WWE RAW – April 23, 2012 – Detroit, Michigan
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
[ REVIEWED BY DARBY GATORADE ]
IN THE RING (CONTRACT SIGNING)
Theodore Long + John Cena + John Laurinaitis + Edge: Former SmackDown! General Manager Theodore Long was the moderator for this segment. Long introduced John Cena. Long introduced Brock Lesnar, but John Laurinaitis came out instead. JL said Cena shouldn’t be so quick to sign the contract, because it might be his last night on RAW. JL ordered Long to tell Cena to leave the ring now. Long reluctantly did it and left. JL started doing his lame self-introduction, but he was immediately interrupted by WWE Hall of Famer Edge! Edge joined John Cena in the ring. Cena applauded Edge’s appearance. Why is he hear? Edge said his contract with WWE expires in a few days, but he came to RAW to talk to Cena. Edge said he didn’t come to talk to THIS John Cena, and doesn’t even know who the hell THIS John Cena is. Edge said he came to talk to the John Cena who was his greatest rival in the industry. Edge remembered some of their memorable battles. Edge said he doesn’t know where THAT John Cena went. Edge said sometimes guys aren’t the same after losing the biggest match of their careers; citing Andre after Hogan, Bret after the screwjob, Rock after Lesnar eight years ago. Edge said with all their differences there is one similarity, that’s how much they love doing this. Edge asked if Brock gives a damn about doing this or about the fans? Edge said Brock left for eight years while they carried the load. Edge said if Cena doesn’t snap out of it it is a slap in the face to guys like Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, and him! Edge yelled WAKE UP! Edge said he isn’t asking Cena to beat Brock Lesnar, he’s telling him to. Edge dropped the mic and departed.
Chris Jericho defeated Kofi Kingston by submission: Jericho used the Walls of Jericho to make Kofi tap. After the match, Jericho said that was the proof that he will become the new WWE champion this Sunday at Extreme Rules! Jericho said C.M. Punk knows all about being extreme; he is an extreme failure at being a human being. Jericho said he will receive an extreme beating from him. Jericho said he was making an extremely generous gesture, by offering Punk a gift tonight, to help him cope with the embarrassment.
VIDEO PACKAGE: Brock Lesnar..
Josh Mathews & WWE champion C.M. Punk: Punk said Jericho’s gift was a poor excuse for sarcasm. Punk pulled out a basked full of liquer. Punk said if Jericho wants to give gifts, he would give him one at Extreme Rules – then took one of the bottles out of the basket. Punk then regifted the rest of the bottles to Josh Mathews and told him to enjoy it.
Lord Tensai w/his worshiper defeated R-Truth:
IN THE RING
Kane + Randy Orton: Kane said he realized Randy Orton is not a man, is not The Vipier, but is a scared little boy begging for the nightmare to end. Kane said HE is the nightmare; the monster Randy will never wake up from. Randy Orton came up on the big screen and said once you mess with his family there’s no turning back. Randy revealed that he had Paul Bearer tied up in a wheel chair and then pushed him into a walk-in freezer. Kane laughed and said Orton never seizes to amaze him. Kane said his true father has always been the devil so he would care less about Paul Bearer. Orton ran down and they brawled. Orton pulled out a pipe and repeatedly smashed Kane with it. Kane retreated through the crowd after he was smashed in the head.
TAG TEAM MATCH
The Big Show & The Great Khali defeated Cody Rhodes & Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez: Alberto & Ricardo abandoned Cody Rhodes, allowing the giants to dominate and defeat Rhodes.
John Laurinaitis & Theodore Long & Eve Torres & Chris Jericho: Jericho suggested C.M. Punk take a sobriety test and when he failed he is stripped of the WWE championship. Eve said when Long was SmackDown! General Manager he would look the other way. JL told Long to go perform the sobriety test.
Josh Mathews & Brock Lesnar: Josh tried to ask questions, but Brock just shoved him against a wall and intimidated him. Josh said he was just trying to do his job, so Brock grabbed him and violently threw him into the wall!
WWE DIVAS TITLE (LUMBERJILLS) MATCH
Nikki Bella w/Brie Bella defeated Beth Phoenix to win the WWE Divas title!: All the other Divas after as lumberjills for the match. Beth suffered an ankle injury, not sure if it is legit or worked. Nikki ended the 200 day reign of Beth Phoenix! I guess both Bellas can say they were Divas champion now.
Theodore Long & C.M. Punk: Long said John Laurinaitis is forcing him to coduct a public field sobriety test on Punk tonight. Punk flipped out and kinda acted like he was under the influence of alcohol.
IN THE RING
Theodore Long (w/police officers) + Chris Jericho + C.M. Punk: Jericho came out and said he didn’t trust long and wanted to make sure the sobriety test was legit. Long said JL has ruled that if Punk fails he will be stipped of the WWE title. Long called out Punk, who seemed to stagger to the ring off balance. Punk said everyone knows this is ridiculous. Punk was asked to recite the alphabet backwards. Punk asked like he couldn’t do it and said nobody can recite the alphabet backwards. Punk was asked to walk a red line in the middle of the ring. Punk stumbled and couldn’t concentrate and stumbled over the line. Jericho said it was obvious Punk was drunk and ordered Long to strip him of the title and hand it over to him. The police officers ruled that Punk was indeed intoxicated. Long said he was sorry, he had no control over the matter, and asked Punk to hand over the title. Punk reluctantly handed the belt to Long. Jericho demanded the title be given to him. Punk interrupted and asked for one more chance. Punk then recited the alphabet backwards almost perfectly and walked up and down the line with precision. Punk then went on the attack and they brawled. Jericho tried to run away, but Punk kept up. Jericho finally broke loose and escaped! Long joined Punk on the ramp and returned the WWE championship. John Laurinaitis & Eve Torres were watching backstage not impressed.
VIDEO PACKAGE: Brock Lesnar defeats Hulk Hogan..
NON (WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT) TITLE MATCH
Mark Henry defeated World Heavyweight champion Daniel Bryan: Daniel Bryan was the special guest referee for the match and taunted Sheamus the whole time. Sheamus was not allowed to lay a hand on the referee or he would be stripped. Bryan did a fast count giving Mark Henry the victory! Bryan took off his referee shirt and threw it at Sheamus. Sheamus attacked Bryan. They tussled for a moment before Bryan applied the Yes-lock! Bryan yanked on Sheamus’ neck screaming YES! YES YES!
Matt Striker & Sheamus: Sheamus said Daniel Bryan was a coward and hid behind a shirt tonight. Sheamus said if he was Daniel Bryan he’d start praying.
NON (WWE TAG TEAM) TITLE MATCH
WWE United States champion Santino Marella & Zack Ryder defeated WWE Tag Team champions Epico & Primo w/Rosa Mendes:
Kane + Paul Bearer: Kane found the freezer and found Paul Bearer freezing inside. Paul said “Kane, you came to save me?” Kane said “that’s right, to save you from me” and then pushed him back into the freezer. DEAD again.
Epico & Primo & Rosa + AW (Abraham Washington): AW said they were being treated like jokes and if they needed some guidance just call him..
TAG TEAM MATCH
Brodus Clay & Hornswoggle defeated Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger w/Vickie Guerrero by DQ: Right in the middle of the match, Vickie got up and slapped Brodus for the DQ. The funkettes got in the ring and suddenly Vickie wanted to apoligize and get funky with them. Hornswoggle bit her on the butt! They all danced and wasted more time.
VIDEO PACKAGE: Brock Lesnar defeats Kurt Angle for the WWE Title..
IN THE RING (CONTRACT SIGNING)
John Laurinaitis + Brock Lesnar + John Cena: John Laurinaitis hyped the main event of Extreme Rules, then introduced the man who will become the new face of the WWE – BROCK LESNAR! Next JL introduced John Cena, who failed to appear. A chant of “Lets go Cena/Cena sucks!” broke out. Lesnar said “come on out, little Johnny!” Lesnar said obviously Cena was too scared to come out. Lesnar said the reason he was late today is because he had some business to take care of. Lesnar asked JL to sit down so they could talk. Lesnar said he spent some time today thinking of some changes he wants and needs. Lesnar said there is supposed to be a match on Sunday, but since he’s been back he’s not happy with how things are turning out. Lesnar said he has a few changes that JL has to sign off on before he signs a contract for Extreme Rules. Lesnar said he is not the same nieve farm boy from nine years ago. Lesnar said he was an enterprise, and the WWE needs him. Lesnar said if he is gonna be the face of the company, then he needs changes. #1) Brock wants JL to run all major ideas through him from now on. #2) Brock wants Vince McMahon’s private jet to and from all events. .. .. Brock said he doesn’t like people, especially stupid people. .. .. #3) Brock wants to show up on RAW only when he wants to. He won’t be a puppet. #4) Brock said JL won’t ever fine him, but he will be paying him more money. .. .. Brock said until these demands are met, the match at Extreme Rules is off. Brock said if he is the new face of the WWE, they will change the name of Monday Night RAW to “Monday Night RAW starring Brock Lesnar.” Lesnar bullied JL into agreeing to those terms. Lesnar then signed the contract for Extreme Rules. John Cena then came out wearing his thug life chain necklace. Lets go Cena/Cena Sucks! Cena wrapped the chain around his fist and looked at the contract. Cena picked up the pen and then set it down again. Lesnar asked “what’s the matter John? Sign the contract.” Cena looked at the contract again. Lesnar said he feels a vibe coming from Cena, and he likes it, because he’s sensing it is a real feeling – Cena is scared. Lesnar said he is the reason Cena lost last week, and he’s the reason Cena is feeling scared right now. Cena then signed the contract and threw it at Lesnar. They had a showdown. The table was tipped over. Lesnar stepped out of the ring grinning and waving his finger. Lesnar backed up the ramp satisfied.