Impact (10/29) Insight

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
Impact (10/29) Insight
Our resident philosopher looks at what may go down as the true turning point episode of Impact. Major changes are about to happen on Thursdays

The landscape of TNA changed forever on Thursday. Hulk Hogan made his first appearance, along with Dixie Carter, since the news that rocked the wrestling world was announced (Hogan is now in TNA). Also, one of the key players in the X-Division and tag team division was badly injured during the show. In addition, Eric Young had a major announcement about his newly-won Legends title that would forever change the status of the title

TNA opened with a promo for Hogan and then went into the attack on Kurt Angle by Desmond Wolfe. Wolfe, who sounds like Baldrick (Tony Robinson) from Black Adder, attacked Angle, twice, last week.

Desmond came out to a wolf howl into a screaming guitar. Wolfe took the stick and introduced himself to the crowd. He said that he was just Wolfe to his friends, but the fans could call him Mr. Wolfe. He considered himself the “Only Thing”. He said he was raised to be the world’s greatest fighter. Wolfe felt that he was destined to be a champion, which is why he came to TNA. Wolfe said that Kurt Angle didn’t win his gold medal, it was given to him. Wolfe said Angle’s tough guy image is just a facade. Wolfe reminded Angle that he took the fight to him, twice, last week. Wolfe claimed that he became the greatest wrestler in TNA, last week.

Kurt Angle then came out to a great ovation. Angle said that he didn’t know Wolfe before, but he knows who he is now. Angle said he would eliminate Wolfe, tonight. Angle threw respect to A.J. Styles, Hernandez, Matt Morgan and Eric Young. He then told Wolfe that he made a mistake by challenging him. He said “no one comes in my backyard and p*sses in it”. Kurt challenged Wolfe to a Street Fight, later in the night. Angle swore he would beat Wolfe’s *ss like it had never been beaten before.

Lauren talked with Styles about being jumped, last week. Styles didn’t know who attacked him. Samoa Joe. walked in and accused Daniels of being the attacker. Joe stirred the pot by saying that Daniels has resentment and jealousy towards Styles. Styles wouldn’t buy it. Joe set Styles off by suggesting that Daniels was stabbing him in the back.

Awesome Kong was shown destroying Raisha Saeed‘s locker room. This went down, last week. This week, Kong was unleashed, solo, for the first time. Mike Tenay and Taz started to run down the show but sent it to a video package of Dixie Carter and Hulk Hogan arriving for a historic press conference.

Alissa Flash was waiting in the ring. Tara, along with her pet spider, Poison, made their way down to face her. Tenay pushed the Knockouts in Muscle and Fitness. I’ve seen the issue out at the Pilot Truckstop in Fernley, NV and the women are beautiful.

Tara d Alissa Flash

The Finish:

Flash got caught on the top rope. The two women fought on the ropes and Tara nailed the Superplex. Tara hit a weak Spicoli Driver on Flash. Flash kicked out at two. Tara sent Flash to the ropes and hit a pair of Clotheslines. She followed up with a Snap Suplex. Flash hit a Pump Handle Suplex for a two. Flash cinched in modified Surfboard into a Curb Stomp. Tara lost some of her hair. Tara lifted Flash into a Fireman’s Carry into a spinning Side Slam. Call that…the Web Spinner!

Grade: B+

Jay’s Thoughts: I wish TNA would figure out what the heck they are going to do with Tara. She’s just spinning her wheels (or would that be her webs) so far.

Suddenly, Kong’s music sounded. Kong stormed the ring at a full run. Kong caught Tara in the face with a Full Boot. Kong used the Implant Buster and dropped Tara onto Flash. Kong mouthed “I’m Back”! Kong is out-of-control.

In the back, Team 3D talked about facing The Motor City Machine Guns. Rhino came in and talked about what Hernandez tried to do to him, last week. Rhino whined that TNA wanted to take him out. Rhino mentioned that he had to face Matt Morgan. It was all part of a conspiracy. Brother Ray said they were saving Hernandez from himself. Ray said Rhino was paranoid. Rhino said Team 3D stopped Hernandez because they believed him. Brother Devon said that he didn’t sweat The Guns. Rhino said for them to watch their backs because they are all out to get them.

Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley came out for the next match. I will have special notes about this match, after it’s over. TNA showed highlights of last week’s match between The Guns and Lethal Consequences. Team 3D then came out with their IWGP Tag titles.

The Motor City Machine Guns d Team 3D
Non-Title Match

The Finish:

Sabin went to the ropes and Ray caught him for a Uranage Sabin took one Hell of a bump as he landed directly on his neck from the move. Sabin spun a little too far in the move. Devon took the tag and lifted Sabin for a Press Slam. Shelley rushed in and clipped the knee of Devon. Devon gently dropped Sabin as he went down. Shelley took the tag and kicked at Devon’s bad leg. Sabin was down in the corner. The trainer was out checking on Sabin. Shelley with the Step-Over Toe Hold. Devon kicked free and tagged to Ray. Ray hit several hard fists and a Side Slam. Shelley with a Kneelift. Shelley flipped out of a Belly to Back Suplex and nailed a SuoerKick to Ray’s face. Ray kicked out at two. Devon took the tag and limped back into the ring. Devon went for his Amazing Grace Slam but Shelley flipped over. Shelley clipped Devon’s knee and took him down. Shelley went for the Single Leg Boston Crab. Devon slapped the mat in frustration, which the ref mistook for a tap out!

Grade: B+

Jay’s Thoughts: I hated to see Sabin take that nasty bump. Fortunately, he was only stunned (according to TNA) TNA cut Kevin Nash’s nasty rant about the injury. They had to cut something to make room the Hogan thing.

Ray was hot about the decision. The ref refused to reverse or cancel the decision.

In the back, Lauren chatted with Scott Steiner about his issue with Bobby Lashley. Lashley is demanding that Steiner apologize to Lashley’s wife, Crystal. Steiner said he was sorry…that Crystal didn’t know what a real man was. He said he was going to make Crystal his Number One Freak. Steiner said he would be watching Lashley’s match and he had a big surprise for Crystal.

Desmond Wolfe was lacing up his boots in the locker room. He was ready to fight Kurt, later in the night.

Tenay pushed the unique shows on TNA.com. Hermie Sadler interviewed Amazing Red and Don West. Red said he wanted West as his mouthpiece. West said that Red was a good model and he was all that was right about wrestling. I completely and totally agree!

Eric Young came out to defend his Legends title. Taz pushed Eric’s “Big Announcement”. TNA showed how Eric Young did over Kevin Nash to take the title. Nash’s opponent was Bobby Lashley! TNA showcased the situation between Scott Steiner and Bobby Lashley. Crystal Lashley was in the front row for this match.

Eric Young v Bobby Lashley (No Contest)
Legends Title Match

The Finish:

Eric rolled Lashley back into the ring. Eric Shouldered Lashley and slid between Lashley’s legs. Lashley caught Eric and powered him up into a Sideways Torture Rack Gutbuster. Lashley slapped on the Dragon Sleeper but Steiner slid in the ring with a chair. Steiner bashed Lashley with the chair and locked Lashley in the Steiner Recliner.

Grade: C

Jay’s Thoughts: So Steiner is now doing the old Rick Rude courts Cheryl Roberts angle, where the angered hubby, Jake Roberts, comes to battle the rude dude thing. Yawn. Steiner simply is no match for Lashley, period.

The rest of the World Elite joined Eric in the ring. They were all dressed in white, Elvis-like Jumpsuits. It was announced that the British Invasion have been suspended until Turning Point for striking the ref, last week. The Brits were also fined. Eric then took the stick and insulted the US fans. Eric reminded the fans that he just handed Bobby Lashley his first defeat. Huh? Eric was there to make a major announcement. Eric said that the Legends title was no more. It was now the TNA Global Championship. Eric said he would never defend the belt on American soil or against an American wrestler because the fans didn’t deserve him.

Kevin Nash then made his way from the back. Nah was carrying a steel chair. Nash wanted to know about the 60 Grand that Eric promised him. Eric smirked as Nash mentioned that he would not take Bashir’s offer of $50,000 Iranian Dollars (which Nash said was worth about $13.25). Nash wanted to know if this was how Eric did business. Eric said he learned from Nash, who had been doing the same thing for years. Eric said he was just making sure that he didn’t get screwed. Eric told Nash to join him in the ring. Beer Money slid in the ring and attacked the World Elite with chairs. Nash told Eric that he could run but couldn’t hide. The World Elite in their Good Humor uniforms were laid out around ringside.

In the locker room, Daniels walked up to Styles. styles dismissed Joe’s claims but Daniels took the wrong attitude. Daniels felt that Styles was doubting him. Daniels left to settle things with Joe.

The Beautiful People slinked from the back for a six-Knockout battle. This was Lacey Von Erich‘s first official match. Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne and Lacey did their sexy ring entrance. The faces to face the Beautiful People were ODB, Christy Hemme and Hamada. TNA went to break before the match got rolling.

Lacey Von Erich, Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne d ODB, Hamada and Christy Hemme
Six Knockout Tag Team Match

The Finish:

Lacey tagged in and Hamada was powered to the corner. She instantly tagged back out to Rayne. Rayne tried to get pins. Sky tagged in and they missed the Double Clothesline. Hamada Dropkicked both Sky and Rayne. Hamada kicked free from the Beautiful People and tagged out to ODB. The Trailer Park Princess Steam Rolled Sky and Rayne and even got a shot in on Lacey. Sky was launched with the Fallaway Slam. ODB with the Kip Up and then checked on her “girls” before hitting a huge Splash in the corner. ODB hit a Bronco Buster and Tenay threw out some interesting new names for the move (Bronco Muncher and Carpet Buster). ODB with a Scoop Slam on Sky and tagged out to Hemme. Rayne took out ODB and Hemme missed the FFG. Sky made the tag to Lacey. Lacey hit one of the weakest Chokeslams in recent history, but it was still enough to get the win.

Grade: C

Jay’s Thoughts: Lacey finally works a match and doesn’t finish it with the Iron Claw? What the heck is up with that? She wins with a pathetic Chokeslam. Lacey lost major points with me on that match.

Kong’s music rang out, again. Kong stormed the ring. The Beautiful People took off. Tara jumped Kong and the two started fighting at ringside. The Security forces ran in and basically got their butts handed to them. Five men couldn’t keep the two women apart. TNA went to break.

The two women were still fighting in the back as TNA returned. TNA then looked at the issues with Abyss/Mick Foley/Dr. Stevie. The Monster’s Ball at Bound For Glory was one seriously brutal battle.

Dr. Stevie then came out for a no-DQ match. Stevie had a microphone. Stevie talked directly to Chris. Stevie said Chris created a monster in him when he hurt Daffney. Abyss didn’t have to be asked twice. Abyss stomped down the ramp and took the battle to Stevie.

Abyss d Dr. Stevie
No Disqualification, Weapons Match

Abyss threw Stevie in the ring. Stevie punched Abyss, who shook it off. Stevie ducked a Clothesline and kicked the shin of Abyss. Stevie went to the ropes and got Clotheslined. Abyss tossed Stevie over the top rope and into the ring barricade. Abyss went to the outside and slammed Stevie’s face into the steel steps. Abyss punched Stevie in the face and Knife Edge Chopped him. Abyss threw Stevie into the ring and told the cameraman to move. Abyss tossed trash cans into the ring. Both cans struck Stevie. Stevie got a chair and threw it into Abyss’ face. Stevie bashed Abyss with a hockey stick. Stevie worked over Abyss’s leg. Stevie tried for a Figure Four but Abyss kicked free. Stevie went for a Tornado DDT but Abyss shoved out. Stevie went for his Stevie Kick (Superkick) but Abyss caught the foot and turned it into the Shock Treatment for the win.

Grade: B-

Jay’s Thoughts: Boring. How can an Extreme Rules be boring? This one was.

Stevie attacked Abyss with a kendo stick, after the match. Mick Foley’s music then played. Foley stomped down to the ring. Foley called for the kendo stick. Instead of nailing Abyss, Foley struck Dr. Stevie! Foley then slid out of the ring. Everyone was confused, none more than Dr. Stevie. Tenay called for JB to talk with Foley as TNA took a break.

JB tried to ask Foley what was going on. Foley would not comment. Foley just laughed and said the situation was just between him and Abyss and that was all the people needed to know. Foley did a Baron Von Raschke imitation, according to Tenay.

Rhino came to the ring for his match. TNA looked at the situation with Hernandez, from last week. Matt Morgan then came out to fight.

Matt Morgan d Rhino

Rhino kicked and punched Morgan. Rhino went to the ropes and ended up running into the brick wall that was Morgan. Morgan popped Rhino and the War Machine fell into the ropes. Morgan hit the Leg Lariat and slid over the ropes. Rhino knocked Morgan off the apron and the two stated fighting on the floor. Rhino and Morgan got in the ring and Rhino went to town on Morgan with kicks and fists. Rhino pounded on Morgan’s back. Tenay brought up the connection between Morgan and Hogan through American Gladiators. Rhino pounded on Morgan in the corner. Morgan with a Back Elbow and a pair of Clotheslines. Morgan with the Side Drop. Morgan Goozled Rhino but Rhino fought free. Rhino hit a Belly to Belly Suplex. Rhino set for The Gore! but ran into the Carbon Footprint! Morgan took the easy pin.

Grade: B

Jay’s Thoughts: And again Rhino jobs to someone. Sad, isn’t it?

Rhino jumped Morgan, after the bell. He hit another Belly to Belly and hit The Gore! Rhino celebrated his attack on Morgan. Morgan clutched his ribs as Hernandez’s music rang out. Rhino took off when SuperMex entered the ring. Rhino grabbed a stick and said only the strong survive. Rhino said no one would take him out. Hernandez lifted Morgan’s hand in victory.

Daniels confronted Samoa Joe. Daniels said he didn’t attack Styles and Joe should know that. Joe stirred the pot by saying that Styles rolled his eyes when Joe suggested that Daniels could hurt him. Joe said that Styles felt that Daniels wasn’t even in his (Styles’) league.

Don West ran down some upcoming cards. He was interrupted by Homicide. Homicide demanded a shot at Amazing Red at Turning Point. Homicide took West’s wallet, stealing a picture of his wife and his money.

JB then talked with Kurt Angle. JB noticed that Kurt was ticked off. Angle said that Wolfe would reach a dead end, tonight. JB suggested that someone brought in Wolfe to take out Kurt. Kurt said JB was just being paranoid.

Lauren ran up and found A.J. Styles, who had been jumped. Styles was out cold. After the break, Lauren said that Styles was being taken to a local hospital to evaluation.

Kurt Angle then rose from the depths of the Impact Zone. Kurt stomped to the ring with a look of determination on his face. The wolf howl went off against to herald the arrival of Desmond Wolfe.

Kurt Angle v Desmond Wolfe (No Contest)

The Finish:

Kurt ran Wolfe into the steel steps. Kurt punched away and chased Wolfe around the ring. Kurt slammed Wolfe into the barrier and tried to throw him into the ring. Wolfe came out with a Back Elbow. Wolfe threw Kurt into the ring. Wolfe threw a brutal Fore-arm Shot and another European Uppercut. Wolfe slapped Kurt in the face. Kurt started punching the Londoner. Wolfe grabbed Kurt’s arm and Power Snapped him down to the mat. Wolfe went for his Clothesline finisher but Kurt ducked an hit the Hat Trick German Suplex. Wolfe came out of nowhere with hit Lariat. Kurt was out. Wolfe screamed at Kurt. Wolfe grabbed the ref and moved him out of the way. Wolfe rolled over Kurt and screamed at him. Wolfe swore he would end Kurt’s career.

Grade: B-

Jay’s Thoughts: So wolfe is a cross between William Regal and JBL? He’s already annoying as all get out to me. Is he going to replace Eric Young as the leader of the World Elite? Is there some dark force working behind the scenes to lead him? This and more on future episodes of “As the Stomach Turns”. Nigel should have taken the WWE offer.

Mike Tenay stated that Chris Sabin was not hurt as bad as originally thought. The commentary was recorded on Thursday morning, while doing the updated commentary for the show. The original show was taped a week back. Sabin did not have a severe neck injury, which is what it originally looked like. TNA went to break before the Hogan press conference.

Eric Bischoff introduced Hulk Hogan. Bischoff is also coming to TNA. Hogan came out and worked the crowd, big time. Hogan introduced his business partner, Dixie Carter. Dixie pushed Hogan’s legacy. Hogan said he felt reborn by his partnership with TNA> They then brought out the head guy from SpikeTV. He was thrilled that Hogan was in the company. Hogan said that he wanted to make TNA bigger than any other wrestling organization (jab at WWE?). Hogan compared TNA to WCW. Hogan avoided saying what his role would be in TNA, wrestler or other position.

Jay’s Thoughts: Bischoff, Hogan, Nash and Russo all working together, again? That sends shivers down my spine and not in a positive way. Somebody call Vinny Mac, there may be a new acquisition in the near future. There is an old saying about learning from our mistakes or we will repeat them. When will they remane the show TNA Thunder?

Final Grade: B-

Final Thoughts: It’s pretty pathetic when they push a major announcement for the whole show and the silly segment gets less than 5 minutes of air time. I think Carter and the Jarretts just signed the death certificate for TNA by bringing in Bischoff and Hogan. They just lost that something special that made them stand out from WWE. Heck, why not get Dusty Rhodes on the phone and bring him in as a booker and totally kill TNA? Ok, now I’m officially cranky.

— Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(10/30/09)