Well, everyone, after seeing four episodes of TNA Impact, I'm happy there is finally an alternative to the WWE's crap. In fact, for those who haven't made it a fact to tune in to or TiVo Impact Friday afternoons, I've compiled a list of recent grievances against Vince's once mighty company. I'll list them for you with my reasons for them being on the list. Let's start with the most recent. "Nazis Get Titles" For those of you who've lived in a cave for a while, during the WWE's recent tour of Europe, specifically the show in Munich, Germany, the WWE Title match between Eddie Guerrero and JBL was dead (that's what you get from Bradshaw in the title match). Now, what was a heel to do to generate heat in Germany? Flash a Nazi salute and start goose-stepping, what else?

For those of you who don't know, doing that type of stupid shit is against the law in Germany. Now, while CNBC fired our retarded Texas friend, how does Vince McMahon punish this dumbass??? Make him the WWE Champion. Huh? I know, it really doesn't make any damn sense, but that's what happened.

So, now we have Triple H modifying Nazi symbols for his crappy shirts and he gets a World Title shot at Vengeance AND Summer Slam (well, that's the current plan), and Mr. Layfield gets the WWE Title. So, if you do something equal to burning the American flag, you get a title. If Eddie wants his title back, he'd better learn German and shave his moustache a little bit.

"Mae Young's Pregnant...Take 2"
On Raw, Lita recently found out she was pregnant, and that big red goofus Kane is the baby daddy. Haven't the bookers learned anything from Mae Young, Terri, Stephanie McMahon, and Stacy Keibler? Pregnancy angles NEVER work. I'll repeat that. They NEVER work!! And, as I'm writing this, according to all the online news rags, the writers have no clue where to take this. Isn't that great? These rocket scientists don't have a clue where to take this crappy gimmick.
I have an idea, Lita has a miscarriage. The end. No more pain from this god awful storyline. Then, maybe Matt Hardy could get something interesting going, like an IC title push and Kane can keep himself from being connected with the two worst storylines in the last two years (this one and Katie Vick). While I'm talking about Kane...

"The Ultimate Punishment"
Another problem with Raw is Eric Bischoff's overuse of Kane. If you piss of Bisch, you have to wrestle Kane. If you come back to the WWE, you have to wrestle Kane. If you sneeze hard backstage, you wrestle Kane. If you say the secret word, everyone in the playhouse screams, then you fight Kane. It's getting really old. We all get it, Kane's a monster. If that's so, stop giving him Matt Hardy, Eugene, and Benoit. Give him other monsters to play with. How about Batista or Tyson Tomko? Or, heaven forbid, do a special feud with the better promotion. WWE's monster Kane against the real monster, Abyss. Now, that would be great. Since I'm dumping on Raw, let's continue.

"Tough Enough IV: Divas Only"
The Raw $250,000 Diva Search. Where to begin. Well, this craptacular reality experiment was supposed to be on SmackDown, but because UPN had some waste of airtime called America's Next Top Model, it was transferred to Raw. You know what this means, right? That means one hour of the show dedicated to Evolution talking in the ring or talking backstage, and 15 minutes of this garbage. Adding in twenty minutes of commercials, that leaves about 25 minutes for actual wrestling. That sounds about right. So, not only does this idea suck, but it takes more time away from what matters...WRESLTING!!! 'Nuff said.

"Creative Cramping"
How many of you have wondered, "Where is [insert current WWE wrestler's name] at?"

Well, here's the base answer: Creative can't think of anything for them. So, they can't think of anything for Test, Scott Steiner, Rodney Mack, Billy Kidman, Paul London, and a list of others? That's just laziness. Scott Steiner, no matter how much he sucks, isn't hard to write for. Make him a bully heel and have him feud with Eugene. Fixed. Test can fight Tyson Tomko, making it Corporate problem solver vs. Trish's problem solver. Done. Rodney Mack can go for the IC title and feud with Edge. Problem solved. Kidman and London, put them in the Cruiserweight title. Gee, that was hard. Creative must be really lazy 'cuz I just came up with something for all the wrestlers I listed in under a minute.

"Haven't We Seen This Before?"
Remember The Million Dollar Man? How about "The Narcissist" Lex Luger? Maybe the Heartbreak Kid? Well, those characters are now John Bradshaw Layfield, "The Reflection Of Perfection" Mark Jindrak, and H.B. Cade (Garrison Cade's planned future gimmick). Another case of lazy writers. Sure, some people may say this is all homage to those once great gimmicks, but I call it lame.

Remember how WCW died? One of the reasons was "Perfection" Shawn Stasiak, a rip-off of Curt Hennig's "Mr. Perfect" character. So, maybe the WWE is destined to die soon. Let's just hope and pray.

"The Bottom Line"
No, I'm not going to slam Austin here. This is my bottom line. Since TNA has made it to most of the homes in the US (sorry, Canada, I'm not sure if you guys have Fox Sports Net over there), there really isn't a reason to waste the time in Raw, Smackdown, Heat, Velocity, Afterburn, The WWE Experience, or the PPVs. Sure, the WWE has some flashes of brilliance on their shows, but if you have to dig though a bag of horseshit to get a diamond, you are still digging in a bag of horseshit. At least Impact has minimal talk and enough in-ring action to make the weekly wait worth it. Now if they could just do something about Don West, like rip his throat out and replace him with a studdering retarded chimp. Now, that would be entertaining.

In closing, I'd like to issue a challenge to anyone out there who hates TNA and is a die hard WWE mark. Write a column similar to this one. Call it "The Reasons NOT To Watch TNA" and send it to [email protected] and it will be posted, as long as Brad OK's it. I can't wait to hear your responses.

by Emer Prevost