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WRESTLING COLUMNS

The In-Stability Of Stables
July 11, 2003 - by Emer Prevost


One day (well, actually every day), while I was sitting in the Yahoo! WWF Chat Rooms (yes, Yahoo is so lame that they still call it the WWF), and some putz (or many morons) continue to think that if the WWE brings back some popular stables of yesteryear, the company will be a much better place. There is always some clown who thinks that the WWE's problems can be solved by bringing back D-Generation X or the new World order. Well, if that were true, than I wouldn't be writing about this matter. But, since bringing back an old stable is a dumbass idea, I'll happily write about it.

Well, for those of you who haven't read my previous columns (and, if you haven't, then what the hell have you been doing?), then you have no clue how much I hate the WWE's lack of originality. But, my loyal readers know that the WWE's sorrow becomes my next column. And, with Evolution making it's laps swirling the toilet, then this topic is perfect.

For this column, I think that it would be the best course of action to just simply describe the problems with bringing back most of the well known stables. But, before we get to the old ones, let's look at some of the current WWE stables (all three of them) and see where they have fallen...


EVOLUTION - Like I said, I feel that Evolution is swirling down the drain. The reason for this is that they went from the rumored resurrection of the IV Horsemen, but quickly became a rebirth of the Natural Born Thrillaz. This can be dubbed as "Jeff Hardy Syndrome" (read my "State Of RAW" article for the joke), or JHS. This occurs when a wrestler or stable is bound for greatness, but stumbles and lands on it's face just before getting to the top.

Look at it, Randy Orton and Ric Flair have been lowered from members of a stable to a tag team with the perks of being able to kiss the champs ass week in and week out. Remember when all the nWo did was kiss Hogan's ass and beat down his next challenging opponent? The same principal is being used here, and it's just as lame. It isn't cool. It isn't even entertaining. It's just boring, plain and simple.

THE FULL-BLOODED ITALIANS - This one is another stable that was supposed to buy fame from an older stable. But, sadly, all we have here is a mockery of what was once an entertaining stable. About the only think that these Goodfellas wannabes have going for them is that they are feuding with the Undertaker.

Honestly, look at it. They have Nunzio (the only original member of the FBI) being teamed with Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli (who is useless without Big Vito) and Chuck Palumbo (who seems to be lost without Billy) pretending to be tough guys. As you can see, I don't buy it. In fact, I haven't heard any positive comments about this new rehash of the FBI, only that the fans wish it never existed.


Once more, the WWE has a battle plan to get the fans to love the FBI. Rumors are flying that the WWE is looking into signing former FBI big man Sal E. Graziano. In this writer's opinion, nothing can save the FBI. Even getting Big Vito (someone who really should come into the WWE) to join would be meaningless. The WWE should just cut their losses here and start fresh, because this is one horse who's head is already in bed (God, that has to be the worst Godfather reference I have ever made).

THE DUDLEY BOYZ - What can be said here that hasn't already been uttered by fans. Most fans are sick of the Dudleyz. Think about it, they were once one of the coolest stables in ECW (but, since there were very few stables, that's understandable), amassing a slew of "brothers" and "cousins" (among them, Bubba Ray, D-Von, Dances With Dudley, Dudley Dudley, Little Spike Dudley, Big Dick Dudley, & Sign Guy Dudley, just to name a few). But, when they came to the WWE, their numbers dwindled to a mere two (three after Spike joined later on). From here, they never really got over with the fans.


Let me explain. Sure, you can say that the fans loved them, but was there ever a Dudley chant? No. But, the Dudleyz did use a lot of tables. And then, the table chant was born. The Dudleyz were mostly drawing yawns until Bubba uttered those famous words: ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "D-VON!!! GET THE TABLES!!!"

In fact, if you look at it, most fans stopped caring about the Dudley Boyz a while ago. Hell, they can barely be called a stable anymore. Spike is out jobbing week after week to losers, while Bubba tries to get out of the mid-card. D-Von just tags along with Bubba to remind the people that he's also a Dudley.

Well, now you have seen the current factions of the WWE. Now, who do the fans want to join the company again?

D-GENERATION X - Most of the sheep in the chat rooms clamor for the return of DX. Now, I was a fan of them back in the day, but I don't want to see them come back. The reason for this is the fact that they have been brought back so many times it isn't funny.

Look, almost the day it died the first time, Triple H reformed the group. This was the most popular set-up. But, over time, the team broke up and started feuding with each other. This eventually led to a "Winner Wins The Right To The Name D-Generation X" match pitting X-Pac and the Road Dogg against Mr. Ass and Chyna. Most people don't remember this too much, mainly because it was painfully boring.

Then, months later, Vince was desperate for a storyline, so re once more dusted off DX for another heel run. This time, DX was joined by Tori and were just laughably bad. This new DX was a lot like those "Gilligan's Island" movies that were made years after the show was done. Not funny or cool, just plain boring.


The final return of DX was just to a way to swerve back into the Michaels/Trips feud. So, it seems obvious that this is band who have played their last song. Any attempt at bringing this team back will probably be heralded with boos and flying garbage. There is absolutely no hope in bringing this once great stable back.

To put it bluntly, DX is DOA. Flat-lined. Game Over. Kaput. Pushing daisies. - I think you get the point.

THE FOUR HORSEMEN - Another favorite of the sheep. But, this one is an even worse idea to bring back.

Just as a little piece of trivia, Evolution was originally supposed to be the latest incarnation of the Four Horsemen. The thing that none of the pinheads in the chat rooms seem to grasp is that the Horsemen have gone through their paces enough times. They have had more member changes than KISS (I'm a huge KISS fan, so trust me when I say that they have seen many members), and most of the fans demanding the Horsemen's return only want it for Flair and Arn.

Don't get me wrong, the Four Horsemen were legends. But, I feel that the group was officially dead when Curt Hennig turned on the Horsemen after Arn Anderson had given him "his spot" on the team. Soon, the Horsemen were officially a rotting deer on the highway when Steve "Mongo" McMichael joined. I swear, nothing says 'dead and buried' like Mongo on your team. Just ask the Packers or the Bears.


If Vince didn't bring the Horsemen back when he first wanted to, what the hell do you think is gonna make him do it now? Evolution was the last train leaving Horsemen Territory. Besides, do we really want to see the legacy tainted anymore than it already is?

See, Goldberg, the Four Horsemen have a legacy. Ric Flair has a legacy. What you have is a soiled conscience for destroying another wrestler's legacy. That being Bret Hart. For shame, you bald headed prick!

Sorry, had to get that out. I'm better now. Where was I? Oh yeah, the next returning hopeful...

THE NEW WORLD ORDER - Ah, the nWo. The one stable that has been remade so many times that it is just boring even thinking about it anymore. I feel that anyone who wants the new World order back in any capacity should be drug out into rush hour traffic and disemboweled with a dull butter knife. It doesn't get any worse than this.

Alright, so the nWo was cool the first two years or so, but no stable (excluding the Four Horsemen) can last forever. Soon, there were two groups of the nWo. We had nWo Hollywood (Black & White) and the nWo Wolfpac (Red & Black). While this lead to some decent feuding between the two factions, that was about the only real thing WCW had going for them at the time (thus the reason the WCW/nWo PPV titles lasted for a while). Soon, two factions remained, but now we had the Black & White (or, the B team) and the Black & Red (yes, the Wolfpac was dead, but the colors stayed for Hogan & Nash's new team).

Now, Black & Red died fast. But, the Black & White lasted a little while longer. WCW milked all the "leadership fighting" between the B&W members until they could milk no more. Sadly, Stevie Ray, Vincent, and all their nWo B&W buddies died a slow death career wise.


Soon, the nWo would get some new management in Jeff Jarrett. Along with nWo regulars Nash, Hall, and Scott Steiner, as well as the Harris Twins and Bret Hart, the Black & Silver was, in my opinion, the lamest WCW incarnation of the new World order, period. The only memorable thing that came out of this rotten rehash was Double J's silver guitars, which he still uses to this day.

But, the lamest was yet to come. When Vincent Kennedy McMahon was in desperate need to bring in something "like-fresh", he turned to the group that almost killed his competition. Bringing back Hall, Nash, and Hogan, the nWo faced it's lamest time ever. Bringing back The Big Show and X-Pac to the fold, signing up Stevie Ray's brother, Booker T., as well as bringing in Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels, we saw the most slapped together group of the nWo since the Black & Silver.

Nothing with the newest nWo seemed to click with fans. When the nostalgia wore off, fans still had to suffer with this boring team.


So, like I said before, anyone who wants the nWo back should be drug out into rush hour traffic and disemboweled with a dull butter knife. Only masochists would want to suffer through more nWo nonsense after the crap that came after the first group seven years ago.

Now, I know that most fans do have nostalgic moments and would love to see their favorite wrestlers, tag teams, or stables come back for one more glorious run. The problem with picking one of the above mentioned stables, is that they have had their one more glorious run, and many more after that.

Sadly, wrestling fans, we will never see another stable like the original DX or one of the original Horsemen lineups. That kind of talent is either dead, stuck in the mid card where the WWE never bothers to look, are in indy promotions that the WWE never looks at, or have been retired for years. So, we do have our memories.

Now, to show that I'm not that much of an @$$hole (I was told this in many nasty e-mails regarding my last article), I'm going to tear into a stable that I would like to see come back. See, the fantasies can come from more than the annoying Attitude sheep...

THE DANGEROUS ALLIANCE - Well, Paul E. Dangerously had himself a real winning team with the original Dangerous Alliance in 1992, honestly. He had "Stunning" Steve Austin, "Ravishing" Rick Rude, "The Crusher" Larry Zbyszko, "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton, and "The Enforcer" Arn Anderson. This team dominated WCW while the Horsemen were in one of their dormant periods. They even had great feuds with Sting, Ricky Steamboat, and The Steiner Brothers. What could have happened to make such a winning team fall?

Well, nothing really. The team disbanded after about a year and a half. But, the Dangerous Alliance wasn't really dead.

Late into their run, the dying ECW (which was owned by Paul E. Dangerously, technically) saw a new Dangerous Alliance, now managed by Lou E. Dangerously. Among the memorable members of this new DA were Simon Diamond & Johnny Swinger. Sadly, this forgettable Dangerous Alliance died when ECW died. Most ECW fans have blocked this horrid memory (as well as most of ECW's "TNN Period") from their minds.


Dangerous Alliance
WCW

But, have no fear, the WWE saw a near return of the Dangerous Alliance. Paul Heyman returned to his Paul E. Dangerously, the agent ways, signing Brock Lesnar, The Big Show, Kurt Angle, and Team Angle. If the Big Show would have been excluded, this would have made an awesome Dangerous Alliance. But, knowing Vince's bookers, they'd probably mess that up, too.

In fact, I think that any attempt to remake the Dangerous Alliance might have Rick Rude turning in his grave. And we don't want that happening, now do we?

by Emer Prevost


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