The ECW (12/15) Extreme Examination

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
The ECW (12/15) Extreme Examination
Our resident philosopher looks at a somewhat chaotic episode of ECW.

After a horrible 3-hour Raw, ECW tried to pick up the pieces. A new tournament was announced, leading to the ECW Homecoming. Plus, a former ECW champ returned home to battle a new foe.

This Week’s Episode: The Big Red Return

Tiffany invited Kane to be a special guest on ECW. He cackled as he said…”I’m Back!” Roll the titles!


Tiffany was introduced. The catcalls were deafening. Tiffany really spoke highly of the ECW title match at TLC. She wanted to thank the competitors. She called out Shelton Benjamin. He limped, slightly, as he walked down to the ring. She then introduced the ECW champ, Christian. The Mayor of Peepsville limped even worse than Shelton. He got a lot of love from the crowd. Shelton looked a little unhappy at seeing Christian with the belt. Christian and Shelton shook hands in the middle of the ring. Tiffany said their Ladder Match was awesome. (Indeed, it was). She thanked them both for such an outstanding effort. Shelton thanked the fans for making ECW what it is. Shelton said he was tempted to punch Christian but he wanted, instead, to thank Christian for the chance at the title. Shelton asked for a rematch. Tiffany started to explain how Shelton could get the rematch, when…

William Regal and the Ruthless Roundtable came out. Regal insulted Tiffany’s voice and then told Shelton to quit thinking only of himself. Regal said Kane was a bigger problem. Regal cut off Tiffany as she tried to explain Kane’s presence. Tiffany reminded Regal that Kane is a former ECW champion. Tiffany has created The ECW Homecoming. Over the next four weeks, former ECW champs would battle newer stars. The winner of the Homecoming would get Christian at Royal Rumble. Tiffany said Kane would face Zack Ryder and Vladimir Kozlov would fight Ezekiel Jackson. In the back, The Ripper and his valet, Beautiful Nightmare prepared to face The Hurricane. If Ripper wins, he gets an ECW contract. ECW went to break.

The Hurricane was waiting in the ring for The Ripper. The Ripper and Beautiful Nightmare then came out to face Hurricane. Neither announcer tried to hide that Ripper and Nightmare are, in fact, Paul and Katie Lea Burchill.

The Hurricane d The Ripper
Contract Pending Match

The Finish:

Hurricane set for the Shining Wizard but Ripper dodged it. Ripper hit a Neckbreaker over his own knee. Hurricane still kicked out and Ripper has a hissy fit. Ripper power Whipped Hurricane to the corner but the Emerald Knight got the boot up. He planted Ripper with a Tornado DDT. Hurricane went after the mask. He pulled it off and…big surprise…it was Paul Burchill. Hurricane hit the Shining Wizard to send Paul out of ECW, again.

Grade: B+

Jay’s Thoughts: Burchill deserves so much better than this. He’s a decent wrestler who is caught in a silly feud that has ended up with him being humiliated, twice. I’d like to see him jump ship and joined the World Elite ove in TNA.

Josh and Byron talked about the “historical” 2009 Slammy Awards. According to just about everyone that I’ve talked to, it was Historically one of the worst Raws, ever. Dennis Miller’s politically-based rants bored the Corpus Christi and home audiences. The matches were dreadful. The only good things were when Dennis Miller ticked off Vince McMahon when he brought up the concept of Bret Hart as a future Guest Host and when Shawn Michaels challenged Undertaker to a rematch at Wrestlemania 26.

Backstage, Paul and Katie Lea Burchill started to leave. Gregory Helms stopped them and mocked their loss. Paul screamed at Helms and walked off. Helms walked off, with his cape sliding out from the back of his suit jacket.

Tony Atlas was introduced to the crowd. He then brought out Abraham Washington for the Abraham Washington Show. Abe did his typical annoying jokes about the crowd and such. The crowd booed him loudly. Abe felt he was robbed at the Slammys for not getting Breakout Star of the Year. Tony said Abe should have won Diva of the Year. That led to the arrival of Maria. She came out in a tinsel-silver short dress. The crowd went wild. Abe showed Batista crashing her acceptance speech. Batista came out and whined to the high heavens about how he got screwed over. Get him some cheese to go along with that whine. Maria got a shot in on Abe for not winning a Slammy. Tony said that Abe’s show stinks. Abe yelled at Tony. Maria taunted Abe with her Slammy. She allowed Tony to hold her Slammy. She played Keep-Away with it. Tony doubted Abe would get one, next year. Abe said he voted for Michelle McCool, which brought down a lot of boos. Abe called out Batista but The Animal didn’t show. Abe had Tony close the show.

Jay’s Thoughts: Even my daughter, Jess, who is the Biggest Batista fan was ticked off at the childish rant pulled off by The Animal.

Vladimir Kozlov stomped to the ring for the next match. He had William Regal at his side. He definitely took the heel position in this situation. Ezekiel Jackson then came out. He got a decent pop. Jackson had been relocated, apparently, from New York to Guyana in South America. Hey, if Kofi Kingston can move from Jamaica to Ghana, why not?

Ezekiel Jackson d Vladimir Kozlov
ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match

The Finish:

Kozlov danced around, while Jackson stood firm. They stopped and then walked up to each other. Jackson Pie-faced Kozlov, who came back with a Kneelift and clubbing blows to Jackson’s back. Jackson kicked the ribs of Kozlov and punched away. Jackson with a trio of Scoop Slams. Jackson turned to glare at Regal, which allowed Kozlov to Steam Roll Jackson. Kozlov with a series of Flying Elbow Drops. Kozlov with the Al Snow Trapped Arm Headbutts. Kozlov went to the ropes and was tripped by Regal! Jackson then nailed the Mon-Star Uranage Slam to take the win and advance to the 8-man Battle Royal in 4 weeks.

Grade: B-

Jay’s Thoughts: It’s like the ECW writers just can’t figure out who they want to push as a face, Kozlov (a modern-day Nikita Koloff) or Jackson (Ahmed Johnson v. 2009).

After the match, Kozlov went to attack Regal. Jackson jumped Kozlov and ran him into the announce table. Regal threw out an open challenge to anyone who thought they could beat him.

Trent Barreta and Caylen Croft were playing against D-X in Smackdown v Raw 2010. They were ready to go after their local jobbers, next.

Barreta and Croft came out to face Julio Cruz and Jorge Arias Josh pushed that Chris Jericho would be on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon on Thursday.

Trent Barreta and Caylen Croft d Julio Cruz and Jorge Arias

Trent and Cruz started the match. Trent with a Kneelift and a punch. Trent sent Cruz to the ropes but the youngster ducked a Clothesline and rocked Trent with a Dropkick. Croft distracted Cruz, which allowed Trent to Chop Block Cruz. Trent worked over the left leg of Cruz and brought in Croft. They did a double team move, slamming both knees into the match. Croft worked over the leg of Cruz. Trent tagged back in and ended up catching a boot to the face. Cruz with a Jumping Spin Kick. Cruz tried to tag out but Trent ran over and knocked Jorge off the apron. Trent Punted the ribs. The duo ripped off Beer Money’s DWI Finisher.

Grade: B

Jay’s Thoughts: I don’t know why but I just don’t like this team. They have that Rockers feel to them, mixed with a little Hardy Boyz and Rock and Roll Express. I should really want to see them do well. As it is, I’m ready for WWE to send the kids back down to Florida.

Barreta demanded to announce themselves as the winners. Josh tried to push the finisher as being unique. Well, only if you’ve never watched an episode of Impact.

In the back, Goldust chatted with Yoshi Tatsu. Goldy talked about making the Divas upset. He also congratulated Yoshi on his first big win on Raw. Kane walked up and Yoshi talked to him in Japanese. Kane wanted to know what Yoshi had said. Goldust did the old Ron Simmons “Damn” catchphrase. Kane looked at them and said “And they call Me a freak”. He walked off to face Zack Ryder.

Kane came out to a huge pop from the Texas crowd. This was another ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match. The ring was bathed in crimson as it was announced that Jack Swagger would return, next week, to face Yoshi Tatsu in a Qualifying match. Zack came out with Rosa Mendes.

Kane d Zack Ryder
ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match

The Finish:

Zack punched Kane and twisted the knee. Kane kicked free. Zack choked Kane with his boot. Zack kept punching and choking Kane in the corner. Kane kicked and punched back. Zack with the Chop Block. He twisted Kane’s knee in the ropes. Kane with Uppercuts to rock Ryder. Zack hit his Rough Ryder Leg Lariat. Zack went to jump on Kane’s shoulder but Kane shoved him off. Kane came out of nowhere with the Chokeslam to advance.

Grade: B+

Jay’s Thoughts: I think moving Kane to ECW would be a positive move for everyone.

The ring went all red as he soaked in the cheers of the fans. Ezekiel Jackson and Kane are now in the 8-man Battle Royal in 4 weeks.

Final Grade: B

Final Thoughts: The whole ECW Homecoming thing sounds interesting. It should be interesting to see who all gets a shot. I would have to imagine Tommy Dreamer, Mark Henry, John Morrison, Chavo Guerrero and C.M. Punk to get invited to join the party.

Peace

— Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(12/16/2009)