WWE RAW – December 12, 2011 – Norfolk, Virginia
THE 2011 SLAMMY AWARDS (3-HR SPECIAL)
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
[ REVIEWED BY BRAD DYKENS ]
SLAMMY PRESENTATION (TELL ME I DID NOT JUST SEE THAT AWARD)
Booker T & Hornswoggle + Jim Ross + Michael Cole: The big news is Hornswoggle talks now. He won a battle royal on SmackDown! and got a wish from Santa Clause. The nominees are 1) Jim Ross dancing on RAW, 2) Alberto Del Rio wins the Royal Rumble, 3) R-Truth vs. the Little Jimmys, 4) The Miz dresses up as the Rock…. and the winner is…. uhg…. Jim Ross…. he came out and thanked the fans! Michael Cole interrupted and called the Slammys a sham. Booker said JR beat Cole in a dance off now JR will beat Cole in a rap off! They all went to the ring. Cole rapped and it was terrible. JR didn’t want music but they played it anyway. This threw him off and he did a really REALLY bad rap. The audience reluctantly voted for JR. Just to make it even worse, Booker got JR to do a spinerooni! Worst segment ever. JR would later apologize on his Twitter.
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Mick Foley on the way to the ring..
SLAMMY PRESENTATION (HOLY SH*T MOMENT OF THE YEAR AWARD)
“The Hardcore Legend” Mick Foley & “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase + The Big Show: Foley and DiBiase had some funny banter before the presentation, realizing that DiBiase represents the “Holy” and Foley represents the “Sh*t”.. The nominees are; 1) Sheamus power-bombs Sin Cara through a ladder, 2) Randy Orton RKO’s Christian on the ring steps, 3) The ring collapses when Mark Henry super-plexes the Big Show, 4) Evan Bourne going air-bourne off the top of a ladder. And the winner is.. the collapsing ring (which was a repeat of Big Show & Broke Lesnar like 8 years ago). The Big Show came out to accept the award.
The Big Show defeated Wade Barrett:
SLAMMY PRESENTATION (PIPE BOMB OF THE YEAR)
“Roaddogg” Jesse James + C.M. Punk: Roaddogg looked great. He wore an old DX shirt and did his old gimmick. And the nominees are; 1) R-Truth saying Green Bay when he was in Milwaukee, 2) Santino showing a fake Obama the Cobra, 3) Stone Cold offering C.M. Punk a beer, 4) More R-Truth craziness, 5) Booker T’s commentary, 6) The Rock cuts a promo on Cena and getting “Cena’s Lady Parts trending on Twitter”, 7) C.M. Punk stuff, 8) Sheamus and Beaker from Muppet Show, 9) Pee Wee Herman disses Mean Gene, 10, Hugh Jackman teaming with Zack Ryder, 11) Cole shoots JR with ketchup, 12) John Laurinaitis blah blah, 13) Teddy Long flubbing up his lines, 14) C.M. Punk asking where is ice cream bars were…. okay they just showed a long series of clips, but they didn’t show the original Pipe Bomb, when Punk cut his controversial promo on Triple H. Thank goodness C.M. Punk was the winner. He came out with a maniquin dressed as the Dynamic Dudes. Punk wanted to shine the spotlight on somebody backstage who is boring and bland, lacking in human characteristics and intelligence. Punk showed a tribute to John Laurinaitis. It was a cheesy video which included embarrassing clips of his old wrestling days. Punk wanted to give Laurinaitis a lifetime award, and accepted the award on his behalf.
SLAMMY PRESENTATION (DIVALICIOUS MOMENT OF THE YEAR AWARD)
Lita + Kelly kelly + Beth Phoenix & Natalya Neidhart: Great to see Lita looking beautiful as ever. The dominees are Natalya doing a double sharpshooter, 2) Kelly Kelly winning the Diva’s title, 3) Kharma, 4) Beth Phoenix hitting the Glam-slam off the top rope….. and the winner is…. Kelly Kelly! HOT! She was interrupted by Beth Phoenix & Natalya. Beth took the Slammy away and said she was the Diva of the Year! Kelly slapped Beth and Lita came to her defense so Beth & Natalya backed down.
SLAMMY PRESENTATION (OMG MOMENT OF THE YEAR AWARD)
Santino Marella & The Bella Twins: The Bella called Santino an idiot and he called them money hungry flouzies chasing Alberto Del Rio around. OH MY GOD! And the nominees are; 1) HHH tombstones the Undertaker and he kicks out, 2) The Rock rock-bottons John Cena at WrestleMania, 3) HHH gets a vote of no confidence and everybody walks out, 4) C.M. Punk wins the WWE championship on the day his contract expires…. and the winner is… the Undertaker kicking out of the Tombstone by HHH at WrestleMania! HHH limped out carrying a sledge-hammer and went straight to the ring.
IN THE RING
Triple H: HHH said the OMG moment of the year was after the match when Undertaker couldn’t leave the ring under his own power. HHH turned his attention to Kevin Nash, and showed clips from two months ago when Nash assaulted him with a sledge-hammer. HHH said maybe his 16 year relationship was based of lies, but this Sunday it doesn’t matter who thinks they’re right and wrong. HHH said he will climb to the top of the ladder and get the hammer because he is right. HHH pretty much promised to murder Kevin Nash at TLC. HHH said this Sunday he will show the world that he is right and Kevin Nash is simply DONE! Santino tried to present the Slammy to HHH, but HHH just held up the sledgehammer and Santino ran away.
SLAMMY PRESENTATION (TRENDING SUPERSTAR OF THE YEAR)
David Otunga & Tony Atlas: David tried to do an overly respectable introduction but Tony Atlas just kept laughing at him. It was terrible. David said the four nominees will compete in a fourway tonight and the winner of the award will be announced after the match. The nominees are 1) Cody Rhodes, 2) Daniel Bryan, 3) Dolph Ziggler, 4) Zack Ryder… so whoever is trending the highest on Twitter after the match wins the award. As usual, the match doesn’t mean anything.
FATAL FOURWAY TRENDING SUPERSTAR OF THE YEAR MATCH
WWE United States champion Dolph Ziggler w/Vickie Guerrero defeated “Long Island Iced Z” Zack Ryder and “Mr. Money in the Bank” Daniel Bryan and WWE Intercontinental champion Cody Rhodes: Dolph pinned Daniel Bryan to win the match that means absolutely nothing. Jerry “The King” Lawler got in the ring and presented the “Trending Star of the Year” Slammy to – obviously – Zack Ryder. Dolph gave Ryder a Zig-Zag and stole his Slammy. I guess he’s the one who will play the part of Owen Hart for the next few months.
SLAMMY PRESENTATION (GAME CHANGER OF THE YEAR AWARD)
Christian + John Cena: Christian came out on crutches in a neck brace. He wanted to present himself with the Couragous Moment of the Year for showing up tonight while still suffering from numerous injuries. Christian said the Game Changer award will go to the one pivital moment that changed the WWE. Christian said he should have been nominated for this and for Superstar of the Year. Christian blamed all teh stupid faces in the crowd for him not getting what he deserves. The nominees are; 1) Edge retiring, 2) Kevin Nash returning, 3) The Rock & John Cena, 4) Vince out, HHH in, 5) C.M. Punk becoming WWE champion, 6) Alberto Del Rio cashing in Money in the Bank.. and the winner is… The Rock challenging John Cena to the main event of next year’s WrestleMania. John Cena accepted the award for some reason. He was booed, but he pretended to like it as usual. Cena said he wouldn’t take all the credit, and proceeded to introduce The Rock. Of course the Rock didn’t show up. Cena said Rock promised the fans he would never leave again. Cena assumed there was a message via sattelite, but there was no message. Cena said this was worse than JR’s rap earlier. Cena apologized on behalf of Team Bring It for not bringing it. Cena said it makes this game changing moment mean more. Cena said he hopes it fuels the Rock to do what he does best. Cena said the real game changing moment will be April 1st 2012 at WrestleMania – the biggest event in the history of the WWE! Blah blah blah. Cena said he and Rock will change the game FOREVER!!
TAG TEAM MATCH
The Miz & Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez defeated WWE champion C.M. Punk & Randy Orton: The finish saw Wade Barrett show up and take out Randy Orton. The Miz capitolized and hit WWE champion C.M. Punk with the Skull Crushing Finale then pinned him to win! Orton took off after Barrett. Miz & Alberto got a ladder and double-teamed Punk in the ring. Alberto put Punk’s arm between the ladder and locked in the Arm-breaker while Miz got the mic and yelled that one of them would take the WWE title away from Punk at TLC! The Miz said he wanted Punk to realize that his pipe bomb would blow up in his face!
AWARD PRESENTATION (GUEST STAR OF THE YEAR AWARD)
Vickie Guerrero & Goldust + Snooki: Goldust said Vickie was already a winner tonight. Vickie got excited and asked “for what?” Goldust said because she is the only person here that wears more make up than him! The nominees are; 1) The Muppets, 2) Hugh Jackman, 3) Snooki, 4) Cee Lo Green… and the winner is… SNOOKI! They showed a video message of the skinny Snooki accepting the Slammy. She also managed to squeen in a plug for Jersey Shore before wishing Zack Ryder luck at TLC.
Josh Mathews & World Heavyweight champion Mark Henry: Mark Henry threatened Big Show and vowed revenge on John Cena for embarrassing him last week.
Sheamus defeated Jinder Mahal: Jinder entered the ring cutting a heel promo and got Brogue-kicked. They played Sheamus’ music so there was no match.
SLAMMY PRESENTATION (WWE SUPERSTAR OF THE YEAR AWARD)
Rey Mysterio + John Laurinaitis: Rey said this award was the greatest honor because the WWE Universe gets to decide the winner. The nominees are; 1) Randy Orton, 2) The Miz, 3) C.M. Punk, 4) Alberto Del Rio, 5) Mark Henry, 6) John Cena. . . . . and the winner is….. C.M. Punk! John Laurinaitis came out and took the Slammy then introduced himself. John said Punk will defend the WWE title in a 3-WAY TLC match this Sunday, but he is currently in no condition to accept the award. John humbly accepted the award for Punk. John thanked the WWE Universe and pretended like he won the Slammy.
NON (WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT) TITLE MATCH
World Heavyweight champion Mark Henry vs. John Cena ended in a No Contest: Late in the match, Mark Henry had John Cena in the World’s Strongest Bearhug, but Cena broke loose. Mark connected with the World’s Strongest Slam. Suddenly there was an explosion and the lights went out. KANE RETURNED WITH HIS MASK! Well actually he had an Iron Man-tyle mask on. Mark bailed out of the ring so Kane gave Cena a choke-slam. Kane then took off the Iron Man mask revealing that he is wearing another leather mask from this point forward.