WWE Superstar and former member of the Shield
WWE Monday Night RAW
April 19, 2010 – East Rutherford, New Jersey
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
IN THE RING
Triple H + Straight Edge Society (C.M. Punk & Luke Gallows & Serena) + Rey Mysterio: Triple H said not to suck up to him just because he’s the only guy there. Hunter said in case you’ve been living in a cave a giant volcano erupted in Iceland twice. Hunter said he was being serious. Hunter said travel is ruined everywhere, but it’s not a big deal for the WWE, they’re used to big gaseous eruptions thanks to Big Show and Mexican food! Hunter said the entire RAW roster is stuck in Europe. Hunter said you don’t have to watch him have a 2 hour ironman match with Frank the audio guy. Hunter said the WWE brass have been working feverously to make sure you have a show to the highest standards. Hunter said he’s here tonight, and he will be in Baltimore on Sunday when he wrestles Sheamus. Hunter said if that pasty faced teabag makes it on Sunday he’ll beat him any other color than white. Hunter said Sheamus made an impression last week by beating up Kofi, but if Sheamus is bad, Hunter is deadly! Hunter said this Sunday Sheamus is in for a rude awakening. Straight Edge Society came out! Punk said fortunately the SmackDown! Crew had the intestinal fortitude to make it back to friendly shores. Punk said unfortunately for himself he has to be here in New Jersey. Punk said he had 2 words for them “Jersey Sucks”! Punk said he’s out there to let them all know that this time next week he might not be on SmackDown! anymore. Punk said the draft is next week and if he has to be a part of RAW he wants the world to know that he’s bringing the SES with him. Hunter asked if he was going to bring all 2 members. Hunter asked why they have to shave their heads but Punk doesn’t. Hunter asked if Serena had to shave her chest. Punk said the reason he doesn’t have to shave is the same reason Shawn had to shave his but Hunter didn’t, because Punk is the leader! Punk said his hair is pure and stands for purity because no foreign chemicals or substances have touched it before. Hunter asked if by foreign chemicals he meant soap and shampoo! Hunter said it’s not going to make a difference anyways because this Sunday he has a hair match with Mysterio. Punk asked Hunter if he thought Rey was going to beat him. Punk said Hunter is just as naïve as all of those people. Punk said he was going to crush Mysterio and all these people are going to realize that straight edge is the most powerful force on the planet. Punk said after Rey realizes this he will fall in line, and then so will all the fans. Punk said Hunter could do some good by letting straight edge into his life, he could influence people and make their lives better. Hunter said Punk makes a good point. Hunter said a part of him would like to join, but he doesn’t believe in what Punk believes in, he believes in freedom. Hunter said in the USA you are free to do what you want to do. Hunter said the people in the arena chose to come to RAW. Hunter said they chose to be a part of the WWE Universe and they chose to be here so they could go crazy. Hunter got out of the ring and went over to a fan. Hunter said if that guy wanted to walk up to the concession stand and drink as much beer as possible he could do it, as long as he had a ride home. Hunter went over to 2 old men. Hunter said if they wanted to drive to another state and celebrate their union and live happily together they could! Hunter went over to Lillian Garcia! Hunter said if Lillian wants to come back for one night just to horse around she can do it. Hunter said that’s the beauty of a free country, people can do as they choose. Hunter said if he chooses to stand in front of the bald wonder twins and beat up Punk he can! Punk said he doesn’t want to be here. Punk said he thought he would make a statement and thought Hunter would see the light and want to be the part of something big and start off RAW with something huge. Punk said he honestly thought Hunter would shave his head and join SES, but there seems to be a miscommunication. Punk said he wasn’t asking, he was telling! The SES attacked Hunter. Hunter tried to fight back but quickly got taken down. Serena plugged in the shaver and Luke grabbed a chair. Suddenly Rey Mysterio came out! Rey and Hunter took down Gallows and Punk and got the shaver ready. Hunter held down Punk and Rey shaved off some of Punk’s hair before Luke saved him!
NON (WWE INTERCONTINENTAL) TITLE MATCH
WWE Intercontinental champion Drew McIntyre defeated Matt Hardy: Hardy clotheslined Drew out of the ring early on and hit a double axe handle off the apron. Drew managed to kick Hardy into the steel steps. Hardy began acting all dazed after that. Back in the ring Hardy was able to hit a side effect. Drew tried for the future shock but Hardy countered it into a back drop. Both of them ran into each other and conked heads. Hardy got up to the middle rope but Drew pulled him down and pinned him for the 3.
INTERVIEW VIA SATELLITE
WWE champion John Cena: John Cena said flights have been grounded for a week now. Cena said they were all safe and very sorry they couldn’t be there tonight. Cole asked Cena how being stuck in Europe was affecting his preparation. Cena said his preparation is fine, and he doesn’t care if he has to swim there, he will be there on Sunday. Cena said the last time you saw Batista he was tapping out, which was good enough for WM but not for Extreme Rules because it’s a last man standing match. Cena said at the end of the night when the referee counts to 10 he will be the last man standing and the champ will be there!
IN THE RING
Vladimir Kozlov + Jerry “The King” Lawler + MacGruber & Vicki St. Elmo + R-Truth: Vladimir said his name and that he has been treated unfairly. Vladimir told King to read his statement. King said Vladimir is protesting the unfair treatment he has received from the RAW guest hosts. King said Vladimir is an elite athlete who demands elite competition. King said Vladimir doesn’t expect them to understand, they are all spoiled ignorant Americans. King said they are all physically inferior, therefore they are weak, and from a State devoid of class or integrity. King said Jersey was the single most depressing place on earth. King said he cannot wait for his fellow Russian to buy their NBA franchise and move it out of that horrible state. Vladimir grabbed the mic and asked for some proper competition. MacGruber and Vicki St. Elmo, characters from the upcoming movie MacGruber came out. MacGruber asked Vladimir if he liked to make people read things and that he would show him how it’s done. Vicki pulled out a piece of paper and said Vince has ordered a super power main event. Chris Jericho, C.M. Punk and Luke Gallows vs. Rey Mysterio, Edge, and Triple H! MacGruber said no one rips on the state of New Jersey. MacGruber said some of the greatest Americans of all time are from New Jersey; Jon Bon Jovi, Paul Blart Mall Cop, Snookie and the Situation. MacGruber said Vladimir isn’t treated fairly because he’s a giant pile of suck. Vladimir said if MacGruber insults him one more time he will end him. MacGruber said he doesn’t want any trouble, so he won’t insult Vladimir, but he will insult his mother. MacGruber said the most depressing place on earth isn’t Jersey, it’s Vladimir’s moms uterus. Vicki said MacGruber isn’t speaking for both of them, and that she’s sure his moms uterus is awesome. Vladimir said he will destroy him later tonight. MacGruber said he would be elite competition, but he already made a match for him, since Vladimir keeps lying, he will face R-Truth. Truth came out on stage. MacGruber said Vladimir has nowhere to run, and if he tries to the entire place is rigged with explosives. Suddenly R-Truth exploded…….yeah. Vladimir said he will see him later tonight, and he will destroy him.
MacGruber + Triple H + Kane: MacGruber was trying to go through the exit door when Triple H came up to him. Hunter asked MacGruber what that big stain on his pants was. MacGruber said he spilled a little water on his pants. Hunter said it smells like something else. MacGruber said they aren’t his pants. MacGruber said his friend peed his pants, but they switched pants because MacGruber is such a nice guy. MacGruber pointed to his friend, it was Kane. Hunter told Kane what MacGruber said and MacGruber ran away. Kane said he didn’t think peeing was the only thing MacGruber did in those pants.
INTERVIEW VIA SATELLITE
Randy Orton: Randy Orton said after Swagger cashed in MIIB there was a lot of talk about where the World title would go. Orton said after this Sunday, wherever Orton ends up is where the World title will be.
IN THE RING
World Heavyweight champion Jack Swagger + The Undertaker: Jack said talking is cheap when your 3000 miles away. Jack said if Orton was there tonight he would show him why he’s the champion. Jack said since Orton isn’t there he needs a way to show Orton what’s in store for him on Sunday. Jack asked for a referee because he’s issuing an open challenge. Jack said normally when a person issues an open challenge a monster comes through that curtain and destroys them, but that’s because the person isn’t him. Jack said no one has his style or his credentials, and no one has been the champion. Jack said anyone who thinks they can go toe to toe with him should come on out. After a long delay Jack said that’s what he thought and started to leave when The Undertaker came out!
NON (WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT) TITLE MATCH
The Undertaker defeated World Heavyweight champion Jack Swagger: Jack managed to knock Taker down with a shoulder block early on. Taker began working on Jack’s arm and hit old school. Jack hit a big powerslam and began stomping on Taker. Jack threw Taker against the steel steps and began working on his leg. Taker finally managed to grab Jack by his tights and throw him out of the ring. Taker hit his leg drop off the apron. Taker locked in a front chancery as they went to commercial. Back from commercial Jack was back on Taker’s leg. Eventually they got into a striking contest, which Taker won, and then followed up with a DDT. Taker hit snake eyes followed by a big boot and ended it with a leg drop for 2. Taker tried for the chokeslam but Jack fought out of it and ran into another big boot. Jack managed to hit a DDT moments later for 2. Jack tried for the Vader bomb but Taker grabbed Jack by the throat and hit a chokeslam. Taker followed up with the tombstone for the 3.
Chris Jericho + Straight Edge Society (C.M. Punk & Luke Gallows & Serena): Punk had a towel wrapped around his head and he looked hilarious. Jericho said he saw what happened to them earlier. Punk said he didn’t want to talk about it. Jericho said if they do what he says and follow his plan they’ll win the match. Jericho said he has beaten all their opponents more than he can remember. Jericho ran into MacGruber and Vicki next. MacGruber said Jericho was awesome in the movie. Jericho said he might get an Oscar nomination. Jericho said they might make a sequel with him in the lead role. Jericho made up his own theme song. MacGruber said he has a match next with Vladimir and asked if Jericho had any advice. Jericho said it was smart to ask for his help, Jericho said he wants him to walk right up to Vladimir and extend his hand. Jericho said it will throw him off his game so you can slap him in the face. MacGruber said he was thankful to have a friend like him. Jericho flirted with Vicki for a bit.
MacGruber & Khaluber w/Vicki St. Elmo defeated Vladimir Kozlov by countout: MacGruber went for the handshake and then smacked Vladimir in the face. Vladimir grabbed MacGruber and hit some head butts before getting ready to hit a urinage. Actor Ryan Phillipe (I think) came out and said he changed the match to a handicap match. Ryan said he got MacGrubers brother Khaluber. The Great Khali (looking ridiculous dressed like MacGruber) came out. Khali continued to overpower Vladimir until he ran away and gave them the win by countout. After the match MacGruber said it doesn’t matter where you from, it’s obvious America is the greatest country in the world. MacGruber said it has the best everything. MacGruber said you don’t mess with the USA because if you do, you’ll have to face MacGruber. Editor’s note: Kill me.
LIVE VIA SATELLITE
Triple H + Sheamus: While Triple H was entering the ring for the main event Sheamus came on the TitanTron. Sheamus said Triple H is lucky he didn’t come with them. Sheamus said he knew Hunter wasn’t on RAW last week but he must have heard about what he did to Kofi. Sheamus started beating up a production team member to make a statement.
SIX MAN TAG MATCH
Edge & Triple H & Rey Mysterio defeated Chris Jericho & Straight Edge Society (C.M. Punk & Luke Gallows w/Serena): Jericho and Rey started off. Jericho hit a head scissors take down and almost hit 619 early on. All of the Heel team got out of the ring and started plotting so Triple H and Edge threw Rey on top of them. Back from commercial Punk was against Rey. Rey tried for the wheelbarrow bulldog but was thrown into the turnbuckle. Punk tagged in Gallows who began elbow dropping Rey. Luke tagged in Jericho who hit a belly to back suplex on Rey. Rey kicked Jericho and tried to tag in Edge but Jericho grabbed Rey and catapulted him into the turnbuckle. Rey hit a springboard moonsault and got the hot tag to Edge. Jericho tagged in Luke who was taken down by Edge. Jericho attacked Edge at the ankle on the outside and threw him back in the ring to Luke. They all began kicking Edge in the ankle. After a few minutes Edge managed to get the hot tag to Triple H who unloaded on Punk. Triple H tried for the pedigree but Luke clotheslined him. All the wrestlers started brawling and Rey managed to hit the 619 on Punk, followed by Hunter getting the pedigree for the 3.