WWE Monday Night RAW
March 1, 2010 – Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
IN THE RING
Shawn Michaels + Triple H: Shawn said there was a buzz around the WWE locker room, and after last week everyone thinks he’s crazy for putting his career on the line at WrestleMania. Shawn said as he walked the halls of the WWE locker room (locker rooms don’t have halls), he sees his peers and he looks them in the eye but all they can do is look away. Shawn said he sees them standing in the corner whispering, and that not one of them believes in him! Shawn said not one believes he can defeat The Undertaker at WrestleMania. Shawn said he recognizes that the undefeated streak is 17-0, but he also recognizes that no one has given Taker a run for his money like he is. Shawn said he knows as an undeniable fact that every man, woman and child knows that HE is Mr.WrestleMania! Shawn said he believes that he can end Takers undefeated streak, but for all of his peers that don’t believe in him, he’s going to give them an opportunity. Shawn said he wants them to come to the ring, look him in the eye, and tell him that he can’t win. Triple H came out! Shawn was surprised his friend of 15 years didn’t believe in him. Hunter said he doesn’t think Shawn can beat Taker, he knows he can! Hunter said it wasn’t between the fans or the cameras, Hunter has wrestled everyone in this business, and he knows from the bottom of his heart, Shawn is the best he’s ever been in the ring with. Hunter said if Shawn wanted to talk about his peers who don’t believe in him, the truth is Shawn has no peers in the locker room, he’s a step above everyone there! Hunter said on WrestleMania night Shawn truly is Mr.WrestleMania! Hunter said the road to WrestleMania always takes them both down different paths, and he can tell Shawn with 100% certainty that DX will never die, but it will be a long time before they’re in the ring together again. Hunter said he would hate if that last image of them together would be them losing to ShowMiz, so Hunter invoked the rematch clause, for tonight! Shawn said he appreciates everything Hunter said and he appreciates the opportunity, but they are going down separate paths. Hunter said they are but it’s not about tag team championships, Hunter said technically if you’re the tag team champions you don’t have to defend the titles for 30 days, WrestleMania is 28 days away, the following RAW is 29, so the night after Shawn beats Taker they should come down to that ring and throw a celebration only DX can throw, because Shawn will be known as the man who ended Taker’s streak. Hunter said it has nothing to do with being tag team champions, it has to do with belief, and Hunter believes Shawn will still be there the night after WrestleMania, he believes Taker’s streak will come to and end, he believes Shawn’s career will be alive and well, and he believes Shawn will beat The Undertaker. Hunter asked Shawn what he believes. Shawn said he believes they have some tag team titles to win tonight! They posed for the crowd.
Cheech & Chong + The Bella Twins (Nikki & Brie) + Hornswoggle: Cheech & Chong were commenting on how cool they thought the room looked when the Bella Twins came in to whore up the place. They flirted with Cheech & Chong and they asked if they could go to Cheech & Chong’s next show and offered to take them on a tour. Chong said to go ahead, he felt like resting. Hornswoggle showed up and gave Chong some lucky charms cereal. Chong didn’t know what it was and had some. The room began spinning around implying he just took drugs, this show is PG.
Randy Orton defeated Ted DiBiase Jr. by DQ: They fought back and forth before Ted tried for a superplex, got knocked off the turnbuckle, and hit a drop kick instead. Ted threw Randy out of the ring and tried to throw him into the ring post, but Randy blocked it and threw Ted into it! Back from commercial Ted was stomping a mud hole into Randy. Ted went for covers a lot and began losing his temper, Ted wound up running right into a big powerslam. Randy did his signature stomp all over his opponent technique, and got ready for the RKO. Cody showed up on the apron and started distracting Randy, Ted rolled Randy up, Randy reversed the roll up, and Cody attacked Randy! Legacy tried to beat up Randy after the match but he wound up throwing Ted out of the ring, and hitting the inverted backbreaker on Cody! Randy went for his middle rope DDT, but Ted saved Cody. Segment ended with Legacy backing up the ramp.
Chong & Eve Torres (Turned out to be William Regal) + Cheech + Chris Masters + Hornswoggle: The room was still spinning as Chong gave who he thought was Eve Torres a hair rub. Chong came up with the idea for a Diva pajama pillow fight. Eve said it was a bad idea (her voice sounded like William Regal). Cheech came in and said Chong can’t eat sugar because he’s diabetic and will go on a sugar high. Chong said he was fine, so Cheech asked him why he was running his hands through William Regal’s hair! The room stopped spinning to show Regal sitting there looking annoyed. Regal stormed out and Chong asked if he could still hang out with Kelly Kelly, camera panned over to Chris Masters, who told Chong (In Kelly’s voice) to stop staring at his chest. Hornswoggle came in with some more lucky charms and Cheech had some, even though he said he’s allergic to marshmallows. The room began spinning again to end another stupid segment.
MONEY IN THE BANK QUALIFYING MATCH
Jack Swagger defeated Santino Marella to qualify: Jack Swagger defeated Santino in about 20 seconds with the gut wrench powerbomb to qualify.
IN THE RING
John Cena + WWE champion Batista: John Cena said there’s a few people who told him that at the Elimination Chamber Batista stole the WWE championship from him. Cena said that’s not the way it happened, it was about business. Cena said Batista was smart enough to align himself with Vince McMahon, they had an agreement, Batista was smart enough to cash in on that agreement, business. Cena said the next night on RAW things became personal, Batista ambushed him and continued to even though he couldn’t move. Cena said he doesn’t know why! Cena said he knows everyone wants to be champion. Cena said they have both been in the WWE a long time and he used to consider Batista a friend, but now Batista has a problem with him. Cena said all the fans see the silver lining in everything just like him, his silver lining is that he gets to go to WrestleMania against Batista. Cena said WrestleMania is 4 weeks away, and after what happened last week on RAW, he needs to pay Batista back, and they should do that right now! Batista came out looking like Animal when he did his gay biker gimmick in 2005, escorted with security guards way smaller than him. Batista held up the championship in triumph. Cena thought it was strange how the big bad animal Batista has security. Batista said they aren’t there to protect him, they’re there to protect Cena! Batista said he has no problem hurting Cena again, but the guards are there to stop that from happening. Cena asked Batista to come down to the ring so he could thank him for that, or just stay at the top of the ramp like a 6’6’’ 300 pound pansy! Batista said Cena amused him, and that he would answer his questions. Batista said he did what he did last week because he wants to face Cena at WrestleMania, so he lost! Batista said they did start out in the WWE together, they’re rises to the top was practically identical, even though they couldn’t be any more different. Batista said they are the 2 biggest stars since the attitude era. Batista said they both won championships at WrestleMania 21 and never looked back, but for some insane reason this company has decided to label Cena as the man! Batista said John Cena was the name and face of the WWE, championships, magazine covers, commercials, movies. Batista said somehow the torch was passed from Steve Austin to Cena, when it should have been him (Batista). Batista said he’s the biggest star in this company, and he should be the name and face of it! Batista said he did what he did last week for 2 reasons. Batista said one was to beat the hell out of Cena at WrestleMania so he can prove he is better than him in front of everyone, and the second is because he just can’t stand Cena! Cena said all this was about some fictional torch no one has ever seen, Cena said Batista better focus up, because he wants to be WWE champion and will take it from Batista at WrestleMania. Cena said things worked out different for both of them because Cena worked his butt off, whereas Batista can’t even show up on time. Cena said everyone knows he has given his life for this business, whereas Batista stands up there, expecting it to be given to him! Cena told Batista to look in the mirror, because he’s selfish, he always has been, and always will be. Batista said he actually agrees with Cena, he doesn’t care about the fans, he is there to make money and win titles, he doesn’t care if the fans cheer or boo him, he is not there for them! Batista told Cena to go ahead kissing babies and hugging fat girls, he’ll be in a gym somewhere training, thinking about beating the hell out of him at WrestleMania. Batista said it’s a fact, that every time they are in the ring together, bad things happen to Cena! Batista said it wasn’t too long ago when he broke his neck! Cena started to get angry but Batista said he doesn’t care what Cena thinks. Batista said what Cena thinks is irrelevant. Batista said all Cena does is bark, Batista said Cena knows first hand what Batista is good at! Batista told Cena to go ahead and say a fancy catchphrase or something inspiring, the whole WWE Universe wants to hear what John Cena has to say. Batista said Cena can’t beat him, and deep down, he knows it!
Cheech & Chong + Chavo Guerrero + Carlito & Primo Colon + Katie Lea Burchill + Yoshi Tatsu + a chicken with the voice of Santino Marella: Cheech & Chong were acting stupid while Chavo sat there in a sombrero and a moustache. Cheech referred to Carlito and Primo as Mexicans, they said they were Puerto Ricans and can’t stand each other! The camera went over to Katie Lea who also had a moustache on, and she said she was British! Yoshi Tatsu walked in also wearing a dumb moustache, said something in Japanese and walked away. Cheech started talking about how LOST ends when a chicken in a cage walked in with Santino Marella’s voice, it said that the Divas pajamas pillow fight was coming up soon. Cheech & Chong said far out man! (Editor’s note: And I thought the Jerry Springer segments were bad).
MONEY IN THE BANK QUALIFYING MATCH
Montel Vontavious Porter defeated Zack Ryder w/Rosa Mendes to qualify: MVP won in about a minute with ballin’ and the playmaker.
DIVAS PAJAMA PILLOW FIGHT
Eve Torres & Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim defeated Maryse Ouellet & Jillian Hall & Alicia Fox : Cheech & Chong came down to the ring to guest announce the match. I think this was supposed to be a 6 women tag team match. This crap actually went on longer then either of the 2 MIIB qualifying matches. After this crap was over Hornswoggle ran down to the ring and threw lucky charms at King & Cole.
IN THE RING
Vince McMahon + Bret “The Hitman” Hart : Vince McMahon came out instead of Bret. Vince said to allow him to have the honor of introducing them to Bret. Vince said Bret is a WWE hall of famer, and for whom he has the greatest, upmost personal respect, Bret “The Hitman” Hart! Bret hobbled down to the ring on one crutch. Vince said before they get started he wanted Bret to clear his name in having nothing to do with that accident the other week. Bret said he didn’t know if that’s true or not, but what he does know is true is that Vince has treated him like a piece of garbage ever since he came back, and if Vince is serious about him having his final farewell he should get the hell out of the ring right now! Vince said there is something he’d like to say. Vince said Bret referred to him as a World champion liar, and if he’s going to be a liar he should be a World champion liar! Vince said he didn’t invite Bret to give his final farewell, he lied! Bret asked why Vince did ask him there. Vince said he screwed Bret once again and it feels good. Vince asked if it was Bret who challenged him to a match at WrestleMania, Vince said he remembers hearing those words. Bret said he’s currently a little incapacitated, Vince said he didn’t notice, sure Bret has a broken leg, but even an old dried up fossil can heal in 6 weeks! Vince said Bret didn’t come back to WWE to make things right, he came back for one reason, him! Vince said for years Bret has wanted to fight him. Bret said that’s fair enough, he has wanted to fight him for 13 years! Vince asked Bret why he wasn’t fighting him then. Vince asked Bret to let his dream come true, and said he screwed Bret in WWE, and sent him packing to WCW where he embarrassed himself, he spit in Bret’s face, and he looked right in his eye and lied to him about his dad Stu being in the hall of fame. Vince asked if that was enough motivation. Vince said if he’s not going to do it for himself, he should do it for his fans all over the world. Vince said they want to see Bret Hart in the ring one more time! Vince said he can’t let these people down. Vince asked if the fans wanted to see Bret Hart in a match against Vince at WrestleMania. Bret said he knew Vince was trying to goad him into a match, but he can’t wrestle because his leg is broken, idiot! Vince said he hates to hear those words, Bret’s last name used to stand for something, but now Bret has no heart! Vince said Bret has become a coward. Vince kicked Bret’s crutch out from underneath him, knocking Bret down! Vince left the ring, continuing to call Bret a coward. Bret said if Vince wants a match at WrestleMania he’s got it! Vince said Bret may not be at 100%, but he is, to show Bret how fit he is he’s going to take on Bret’s biggest fan next week, John Cena!
UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
ShowMiz (The Big Show & Mike “The Miz” Mizanin) defeated DX (Shawn Michaels & Triple H) to retain the Unified Tag Team titles: Shawn Michaels started off against the Big Show. Michael quickly got grounded with a big clothesline, Show tagged in Miz. Miz started stomping on Michaels and kicked him in the face. ShowMiz made frequent tags, working on Michaels. Show tried for the chokeslam but Shawn got out of it and tagged in Hunter. Hunter hit Miz with a spinebuster, but then walked right into a chokeslam from Show! Michaels hit sweet chin music on Show! Hunter & Show got the tags and Michaels exploded on Miz. The Undertaker’s face came up on the titantron. Taker rolled his eyes up and Miz grabbed Shawn and pinned him! After the match Shawn sat in the middle of the ring looking upset. Shawn told Hunter not to touch him and stormed away. Sheamus came into the ring and attacked Hunter! Sheamus threw Hunter out of the ring and hit 2 bicycle kicks on him! Show ended with Sheamus posing on top of the announce table.