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WRESTLING COLUMNS

Six Years Of Pure Suckage
A Dark Day In Wrestling History
September 19, 2003 - by Emer Prevost


W ell, I didn't watch all of RAW Monday night (I was shooting pool with a few friends and missed the first hour), but I saw one of what must have been many vignettes that night trying to break in Bill Goldberg's newest catchphrase, "Believe The Hype." And I thought "Who's Next?" sucked.

First off, I believed the hype years ago, when I was curious about a man and his streak. But, after actually seeing the Stone Cold rip-off "perform" on Nitro, I was shocked. I thought that all the companies kept people who worked this bad on their D show and kept them on a losing streak.


But, because the WWF had a bald guy in black trunks tearing up the roster, WCW needed an evil carbon copy of it. WCW needed to spread the anal cancer that is Goldberg upon the masses, and the posers took it, hook line and sinker. You see, what WCW should have done was not even bothered to copy Austin and created something original. But, you really can't expect something original from a company that spawned copies of Spider-Man (Arachniman), Beetlejuice (The Juicer), Sub-Zero (Glacier), and even that retarded Lucky Charms mascot (Leprecaun).

Well, you can't change history, so because Ted Turner had Bill Goldberg under contract with the Atlanta Falcons, and he washed out there (oops, I mean he was injured), he needed to finish out his contract somewhere. So, Ted through him into the rasslin' ring, and the rest is history.

On September 22, 1997, the world saw as one of the worst things to ever hit wrestling since The Dungeon Of Doom struck the world of wrestling with a win over Hugh Morrus. This started the "legendary" streak of Bill Goldberg. Now, Goldberg has mentioned recently that he has had a legacy.

How can a guy who's padded streak of "173 matches" (it actually was 157, I think) includes wins over Renegade, Glacier, Steve McMichael, Road Block, Sick Boy, Vincent, Barry Darsow, Lodi, Harry Horowitz, Ray Traylor, Reese, and John Nord call their career a legacy? If Goldberg wrestled nothing but main eveners and high mid card wrestlers, there would be a slight legacy there.

But, my research states that he wrestled The Renegade at least three times in the course of this streak. Anyone could beat the Renegade. It wasn't a challenge. Neither is beating the WWF's favorite jobber, Barry Horowitz. The only person who couldn't beat Horowitz was Chris Candido. But, if the bookers in the WWF in 1995 were smart, Horowitz would still be winless, but they pushed him over Chris Candido, so Bill has some credibility (but, Brakus carries the same credibility, along with almost everyone in the WWF from 1988 to 1996).

So, we currently have discredited most of this pinhead's legacy. Now, let's look at what he's done so far in the WWE. Since coming into the WWE in April of this year, we haven't seen anything new from Bill Goldberg. We see that his time away from the US cameras haven't given him the incentive to train or learn a few new moves. About the only thing Goldberg bothered to do was get a few more ugly tattoos.

And, since he came in, all the news backstage about him has been far from positive. Every week, we hear another story about Bills backstage problems. Whether it's getting into a scuffle with Chris Jericho, or his refusal to go to Australia (that story changes from day to day from he wanted to go but couldn't to he refused outright claiming that it wasn't in his contract), or just his demeanor backstage, we always hear something new, and it all points to a short career in the WWE.

In all honesty, I haven't seen Goldberg have a decent match yet in the WWE. And, he hasn't gotten the WCW treatment. Sure, he tore through Stevie Richards and Rodney Mack, but the rest of his matches have been against pushed talent. Unfortunately, not even someone with the phenomenal skill of Triple H can carry this mass of talentless horse dung for more than a few minutes. This leaves us with even more retarded squash matches that we have been forced to sit through in the course of RAW or a PPV.

Now, it's time to play pretend. Let's say you worked at an office and there was an employee who worked the same job as you. But, this co-worker didn't have to do half the work you do, got paid much more than you, and had an ego bigger than China. To make matters worse, this co-workers style is dull, uninspired, and has led to many employee injuries everywhere he has worked. Top it off, even with the lack of work and the increase in pay, all the co-worker does is complain and bitch about one thing or another. What do you think the firm would do with someone like this? Damn straight. They'd fire his ass and send him packing. Well, all of this has happened, except Vince McMahon hasn't fired Goldberg yet.

Nose to Big Nose

Sadly, though, Vince isn't going to fire Bill. The reason is simply because the WWE cut Goldberg a contract that is too rich to just terminate. If they have to pay the rest of it off, then that bald headed bitch is going to earn every penny. So, that means that we, the fans, are going to have to suffer until the contract ends, and Goldberg is tossed out the Titan Towers doors on his holier than thou ass.

Well, just remember that this Sunday, Goldberg is going to win the WWE World Title (I really hate saying that, but nothing else can be said), and on Monday, September 22 (this Monday), we can all look back at how it all started. On one fateful Nitro broadcast, WCW unleashed something worse than cancer on the world, when Bill Goldberg defeated Hugh Morrus.

In fact, since it is this Monday, I want to add to the OWW Challenge. Not only do you chant TNA this Monday on RAW, but bring signs mentioning the six years of solid suckage that Bill Goldberg has brought to us all. Something like "157=173???" might do. Or just bring a "Goldberg Blows" sign, it really doesn't matter. So, let us all wish Goldberg a happy sixth anniversary of slowly ruining wrestling for the fans.

by Emer Prevost


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