Confessions of an Addict - Why Wrestling Needs Women
March 8, 2004 by Just S (debut Column on OWW)

Confessions of an Addict:
Being of sound my and body, at least according to Judge Williams, I can now feel free to type on my computer without fear of being attacked by the newest version of the 'worm' that's out their on the internet. I know you've heard of it its called the 'DIABOLICAL WORM OF MISCHIEF and it kicks your dog, swears at your mother, drinks the last of your beer and sleeps with your girlfriend all while your back is turned. Oh yeah you'd better watch out now. And speaking of girlfriends that is the catalyst of this, my very first piece of writing that didn't start with "tell us in 25 words or less...."

I first watched wrestling fourteen years ago, I friend of mine put a tape in of Survivor Series 1990. I managed to look past the Gobbledy Gooker and have been addicted ever since. My friend, he's dead now. So recently I got a girlfriend and came out into the real world and for the sake of my sex life decided not to confess for my interests in wrestling and my desire to spend Monday nights watching semi naked men rolling around on top of each other and instead pretended I'm a normal functioning person.

But life has a funny way of saying "whoa boy, come back here now" After a few months Monday rolled around as Monday nights do and again I became engrossed in wrestling Vince had just acquired WCW and the Monday night war was reignited. (As this is a story written about the past I guess its okay to admit that in hindsight the Gobbledy Gooker was easy to swallow that the invasion angle) I decided to confess to the women in my life that yes, I watch wrestling and I'll tell you what, she didn't mind in fact she understood until...

Until it came to a Diva match and she was not to comfortable with the Jerry "the king" yelling puppies and yet no dogs were on the screen (wait scratch that I think I just saw Sable) This my friends is where things get interesting and this column becomes a commentary and no longer a walk down memory lane.

Why Wrestling Needs Women:

I've often wondered the above question. Why indeed does wrestling need women who as far as I can tell have very little wrestling talent and the only true talent they possess has been, um enhanced. So I sat my ass down and thought about it and this is what I came up with.

  • Eye Candy: Besides Chyna, Shaniqua and Jazz most of the women's division actually look like women. And so it goes without saying as to why they still draw a pay check and people like Chris Kanyon recently received a pink slip.

  • Because they have great in ring ability: Although I've never seen them show any, I believe that at some point some women must have been able to wrestle. I mean you guys believe in God don't you and you've never seen him.

  • Because they have great microphone skills: See above.

  • To aid in angle development: Think back to Hogan / Savage at WrestleMania whatever when the "Mega Powers exploded" Part of that feud revolved around Ms Elizabeth and how Hogan and she interacted. As a matter of fact I hardly remember a Randy Savage angle while he was in the WWF that didn't involve Ms Elizabeth. Even later in his career he had Team Madness that featured at least three women. But Savage isn't the only wrestler to benefit from a women currently Chris Jericho is using Trish in a similar role. However the role of the women in wrestling reaches further than angle development... think distraction.

  • To help win matches: This of course is a very common one. Debra use to flash people for Jeff Jarrett. Stacy still does. And this is good because not only does it help cement certain wrestler's status as heels / faces it also gives the fans something to look at if the match is a little dry which is in fact my whole point. Women are in wrestling to re enforce to every wrestling fan that he is in fact a card caring member of the heterosexuals.

    Think about it, we go nuts over a guy like Stone Cold or the Rock and when we see them there wearing little more than boots, knee pads and a pair of Speedos. We have posters of them on our walls and go to wrestling websites that feature galleries upon galleries of pictures of our semi naked heroes. The reason the wrestling world hires blonde bimbos that can't wrestle is so the male fan can act like a pig an ogle as they tear the evening gown off each other.

    If wrestling didn't have women like Stacy instead of seeing her mumbling on the microphone in four inches of cloth. We would have time for another match featuring hot sweaty guys putting other hot sweaty guys in bear hugs, waist locks and powerbombs. The fact that the WWE objectifies women is so that every heterosexual male in the audience feels like everything is okay. He might have cheered when Chris Beniot walked out not wearing a shirt but as long as Torrie Wilson and Sable have a pudding match next he's safe in the knowledge he an't queer.

    In short, I wrote this column to help me understand why I must sit through relentless repitions of Jazz / Molly V Trish / Lita, Jazz / Molly V Lita / Victoria, Molly / Victoria V Lita / Trish etc on RAW every week its not because the matches are interesting (that's not possible when last weeks tag team match ended in 14 seconds) its because without women in wrestling the average wrestling fan might have to wonder about the sport he watches in his pass time. As it is he can be safe in the knowledge that while the main event might have both Brock Lesnar and Goldberg wearing the next best thing to their birthday suits, earlier on the card they were able to cheer while Stacy was stripped naked by an equally naked Sable and Torrie Wilson.

    by Just S..



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