January 22, 2010 – Greenville, South Carolina
Announcers: Todd Grisham & Matt Striker
[ REVIEWED BY SHANE ST. GERMAIN ]
DARK MATCH: Kung Funaki defeated Johnny Curtis..
Fit Finlay defeated Batista by DQ: Batista tried to intimidate Finlay with his muscles early in the match, but Finlay would not be intimidated and took control! Finlay threw Batista out of the ring at one point, and Batista grabbed him and started digging his fingers into his eyes, causing him to be disqualified! Batista threw Finlay over the announce table and then speared him! Batista continued to beat on Finlay after the match, throwing him into the guard barricade, slamming him into the ring post several times, and throwing him into the steel steps! Batista put Finlay back into the ring, hit him with a spinebuster, and grabbed the mic. Batista said imagine what he did to Finlay times 29, because that’s what’s going to happen at the Royal Rumble! He said “this is Shawn Michaels” and kicked him, “this is Triple H” and kicked him, and “this is John Cena” and kicked him 3 times! He asked if The Undertaker could hear him, and said he was getting his title back one way or another! He said he’s going to win the Royal Rumble, he’s going to main event WrestleMania, and his title reign will begin, and The Undertaker’s WrestleMania win….streak (Batista said it like that for some reason), is going to end!
IN THE RING
C.M. Punk & Luke Gallows + Serena: C.M. Punk stopped on stage and said there was a reason him and Luke are #1 contenders for the unified tag team titles, and there is a reason they will bring honor, and respect to restore the unified tag team titles when they defeat two very morally corrupt individuals in DX (Shawn Michaels & Triple H) to become the new unified tag team champions. Punk said the reason is very simple, they are straight edge. Punk said it’s that same thing that is going to propel him past 29 other superstars in the Royal Rumble match, making him the first ever straight edge Royal Rumble match winner. Punk said when your straight edge it’s very simple, you’re a winner, unlike all of the losers in the WWE Universe. Punk said they can boo all they want, but he sees the people for what they really are, cowards. Punk said they hide behind bottles of pills, cans of beers, and cartons of cigarettes. Punk said he looks out there and see morally corrupt people rotting before his very eyes, and parents carelessly drinking and smoking in front of their children, insuring the next generation will be as hopelessly addicted as this one has been. Punk said he sees a very misguided weak minded majority, and sees this majority reach out and plead for a savior to reach out and grab them by the hand and take them to the Promised Land. Punk said it used to make him sick, but now it just makes him smile, because he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is better than all of them, but because he knows that he can wash away all their problems, and that him and only him can save each and every last one of them, if they pledge allegiance to his straight edge society (he was ringside by then). Punk asked who the brave individual is, who wants to be saved, who he will touch and make their lives complete. Punk started to talk more but a female fan (obvious plant) jumped the barricade and started grabbing at him, but Luke held her back until security came. She continued to scream that she needed him as some butch looking woman pulled her backstage but Punk stopped them! Punk said that young woman needed him, he could tell (Editors note: Maybe it was from her screaming “I need you!” over and over again?) and Luke brought her to the ring. Punk told her he could look into her eyes and see a lifetime of pain and suffering, and he knew he was the one who could help. She told him her name was Serena and Punk asked her if she was an addict. Serena said she was and apologized a lot. Punk told her he knew and that it was okay. Punk said he knew she was just like all of those people out there, mindlessly waiting in line at the pharmacy for their next pill, he said he knew that she sat at her mundane job and counted the hours until she could get off of work and take that first sip of alcohol. Serena said there was a time when she couldn’t even survive without her pills and that she took them when she woke up. Punk cut her off and said he was there to let her know that it was okay, because she was among friends now. Punk said she used to be surrounded by enablers who didn’t care about her like he cares about her, he said they were currently surrounded by enablers with no self respect or pride, who not only don’t care about her, but don’t care about themselves either. Punk said he could take that all away, and he could look in her eyes and see that whenever she takes a step towards sobriety she gets pushed three steps back. Punk said it is one thing to reach out and pledge sobriety, but it is a completely different thing to draw an X on your fist, and pledge allegiance to the straight edge society! Punk said he had one more question, if she was ready to pledge allegiance to the straight edge society. Serena said she was ready and Punk made her sit down. Punk got her to raise her right hand, and to be proud of who she is, and who she is about to become. Punk made her say she accepted straight edge into her life, and that that she accepts C.M. Punk as her savior. Punk said he wanted her to know that she will never ever know how much she means to him and that she will never have to walk alone again, or question who her friends are. Punk asked if she was ready to prove her devotion through actions, as well as words. She said she was ready, and then they shaved her head! Serena had a huge smile the whole time (Editors note: I hope she’s being paid a lot!). Afterwards, Punk said it had just happened to Serena, and he wanted all the sheep out there to know, that it can happen to them too. He said she was the newest member of his straight edge society, and that she was better then everyone else out there!
TAG TEAM MATCH
John Morrison & R-Truth defeated Chris Jericho & WWE Intercontinental champion Drew McIntyre : What was supposed to be a 2 on 1 handicap match was changed to a tag match when Teddy Long came out and announced that while Vickie Guerrero may be his consultant, she didn’t consult him before making the handicap match, and that John Morrison would be tagging with R-Truth! This ended up being a pretty long match, for a WWE TV show anyway. Morrison and Jericho started off. Morrison and R-Truth took control early on and knocked McIntyre out of the ring and then threw Jericho over the top rope onto him! Jericho managed to get control after McIntyre pulled on Morrison’s hair, distracting him enough for Jericho to drop kick him out of the ring! McIntyre and Jericho took turns isolating Morrison in their corner, and Jericho demanded the commentators acknowledge McIntyre as a champion! They worked on Morrison’s left arm for a bit, keeping him from reaching R-Truth. Morrison nearly made the tag at one point but Jericho tagged in McIntyre first and he charged across the ring, stepping on Morrison and knocking Truth over! They worked on Morrison for over 5 minutes, Morrison managed to reverse a superplex into a cross body block and kick Jericho away after an attempted Walls of Jericho, but once again McIntyre tagged in and stopped him from tagging in R-Truth. Morrison finally got the tag after reversing a tilt a whirl backbreaker into a DDT on McIntyre! R-Truth came in fully fired up and started knocking Jericho around, nearly getting the 3 count with a big boot to the face! McIntyre broke it up and Morrison ran in, knocking McIntyre off the ring apron with a big knee to the side of the head! Jericho snuck up behind Morrison and threw him out, and then got out of a pin attempt by R-Truth! Jericho hit him with a huge enziguri, and tried for the pin, but Morrison distracted the ref by rolling a dazed McIntyre into the ring. Morrison kicked Jericho in the face and R-Truth hit the axe kick for the win!
IN THE RING
Team Lay-Cool (Layla & WWE Women’s champion Michelle McCool) + Maria Kanellis + Mickie James + Beth Phoenix: When SmackDown! returned from commercial break, Michelle & Layla were in the ring already. The ring was all set up for a party, complete with a red carpet covering the canvas, balloons on the turnbuckles, and a table with food all over it in the middle of the ring. Michelle said she had some good news and bad news. The bad news is she was supposed to have a championship match with Piggy James at the Rumble, but that it wasn’t happening anymore. Layla pretended to be upset. Michelle said the good news was that as of tonight, Piggy James would be leaving SmackDown! Forever. Layla made a porky pig reference (th-th-th-th-that’s all folks!) and Michelle said it made her happy, and Layla agreed. Michelle said she was giving her a big going away party and that she wanted the WWE Universe to say goodbye with them. Layla said they were sending her off just the way she would love it, with lots of food! Michelle and Layla started to talk about the stuff on the table, including a cake shaped like a pig. Maria came down to the ring and Matt Striker accidentally said “That’s the Diver (pronounced Dee-Ver) of the Year.” Maria said they were both really annoying and asked if the WWE Universe agreed. Maria said the only thing they were good at was torturing Mickie, and that it ends tonight, because the only people who should be leaving SmackDown! are them! Maria said she didn’t care if they walked out hand in hand, or if they were carried out! Michelle pretended to be intimidated sarcastically, and they made jokes about her being a reality show star. Layla said she should be happy Mickie’s going to be out of her way while she’s gone, because she’ll finally be able to actually eat. Maria said the only thing she was excited for not seeing was those two, morons (she paused for some reason between 2 and morons). Layla and Maria got in each others faces like schoolgirls fighting in the playground, and Mickie came out! Mickie said she was getting really sick and tired of their petty childish mean girl crap! She said the fact is she has dealt with girls like them her entire life, and that they’re only happy at the misery of everyone else’s lives when deep down inside they know that they are nothing! She said for that, she truly pities them. She said she was what a real woman looks like, and that her, Maria, and the WWE Universe were real women! She said they were tall, short, fat, skinny, and sexy. She said she was Mickie James, and that she is the way God intended her to be, and she is proud of it, and that nothing they say are hurting her one bit. She said the WWE Universe was happy with her right there. Layla said that the WWE Universe only wants her to stay because she’s the easiest one to see in the ring, and Michelle said that when she’s in the ring, the fans get to watch both WWE and Animal Planet at the same time. Mickie James asked if she was smarter than a 5th grader! (Reference to the fact that Michelle was on that show and did terrible, from what I’ve heard). Mickie said she will be at the Royal Rumble, and that after all the embarrassment they put her through, it was time for her to embarrass them! They all started to fight, and Beth Phoenix ran down to the ring! Beth stood there for a minute deciding what to do, and ended up throwing Maria into the corner turnbuckle post and out of the ring! Beth started to beat up on Mickie and held her down. Michelle said it looked like it was feeding time, and she rubbed cake in Mickie’s face! Michelle said she needed something to wash that down with, and she dumped a bowl of punch on her head! Team Lay-Cool and Beth Phoenix left while Mickie laying in the ring crying. Matt Striker had a change of heart and said it was too much for her (he had been making fat jokes about her for the last few weeks).
TAG TEAM MATCH
Cryme Tyme (Shad Gaspard & JTG) vs. Charlie Haas & Mike Knox ended in a No Contest when Kane interfered: I was extremely surprised to see Charlie Haas on TV. About 30 seconds into the match, Kane interfered (It looked like JTG nearly crapped his pants when Kane’s pyro hit). Kane threw everyone out to look like he actually has a chance to win the Royal Rumble. Editors note: Completely pointless segment, they finally put Charlie Haas on TV only to be in a 30 second match. Also, they seem to forget about the fact that Kane got his big red ass handed to him two weeks ago by Dolph Ziggler.
TAG TEAM MATCH
Matt Hardy & The Great Khali w/Ranjin Singh defeated The Hart Dynasty (David Hart Smith & Tyson Kidd w/Natalya Neidhart): Matt Hardy danced around like an idiot with The Great Khali before the match. The Hart Dynasty worked on Matt Hardy for the opening minute or two. Natalya started to flirt with The Great Khali, showing off her cleavage and trying to lead him up the ramp. The Dynasty went for the Hart Attack but Hardy knocked Kidd off the apron and rolled up David Hart Smith for the 3! (editors note: I guess WWE creative would rather push a talentless comic relief character and a bloated jobber than two young, extremely talented wrestlers).
IN THE RING
Rey Mysterio + World Heavyweight champion The Undertaker + Batista: Rey Mysterio came down to the ring and said hes been in the back all night and hes heard what people have been saying, wondering why he would be crazy or stupid enough to call out The Undertaker. Rey said 4 years ago he won his first and only World Championship, and it was a dream come true. Rey said the only thing standing between him and re-living his dream, was The Undertaker. Rey said he wanted to call him out, look him in the eyes, and tell him that he was not afraid. Rey asked for The Undertaker. Undertaker did his 25 minute entrance. Undertaker asked if Rey was having second thoughts. Rey said he would be lying if he said he wasn’t, but he’s going to stand his ground. Rey said the last time they fought, Rey had him on the ropes and didn’t have an ounce of fear in his eyes, and he was willing on doing what it takes to win. Undertaker said this time there will be no Batista, and there will be no Shawn Michaels. Rey said he knows Shawn wanted to win the Rumble and face the Undertaker for the title at WrestleMania, but that if Shawn Michaels wins the Rumble, Undertaker will no longer be champion. Rey said he’s had dreams and nightmares, and he’s conquered his nightmares because of his dreams. Rey said at the Royal Rumble he will defeat Undertaker! Undertaker said those were awful bold words, but then again, he has made a career out of doing the impossible. Undertaker said Rey has just about conquered everything in his life, but that him, or no one else for that matter, triumphs over the grave. Undertaker said he admires his gallantry at seeking out the World Heavyweight Championship, but that what he’s really doing is digging out his own grave. Undertaker said at the Royal Rumble, he (Rey) will suffer the same fate as everyone else who tried to make a name for themselves at his expense! Undertaker said at the Royal Rumble, he (Rey) will Rest. In. Peace! Undertaker started to leave but Rey called his name, cutting off Undertakers theme song. Rey said that he was not like the rest, but Batista attacked him from behind before he could continue! Batista started to beat on Rey, hitting him with the Batista Bomb, while Undertaker walked towards the ring. Batista bailed from the ring when Undertaker got close and ran off into the audience! Undertaker walked up the ramp and turned around, staring into the ring as the show ended.