Canadian Wrestling Revolution
April 13th, 2008 – “Back In Business”
Toronto, Ontario at the Center of Gravity
Center of Gravity is often referred to as the name of the company that owns it, Zero Gravity Circus, and little wonder since that name is spread all over the place. Kinda makes me wonder why ZGC are so anal about having their name on YouTube or elsewhere. They recently went after me for posting a video of the last wrestling event held in this venue (Stranglehold) because they didn’t want ZGC to be associated with anything they didn’t actually promote. Dicks.
Anyway, it’s a cool little venue. From the front entrance the floor slopes down which gives a tiered seating section an ‘arena’ type feel. I watched the Main from there and found myself wishing I’d spent the whole show there because that vantage point really added to the effect. The lighting was also well done with only the ring area illuminated. There was a couple rows of floor seating on either side of the ring while the ‘back’ side had a black curtain across the room that acted as a dressing room wall. I noticed camera guys filming the action from scaffolding above that curtain which should provide the dvd release with some interesting shots.
I found out prior to show time that advertised stars Sara del Rey, Claudio Castagnoli and Chris Hero had run into car trouble 15 miles shy of the border. Since that carload figured in the top 3 matches for “Back in Business”, CWR had some scrambling to do with the wrestlers they did have on hand. As it turned out, by the end of the show I don’t think many people were still disappointed that Hero, Claudio & Sara hadn’t made it.
Show started a little later than scheduled. Gentleman Geoff welcomed fans, mentioned “CWR wrestlers” and Lufisto and announced the first participant for the opening match.
That turned out to be Sebastian Suave who came out accompanied by 3-time OIW Manager of the Year Award winner, Jessy Jones. Jessy cut a basic heel promo, putting over his man by dissing the crowd and Suave put his 2 cents in also. They fired up the fans pretty good and I liked Suave’s promo finishing multi-target put-down and poem…
“The man I’m fighting is just like all of you… boorish, ill mannered, putrid scum! Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everyone bows, And so will you.”
Suave’s opponent was Jimmy Stone. He got a pretty big round of applause. I don’t know if that’s because he was obviously the ‘good guy’ in the match or because a lot of people know who he is. I don’t know who Jimmy Stone is. Maybe I should, but I don’t. He reminded me a bit of Nick Watts except, as it turns out, he actually can wrestle.
Stone won even more fans over when he got on the mic and said Sauve “makes Elton John look straight” (And that was the first of a gazillion homosexual references throughout the show. Any guy who has issues sitting 3 guys in the cab of a Toyota pickup probably wouldn’t have enjoyed this show.) Then Stone said something about Suave being a “waste of sperm” and if you think about it, that’s really not that much of a waste. I mean, come on… What’s one sperm? A million others are wasted anyway. And is there some other use for the little devils? (‘Hey Turnip, nice pinata! What’d ya make it with, paper mache?’… ‘Naw, I didn’t have white glue so I used sperm.’)
Anyway, Stone then said something about him being the “heart & soul of rock n roll” and I figured maybe I’d root for Suave instead. And btw, Jessy’s shirt and vest matching his man’s Suave’s zebra gimmicks was a cool touch. Visually, they were way more deserving of support since Jimmy Stone looked like Nick Watts on the gas. (I’m sure he wasn’t though. On the gas I mean. With the price of gas these days, you’d have to be a main event star to afford it. You know… like Elgin.)
The match was good. Lots of back and forth stuff. Suave pulled his usual dirty tricks and Jones was good with vocals at ringside. Stone kept fighting back and displayed some nice leg strikes and quickness. Late in the bout he hit a twisting senton from the top rope but only got a 2 count which had him asking referee Turnip “Are you retarded?” and he’ll probably spend the better part of his trip back to wherever he’s from wondering why that got such a big laugh from the fans.
Suave won the match by using a chinlock pull-down into a neck breaker on the knee to get the pin. Probably more action and action than one would expect from an opener but there was reason to pump the crowd up so they’d be high enough to take the bad news that came right after…
Gentleman Geoff announced to the fans that Hero, Claudio & Sara weren’t there and that was met with a few hearty boos and a few shouts of “Refund!” Geoff said Hero would be at the July show and offered discount ticket deals to the next 2 CWR events; tossing in a cut in dvd prices as well. That seemed to mollify most fans. Or maybe it was the monotonous delivery… I don’t know. The buzz was definitely getting killed though but spirits picked up big time when Dan Paysan’s music began playing and the Junior Heavyweight Champ appeared through the curtain…
Paysan took the mic and made sure it was working by tapping Geoff in the face with it. He exclaimed that because of those “cheapskate American Indy stars, I’m disappointed. I don’t hafta defend… I still get paid… I’m so disappointed.” Then he said that management was forcing him to defend the title but since he was the champ, it was “my way or the highway.” (Yea, good luck finding THAT! I freaking hate Toronto!)
Dan pulled out “a hand picked list of CWR cruiserweights” and said there’s be a Battle Royal with the winner getting a shot at his Junior Heavyweight belt in the main event. Paysan said the Battle Royal would start immediately and left the ring but stuck around to watch. Geoff read the introductions as the participants quickly filled the ring. They were:
“Canadian Crazyhorse” Michael Elgin, “Superstar” Shayne Hawke, Scotty O’Shea, Sebastian Suave (w/ Jessy Jones), Joey Valentyne, RJ City, Alex York, Tiger Star, Ethan Page, Mike Alias, Bat Martinez, Corey Mason & Kid Rock
The side of the ring I was sitting on had a giant mirror on the wall and it was quite funny watching the guys in the ring mugging and posing as they checked out their reflections. Hopefully, when they watch the dvd they’ll see how ridiculous they looked. The worst offender was Kid Rock. I haven’t got a clue who this guy is but I’d guess he’s from Quebec. He wore bright pink shorts that would be the envy of any Barton St whore and minced around like he had a gerbil inserted in his rectum. (Hey, it IS an Olympic year.) I only mention this because the guy tried so hard to do the high pitched shrieking fag schtick that I’d feel bad if I didn’t at least make note of it.
Here’s the order of elimination as best as I can recollect…
The Stallions were out within the first 30 seconds or so; first RJ and then Joey. I think Mike Alias dumped Joey over. RJ might have had a tassle accident and eliminated himself. I’m not sure. It was across the ring from me and there was so many guys crowding the near side so they could check themselves out in the mirror that it was hard to see past them.
Scotty O’Shea got dumped by Alias
Corey Mason got pulled over the top by Paysan
Sebastian Suave got eliminated by Jimmy Stone. A revenge killing as it were. Jones wasn’t really a factor during Suave’s tenure in the match. In fact, he didn’t do anything except pace back and forth like a black and white static pulse on a dying color tv. (and yet Jessy will still get his cut of Suave’s pay. Being a manager looks to be a pretty sweet gig… maybe I should try that.)
Ethan Page got tossed by Alex York with an assist from Paysan (And from Page to be honest.)
Martinez got dumped but I don’t know who did it. (Hey! Was that Feugo that just ran out of here laughing? Naw… couldn’t be.)
Right about this time I noticed Elgin in the ring for the first time. I wasn’t sure if he’d run in late or been hidden behind the mirror gazers for the first part of the match.
York got tossed like a lawn dart by Elgin
Suave got tossed by Stone again. (Might have been one of those situations where the cameras didn’t catch it the first time so they did a reshoot. Gave the match a real WWE type feel. Very cool.)
Shayne Hawke got tossed. Not sure who did it but they definitely could have done it harder. So credit ‘unidentified slacker’.
Kid Rock was tossed but no one would admit to actually touching him with their bare hands
Tiger Star was thrown out by Elgin who obviously has no appreciation for fur trimmed boots and/or masks
I have no idea when Alias was eliminated… coulda been a dimesional gate type of thing. He might be back on Planet Junk right now enjoying a stiff one with a space trader named Reggie James. (Don’t worry… they will get it.)
Jimmy Stone was bonked in the head by a giant gold knobby ball thrown by Elgin. I have no idea where he had that stashed but it looked like he had another one in his trunks.
Shayne Hawk jumped back in the ring so he got Elgin’s big ball in the face too and then jumped out leaving Elgin the sole remaining man in the ring (I hear some of you saying he was the only man in the ring in the first place. Be nice.)
So as Geoff was announcing Elgin as the winner, Paysan tried a sneak attack with the belt but Elgin took it away from him and Paysan bailed to the outside. This led to some funny stuff as Paysan claimed Elgin was “too fat” and made a big deal of taking his vest off. Eventually Elgin gave him back his belt.
The Battle Royal was short and a lot of fun. It definitely served to erase any residual ill feelings about the no showing ‘cheapskate American Indy stars’
Here come The Flatliners to a pretty damned respectable pop from the fans. Still showing the effects of their recent cage match at GCW, Burns and Asylum looked seriously pumped for this appearance. It doesn’t matter how many times I see these guys wrestle, I get ramped up every time they make their entrance.
The Wild Stallions are CWR mainstays and usually the clearcut faces but the crowd was split down the middle despite their high-fiving antics as they made their way around the ring. In typical bonehead face fashion, RJ & Joey turned their backs on their opponents to shill up on the ropes and, in typical dirty rotten heel fashion, the Flatliners attacked them from behind.
RJ got dumped to the floor and Joey endured a pretty serious beating at the hands and feet of the Flats. RJ jumped back in and the Stallions nailed Burns with a double dropkick after failing a team suplex attempt. Asylum quickly tossed RJ back out and then he and Burns threw Joey skyward. Once Valentyne re-entered the atmosphere and crashed onto the mat the match settled into a basic tag format (with tags & everything!)
The Flats worked Joey’s leg over with a variety of bone crushing moves and Asylum did an awesome job of working the crowd as well. RJ tagged in but announced a Monkey Flip and got crunched mid-move. That’ll teach him to tell his opponents what move he’s gonna attempt. And a Monkey Flip at that.
This was a very enjoyable tag match. Each team got a lot of their big moves in and were also able to foil the other guys. Sounded like most of the fans were rooting more for the action than either team but maybe the Flats had the popular vote; especially when Asylum was doing his “No! No! No!” routine.
The match ended on a weird note. All four guys were scrapping at the same time and ref Hellbent was trying to restore some order (which is kinda like a Volkswagon Beetle trying to push a convoy of cement trucks off the road.) Burns pushed Hellbent to the mat a couple times and the tattooed official called for the bell ruling the match a No Contest. Looked to me like the Flats should have been DQ’d but maybe Hellbent decided that the 4-men-in situation, precipitated by the Stallions, led to Burns’ shoving him so he ruled No Contest rather than penalize the Flats.
The next match was AWESOME! The Ontario return of Cherry Bomb! She’s been out of action forever and had numerous ‘returns’ vanish under show cancellations so it was pretty fucking cool to see her in action. With Danyah and LuFisto also in the match it promised to be fantastic and it was on all levels. Just buy the freakin dvd!
SOme comedy at the start saw Cherry & LuFisto keeping Danyah on the outside while they traded holds inside. Their exchange brought the first “This is awesome” chant of the show.
Danyah returned to the ring and delivered a wicked kick to LuFisto’s face that sent the ‘hardcore anime Superhero’ tumbling to the outside where she made some mark’s day by sitting on his lap. (No doubt he went home and made a pinata.)
Cherry & Danyah tore it up inside for a couple minutes until LuFisto returned to break up Danyah’s bridged pin attempt with a vicious belly chop. (And then sold her stinging hand because Danyah’s abs are so hard – insert your own ‘hard’ joke here… I have too much respect for the ladies for that.)
Danyah rocked Cherry with her running-on-the-spot chest stomps… Cherry delivered running clotheslines to both opponents… LuFisto and Danyah worked together to pound Cherry but argued over who got to pin her which gave Cherry the chance to drive LuFisto’s head into Danyah’s stomach (More funny selling – those abs are dangerous!)… LuFisto destroyed Cherry with head butts and her running knee/facewash combo in the corner… Danyah clotheslined LuFisto and nailed Cherry with her Thigh Master legdrop but but LuFisto kicked her in the head to break up the pin… LuFisto grabbed Danyah and planted her with the Emerald Fusion to score the win.
WOW! Did I say buy the dvd? This match was fantastic. Too bad Turnip was the ref. Why does he always get the women’s matches? (Guy’s probably got a 100 pinatas… the sick fuck.)
There was an very long “brief intermission” which gave me a chance to hit the Pizza Pizza up the street and indulge in some back alley hijinks. Good thing too because the next match wasn’t exactly my cup of tea.
Announced as a “Tornado Tag Match with Lucha Rules” the match featured 4 teams; two regular Ontario tandems: The Gym Rats and Assault & Battery, and two thrown togethers: Ethan Page & “Superstar” Shayne Hawke and Corey Mason & Kid Rock. The Page/Hawke and Mason/Rock teams were introduced first and it looked like homo central in there. (And they all played that up to great comedic effect.)
Um… I’m not a big fan of these flippy spot heavy multi-man clusters. Like, I’m really not keen on them. Having said that, I’ve got to admit that this one wasn’t too bad. The majority of the crowd seemed to really dig it and I enjoyed parts of it too.
I liked that it actually kinda built to the obligatory series of over-the-top-into-the-crowd high spots. Homos Kid Rock, Page and Hawke were all hilarious throughout. Mike Alias has a sweet dropkick but his partner Bat Martinez was pretty awful. I liked Scotty O’Shea’s double stomp to Kid Rock who had just done the splits. I didn’t like O’Shea’s punch to the face that bloodied Corey Mason’s nose. Mason busted out a couple moonsault variations which was cool because he hasn’t really been flying much since his return to action. (Must be all those added pounds.)
So… um, yea. It was a 4-way Tornado Tag match. The Gym Rats won. As a match of this genre, it was very good.
The match that followed was a complete 180… Eddie Osbourne w/ Jessy Jones against Tiger Star. Eddie was announced as the “Campbell River Crippler” which sounds way better than “Impact” in my opinion. Fans gave (I assume) Jessy a “Mr Belvedere” chant but the reference escapes me.
Tiger was quick at the start and when Jones entered the ring to help Eddie he found himself in a homo spot courtesy of Tiger. The old anal-sex-in-the-corner gag… always a crowd pleaser. I’m glad they didn’t bust out the ‘fellatio spot’ too because that would have been overkill.
So Tiger Star got some shit in and a dive over the top onto Osbourne & Jones and then Eddie went to work on the masked man by basically destroying his arm for the next 6 or 7 minutes. It was beautiful. Tiger Star sold it very well too. Maybe because, as he said in an aside to people at ringside “I think my arm is broken.”
Actually… I didn’t like that Tiger Star spoke during the match. Not the thing I mentioned above. That was said to ‘insiders’ at ringside. I mean he actually yelled stuff. He shouldn’t TALK! Now I know he’s not from Japan or some other foreign land. He’s just a white guy in a mask! Probably raised in Woodbridge or something. Sheesh! What a let down.
After a classic Osbourne beatdown which included some nice interference from Jones, Tiger Star began to rally and fans cheered his every offensive strike. Tiger even got a couple “Holy shit” chants (Kind of like ‘Sacred feces for an endangered species’) He kicked Osbourne in the head with various launched strikes about 5 or 6 times and then couldn’t lift the seemingly unconcious redhead off the mat.
Osbourne came back with a shoulder breaker which produced a very effective near fall then ref Turnip fucked up what had been a stellar match by blowing the final interference spot. Osbourne won by submission.
The MAIN EVENT!!!
I loved this match. Paysan’s early attempts to deal with Elgin’s weight and power advantage was gold. Great vocals from Paysan throughout the bout.
This was a classic big man/small man contest and the crowd seemed to love it. Big support for both guys and as the match built in intensity and drama so to did the fan participation and tension. Very well played by both guys and in my opinion, Paysan’s best Ontario match of the year so far.
In the undiputed “Holy SHIT!” moment of the show, Elgin missed a move off the top which broke one of the ring beams. (And this was Mac’s ring!)
I’m not going to go into too much detail about the action because I’ve been at this review thingy for too long already but suffice to say… the match was excellent. Definitely a keeper. BUY THE DVD! (no matter how long you have to wait for it to be released.)
The finish came after ref Cassidy got smoked and fell out of the ring. (Paysan had attempted to blast Elgin with his belt and nailed Cassidy by mistake. That makes concussion number 647 for Cassidy and yet he’s still smarted than Turnip.) Paysan blasted Elgin with the belt but by the time Ref Hellbent jumped in the ring Elgin had recovered enough to kick out.
Elgin had Paysan up on the top setting up for his Splash Mountain Power Bomb but Paysan countered with a ‘Rana. He went to hit Elgin with the belt again but Hellbent grabbed it away from him. Elgin nailed an underhook piledriver and scored the win and the Junior Heavyweight Championship.
WOW! I was totally not expecting Elgin to take the win. (I LOVE being surprised by a match outcome.) Awesome match. Kudos to both guys.
And kudos to Frank the Tank and CWR for pulling off a Show of the Month contender. Even with the no-shows (WHO were they again?) CWR delivered an amazing show. Back in Business indeed.
Check out the CWR Website for news of upcoming events.
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