HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
My Final Resolution Predictions
Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, brings out the crystal ball, tea leaves and lucky coin to try and figure out TNA’s next big Pay-per-view.
TNA is back with another monthly PPV. This one has the potential to be a really decent show. I’ll take a look at the whos, whys and why nots.
Team 3D Wrecking Crew (Brother Ray, Brother Devon, Rhino and Jesse Neal) v Team Morgan (Matt Morgan, Hernandez, Suicide and D’Angelo Dinero)
Eight-Man Elimination Tag Match
Backstory: Rhino was convinced that TNA was out to get the “old guys”. He convinced Team 3D to believe him. To flesh out their roster, they took Jesse Neal and converted him into a Shannon Moore clone. They’ve started their campaign by going after the top four men of the New Era: Morgan, Hernandez, Suicide and Dinero. In a previous battle, Hernandez found himself in the situation of having to face the four men, alone, for five minutes. If he loses in that five minutes, the match is over. Otherwise, it turns into an 8-man elimination match.
Predictions: Hernandez will barely survive the opening five minutes. Once everyone is involved, the eliminations are going to be pretty evenly spread out. Expect Dinero and Neal to go first. Rhino will be sent packing next, followed by Suicide. This will turn into Team 3D v Hernandez and Morgan. I expect Hernandez to end up the final competitor.
Predicted Winners: Team Morgan
Predicted Grade: B+
Raven and Dr. Stevie v Abyss and Mick Foley</b.
Backstory: Abyss was seeing “Dr” Stevie (Richards) for therapy. The “Psycho”-therapist was abusing Abyss and The Monster finally broke free of Stevie’s evil clutches. Dr. Stevie then brought in Raven to take out Abyss. Abyss turned to his idol, Foley, to even the score. Foley, of course, is paranoid as all get out about the arrival ofo Hulk Hogan.
Predictions: Foley’s distraction is going to spoil this one. Abyss will end up having to face Raven and Stevie alone, after Foley gets into it with Kevin Nash. Abyss will then have a new round of problems with Foley…and so it goes. Yawn.
Predicted Winners: Dr. Stevie and Raven
Predicted Grade: C
Bobby Lashley v Scott Steiner
Last Man Standing Match
Backstory: Ok, the Main Event Mafia falls apart and Steiner’s bored. Bobby Lashley comes in with his ol’ lady, who has that whole Halle Berry, only overly skinny, look going. Steiner gets all worked up over Mrs. L. and pulls a Rick Rude/Jake “The Snake” Roberts/Cheryl Roberts thing. Whatever.
Prediction: Steiner won last time, Bobby gets this one. That’s all the time I’m willing to waste on this mess.
Predicted Winner: Bobby Lashley
Predicted Grade: C (as in Can someone find Bobby someone else to fight?)
Tara v ODB
Backstory: Tara, who was Victoria in WWE, comes in and wants to become the next top Knockout. She won and lost the Knockout title, rather quickly. ODB, a former WWE hopeful, decides she has issues with anyone who was a WWE Diva, so she takes her frustrations out on the Black Widow of Wrestling.
Predictions: This one is going to be Bowling Shoe Ugly (nod to Good Ol’ J.R.). These two are going to tear the roof off the place. In the end, I really think ODB will keep the belt and move on to battle Roxxi, next. Tara will probably go back to feuding with Kong.
Predicted Winner: ODB]
Predicted Grade: A
Motor City Machine Guns v British Invasion
TNA World Tag Title match
Backstory: The Guns kind of fell under the radar for a little while. The Brits came in and took the IWGP, then TNA World tag belts. The Guns are looking for a shot at the gold.
Prediction: This one just might revolve around the Feast or Fired match. If Beer Money takes the tag title case, expect the Brits to retain. If they don’t, the Guns will take it. I had to dust off the old Fitzgerald’s Hotel and Casino Memorial Coin to determine this one. I’m going with the Guns, who will later face some combination of the World Elite at the next PPV.
Predicted Winners: Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley
Predicted Grade: A
James Storm v Robert Roode v Samoa Joe v Kevin Nash v Eric Young v Kiyoshi v Bashir v Homicide
Feast or Fired Match
Backstory: Beer Money want another shot at the tag belts so they put it all on the line to earn the shot. Samoa Joe wants the World title, so he’s also risking his career. Eric Young wanted to protect the British Invasion so he “stacked the deck” by putting himself and several of his World Elite members in this battle.
Predictions: Since Bashir is nearing the end of his contract and WWE has shown a lot of interest in him, he will get the pink slip. As for the other cases, I’d mix things up a bit and give Robert Roode the World title shot. I’d let Nash get the tag title shot (an open door to bring in Scott Hall) and the X-Division title shot could go to Kiyoshi.
Predicted Winners: Roode –World Title, Nash — Tag Team, Kiyoshi — X-Division
Predicted Loser: Sheik Abdul Bashir
Predicted Grade: B+
Desmond Wolfe v Kurt Angle
Three Degrees of Pain
Backstory: Wolfe, the former Nigel McGuiness, came in and set his sights on Angle. Wolfe lost in their first PPV battle and he’s ready for revenge. Kurt is having to deal with the return of Jeff Jarrett and the problems revolving around his ex-wife, Karen. This battle has three components: Standard, submission, and escape the cage.
Predictions: hey will split the first two falls to force it to come down to the escape match. Since Kurt won the last time, I’ll give this one to Wolfe. Wolfe will then go on to battle Daniels to become the number one contender. Angle will likely feud with Jarrett. In fact, Jarrett will probably walk out from the back, which will distract Angle. While Angle stares at Jarrett, Wolfe will slide out of the cage.
Predicted Winner: Desmond Wolfe
Predicted Grade: A-
A.J. Styles v Daniels
TNA World Title Match
Backstory: Daniels got jealous that Styles got all the breaks. He turned on his long-time friend and wanted a shot at the title. This isn’t their first meeting, but it might be their last (for awhile).
Predictions: I think Daniels is about to go into a fantastic program with Desmond Wolfe. I think Wolfe will, womehow, cost Daniels the belt. Daniels cost Wolfe his title win, a week back. Styles will then go on to battle the mystery man who has been stalkign him (Sting?).
Predicted Winner: A.J. Styles
Predicted Grade: A+
Final Grade: A-
Final Thoughts: I really think TNA is going to put on a decent show. Will it rival Royal Rumble? Not a chance in Heaven or Hell. Will it be better than some of the stuff WWE has thrown out, lately? No doubt about it. I’ve got a sick grandson and I just might order it to perk up his spirits. He likes the Knockouts (what can I say, he’s 14). Enjoy.