January 23, 2006
Charlotte, North Carolina
Announcers: Joey Styles & Jerry Lawler & The Coach

    • Domino (OVW's Cliff Compton) & Deuce w/Cherry Pie (aka Kara Slice) defeated Chris Hamrick & Brad Allen (dark match)..
    • Trevor Murdoch defeated Romeo w/Antonio (The Heart Throbs danced with Beth Phoenix & Shelly Martinez)..
    • Matt Striker cut a Classroom promo talking about Royal Rumble..
    • Chavo Guerrero defeated Jason Jones..
    • Val Venis & Viscera defeated Gene Snitsky & Tyson Tomko..

  2. IN THE RING: Edge w/Lita + John Cena..
    • Edge bragged that he has brought in ratings for the WWE and deserves the WWE Championship..
    • Edge said that he was proud to say that Ric Flair would not be there because of what he did to him last week!
    • Edge said Ric Flair will never get a Title shot again as the crowd erupted with chants of "We Want Flair!"..
    • Edge said after Royal Rumble, John Cena will never get another Title shot either, because he has no talent..
    • John Cena came out to the stage and said the Story of Edge is a classic version of "Boy Meets Ho"...
    • John Cena told a long version of Edge meeting Lita that included a lot of prepubescent "Ho" references..
    • John Cena claimed the story ends with Lita falling in love with Hacksaw Jim Duggan (Hhhooooooooooooooo!!!)
    • Lita said that Edge will be able to find a partner for their tag match, but John Cena might have to play with himself..
    • John Cena said that Edge might be standing next to a BITCH, but "This Sunday, I will make you MINE!!"..

  3. MATCH: Kane defeated Carlito Cool by Disqualification..
    • Kane dominated the match until Carlito poked him in the eye and smashed Kane over the head with a chairshot!
    • Kane sat up (oldschool) and Carlito Cool bailed out of the ring and ran backstage to escape Kane's wrath..

  4. BACKSTAGE: Edge & Lita + The Big Show..
    • Edge told Lita to "do what she had to do" (sexual favours) to get The Big Show as his tag team partner ..
    • Lita went into The Big Show's dressing room and rubbed him all over and straddled him and took her shirt off..
    • Edge came in and told The Big Show that Lita would finish what she started if Show teamed with him tonight..
    • The Big Show stood up and declined and said he would win the Royal Rumble and win the WWE title like a MAN!

  5. BACKSTAGE: Trish Stratus & Mickie James..
    • Mickie James freaked out because Trish Stratus was teaming with Ashley Massaro tonight instead of her..
    • Mickie James broke down and cried and said she would have to learn to accept it (implying suicide?)

  6. STANDING ON ANNOUNCE TABLE: The Coach + Jerry Lawler..
    • The Coach announced that he would participate in the Royal Rumble match this year!!!
    • Jerry Lawler stood up and protested, saying that the Royal Rumble needed a little royalty..
    • Jerry Lawler proposed a Royal Rumble Qualifying match between himself and the Coach TONIGHT!

  7. DIVAS TAG MATCH: Trish Stratus & Ashley Massaro defeated Victoria & Candice Michelle w/Torrie & Chloe..
    • Editor's Note: What did Torrie Wilson do that allows her to be a lazy good-for-nothing skank?
    • Ashley Massaro performed a picture perfect cross body off the top rope onto Victoria to get the win..
    • Ashley Massaro celebrated by hugging Trish Stratus --- Mickie James ran down and attacked Ashley!!!
    • Trish Stratus repeatedly pulled the jealous Mickie James off of Ashley Massaro..

  8. BACKSTAGE: Shelton Benjamin & Shelton Benjamin's Mama..
    • Shelton Benjamin claimed that Shawn Michaels called him a Mamas Boy when he arrived at the building..
    • Shelton Banjamin's mama said Shawn Michaels was just jealous and Shelton would whoop his tail!

  9. IN THE RING: Lilian Garcia introduced "Superstar" Billy Graham in the front row (promoting his Book and DVD)..

  10. MATCH: Shawn Michaels defeated Shelton Benjamin w/Shelton Benjamin's Mama..
    • Vince McMahon added that if Shawn Michaels lost the match tonight he will be taken out of the Royal Rumble!
    • They tried to recreate the famous springboard leap into a superkick spot but Shelton blocked the HBK's kick..
    • Shawn Michaels went for the superkick, but Mrs. Benjamin distracted him and Shelton Benjamin rolled HBK up!
    • The referee clued in but Shawn Michaels reversed it and rolled up Shelton Benjamin and pulled the tights!

  11. BACKSTAGE: Edge & Lita tried to convince Triple H to team with him and HHH said he'd think about it..

  12. BACKSTAGE: Vince McMahon & Shawn Michaels..
    • Vince McMahon told Shawn Michaels he would spend a lot of money to turn the business back to the way it was..
    • Vince McMahon said he would take the business back to the days of SEX.. DRUGS.. AND ROCK N ROLL!
    • Vince McMahon said he was going back to the all-night parties and not giving a damn about anybody..
    • Vince McMahon tempted Shawn Michaels with some 'evils' from his past and walk on the wild side..
    • Vince McMahon talked about going back to the pill-popping days they both enjoyed (Editor's Note: bizarre)..
    • Vince McMahon said Shawn Michaels' luck will run out this Sunday at Royal Rumble -- gauran-damn-teed!

  13. ROYAL RUMBLE QUALIFYING MATCH: The Coach defeated Jerry "The King" Lawler..
    • During the match, the five man spirit squad (member of OVW) hit the stage and cheered for Coach (hilarious!)..
    • One of the spirit squad members blew a fog horn in The King's ear and The Coach rolled him up to win!
    • The Coach was highly amused when the Spirit Squad entered the ring and did a cheer dedicated to HIM!
    • The Spirit Squad consisted of Ken Doane , Mike Mondo , Nick Mitchell , Johnny Jeter and Nick Nemeth..

  14. ROYAL RUMBLE SECOND CHANCE QUALIFIER CHALLENGE: The Big Show vs Lance Cade & Gregory Helms & Rob Conway..
    • If either of the men can throw Big Show over the top rope, they'll get into the Royal Rumble..
    • Editor's Note: Didn't they already say The Coach was the final entrant in the Royal Rumble match?
    • The Big Show tossed all three men over the top rope - thus burying them even further than they already were..

  15. ON STAGE: Triple H..
    • After the match, Triple H came out and said he'd win the Royal Rumble (it took him 10 minutes to say it)..
    • Triple H added that he was finished creating stars (well, technically he finished doing that in 2000)..
    • Triple H said that at Royal Rumble, the king would take back his thrown..

  16. BACKSTAGE: Lita was about to go down on Edge when a mystery man (Edge's partner) entered the room..

  17. MAIN EVENT: Edge & Mystery Partner (Chris Masters) vs John Cena & Mystery Partner (Ric Flair)..
    • Editor's Note: As this match begins, I pray to God that this night ends with some kind of tribute to Ric Flair..
    • By the way, in case you have forgotten, Ric Flair is still the reigning Intercontinental champion!
    • Ric Flair clipped Chris Masters' knee and John Cena made him tap out with STF-U submission hold!
    • Edge & Lita were already backing up the stage at the end of the match to get away from John Cena..
    • After the show went off the air, Ric Flair was given mic time to thank his hometown fans for their support..

  18. And that's a wrap folks..

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