimona Wanalea, Dawn Marie, Francine, Jasmine St. Claire and Tammy Lynn Sytch in regular states of undress.
ECW has always pushed all the boundaries, not just in the ring but with sexuality outside of it as well. Kelly Kelly is just another in the long line of ECW divas, no beter, no worse. The only difference being that most of the above proved their worth long term as managers and by taking bumps, Kelly has not yet had that chance and until she does it is stupid to condem her.
This is yet another in the long line of crappy articles here at OWW that has criicised WWE's version of ECW for doing things that were regular occurances (and regularly praised) in the old ECW. Frankly it reeks of a "let's bash it because it's vince" attitude that has been prevelant in the IWC for far too long.
Next time you feel the need to write a column try to do some background research before spouting your mouth. You might still have felt the need to criticise the use of Kelly but at least it would not have been on such obviously misconceived grounds.
Lisa Sherlock wrote:
I agree, I'm tired of these crappy wrestler promos and Kelly Kelly. Instead of having Kelly Kelly have her stupid crap. Why not put someone like CM Punk or Shannon Moore in a match"
gary vallier wrote:
kelly is hot and any one who says stuff is wrong she's living out her dreame you want to live out your dreams don't you so stop saying kelly shound't be on ecw she s extremilay hot
Kevin S. wrote:
Kelly=hot, yes. Kelly=extream, NO! like someone else posted, if i wanted to see that, i'd get a dvd and see the full monty from her. this is not Raw! i am not watching ECW for t&a.
I agree that people should be allowed to live out there dremas. But Kelly doesn't care about wrestling and it has nothing to do with her dreams apart from appearing on tv. Although the other woman appeared barely wearing anything, it was at the ringside of the likes of douglas, candido, dreamer, storm who would be involved in a decent match. She comes out on her own, wasting time and being useless. Its worst when the could be using good looking women doing the same thing, except who can also wrestle or bump, or are just more ecw than she is like Francine.
You say give the woman time learn" Well when she draws heat on Francine for going to rough in a catfight (how that is even possible I dont know), I fell in a couple years time she still wouldn't be able to pull of a clothesline. They have been giving her dancing lessons. that very sweet, but heres an idea, GIVE THE USELESS HO WRESTLING LESSONS. She was a guest referee for an OVW match and was even useless at that.
I seriously feel she needs to go, or if they are going to have these useless segments, they could have at least used the other woman they signed up along with Barbie from the calender, Victoria Crawford.
Well just last week Kelly got cracked in the head with a kendo stick by the Sandman. All I can say is that's the end of the Kelly expose run & good riddance. Have the girl as a manager or something useful on the so-called new ECW.
I find it laughable that there are a few people here defending this talentless bimbo, claiming that she is 'living out her dream'. Fact:
Barbie Blank has only watched wrestling once in her life. Barbie Blank shows no interest in wrestling. Barbie Blank has shown nothing but blatant disrespect to the business and it's fans by refusing to train, because she finds the fans and anyone who asks her what it's like to be called up to the main roster so soon, annoying. You call that living a dream life" It's more like a slap in the face. To say that she is living out her dream is just absolutely ludicrous.
I agree with this column 100%. She is nothing but a waste of precious air time that could have been given to wrestlers with REAL talent.
Which makes me question... has she ever worn a bra in her life"
Because it's obvious she can't seem to remove one properly. She can't dance, she can't strip, she can't even sell a bump properly. But of course, Vince and crew will continue to push this bimbo, simply because they like what they see. She's not even attractive at all.
Kind of looks like a beaver.
John Foraker wrote:
I agree with most of the stuff about Kelly being boring or a waste of time. A few have said that they are ok with it as long as she's used to get Knox over... but I'm not a huge fan of Knox either. His ring work is fairly boring and I have a hard time getting into his character. However I found one positive about Kelly Kelly. When she got molleywhopped right in the forehead by Sandman's cane I laughed for a good 15 minutes, even if the distraction caused Knox to pick up a win.
Jaime Sanchez wrote:
aye i juss have 2 say that you guys are just hating on kelly first of all if u guys had her right here with u guys in person u know u guys would hit it! i think her expose is something new to ecw and will lead to something more "extreme" because of her stripping she got canned by da sandman! KElly and her boyfriend mike knox both came from OVW which is wwe's training center for the upcoming superstars. in ovw kelly has also trained to become a pro wrestler also so hopefully well see her in action. one thing i would have to say also is that i think ECW is a little too hardcore for her but who knows shell improve watch! shes just like trish when she first came to the buisness. i would rather see kelly on smack down! doing her expose there
Matthew Ritchie wrote:
I have to disagree with you here. I'm not saying that purely on her stripping her clothes off. But.. she has assets and she should show them. I think it fits in with the Extreme side and it is just right for ECW. As far as her little storyline goes... It's a remake of Marc Mero and Sable but it's extreme. It also promotes Mike Knox's heel push. She draws in crowds. And offers a new side to gather a more of a wide range audience. GO BARBIE BLANK!
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