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WRESTLING COLUMNS

What the Hell Has Vince Done To The WWE?!?!
November 5, 2003 - by Emer Prevost


W ell, everyone. Welcome back to Online World of Wrestling. We are back and better than ever, and we are back with a vengeance, and I'm ready to tear into more wrestling abominations.

Yes, with the return of OWW, we get the return of yours truly, and I've been saving up a lot of venom since the site went down.

Loyal readers... I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be literally bored to tears by the programming on both RAW and SmackDown. I never thought I'd say that I think that Heat and Velocity are the best shows the WWE has right now. I dread the fact that I feel sorry for myself for selling a pair of XPW tapes because they sucked. Those crappy tapes were better than what the WWE has dished out lately. For those of you who have never felt the torture of XPW, it's like watching one of those Backyard Wrestling DVD's while rabid one eyed sailors put your balls in an industrial vice and shoot rusty nails into your eyes. And, I'm saying that those tapes are better than the current WWE programming.


Well, there are enough friggin' sheep out there who will watch anything from the WWE and bleet when Vince wants to bleet. It's these mental midgets, the ones who think that the WWE is better now than it was in the late 80s, who are keeping this "entertainment" on the air. While the real fans shut off their TVs whenever we see a McMahon on screen, the sheep call all of their retarded friends and tell them to tune in, and this is why the McMahon's have garnered so much ratings. Let's look at this for a second.

Why the hell would anyone want to see a feud between Vince and Stephanie McMahon? Didn't we suffer through this mindless sh!t when Vince was the "Higher Power"? What about the Invasion angle? We've seen this crap enough times. I say to hell with Stephanie. Her only purpose in the company is to keep Triple H in power, and show the fans that it is possible to get bigger and bigger implants without worrying about losing your man.

To be honest, the only positive comments I have heard in the past few years about Vince and Steph are... Dammit, there has to be one. Vince signed Goldbe-- no, that was a mistake. Steph had that match with Brock Lesna-- no, that sucked too. Vince started the XFL. I liked the XFL, so there is a positive comment, and that one isn't a very popular one either. Vince and Steph are about as welcome as a bad case of hemorrhoids. What about the rest of the family?


Triple H, or as Vince calls him now, Son. This guy isn't even worth my time anymore. This egotistical son of a bitch has done everything in his power to kill the WWE. All he has ever done is bury his opponent's and kill all of their heat. The only reason's Trips loses matches are because the opponent is a friend, or he's off to get married and make crappy movies like Blade III. Jesus, he can't even get an original movie, he has to star in unnecessary sequels.

Face it, folks. I don't like Triple H, and I never will. Let's just leave that ugliness behind us. On to the other son.

Shane McMahon. I am so sick of this guy it's pathetic. He's never going to be a full-time wrestler. All of us know that. Since we, as well as all of the writers, are aware of this, then let me ask a simple question... WHY THE [censored] HAVE SHANE WIN MATCHES AGAINST BANKABLE TALENT WHEN HE ISN'T GOING TO BE THERE IN A FEW MONTHS?!?!? Shane has injured Test, and he's been one upping Kane for a while now. There are two stars there who could be doing something decent in the company, but instead are forced to job to some punk-ass bitch who's only reason for even being allowed in the ring is his last name.

Now, Shane's going into an Ambulance match with Kane (this is ringing a lot of bells, but I'll cover that in a second), which Kane is going to lose. This sickens me almost as much as the Vince/Steph I quit match, but nothing will ever match the bile that kicks up when I think about that.


Finally, we come to Linda. The WWE's CEO. The person who, in the end, has okayed all of this sh!t, and will let it continue to flow. While Linda is rarely on camera, she is the worst of them all. I always thought she had some smarts, but if she isn't telling her loving husband that his product sucks, then I have lost all respect for her. When it comes to the WWE's slow, agonizing death, Linda's hand is on that switch along with the rest of her family, ready to release the gallows floor and watch as a their company sways in the wind and breaths it's last breath.

Yes, I hate to announce this, but the WWE is dying. All of the egos, backstage bickering, and just plain nauseating product are too much for this company to bear. Sure, Vince is a billionaire (or used to be, he's just under that mark now), but so was Ted Turner, and we all saw what he did with his rasslin' company. Speaking of WCW...

I mentioned the Ambulance match. Well, if you don't remember, that was what Mike Awesome got involved in while WCW was going on life support. If Kane actually wins the match, expect it to become his signature match, and he'll do one every night. Then, the only thing missing is a celebrity as WWE Champion (someone like Ashton Kutcher, someone who can't act to save his soul) and we can officially start sizing caskets and ordering the burial plot.

In fact, I have already found a nice shoebox and a hole in my backyard to bury what's left of the WWE's dignity, style, and entertainment value. I also have a few sticks I'm going to fashion into a cross. The burial service is Thursday. Come on over and pay you're last respects.

Now, how can we fix this. Well, I urge you all to write to the WWE and tell them what you think. And, tell you're friends to write in as well with their grievances. With enough letters and e-mails, Vince and company will have to choice but to change their programming or lose a lot of their fan base. I'll get you all started. Here's the mailing address:

WWE Corporate Headquarters
1241 East Main Street
Stamford, CT 06902

Or just go to the WWE web site and send them an e-mail. I really think that the physical mail might have more impact. A mound of envelopes seems more powerful than an inbox with a ton of messages. Remember to mention you're name, and mention any form of boycott, if you plan on it.

Now, that I got that ball rolling (hopefully), I have a message to all the other companies out there. This one goes to CZW, NWA:TNA, MLW, and all the other wrestling companies. Try in vain to get a TV deal. We need better programming, and the WWE isn't delivering. I even want XPW to try. I'm begging XPW to try for a national deal. That's how desperate I am. I'm begging Rob Black, the scum on Vince McMahon's shoe, to try for a TV deal.

I'm not talking about just the big companies, either. I also want to see some local companies get local deals. We honestly need more choices, and in Wisonsin, we only have WWE, since our WB affiliate pulled their deal with NWA:ACW, and this problem may be in other areas. I'm really pushing for more options in our wrestling enjoyment.

And now, for a final thought to wrap this all up. Before I get the e-mails blasting me for this article asking why I watch the WWE if I despise it so much (most of them aren't that articulate, but most of them are barely legible anyway). Well, here's my answer. I watch for Jericho, RVD, Kurt Angle, Rey Mysterio, and all the other workers who actually give a rat's ass about the sport part of sports entertainment. They are the reason I still watch. But, I only tune in every fifteen minutes or so now, and I skip the channel if they (or any other decent worker) aren't on. I could give a flying [censored] about Lesnar, Goldberg, Vince, Steph, Shane, Trips, Michaels, or any other talent less blob with the company, but I can't. They are the one's murdering the company.

You read that Vince. You are murdering your FATHER'S company. At the rate you're going, the WWE will be nothing more than an afterthought in the minds of the REAL fans in about a year. But, I'm being generous with that year. It's more like six months.

by Emer Prevost


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