TNA iMPACT 2010 03 29

TNA iMPACT

Location: Orlando, Florida (Universal Studios)
Date: March 29, 2010 (Taped: March 23)
Commentators: Mike Tenay & Taz
[ REVIEWED BY NIKHIL KALHAN ]

DARK MATCH: Christopher Daniels defeated New Japan’s Kazuchika Okada ..

TAPED FOR XPLOSION: Angelina Love defeated Madison Rayne..

VIDEO PACKAGE: A recap after what happened in last weeks live iMPACT. Jeff Jarrett hitting a guitar over Eric Bischoff’s head to start of the show, then Mick Foley being fired after losing to Jeff Jarrett in a loser leaves TNA match (booked by Eric Bischoff).

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT (EARLIER TODAY)
Hulk Hogan & Jeff Jarrett + “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal: Hulk Hogan told Jarrett he has to take a trip to New York to handle some business (Spike meeting along with Dixie). Hulk said he and Eric Bischoff make a good team because they work out their issues. Hogan told Jarrett that the fans are buying into him tonight. Hulk told Jarrett to go beat A.J. Styles tonight and become #1 contender and he will face the winner of The Pope versus A.J. Styles match. Jeff Jarrett left and then Jay Lethal came in. Hogan did a voice of someone which I am not familiar with. Jay Lethal asked Hulk Hogan if he can takeover his spot tonight and Hulk Hogan agreed and they shook on it (like the old “Mega Powers” handshake). Editor’s Note: 1st time I have mentioned Jay Lethal and I have done this recapping nearly two months!

IN-RING SEGMENT
Bubba The Love Sponge & The Wolfpac ( Kevin Nash & Scott Hall & Sean Waltman) + Eric Young + Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy: The Wolfpac theme hit to bring out Bubba the Love Sponge, followed by the Wolfpac; Nash, Hall, and Waltman. Bubba called the fans “pathetic sheep” and “marks.” “Fire Bubba” chants were heard quite clearly. Bubba plugged his radio show clearance and said he doesn’t even need the job. Bubba said if he’s going to work here, then this was the group he wants to hang out with. Bubba said no disrespect to Christy Hemme or Jeremy Borash, but they have no business interviewing the Wolfpac.. Nash took the mic and said he had become friends with Eric Young over the last year and wanted to offer an apology. Out came Eric Young to the stage, slowly entered the ring, and walked up to Nash. Nash said what they did at Destination X was wrong. Nash said what he did was business and they would like to have Young join the Band. One thing, though, was this match tonight isn’t going to happen. Nash said Hardy and RVD were not in their league; they’re not ready. Nash told Young to join the Band, and offered him the Wolfpac sign. Eric Young then reacted and reached back and popped Nash with a right hand and hit Waltman and Hall as well. Young then tried to choke Bubba, but the numbers added up and Nash shouted at Young, “Big mistake!” Waltman dropped a leg as Hall taunted him. They took turns working over Young before RVD ran to the ring, followed by Jeff Hardy. The Band bailed and Hardy stared them down from the ring. Young, Hardy, and RVD stood in the ring before Hardy took the mic and said they’re ready to do the six-man right now. Hardy said since the Band thinks they’re the “main event,” they’ll make it for later tonight… but inside the steel cage in honor of Lockdown. Hardy then sang the lyrics to his TNA theme.

X-DIVISION TAG TEAM MATCH
(Frankie) Kazarian & Shannon Moore defeated Doug Williams & Brian Kendrick: Shannon Moore picked up the win after he hit Brian Kendrick with a spinning neckbreaker.After the match, Shannon Moore put black lipstick marks all over Kendrick (sending a message to X-Division champion Doug Williams).

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT
Eric Bischoff + Personal Secretary (Miss Tessmocker) + “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal + : Eric Bischoff was shown on the phone again (telling Hulk Hogan he will make it work). Bischoff hung up then called for assistant, Miss Tessmocker (played by former WWE Diva Brooke Adams). Bischoff told her to keep some guy out of his office. She asked “who?” In came “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal, who gave him a card for the rest of the show filled with legends. (Sheik & Volkoff vs. Killer Bees, Koko B. Ware vs. Akeem the African Dream w/Slick, and King Kong Bundy vs. The Junk Yard Dog). Machismo said it was GENIUS! Eric Bischoff told Lethal he’s spent too much time on the undercard and needs to think of the main event. Lethal went away, then Bischoff told the assistant to get him Beer Money Inc. – NOW!

IN-RING SEGMENT
Pope D’Angelo Dinero + Chelsea + Desmond Wolfe: Pope D’Angelo Dinero came to the ring and talked about going for the TNA World Title at Lockdown. The Pope said his chance was being jeopardized by A.J. Styles and Ric Flair. The Pope said he’s not calling Flair “Nature Boy” anymore because it’s time to grow up. Pope said Styles has been walking on edge with him hot on his heels with daybreak soon to come. Pope told Styles to head down to Cape Canaveral and find the most expensive astronaut suit because he’s going to…take him to the outer limits at Lockdown. Pope said Styles might be champ, but he’ll never be the charismatic, pimptacular, Pope D’Angelo Dinero. Pope finished his promo and his music hit. Desmond Wolfe’s assistant, Chelsea (Hot!), then came to the ring and Pope’s music stopped. The fans chanted Chelsea’s name! Pope circled around her and objectified her before Chelsea told Pope she could do one thing for him. She’s had money, cars, and yachts, but she’s always wanted to have one other dream fulfilled to “be a ho.” Bad acting, but who cares. They traded sexual remarks like “do you know how to drive stick?” Desmond Wolfe (back from the “abyss”) hit the ring from behind, but Pope saw it coming and dropped Wolfe with a kick. Pope then grabbed Chelsea and kissed her before dropping her to the mat with a mortified look on her face. Pope then stuffed money into Chelsea’s cleavage to end the segment. Well, she wanted to be a HO.

VIDEO PACKAGE: The NEW Samoa Joe. After being abducted last month, Samoa Joe returned via a grainy video message. It looked like he was freezing and disoriented. Joe’s words were “they have spoken… and the results will be different!.. will be very different!”

IMPACT ZONE SEGMENT
Orlando Jordan + Male & Female Valet: Orlando Jordan was lowered to the ring, covered in yellow Caution tape for a crime scene (the tape said “Cross the Line”). He ate some of the tape and crawled around in the ring, then slithered out onto the entrance ramp and crawled while they showed Tenay and Taz looking shell-shocked. Jordan walked over to the announce table and walked by them before posing on a stage behind the announcers. They showed a man (his real life boyfriend) and a woman sitting on a couch seductively. He then sat down on the couch between them and they cut away. Chants of “This is creepy” were heard and Jordans music was quite disturbing. Editor’s Note: Is this how you are expected to gain ratings?

BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW
Jeremy Borash & Tara + Daffney: Jeremy Borash looked in disbelief from what he just saw saying the lines “I do not know what to make of that, but we shall move on” (rightly so). As soon as Tara started talking, “Zombie Hot” Daffney attacked her and there match started.

TNA KNOCKOUT TITLE FIRST BLOOD MATCH
Tara defeated Daffney to retain the TNA Knockouts title: They brawled backstage, then into the iMPACT Zone, then ringside, before eventually making it to the ring. Daffney tried to use a jagged piece of broken wood but failed to draw blood. Tara hit the widows peak and then smacked Daffney with the tool box. Daffney started to bleed and Tara retained the title. Daffney got excited with the blood and started to lick it.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT
A.J. Styles & Ric Flair: A.J. Styles was shown preparing for his match, with Ric Flair being wheeled around in a wheel chair.

#1 CONTENDERS MATCH (WORLD TITLE)
TNA World Heavyweight champion A.J. Styles w/Ric Flair defeated Jeff Jarrett: Jeff Jarrett has his music back and the crowd were chanting wildly for him. Ric Flair was wheeled to ringside by Chelsae. Midway through the match, Flair was being a pest so referee Brian Hebner sent him to the back. A few minutes later, Chelsae puched Flair back out to ringside on the floor. Jarrett shoved Styles into the ropes, an accidentally knocked Hebner off the ring apron down to the floor. Jarrett hit the Stroke from the top rope, but there was no one there to make the count. Bischoff ran in with a guitar and threatened to smash it over Jarrett’s head. Jarrett caught him and pulled the guitar away, then threatened Bischoff with it! A.J. delivered a low blow on Jarrett, but sliced his hand pretty bad on a piece of the guitar. Styles managed to hit the Styles clash and scored the pin. Editor’s Note: Really good match which lasted around 15-17 minutes. That’s more wrestling than the average episode of iMPACT.

BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW
Jeremy Borash & Eric Young & Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy: Eric Young thanked Hardy and RVD for having his back earlier in the night. Young told Nash that he is in the business for the right reasons, while Nash is in the business for the wrong reasons. RVD said that the Band have been doing their stuff for far too long. Jeff Hardy talked about Hall & Nash have been trying to kick him down as he makes his way up the ladder. Young wanted Nash to ask himself who “traded up” when he looked at his partners.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT
“Black Machismo” Jay Lethal + Eric Bischoff: Jay Lethal was shown waiting for Bischoff backstage to resume their discussion of the Lockdown card, when Eric informed him that he has a match against a mystery opponent tonight and his music was about to play.

2-1 HANDICAP MATCH
“Black Machismo” Jay Lethal defeated Beer Money Inc. (Robert Roode & James Storm): Jay Lethal got the win after a schoolboy on Robert Roode while James Storm went to get a drink from his bottle of beer. Eric Bischoff was shown throwing his hat down in his office.

RINGSIDE SEGMENT: Mike Tenay & Taz discussed the Hernandez injury in which he has a herniated a disc. Matt Morgan will be explaining his actions next week and they wished him luck. Editor’s Note: This is a angle: Hernandez is being sent to Mexico to help TNA expand themselves in the AAA Mexican market.

SINGLES MATCH
Desmond Wolfe w/Chelsea defeated Pope D’Angelo Dinero: Chelsae is so hot, but has no charisma or acting skill. Chelsae got up on the ring apron and caressed in front of a gawky referee Earl Hebner. Desmond Wolfe pulled out a chain and knocked out the Pope for the win! Wolfe went over to Chelsae, looked into the camera and shouted “what Chelsae wants, Chelsae gets!”

IN-RING SEGMENT (INSIDE THE STEEL CAGE)
Kurt Angle + Mr. Anderson + The Wolfpac (Kevin Nash & Scott Hall & Sean Waltman): Kurt Angle took the mic inside the steel cage and addressed Mr. Anderson. Angle said some people said Anderson might be every bit as good as him. “Really, Ken?” Angle asked rhetorically. Angle said no one really knows who he is. Angle said he’s an Olympic champion who has made a living by winning and playing by the rules. Angle said he lost control, maybe because he spit in his face or cut him up with his Warrior tag. Angle then plugged their match at Lockdown in the steel cage – one-on-one, no rules, no regulations, no control. “And the only way to survive is to physically walk through that door.” Angle promised the end of the match would have his face, hands, and body covered with Anderson’s blood. Mr. Anderson’s music interrupted and he walked out on stage where his trademark microphone was lowered. Anderson said it’s time to get DAMN REAL because they’re going to kill each other if they keep this war going. Anderson said they’re 50/50 with a victory a piece, so TNA decided to put them in the cage to settle their differences. Only one man emerges victorious, right? Anderson said a little birdie sat on his shoulder in the back (cough, Eric Bischoff) and he sanctioned a match for next week’s iMPACT between the two of them. Anderson said it’s going to be……. a ladder match. Anderson said there will be a key hanging above the ring and the key will unlock the door to Lockdown. Anderson proceeded to talk up Angle as a better role model, parent, and family man than he will ever strive to be. “Nice guys always finish last,” Anderson shouted into his mic. Anderson then shouted, “next week and again at Lockdown, thank God, thank God, thank God .. I’m an A$$HOLE!….. A$$HOLE!!!” Mr. Anderson dropped the mic and left, then Angle slowly walked out. Angle started to leave, but the Wolfpac music hit and the former Main Event Mafia members met. Nash and Angle met face-to-face on the ramp and they greeted each other with the Wolfpac sign, but he walked right past Hall & Waltman. Editor’s note: Great segment and the Mafia is still alive!

SIX MAN TAG TEAM STEEL CAGE MATCH
Eric Young & Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy defeated The Wolfpac (Kevin Nash & Scott Hall & Sean Waltman): Before the match could start, Sean Waltman swung the cage door open and smacked it against Eric Young, who crashed to the floor.. The Wolfpac then attacked the other babyfaces on the floor outside the cage. Waltman closed the cage door and shut Young out of the cage to begin a three-on-two handicap match. The heels tried to use the numbers advantage before Hardy came back with a powerbomb on Waltman in mid-air. RVD then hit Rolling Thunder on Waltman, followed by Hardy hitting his split-leg dropkick on the mat. Hall then blindsided RVD, but RVD chopped down Nash at the knees. Meanwhile, Young, who was bleeding, started climbing the cage from the outside. Waltman climbed up to block, but RVD climbed up and flung Waltman to the mat. RVD and Hardy then went to opposite corner’s and they hit trademark finishers – the Five Star frog splash and the Swanton Bomb on Nash & Hall. Young then hit a flying elbow drop on Waltman from the top of the cage. Young made the cover on Waltman and picked up the win for his team!

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT
Christy Hemme & Abyss + Jeff Jarrett: Abyss announced Jeff Jarrett as the 2nd member of Team Hogan. Jeff Jarrett came in rubbing his hands and said he’s proud to be involved with Hogan and Abyss. Jarrett said he’s going to start getting involved in Ric Flair’s matches. In one night, on April 18, he will be blowing off all his frustration in St. Louis. “Your move, Nature Boy,” Abyss said before doing his “watcha gonna do when Abyssmania and Team Hogan run wild on you?”