June 4, 2010 – Dallas, Texas
Announcers: Todd Grisham & Matt Striker
[ REVIEWED BY SHANE ST. GERMAIN ]
SmackDown! General Manager Theodore Long: Teddy regretted to inform us that on Memorial Day weekend Undertaker was found by Kane in a vegetative state (he was probably getting ready for a 4 month hibernation/vacation). Teddy said that there is an ongoing investigation.
IN THE RING
Kane: A bunch of The Undertaker’s druids brought a casket down to the ring. Suddenly Kane’s music hit and he came down to the ring looking pissed. There was a podium in the ring. Kane told the druids to open the coffin. There was nothing inside. Kane said in all likelihood the most feared, dreaded, respected force in the WWE will no longer walk amongst them. Kane said the endless nights where Taker would strike fear into the hearts of those present are gone, by an act of cowardice. Kane said the specter that was loved and admired by millions of creatures is gone. Kane said gone from the WWE, is it’s most iconic figure. Kane said gone forever are the bonds of brotherhood. Kane said his brother will rise from the dead no more. Kane said gone is The Undertaker. Kane said soon enough, those responsible for this atrocity will too be gone. Kane said they will be committed to the depths of hell. Kane said he will personally prosecute and persecute anyone who had anything to do with this tragedy. Kane yelled there will be vengeance. Kane screamed there will be vengeance a few more times and destroyed the podium. Kane started crying, I guess Rey Mysterio’s ass really did a number on Taker’s face last week (his orbital bone and nose are broken).
NON (WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT) TITLE MATCH
World Heavyweight champion Jack Swagger defeated Montel Vontavious Porter: Jack took down MVP with a double leg take down MVP elbowed his way free and then slapped Jack in the face. Jack left the ring and then was met with a flying forearm when he returned. MVP took down Jack with a side headlock. MVP slapped Jack in the back of the head after dodging a turnbuckle splash. Jack took down MVP with another double leg takedown but MVP rolled on top and began punching Jack. MVP kicked Jack in the side of the head hard, sending Jack out of the ring. Back from commercial MVP was pinning Jack for 2. MVP put in a crossface chicken wing. Jack managed to send MVP shoulder first into the steel ring post, and then did it again. MVP nearly got counted out but made it back into the ring at 9. Jack began stomping on and adding pressure to MVP’s shoulder. MVP fought out of an arm bar and ran into a big boot right at the shoulder. MVP finally made a comeback but wound up in a powerslam. Jack hit a nice Vader bomb for 2. MVP fought back and hit Jack with a nice mafia kick in the corner. MVP got ready for ballin’, Jack fought out of it but MVP took him back down and hit ballin’ for 2. MVP hit Jack with a fisherman’s buster for 2. Jack got ready for a second Vader bomb but MVP moved. Jack ducked a mafia kick and rolled up MVP for 3. After the match Curt Hawkins and Vance Archer attacked MVP in an attempt to make an impact. You know, because when the Face GM thinks about whom to hire the 2 guys who attack the other wrestlers always come to mind.
SmackDown! General Manager Theodore Long & Vickie Guerrero: Vickie told Teddy he needs to get a hold of himself. Vickie said he needs to take action and somebody needs to take The Undertaker’s place. Vickie said she has the perfect man in mind, Dolph Ziggler. Teddy said everyman on the roster will have an opportunity in a battle royal tonight.
C.M. Punk + Kane: Kane burst into C.M. Punk’s locker room and asked him why he was so jumpy (I would be jumpy too if a 300 pound bald guy burst into my room). Punk said the SES knows all about family. Kane said he didn’t care and asked Punk if he did it. Punk said if he needs the SES’s help they would be happy to.
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH
Kofi Kingston defeated Drew McIntyre to retain the WWE Intercontinental title: Drew grabbed Kofi by the hair and slammed him down but Kofi fought back. Drew kicked Kofi in the midsection and began attacking him in the corner. Drew tried to throw Kofi out of the ring but he bounced off the ropes and took down Drew with a drop kick. Kofi hit Drew with a big monkey flip followed by his corner punches. Matt Hardy was in the audience with a ticket. Drew threw Kofi out of the ring and got distracted by Matt. Back from commercial Drew was hitting Kofi with a big tilt a whirl backbreaker. Drew began punching Kofi and yelled something at Matt. Drew managed to stay in control but Kofi fought back with his kicks, sending Drew against the announce table. Drew tackled Kofi into the ring steps and followed up with a snap suplex. Drew started attacking Kofi’s back in the ring with a modified surfboard. Drew got distracted and walked into a kip up hurricarana. Kofi hit Drew with a crucifix bomb for 2, followed by a pendulum kick in the corner and a cross body block for 2. Drew gave Kofi a neckbreaker onto his knee for 2. Kofi took Drew down with a lariat to the back of the head and gave a boom drop right onto Drew’s back. Drew moved out of the way of the Trouble in Paradise and then attacked Matt Hardy. Matt tried to jump the dasher boards which distracted Drew long enough for Kofi to hit the SOS for 3. After the match Matt jumped into the ring and hit Drew with a twist of fate.
Kane + Rey Mysterio: Kane was in the back pouting while Rey prayed. Rey said he was sorry for Kane’s loss. Kane said he didn’t need any sympathy and thought Rey might be covering his tracks since he lost last week. Rey said he had nothing to do with it. Kane said he will not blindly assume anyone is innocent. Rey backed away.
World Heavyweight champion Jack Swagger + Kane: Jack acknowledged that some of the fans doubt his accolades. Jack talked about his accomplishments for a while. Jack told everyone to stand up and he began singing the University of Oklahoma’s fight song. Jack began singing Boomer Sooner over and over until Kane showed up. Kane accused Jack of killing The Undertaker. It just kind of ended.
Kelly Kelly defeated Rosa Mendes: Kelly hit Rosa with a neckbreaker after showing off her gymnastic skills with a back flip. Lay-Cool came out and distracted Kelly long enough for Rosa to pull on her hair. Rosa hit a vertical suplex for 2. Rosa locked in a head scissors. Kelly hit a Lou Thesz press. Kelly hit a cross body block for 2. Kelly finished off Rosa with the famouser.
The Big Show & Hornswoggle + Kane: Show and Hornswoggle were playing cards when Kane burst in. Kane said Taker has always had Show’s number. Show said he had nothing to do with it and not to accuse him. Kane knocked over the card table and stormed away.
FATAL 4 WAY QUALIFYING BATTLE ROYAL
Rey Mysterio last eliminated Kane to qualify: Rey got out of the ring and tried to pull off Punk’s mask early on. Rey got back in the ring. No one was eliminated for the longest time. Everyone tried to gang up on Kane but it didn’t work at all because Gallows helped knock everyone off of Kane and threw out Caylen Croft. Chris Masters, Trent Barreta and JTG soon followed. Kane and Luke began exchanging fists with Kane coming out on top. Kofi clotheslined Drew over the top rope and went with him. Vance and Luke nearly threw Rey out but he managed to slide back in. Dolph locked in the sleeper hold from hell on Finlay. Christian pulled Dolph off and threw him out of the ring. Finlay eliminated Christian moments later. Rey tried to hit Chavo with the 619 and was nearly eliminated. Rey managed to head scissor Chavo out of the ring. Finlay tried to throw Rey out but Rey locked in a front chancery. MVP and Finlay threw Vance out of the ring. MVP was thrown out by Finlay right after, and Finlay was thrown out by Kane after that. Rey threw Curt out of the ring with a head scissors. It was down to Luke, Kane, and Rey. The masked man distracted Kane long enough to almost get thrown out. Kane threw Luke out by his throat after chokeslamming the masked man off the apron. Kane and Rey fought back and forth for several minutes until Rey reversed a chokeslam into a hurricarana to launch Kane over the top rope.