All Time Favourite one liners/quotes on commentary

[Goldenboy79]

This doesnt have to be a one off answer, rather a collection of your favourite one-liners that you have heard on wrestling commentary.... whether its from JR, Lawlar, Monsoon, Heenan, or whoever...

Just state what the line.quote was, the context (the situation refererred to) and if you can remember which show it was on:

For example heres one of my favourites:

'Hes got his jockstrap on the wrong part of his body'
Curt Hening referring to Aldo Montoyo (with that ridiculous face mask) at the 1996 Royal Rumble.

'I think it was something he ate'
Bobby Heenan trying to cover things up, as Tito Santanna clutches his stomach in agony after being electrocuted by the Mounties cattle prod (Wrestlemania 7).


Now there are several Jesse Ventura rants that i absoloutely love!
At the Royal Rumble 1990, Warrior saves Hogan from elimination by Rick Rude & Barbarian, only for Hogan to help dump out the Warrior! Instead of attacking Hogan for dumping him out, Warrior instead attacks the two heels?? Baffling!
Ventura 'Now why would Warrior do that? Hogan eliminates the warrior, so he gets in the ring and nails the other two opponents? That don't make sense to me Schivone!'
Schivone 'Hes a wild wild man'
Ventura 'Hes an IDIOT'

[TheManWithoutAFace]

This really isn't a one liner but it's amazing.

Jesse Ventura: I don't know what happened to that Gene Okerlund back there but somebody's chasing him down. I like that. It's about time that bald headed old man got somebody to interrupt him and cause him some trouble. All he does is cause trouble himself.
(Summer Slam 1989 after the infamous blooper involving the Summer Slam logo falling down during an interview with Rick Rude & Bobby Heenan. Pure Genius.)

[Philibusta]

Scotty Flamingo during a Bret Hart/HBK Steel Cage match (I believe the other announcer was Monsoon. Gimme a break, it was a long time ago):
Monsoon: Hart keeps trying to climb out, but that big goof Diesel keeps getting in the way!
Flamingo: That's why Shawn Michaels is smart, Gorilla. It helps to have a "big goof".

Jim Cornette in WWE on the subject of 'sports entertainment':
"Wrestling fans...watching a wrestling program...want to see wrestlers...WRESTLE!"

[thethirdwarren]

Originally Posted by Philibusta

Jim Cornette in WWE on the subject of 'sports entertainment':
"Wrestling fans...watching a wrestling program...want to see wrestlers...WRESTLE!"

GASP!!! What a shocking idea lol! Love it.

[Goldenboy79]

Originally Posted by TheManWithoutAFace

This really isn't a one liner but it's amazing.

Jesse Ventura: I don't know what happened to that Gene Okerlund back there but somebody's chasing him down. I like that. It's about time that bald headed old man got somebody to interrupt him and cause him some trouble. All he does is cause trouble himself.
(Summer Slam 1989 after the infamous blooper involving the Summer Slam logo falling down during an interview with Rick Rude & Bobby Heenan. Pure Genius.)

That was the great thing about Jesse.... he always called it how he saw it.

When that Summerslam sign dropped, Gene swore live on air..... the camera quickly shot back to a struttering Tony Schivone who tried to cover up Genes mishap... but Jesse saw no point in salvaging the situation and just laughed and ribbed Gene.

[Shockage]

Gorilla Monsoon commenting on Alice Cooper's outfit at WrestleMania III
"it looks like something that Adrian (Adonis) brought out of the closet"

1998 - Dustin Rhodes denounces his Goldust gimmick and became known as Dustin Runnels; a normal, uncharismatic, Christian who prayed before (and sometimes during) his matches. On the back of Dustin's shirt read the words "He's Coming Back". Announcers Michael Cole, Tom Pritchard & Gorilla Monsoon spent weeks trying to figure out who it the message referred too. Pritchard suggested that the message could be referring to Dustin's father Dusty Rhodes, and Gorilla replied
"What are you kidding? Where is he coming back from, lunch?"

Monday Night Raw '98: Undertaker & Steve Austin vs. New Age Outlaws
At the end of the match, Austin stuns Roaddog for the pin, Billy Gunn tries to break the count but is cut off by the Undertaker's chokeslam.
Jim Ross "WHO'S YOUR DADDY BILLY GUNN? IT'S THE UNDERTAKER!"

[Shockage]

Vince McMahon & Jesse Ventura were announce partners for years, Jesse's always called the replay at the end of the matches. There were some times when McMahon would accidentally talk through the replays and Jesse would yell
Jesse "SHUT UP MCMAHON!"

Lance Storm pre-match promo in the ring
Storm "Because I'm from Calgary ......."
Schiavone/Hudson "Where?"
Storm "Calgary, Alberta, Canada"
Schiavone/Hudston *giggling*
Mark Madden "oh shut up the both of you"

Mortis/Glacier @ Uncensored '97
Mortis climbs to the top rope, Glacier staggers up and falls back on the ropes breaking Mortis' balance making Mortis fall legs apart landing crotch first on the top turnbuckle"
Tony Schiavone "No martial arts in the world can get you out of that one"

You Tube

You Tube

Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse Ventura @ WRestleMania VI
Jesse "You know how I can't miss in Hollywood Gorilla? I've got Paul Newman's eyes, I've got Kurt Douglas' chin, and Robert Duvall's haircut"
Gorilla "What do you have of your own Jess?"
Jesse "................. and here comes Brutus"

You Tube

You Tube

[CT Baker]

I'm terrible at remembering quotes but I got one....

Wrestlemania VIII- The ref is out during the face vs. face, Bret vs. Piper match. Piper grabs the bell and is deciding whether he wants to use it or not.

Bobby Heenan- "What the hell, use the bell!"

-Cracked me up to no end the first time I heard it.

Like I said, I have a terrible memory for this kinda stuff, but for great announcer quotes you can do no better than to look up Lawler's one liners on the Hart Family, Heenan and Jesse's constant Hogan bashing, HHH's bisexual remark and any Booker T commentary you can find.

[Truth]

I think the match was The Rock -vs- Ken Shamrock but, even if it wasn't, Triple H was on commentary and, after being asked by JR if he was bilingual, he said -

"Alot of bi things I may be but lingual isn't one of them."

[Shockage]

Originally Posted by Truth

I think the match was The Rock -vs- Ken Shamrock but, even if it wasn't, Triple H was on commentary and, after being asked by JR if he was bilingual, he said -

"Alot of bi things I may be but lingual isn't one of them."

he wasn't kidding about being bi

[TheManWithoutAFace]

Originally Posted by Truth

I think the match was The Rock -vs- Ken Shamrock but, even if it wasn't, Triple H was on commentary and, after being asked by JR if he was bilingual, he said -

"Alot of bi things I may be but lingual isn't one of them."

That was at King of the Ring 1998 during the KOTR Finals. Afterwards HHH caught himself.

HHH: Wait did I just mean to say that?
JR: Be it as it may we're live.

Best part after that was The Rock got in HHH's face during the match.

HHH: You don't want none of me fuzzy top.

[Toron]

There are a lot of these that you catch every now and then from an announcer that make you say to yourself, good call. It's hard to remember them all though.

One of my favourite zingers ever to be said on air was said by Gorilla Monsoon. I forget exactly who he was referring to when he said this (obviously a heel) (actually, it might have been Hercules I think) but Monsoon shouted out:

"And here he comes, to the ring, a walking and talking promotion of birth control."

ZIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!

[Goldenboy79]

Some more of mine:

'Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades'
Gorilla Monsoon used that line frequently when calling a near pinfall.

'He doesnt know the difference between a wristlock and a wristwatch'
Gorilla again.

Another classic Jesse Ventura rant: This is at Summerslam '89, Rick Rude vs Ultimate Warrior for the IC title. Outside the ring, Warrior nails Rude with the IC belt.
Jesse 'That ought to be a disqualifiation!'
Schivone 'It was outside the ring Jess'
Jesse 'SO WHAT? Are you tellng me you can take a gun and shoot a guy, as long as its outside the ring its legal??? Your even stupider than Mosnoon!'


Owen Hart was a guest heel commentator at King of the Ring '96.
Owens partner Davey Boy Smith is challenging for Shawn Michaels WWF title. Davey often brought his wife Diana Hart to he ring with him at this point in his career.
Owen 'Look at my sister (Diana) isnt she beatiful?.... like most people in my family. Though theres a few ugly ones, one of my brothers is really ugly (referring to Bret).
JR Owen are you adopted?
Owen 'What kind of stupid question is that? Are you impying that I am much smarter and better looking than everyone else in my family?

[TheManWithoutAFace]

This one is from Michael Cole. I believe it's from a PPV, not sure which one, in a match between the Big Show and somebody. His opponent tries a shoulder block and Big Show just steam rolls him.

Michael Cole: Folks, go into your backyard and run face first into a brick wall, that's what that feels like.

Taz: Well, I don't suggest doing that.

[horsemen4life]

Not so much a commentator statement, but it was said on mic by Jim Cornett to Bob Caudle when the Midnight Express were both NWA World and US tag champs...

Jim walks over to Bob and grabs his mic to cut him off and start his own commentating...

Jim Cornett: Here Bob, have a belt.

[Sharpshooter33]

Originally Posted by Toron

There are a lot of these that you catch every now and then from an announcer that make you say to yourself, good call. It's hard to remember them all though.

One of my favourite zingers ever to be said on air was said by Gorilla Monsoon. I forget exactly who he was referring to when he said this (obviously a heel) (actually, it might have been Hercules I think) but Monsoon shouted out:

"And here he comes, to the ring, a walking and talking promotion of birth control."

ZIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!

He's actually said something along those lines several times, and it was almost ALWAYS in reference to The Mouth of the South, Jimmy Hart.

Gorilla and Jesse had so much gold throughout their tenure together that I don't even know where to begin with my favorites. I'll get back to this someday, promise