Saturday Night's Main Event | August 18, 2007 - New York City, New York

  1. BACKSTAGE: Vince McMahon & Jonathan Coachman..
    • Mr. McMahon & The Coach were still trying to figure out who Vince's illegitimate child could be..
    • Mr. McMahon remembered one affair he had with a black woman in Kansas City sometime back in the 70s..
    • The Coach said he was adopted and he was born sometime in the 70s in Kansas city AND he is black..
    • Mr. McMahon cringed at the idea of Coach being his son and said tonight was going to be a long night!

  2. SMACKDOWN! TAG MATCH: Batista & Kane defeated The Great Khali & Fit Finlay..
    • Hornswoggle interfered and Kane & Batista used him as a battering ram against The Great Khali!

  3. BACKSTAGE: Vince McMahon & Jonathan Coachman + Ron Simmons..
    • Jonathan Coachman said he would find out who Mr. McMahon's illegitimate child is before the night was over..
    • Vince McMahon looked at himself in the mirror and briefly saw a vision of a younger version of himself..
    • Vince McMahon & The Coach left and Ron Simmons showed up and looked into the mirror and said "DAMN!"..

  4. BACKSTAGE: Montel Vontavious Porter greeted his "replacement" for the boxing match - Evander Hollyfield!

  5. IN THE RING: Vince McMahon & Jonathan Coachman + Eugene + Melina Perez + Stone Cold Steve Austin..
    • Jonathan Coachman said he has taken it upon himself to locate the identity of Mr. McMahon's illegitimate child..
    • Jonathan Coachman went on a drawn out speech saying Mr. McMahon was a man's man, who had a lot of "urges"..
    • Jonathan Coachman said with the information he has been given he is "fairly certain" that Vince McMahon's child is...
    • Eugene came out with his cape much to the disgust of Mr. McMahon, who denied that Eugene could be his child..
    • Mr. McMahon said Eugene couldn't be his son because he had sex with a woman in Kentucky and NOT his cousin..
    • Jonathan Coachman then remembered the afterparty in Los Angeles after WrestleMania II and bought out Melina!
    • Melina Perez came out and Mr. McMahon said that Melina cannot be his daughter because he once had sex with her..
    • Melina Perez screamed loudly that if she is Mr. McMahon's daughter then she will take him for all he is worth!
    • Vince McMahon then got increasingly upset and demanded that somebody tell him who his illegitimate child was!
    • Stone Cold Steve Austin hit the ring to a monsterous ovation in what just might be the worst possible scenario!
    • Stone Cold Steve Austin made a series of jokes implying that he could be the illegitimate son of Mr. McMahon..
    • Stone Cold said Vince McMahon's problem was his over-active grapefruits so he helped him out by low-blowing him!
    • Jonathan Coachman protested these actions so Stone Cold Steve Austin gave Coachman big ol' Stone Cold Stunner!
    • ****** Beer Bash. Steve Austin gave McMahon a cold beer to put on his crotch and then gave him a Stunner too!!

  6. BACKSTAGE: Evander Hollyfield was warming up with Montel Vontavious Porter shouting encouragements at him..

  7. NON (WWE) TITLE MATCH: WWE Champion John Cena defeated Carlito Cool by Submission with the STF-U..
    • After the match: Randy Orton attacked John Cena and gave him an RKO through a chair on the ringside floor!

  8. INTERVIEW: Todd Grisham & Randy Orton (Said he just sent a John Cena a message and it was LOUD AND CLEAR)..

  9. BOXING MATCH: Evander Hollyfield vs. Matt Hardy ended with Hollyfield knocking out Montel Vontavious Porter!
    • Editor's Notes: Oh my God that actually wasted their money on Michael "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" Buffer..
    • Evander Hollyfield dominated Matt Hardy in the first round and refused to knock out a weary Hardy in the 2nd..
    • MVP was extremely bossy and ordered Evander Hollyfield to knock out Matt Hardy so Hollyfield knocked out MVP!!
    • Evander Hollyfield hugged Matt Hardy and raised his arms before leaving the ring with MVP knocked out cold..

  10. ECW TAG MATCH: C.M. Punk & The Boogeyman defeated John Morrison & Big Daddy V. w/Matt Striker..
    • C.M. Punk pinned ECW World Champion John Morrison setting the stage for their title match at SummerSlam..

  11. And that's a wrap folks...

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