I Want My Job Back!
October 13, 2005 by Dave Hanson

It was the happiest thirty seconds of my life. While growing up a lifelong fan of the WWF/WWE, I had an unwillingness to ever re-locate to Stamford, Conneticut, a lack of any real wrestling ability or desire to put my body at risk in any way, and no real motive to travel extensively for work, and thus the idea of becoming an employee of World Wrestling Entertainment seemed to be a pipe-dream. Then, the unthinkable happened. During the October 10th Broadcast of Monday Night Raw, Vince McMahon announced that he wanted to hire ME. I had never even met him, and now he was extending an offer of employment. Then the dream came crashing down, as suddenly and surprisingly as it at arisen, as Vince promptly fired me. Maybe it was something I said. Maybe I hadn't been working hard enough. He didn't give me a reason why. But this is my pledge: Mr. McMahon, if you are reading this, and if you can find it in your heart to give me another chance, I promise to not screw up this time. Please re-hire me.

Certainly, Mr. McMahon must have heard of me by reputation. Perhaps he had read some of my previous columns on this website. Or perhaps he had seen me in the crowd and instinctively thought, "now THERE'S a guy with talent." I was in attendance at the 2005 Royal Rumble when Vince injured his leg entering the ring; perhaps my outpouring of sympathy in the stands that night was what garnered his attention. No matter what the reason, he saw fit to bring me on-board officially to the WWE team right there on live TV. It felt like perhaps it might be a sign of strength returning to the U.S. Economy-I was, in fact, one of several new hires made that night. I could barely contain myself. I was officially a part of the company I had enjoyed so much since my youth. But the only thing that I can think of now is that I must have conducted myself unprofessionally upon learning that I had been brought onboard. The jumping up and down on my couch, and the hooting and hollering must not have gone over well with my new boss, because just as soon as I was asked to join the WWE family, I was cast out of it. The irony of all this is, of course, that I live on the West Coast. I see Raw 3 hours after it was actually filmed-meaning that I was fired three hours before I ever found out I was hired. Another one of life's cruel little jokes.

Or perhaps WWE had just experienced the greatest fluctuation in its stock prices in the history of the modern exchange, because all the other new hires-some five-plus million of them-were let go at the same time I was. Layoffs. The stocks probably skyrocketed, and Vince was fed the information through some hidden earpiece that was invisible to the home viewing audience. He was probably so elated that he decided to bring on board all the people he had previously thought he couldn't afford to pay. Then, upon receiving the information that the stocks had fallen again, he had to prematurely let us go. But who am I kidding. I'm just trying to lay the blame for my own incompetance in the workplace on the good folks at Wall Street. The truth is that my own dismissal from WWE was probably my own fault. Perhaps I wasn't "proactive" enough. Maybe Vince didn't see me as a "motivated self-starter who flourishes in a tightly-knit, fast paced team atmosphere."

Whatever the problem was, I can only apologize so many times. Please, Mr. McMahon, if you are reading this-I will do anything to get my job back! I promise to do better! Whatever I did wrong, I promise I won't do it ever again!

by Dave Hanson ..

Rhey Higgins wrote:
Wow! You were hired and abruptly fired by Vince McMahon" Me too! Small world.
John Krantoski wrote:
Apparently our release from the company has a 90 day no complete clause. So in January fans should work and cheer for TNA and other independent companies. WWE is clueless and doesn't deserve their fans (bring back WCW without Russo!)!
Troy Tollison wrote:
This is without a doubt the greatest column to ever grace this website, and quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever read. I can't stop laughing even as I right this. Forget Chris Masters, THIS is a true masterpiece! Excellent work.
Steven Ray wrote:
Dave, the things that pointed out to me is when u said the following "Mr. McMahon, if you are reading this, and if you can find it in your heart to give me another chance, I promise to not screw up this time. Please re-hire me."

"Whatever the problem was, I can only apologize so many times. Please, Mr. McMahon, if you are reading this-I will do anything to get my job back! I promise to do better! Whatever I did wrong, I promise I won't do it ever again!"

Listen, i doubt he would ever rehire you if he saw and read that, begging wont help,

Maybe you should call or email him, im sure if you've worked for him you gotta know his email or phone #, and ask em what you did, and see if you can argee on a argeement.
Kirsty Quested (The OWW Editor, in response to Steven Ray) wrote:
Steven, it sounds as if you missed RAW a couple of weeks back. Vince McMahon came out and "fired" all the fans. Dave's column is taking the piss. And extremely funny it was too..
Jim Rush wrote:
I agree this is a hilarious and greatly written article. I just wish that we all had turned off our televisions when we were fired and given the WWE the worst mid-show ratings drop in television history.
Keith wrote:
So does this mean that for a very brief moment, Nailz was rehired by Vince McMahon" Wow, I really regret calling my boss and quitting my other job during those thirty seconds between 11:57 and 11:58.
Garrett Vanhooren wrote:
All I know is, as a recently fired WWE employee, I will stop at nothing to get my full severence package. That includes two-weeks of pay, full vacation reimbursement, continued stock options, a pension greater than any U.S. senator and a WWE Title reign. Ok, maybe you could scratch that last one.
michael nader wrote:
Hired and fired eh" Wow. I wonder where Vince will be in the afterlife"
Johnny Speckman wrote:
If you want your job back I'm sure Vince would be willing to if you kissed his ass or maybe you should take off your clothes and bark like a dog. Hey it worked for Trish.
Eddy Plummer wrote:
World Wrestling Entertainment and its fans have decided to part ways. WWE wishes our fans the best of luck in all their future endeavors.
Mike nowak wrote:
ummm yeah, he doesnt know the rammifications of hiring and firing me! Not only am i going to claim him as an employer and ask for my W2, im also going to use him as a work reference! and if he doesnt give me the right paper work...i ll accuse him of trying to pay me under the table! its a foll proof plan!!! i cant lose!!!!
david marshall wrote:
I jost lost my job with the WWE. I can't believe it. Oh well, looks like next year it'll be TNA for me and a lot of other people as well. If Vinnie Mac ever wants me back, well I got 3 words for him..."Kiss My Ass"
Richard Powell wrote:
Vinny Mac, I got two words for yaaaa, "Suck IT" --- I think Vinny Mac has given up. He puts together garbage shows because he doesn't have the heart to sell the company and let real pros work............ I think he produces RAW and SMACKDOWN! because it is more of a chore than something he enjoys............


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