My Slammiversary Predictions

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
My Slammiversary Predictions
Our resident philosopher breaks out his crystal ball and tea leaves to try and predict the results and future story twists that will come out of TNA’s equivalent of Wrestlemania.

TNA is ready to roll out it’s 7th annual Slammiversary mega-show. All the major titles, except the Legends strap, are on the line. TNA is offering two King of the Mountain matches, a mixed Monster’s Ball bloodletting and a ton of surprises. I’m going to do my best to decipher all the hidden signs that I think that I’ve read into this event.

Eric Young & Rhino v The British Invasion
Free-For-All Pre-show battle

Backstory: The British Invasion are starting to build themselves as a force in TNA. Eric Young is currently going through some sort of identity crisis. Rhino, well, Rhino is just treading water. This is the freebie that TNA is tossing to the fans.

Prediction: Eric’s current character is a complainer who is tired of getting the short end of the stick. This match could definitely give him credibility as a grieved employee. There is absolutely no chance in Heaven or Hell that Eric and Rhino will win this one.

Predicted Winners: The British Invasion
Predicted Grade: D

Aftermath: The Brits will move on to battle either Beer Money or Team 3D for the World title. Eric will continue to whimper and whine and probably feud with Rhino.

(Christopher) Daniels v Shane Douglas
Second Chance Match

Backstory: Now this one’s a bit complicated. Shane Douglas left the company, several years back, after his team, The Naturals, lost a match. He’s been floating around the indies trying to rebuild some sort of ECW/Hardcore group. Christopher Daniels lost the first Feast or Fired match, two years back. He left and came back as the masked Curry Man (his alter-ego in Japan). The character flopped like a whale on the beach, so TNA had Curry lose the second Feast or Fired match. Daniels sans his first name showed up to help Jeff Jarrett. Shane Douglas, sitting at home and watching TNA, got ticked off that Daniels got a second (technically, a third) chance. He attacked Daniels, which led to the stipulation in this match. After Sunday, only one of the two will be on the TNA Roster.

Prediction: I hate to make this prediction. I would love to go with no one wins so they both stay. That’s a distinct possibility. Since I’m going to accept that the stipulation will stick and somebody gets their pink slip, I have to go with Shane Douglas to take this one. Daniels was in, under the Suicide mask for awhile, so I’m thinking that Kaz will return and Daniels takes over the skull mask.

Predicted Winner: Shane Douglas
Predicted Grade: B

Aftermath: As I mentioned above, Daniels will take over the role of Suicide. Douglas will join forces with Dr. Stevie, Raven and a few others to form a Hardcore Alliance. Shane will likely serve as a manager for the new group. It’s possible Shane’s little group could add Taz(z), RVD, Team 3D, Balls Mahoney, Brother Runt (Spike Dudley) and a handful of other old ECWers who have left WWE.

Abyss & Taylor Wilde v Daffney & Raven
Monster’s Ball Intergender tag team match

Backstory: This is another of those multi-level storylines. Taylor was the former Knockout champion who brought Daffney in to Punk out the Beautiful People. Daffney played a great Sarah Palin. After the real Palin got her backside handed to her in the election, the character’s usefulness wained. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky attacked “the Governor” and sheared her like a sheep. This cause the delicate psyche of Daffney to snap like a twig. She then aligned herself with Abyss’ “therapist”, Dr. Stevie (Richards),

Dr. Stevie, meanwhile, had been abusing Abyss during their therapy sessions. When Abyss tried to break free from the clutches of the “evil therapist”, Dr. Stevie enlisted the help of everyone’s favorite nut job, Raven, to get Abyss back in line. They went after Lauren, Abyss’ infatuation/girlfriend. Abyss had a bit of a meltdown and agreed to join Wilde in a mixed Monster’s Ball match. Wow, Days of Our Lives ain’t got nothing on this.

Prediction:Despite her name, Wilde is the weak link in this contest. Abyss and Raven will likely take the most wicked of the bumps but the girls will slice and dice each other, as well. Since TNA is really pushing the man v woman angle with this one, I expect Abyss to hold back when he goes to Chokeslam Daffney. That will allow Raven to take out Abyss and then nailing the Raven Effect on Taylor. Daffney will drape her willowy, tattooed frame over the out-cold Wilde to take the win for her team. Wilde might even be kidnapped for a little “reprogramming”.

Predicted Winners: Raven and Daffney
Predicted Grade: B- (the blood type needed for the transfusions)

Aftermath: Abyss’ feud with the Hardcore Collective is going to increase after Sunday. Wilde may well disappear, at least for awhile. Daffney may go after the Knockouts title, depending on who takes that title. More on that one in a bit. Dr. Stevie and Raven will probably join Shane Douglas to increase membership in the Hardcore Collective (or whatever that end up calling it). Abyss will fall further and further into the dismal depths of mid-card Hell.

Sting v Matt Morgan

Backstory: Matt Morgan, who hasn’t won squat as a wrestler, wants to be part of the Main Event Mafia. Sting, the new Godfather, feels Morgan isn’t deserving (he’s right). Morgan challenged Sting to “put up or shut up”. Sting told Morgan that if The Blueprint can beat him at Slammiversary, he’ll give Morgan “his spot”. Morgan greedily accepted.

Prediction: This one’s rather tricky. My gut reaction is to say “once a loser, always a loser” and dismiss Morgan as a mid-carder who’s getting too big for his lycra breeches. Morgan could surprise everyone and hit the Hell-a-Vator on Sting to take The Icon’s spot as Godfather of the Mafia. Yeah, sure, and the Devil just might ice skate to his office, Monday morning. Morgan will look semi-decent in this match but Sting will teach him a lesson about humility.

Predicted Winner: Sting
Predicted Grade: B+

Aftermath: I’m thinking of a wild twist on this one. It would require Kurt Angle taking the World title in the Main Event. Morgan could come back and tell Sting that he just missed beating the Stinger. Sting could then tell Morgan that the Main Event Mafia is only for World Champs, or former World champs, so if Morgan wants in, he has to beat Kurt for the title. Morgan could then challenge, and lose, to Kurt. Morgan could then take over Samoa Joe’s crusade to take out the Mafia (since Joe’s going on the sidelines after Sunday).

Tara v Angelina Love
Knockouts Title Match

Backstory: Angelina Love tied Kong’s dreadlocks to the cage at Lockdown to escape and take the Knockouts title. Tara, formerly known as Victoria, showed up to make a “new” name for herself. She instantly set her sights on the Knockouts strap.

Predictions: I’m really not sure if the writers have a clue what to do with the Knockouts division. ODB is out of the picture, training “Cooter” Deaner to run around chasing ducks. Christy Hemme has been M.I.A. for months. Jacqueline and Tracy Brooks have faded into oblivion. Even SoJo Bolt has seemed to disappear.Now, the division is down to Love, Tara, Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne, Kong and Raisha Saeed.

This is one hard to call, because the Knockout division is so in shambles. If Love retains, she’ll have a rematch against Tara and then battles against Kong and maybe Saeed. If Tara takes the strap, she could battle all three Beautiful People, Daffney, Kong, Saeed and ODB (when she finishes with “Cooter”). Common sense would dictate that Tara would take it to expand the possibilities. Remembering who the writers of TNA are, I’m going with Love to cheat her way into keeping the strap.

Predicted Winner: Angelina Love
Predicted Grade: B-

Aftermath: Love will get a little rest as the rest of the Knockout division, such as it is, fight it out to find a top contender. Tara and Kong will have a brief feud to figure out who gets Love next. Tara will likely get another shot and take the belt, then. Kong and Tara will try to salvage the limping division with some monster battles. Love will fade back into the sideshow atmosphere of the world of Plastic Princesses.

Team 3D v Beer Money, Inc.
TNA World Tag Team title match

Backstory: Team 3D took the TNA World tag belts from Beer Money, a few months back. Team 3D then created their Team 3D Invitational Tag Tournament, which Beer Money won. Beer Money and Team 3D seemed to have mutual respect going, until the last two weeks. Beer Money didn’t come in to help Team 3D when they were being attacked. When Team 3D asked about it, Beer Money said that they were out throwing a party with the 100 Grand that they won. Storm smarted off and the two went to blows.

Prediction: The deciding factor in this match was hinted at on Impact. Team 3D were scheduled to red-eye over to Japan for a defense of their IWGP tag belts and then red-eye back to face Beer Money in Detroit. I just think that Beer Money is going to end up taking back their belts. Jet Lag is going to throw Ray and Devon off their game. I could even see one of the 3Ders missing the flight and the other having to go it alone. One odd possible twist came from the commercial for Slammiversary. During the clips, Road Warrior Animal was highlighted. I’m wondering if Animal is going to show up as a partner to Team 3D or as an ally to Beer Money or was that all a red herring? Regardless, Team 3D is likely going to drop Both of their belts, this week.

Predicted Winner: Beer Money
Predicted Grade: A-

Suicide v Jay Lethal v Consequences Creed v Alex Shelley v Chris Sabin
King of the Mountain X-Division Match (Curtis Granderson of the Detroit Tigers will present the X-Title to the winner)

Backstory: Lethal Consequences and the Motor City Machine Guns have all wanted to know how’s under the skull mask of Suicide. Suicide took Shelley’s X-Division title, some time back. The four men (Lethal, Creed, Sabin and Shelley) have all tried to unmask Suicide. In this match, one of the Detroit Tigers will give the belt to the winner. That and the location will be the key to this match.

Prediction: The question isn’t whether Suicide will hang onto the belt but rather which Guns member will pull the trigger on Suicide’s run as X-Division champ. All the signs point to either Shelley and Sabin taking the belt. Since Shelley wore the belt before Suicide, I think Sabin is going to take the strap. Suicide will escape with his mask, though. As I suggested above, Daniels will likely slip back under the hood, so Kaz can return to battle Sabin for the X-Strap.

Predicted Winner: Chris Sabin
Predicted Grade: A+

Aftermath: Sabin will have his hands full, battling Suicide (Daniels), Kaz, Jay Lethal, Amazing Red, Consequences Creed and even Alex Shelley. Suicide will go back to his zip line riding self. Creed and Lethal might refocus on the tag division. Kaz will likely return, in a few weeks, to make a bid for Sabin’s title. There will likely be some hints that Suicide was Kaz, only to have Kaz and Suicide show up at the same time. The X-Division has a seriously bright future ahead of it. Unlike the Knockouts division, the writers actually care about this division.

Mick Foley v Jeff Jarrett v A.J. Styles v Samoa Joe v Kurt Angle
King of the Mountain match for the TNA World title.

Backstory: Mick Foley took the World title from Sting at Lockdown. He’s been acting oddly, ever since. Samoa Joe is going into the match injured. Kurt is looking to rebuild his career, after losing his spot as Godfather of the Main Event Mafia to Sting. Joe wants to “kill” Kurt. Jarrett wants to lift the belt from the oddball champ, Foley. Styles is there, well, to fill out the match roster.

Prediction: Joe won’t win the belt, due to his injury. I’m expecting his “mystery adviser” to show up on Sunday. I figure it is one of two people, Karen Angle or Sting. Joe has gone after each Mafia member, except Sting, so it would make sense that he’s allied himself with The Icon. TNA pushed it just a little too hard that Jarrett has never lost a King of the Mountain match, so he’s not getting the belt, either. Styles has the Legends belt, so there is no need to put the belt on him. Styles deserves another run as World champ, but this isn’t the right time. That leaves Kurt and Foley. Foley’s said that if he keeps the title, he will defend no more than four times a year. The fans wouldn’t stand for that, of course. Kurt has been pushing his new attitude about his career and wanting to get back on pace. If Joe weren’t injured, I would say he would neutralize Kurt. Since Joe’s hurt, I think Kurt is going to take the title.

Predicted Winner: Kurt Angle
Predicted Grade: A+

Aftermath: Kurt will face off against Matt Morgan to see if Matt can get in the Mafia. Kurt will defeat Morgan, easily. Kurt will then have battles with various faces, until Joe heals. Joe will then return to take out Kurt and reclaim the World title.

Final Grade: A-
Final Thoughts: This is one of the two “Big” shows of the year for TNA (the other being Bound For Glory). There should be major changes and such sized surprises. Expect RVD, Tazz and/or Lashley to be in attendance to make things interesting. Booker, Nash and Steiner will be there, possibly to help Kurt take the World strap. I’m actually excited for TNA for the first time in months. This show should eclipse anything the WWE’s done since Wrestlemania. I won’t be home to see it, but I’ll likely tape it and watch it when I return from celebrating Father’s Day with my family.

Enjoy the show.

— Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(6/19/09)