The Reasons NOT To Watch WWE Television
June 29, 2004, 2004 - by Emer Prevost
Well, everyone, after seeing four episodes of TNA Impact, I'm happy there is
finally an alternative to the WWE's crap. In fact, for those who haven't made
it a fact to tune in to or TiVo Impact Friday afternoons, I've compiled a list
of recent grievances against Vince's once mighty company. I'll list them for
you with my reasons for them being on the list. Let's start with the most
"Nazis Get Titles"
For those of you who've lived in a cave for a while, during the WWE's recent
tour of Europe, specifically the show in Munich, Germany, the WWE Title match
between Eddie Guerrero and JBL was dead (that's what you get from Bradshaw in
the title match). Now, what was a heel to do to generate heat in Germany?
Flash a Nazi salute and start goose-stepping, what else?
For those of you who don't know, doing that type of stupid shit is against the
law in Germany. Now, while CNBC fired our retarded Texas friend, how does Vince
McMahon punish this dumbass??? Make him the WWE Champion. Huh? I know, it
really doesn't make any damn sense, but that's what happened.
So, now we have Triple H modifying Nazi symbols for his crappy shirts and he
gets a World Title shot at Vengeance AND Summer Slam (well, that's the current
plan), and Mr. Layfield gets the WWE Title. So, if you do something equal to
burning the American flag, you get a title. If Eddie wants his title back, he'd
better learn German and shave his moustache a little bit.
"Mae Young's Pregnant...Take 2"
On Raw, Lita recently found out she was pregnant, and that big red goofus Kane
is the baby daddy. Haven't the bookers learned anything from Mae Young, Terri,
Stephanie McMahon, and Stacy Keibler? Pregnancy angles NEVER work. I'll
repeat that. They NEVER work!! And, as I'm writing this, according to all the
online news rags, the writers have no clue where to take this. Isn't that
great? These rocket scientists don't have a clue where to take this crappy
I have an idea, Lita has a miscarriage. The end. No more pain from this god
awful storyline. Then, maybe Matt Hardy could get something interesting going,
like an IC title push and Kane can keep himself from being connected with the
two worst storylines in the last two years (this one and Katie Vick). While I'm
talking about Kane...
"The Ultimate Punishment"
Another problem with Raw is Eric Bischoff's overuse of Kane. If you piss of
Bisch, you have to wrestle Kane. If you come back to the WWE, you have to
wrestle Kane. If you sneeze hard backstage, you wrestle Kane. If you say the
secret word, everyone in the playhouse screams, then you fight Kane. It's
getting really old. We all get it, Kane's a monster. If that's so, stop giving
him Matt Hardy, Eugene, and Benoit. Give him other monsters to play with. How
about Batista or Tyson Tomko? Or, heaven forbid, do a special feud with the
better promotion. WWE's monster Kane against the real monster, Abyss. Now,
that would be great. Since I'm dumping on Raw, let's continue.
"Tough Enough IV: Divas Only"
The Raw $250,000 Diva Search. Where to begin. Well, this craptacular reality
experiment was supposed to be on SmackDown, but because UPN had some waste of
airtime called America's Next Top Model, it was transferred to Raw. You know
what this means, right? That means one hour of the show dedicated to Evolution
talking in the ring or talking backstage, and 15 minutes of this garbage.
Adding in twenty minutes of commercials, that leaves about 25 minutes for actual
wrestling. That sounds about right. So, not only does this idea suck, but it
takes more time away from what matters...WRESLTING!!! 'Nuff said.
How many of you have wondered, "Where is [insert current WWE wrestler's name]
Well, here's the base answer: Creative can't think of anything for them. So,
they can't think of anything for Test, Scott Steiner, Rodney Mack, Billy Kidman,
Paul London, and a list of others? That's just laziness. Scott Steiner, no
matter how much he sucks, isn't hard to write for. Make him a bully heel and
have him feud with Eugene. Fixed. Test can fight Tyson Tomko, making it
Corporate problem solver vs. Trish's problem solver. Done. Rodney Mack can go
for the IC title and feud with Edge. Problem solved. Kidman and London, put
them in the Cruiserweight title. Gee, that was hard. Creative must be really
lazy 'cuz I just came up with something for all the wrestlers I listed in under
"Haven't We Seen This Before?"
Remember The Million Dollar Man? How about "The Narcissist" Lex Luger? Maybe
the Heartbreak Kid? Well, those characters are now John Bradshaw Layfield, "The
Reflection Of Perfection" Mark Jindrak, and H.B. Cade (Garrison Cade's planned
future gimmick). Another case of lazy writers. Sure, some people may say this
is all homage to those once great gimmicks, but I call it lame.
Remember how WCW died? One of the reasons was "Perfection" Shawn Stasiak, a
rip-off of Curt Hennig's "Mr. Perfect" character. So, maybe the WWE is destined
to die soon. Let's just hope and pray.
"The Bottom Line"
No, I'm not going to slam Austin here. This is my bottom line. Since TNA has
made it to most of the homes in the US (sorry, Canada, I'm not sure if you guys
have Fox Sports Net over there), there really isn't a reason to waste the time
in Raw, Smackdown, Heat, Velocity, Afterburn, The WWE Experience, or the PPVs.
Sure, the WWE has some flashes of brilliance on their shows, but if you have to
dig though a bag of horseshit to get a diamond, you are still digging in a bag
of horseshit. At least Impact has minimal talk and enough in-ring action to
make the weekly wait worth it. Now if they could just do something about Don
West, like rip his throat out and replace him with a studdering retarded chimp.
Now, that would be entertaining.
In closing, I'd like to issue a challenge to anyone out there who hates TNA and
is a die hard WWE mark. Write a column similar to this one. Call it "The
Reasons NOT To Watch TNA" and send it to firstname.lastname@example.org and
it will be posted, as long as Brad OK's it. I can't wait to hear your
by Emer Prevost
Bill phillyt wrote:
Let me say that I agree with you on two of comments, but as for the rest of your
comments I will
tell you are wrong.
Let's start with your comments about JBL, and him being a NAZI, which is just
stupid to say, in
case you were wondering JBL is HEEL, it is job to make to the people hate him by
necessary, and what he did in Germany was part of his job, if you found that
offensive you are
stupid, I find it offensive when the WWE let La Resistance sing the Canadaian
National Anthem when
they are in US city, but they do it for a reason to make people hate them, so I
get over it.
I actually agree with you about the Lita pregnancy angle being stupid so I won't
comment on that.
I also agree with you on how stupid it is putting Kane in uncessary matches when
someone has a
problem with Bischoff.
Your comments about the creative team not being able to come up with good
gimmicks for certain
people is stupid, I guarntee you that it is a lot harder then what you think it
is to come up with
gimmicks that will work, because the chance of them actually getting over with
the fans are very
slim. If you think are you good enough and smart enough to do there job, get
for of you butt, and
get a job with the creative team, instead of criticizing them.
You said since TNA's debut there is no reason to watch Raw, Velocity, Heat, WWE
Afterburn, and Smackdown is absurd, I have watched all 5 or 6 weeks of TNA, and
I have not
impressed one bit, the matches are short, and the everything about the show
except AJ Styles is
boring, and I understand that the only have an hour, but seriously the matches
could be longer
than 3 or 4 minutes, make the matches like 10 to 15 minutes, and only have 3 or
4 matches, instead
of putting 6 or 7 matches on a one hour show it is stupid, and it makes for show
matches and a bad show.
I am writing in response to a column written recently by Mr. Prevost. First, I need to comment on WWE's decision on making Bradshaw the WWE Champion and the reason is obvious to any TRUE can of professional wrestling. The pressures of being WWE Champion were getting to Eddie Guerrero. The man was very burned out and needed a break from being on top of the world. Plus, his match with Bradshaw at Judgment Day took so much out of him so they had him drop the belt to Bradshaw so Eddie can slow down a bit. Bradshaw has one thing going for him---he is a great speaker and can work a crowd. As far as CNBC firing Bradshaw and McMahon not firing him, you know Vince McMahon loves controversy. Enough said.
On to the Lita/Kane storyline. I am a very big Lita fan and personally I think the angle is going good. It has kept my interest and the interests of other people I know. Lita isn't the greatest actress in the world but in the long run the angle may prove to be good. It is Lita's popularity and the fans hatred for Kane that carries the angle. I'm not sure where WWE is going with this angle so let's just see what happens with it. I'll agree that the Katie Vick thing sucked beyond belief but maybe WWE learned from their mistake and do this angle the right way.
WWE overusing Kane...I don't think so. Kane is one of the companies biggest heels and having him pick on the smaller guys always works. It wouldn't make any sense to have Kane battle Batista or Tyson Tomko because both of them are heels and heels vs. heels never work out. Kane picking on characters like Matt Hardy and Eugene then picking on women more helps get his heel persona over as a heartless demonic man.
On to WWE unable to come up with anything for some guys. First, Test is injured. Second, Scott Steiner is bankable anymore. Third, Rodney Mack is just coming off the injured list and needs to work off ring rust and plus he isn't a bankable star yet so putting him in the intercontinental title ranks is pointless. Billy Kidman has been injury prone and WWE is being careful using him and Paul London--I'll give you that one. Other great stars like Rikishi are also injury prone. Just because you don't see someone, doesn't mean WWE doesn't have anything for them. WWE choose to let Scott Steiner's contract run out because he is a talent who won't draw any money. Scott is way past is good days.
The WWE is the number one professional wrestling company in the world and NWA:TNA is nowhere close to being at their level. True, TNA has great talent and can produce great matches but they are a long way away from being a threat to WWE. You're right about TNA having more in-ring action but in the long run fans will pay to see Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho, and the Undertaker in main events then Ron Killings and D-Lo Brown because both Killings and Brown (while respecting their talents) are not as bankable as Michaels or the Undertaker. It's all about money. TNA is on the way but getting their isn't easy. WWE has way too much star power and newer stars are already being made into bankable ones. More than half of the TNA roster are not established superstars yet but that's not saying that they won't be one day. While a TNA pay-per-view may bring in money, a WWE pay-per-view may and most likely will bring in a hell of allot more. WWE is the only professional wrestling show that I watch because TNA isn't at WWE level. Vince's "once almighty company" is still Vince's almighty company. Vince has defeated every single promotion that challenged him for dominance over the wrestling world. Vince could even but TNA if he wanted to. Mr. McMahon isn't quivering in fear over TNA. Vince is a genius, period. TNA isn't at WWE level and won't be for years.
Jerry Gerardi wrote:
Do you think WWE is reading OWW? Because Kidman and London became tag team champs on SmackDown! (taped 7/6/04 aired on UPN 7/8/04) with a win over the Dudleyz. As for Bradshaw's title reign, is it me or isn't it reminiscent to Sgt. Slaughter's WWE world title win 13 years ago: The sarge playing the over the top mega-heel and Vinnie Mac awarded/rewarded him the belt.
Brad Dykens wrote:
Of course they read OWW.
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