The Monday Night Wars

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
The Monday Night Wars Analysis for April 12, 2010

Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, compares the two Monday night shows and picks a weekly winner.

Opening Segment

TNA: Jeff Jarrett came out and threatened to beat an answer out of Sting for why he joined Flair’s forces. Jeff went up onto the catwalk and ambushed Sting. They fought down the stairs and to the ring. Jarrett was taking the fight to the Sting until the lights went out. When they came back up, Sting had his black baseball bat. He went ballistic on Jarrett, beating him silly with the bat. The rest of Team Hogan ran down to make the save. Typical opening for TNA.

Raw: Raw brought out David Hasselhoff in the Knight Rider car. The British crowd adored him. After sucking up to the crowd for a few minutes, he sent it straight to the Divas Title match. A new champion was crowned, as Eve took the title from Maryse. Great opening.

Winner: Raw

Interviews:

TNA: Most of the interviews revolved around Sunday’s Pay-per-view. Matt Morgan still kept talking about himself as if he were more than one person. There really wasn’t all that much excitement in any of their rants.

Raw: Randy Orton was intense. Sheamus drew great heat by insulting England. Hoff got a decent pop for insulting David Otunga. The Harts v ShowMiz was classic.

Winner: Raw

Divas/Knockout Match

Raw: Not counting the Diva title match, which went under Opening Segments, Raw offered a Baywatch Babe Triple Threat Tag Team Match. It was just down-right dumb.. Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim faced The Bellas and Rosa Mendes & Jillian. The Bellas won it with some typical Twin Switchery. Yawn.

TNA: Velvet Sky cashed in her Golden Ticket to fight Angelina Love. She changed the match about a half dozen times during the segment. Even ripping off Love’s shirt couldn’t help to salvage this boring waste of time.

Winner: Push

Surprises and Swerves

Raw: David Hart Smith losing to Miz was totally unforseen. If Smith had won, the Hart Dynasty would have gotten Big and Awesome aka ShowMiz at Extreme Rules. By losing, Bret Hart is now supposed to be forced to proclaim ShowMiz as the greatest tag team, ever. Kofi Kingston coming out to challenge Sheamus (and get the better of him for most of the match) was a great twist. Sheamus did destroy Kofi after getting DQ’d.

TNA: Abyss being struck by a car, possible driven by Eric Bischoff, came out of the blue. The Fireball was tremendous, even though Spike wimped out and doctored the footage so you had to go to the website to see the actual ball o’ fire. Morgan’s turn on Amazing Red after Red won the match for his team really helped to push Morgan as a psycho.

Winner: TNA

Hour Turner Segment:

This new segment goes back to the old WCW days, when the Turner group used to put a decent match right at the turn of the hour to get fans to switch over so the Nielsen Ratings would spike.

Raw: John Cena took out David Otunga in a glorified squash. Cena demanded the match, which Hasselhoff gave him. Cena bashed and battered Otunga for a short while. He then glared at Batista before slapping on the STF to take the submission win.

TNA: TNA offered the above mentioned horrible Knockout match between Angelina Love and Velvet Sky. The crowd loved when Sky tore Love’s top shirt off. Of course, she had at least two bras underneath so no chance of a little Wardrobe Malfunction.

Winner: Raw

Mid-Card Matches

Raw: Evan Bourne d Carlito, The Miz d David Hart Smith, Kofi Kingston d Sheamus (by DQ)

TNA: W-C-W (We Control Wrestling) aka The Band d Team 3D and Jesse Neal when Waltman put Brother Ray through a table, Kazarian v Shannon Moore went to a time-limit draw, Amazing Red and Matt Morgan d The Motor City Machine Guns (World Tag Title Match), Jeff Hardy d Robert Roode

Winner: TNA

Main Event:

TNA: D’Angelo Dinero d A.J. Styles by disqualification in a non-title match. This match was given almost no air time. Dinero was kicking the stuffing out of A.J., until Flair rose from his wheelchair and clocked Dinero with the TNA World Title belt.

Raw: Randy Orton v Batista went to a no-contest, thanks to the interference of Jack Swagger. John Cena then rushed out and slapped the STF on Batista. Up until the lousy ending, the match was a lower “A” or high “B” level match. The crappy ending killed it. It was still much bgetter than TNA’s offering.

Winner: Raw

Comedy Moments

TNA: Impact offered Jay Lethal running around milking the Randy Savage gimmick, once again. Morgan did he “Royal We” thing, for the umpteenth time. Rather dull.

Raw: Hoff gets the gold star as one of more enjoyable Guest Hosts. He set up the whole Baywatch Babe thing, which saw Santino nearly choke on a whistle, until Hornswoggle hit a Tadpole Splash to do a hilarious Inverted Heimlich on Santino. Hoff also did a geat spot with KITT (the car from Knight Rider). He asked the car how long it would take for Cena to beat “D-List” David Otunga. The car answered “22 seconds, Michael”. The voice was the original (William Daniels, also from St. Elsewhere and Boy Meets World).

Winner: Raw

Uniqueness:

TNA: The fireball. That’s about it. There hasn’t been a decent fireball thrown since…hmmm…Skandor Akbar lit up Jim Duggan‘s face somewhere around 1982. I was seriously disappointed that Spike “played it safe” and didn’t air the footage. I realize, after the fact, it was a gimmick to get fans to visit the TNA official website. It worked, at least for me.

Raw: Other than a few fun things with Santino and Hornswoggle, Raw was very typical. Raw could have earned huge points if Mae Young had run out to perform CPR on Santino, but we can’t have it all.

WinnerTNA

This Week’s Winner: Raw

Reason for my decision: A title change in the opening segment is almost unheard of, these days. Orton v Batista was a Pay-per-view level match, despite the lousy ending. TNA botched the main event and the fireball was so offset by the awful Knockout mess. Raw’s interviews drew so much more crowd response. TNA’s fell flat. Leading into a PPV, TNA really dropped the ball. Even Abyss being struck by a car was lame. I’ve seen that same movie on a thousand TV shows and a million movies. Yawn.

–Jay Shannon
Jade89512@yahoo.com
(4/14/10)