The Impact (1/14) Insight

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon
The Impact (1/14) Insight
Our resident philosopher looks at this week’s edition of TNA Impact

TNA presented their follow-up to Monday Night Impact and the lead-in to this Sunday’s Genesis. More surprises popped up as the show went along.

This Week’s Episode: The Band

TNA opened with a look back at Monday Night Impact. Ric Flair, Sean Morley, Jeff Hardy, Scott Hall, Eric Bischoff, X-Pac and The Nasty Boys showed up. Hulk Hogan threw major respect out to Kurt Angle and A.J. Styles. Hulk put Jeff Jarrett in his place. Eric took out Mick Foley, with the help of the various nWo members.

Generation Me (Nick and Matt Jackson aka The Young Bucks) opened the show. They got, of course, name changes. They faced off against the Motor City Machine Guns.

Generation Me d Motor City Machine Guns

Highlights:

Sabin with an Arm Drag. Shelley with a Flying Thrust Kick off the top. Max blocked a German Suplex and then came off the ropes with a Spear. max hit a Standing Consult and Jeremy nailed a Frog Splash, at the same time! Sabin made the save. Shelley fought off both of Gen-Me. Shelley drove Max into the middle turnbuckle. Sabin with a Springboard Clothesline on Jeremy. Sabin with a Roundhouse Kick. The Guns hit the Spinning Neck breaker Combo on Max but Jeremy made the save. Jeremy was tossed to the outside. Sabin went for a Plancha but seemed to hurt his arm on the landing. Shelley tried for Sliced Bread #2 on Max but the young guy flipped over. Jeremy came in and cleaned Shelley’s clock with a Superkick. Gen-Me finished off Shelley with what was known in the NWA as the More Bang for the Buck. (Not sure if it will get renamed).

Grade: A+

Jay’s Thoughts: I’ve watched the Young Bucks/Generation Me for about two years, now. They were top contenders to the NWA World tag belts. Now that Colours TV has cancelled NWA Showcase, it’s nice to see the kids get a chance to shine. They should quickly rise to the top of the tag team division. This was most certainly a shocker to anyone who had not seen Gen-Me.

Taz and Mike Tenay were stunned by the upset win. These kids are the next “Hardy Boys”. The Nasty Boys were laughing about trashing the Team 3D locker room. Team 3D were on the outside and wanted in. The Nasties wouldn’t let them in. The Nasties taunted Brother Ray and Brother Devon by telling them this was the Nasty Boys’ locker room, now. TNA went to break.

It was time for a Hulk Hogan promo. He pushed Angle and Styles, again. Hogan said that there was another shocking superstar arrival at Genesis. The only real shocker that I can come up with would be Brock Lenar, but I kind of doubt it’s him.

Kurt Angle rose from the depths of the Impact Zone, dressed to the nines in a sharp suit. Kurt gave credit to Styles. Angle said that Styles proved, last week, that Sting didn’t just hand him the World title. Angle said Styles was the better man, for that one night. Angle said what mattered was who took the final victory and he would be that man, at Genesis

Styles then came from the back to chat with Kurt. The crowd chanted for “A.J.”. Styles thanked Kurt for taking his loss like a man. Kurt made no excuses for the loss. Styles agreed that they would have split matches, if there was a series, but he felt he would still hold the title. Styles reminded Angle that Sunday was Angle’s last shot at the title in 2010. Angle said he only needed one more shot. The two hugged and shook hands. Angle stepped out and let Styles soak in the crowd’s love.

Taz and Tenay talked about Genesis but were stopped by the attack by the Masked Man. The guy threw him in the ring after kicking him. He hit a Short0arm Clothesline. It was Tomko! Tomko has been the masked man for all this time? TNA went to break.

Christy Hemme talked with “The Band”. Bubba the Love Sponge came in to send Hemme away. Bubba wanted to know where Mick Foley was. Nash said that The Band was back together. Bubba wanted to know where Foley was. Hall said what was in The Band stays in The Band. I wasn’t sure if Hall was putting on the act of slurring his words or if it was real. I certainly hope Hall hasn’t let his demons take back over.

Out in the arena, The Beautiful People arrived in unison. Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne faced the new tag champs in a non-title match. Angelina Love was at ringside. Lacey Von Erich was colder than a penguin’s backside towards Love. Love had some new ink on her arms. The girls did their shimmy entrance. Awesome Kong and Hamada then came out from the back. Te nay thanked the fans for the highest ratings ever for an Impact show.

Awesome Kong and Hamada d Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne
Non-Title Match

Sky and Hamada locked up and moved to the ropes. Sky threw Hamada to the match when Hamada turned to talk to the ref. Sky beat on Hamada and hit a Splash and Face Plant. Rayner took the tag and Shouldered Hamada. Sky tagged back in and choked Hamada. The Beautiful People with a taunt of Kong, which allowed Hamada to escape the attempt at a Stereo Russian Leg Sweep. Hamada rolled over and tagged in the ginormous Kong. Kong threw both women down and then Irish Whipped both to the same corner. She hit a Big Splash in the corner and planted Rayne with the Awesome Bomb!

Grade: B-

After the match, Angelina Love hopped the rail and joined the three Beautiful People in the ring. Love jumped Lacey and threw her to the mat, backwards, by the hair. She then Speared Sky and wailed away on her. :Love kicked Lacey and then went back to attack Sky. Sky and Love went to the floor and Love whipped Sky into the railing. Love screamed at Sky and said that she was upset that she was replaced.

A.J. Styles rushed into Eric Bischoff’s office and demanded to see Hogan. Styles told Scoff that he wanted a chance to get revenge on Tamiko. Styles demanded the chance to fight Tamiko, on this very show. Bischoff said he needed a main event. Bischoff said if he really wanted Tomko, he would have to put the TNA World title on the line. Styles said to “book it”. Scoff was impressed.

TAN ran a Genesis promo.

JB went to the office of Hogan/Bischoff. JB wanted answers about Mick Foley. JB wanted to know where Foley was. Scoff said that JB was to blame for what happened to Foley. Bischoff said JB let Foley into the building. Bischoff told JB to go and find Foley. Bischoff threatened to eliminate JB from TNA.

Beer Money, Inc. then walked in and said that they had a problem with “The Band”. James Storm said that they wanted Hall/Nash at Genesis. Bischoff took Storm’s beer and took a swig. Bischoff said he would consider the match and thanked the boys for the beer.

Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed came out for the next match. Bobby Lashley came out and attacked Lethal Consequences. He absolutely destroyed both men, including hitting his Dominate finisher on Creed. Crystal had the stick and asked Eric (Bischoff) is they had his attention, now. Crystal said Bobby would destroy all the TNA stars until they get their meeting with Hogan.

Team 3D then came from the back. Ray had an ax in his hand. He blasted Lethal with it.

Team 3D d Lethal Consequences

The bell rang. Team 3D hit the 3D on Creed. Done deal.

Grade: D-

Ray called for the stick. Ray said that Team 3D were in Japan, last week. They learned, in Japan, about what the Nasty Boys did. Ray wanted to know where the Hell the Nasty Boys had been for the last 10 years. He accused the Na sties of riding the coattails of Hogan. Ray said that they were coming to take back their locker room. He introduced the Nasties to his little friend (the ax). The camera followed them back. Ray took the ax to the door and then they got jumped by the Nasties in the smelly locker room. The Nasties laid out Team 3D with all kinds of garbage. Really? Devon was rammed into the Locker Room. The Nasties welcomed Team 3D to “Nastyville”.

Tomko talked about the past in TNA. Tomko said he taught Styles everything he knew. Tamiko said Styles forgot who led their tag team.

Sean Morley walked down to the ring in street clothes. He had a new intro “Ladies, I’m Here”. Morley talked about working with another type of T-N-A. Morley said that he was now a director, producer, and distributor of “art films”. Morley said TNA was poised to explode, but they needed something more. He felt TNA needed a Film Division. Morley said his TNA Films will not be Direct-to-Video works (The Marine 2?). Daniels came out to welcome Morley to the “new day in TNA”. Daniels wanted to pitch a screenplay to Morley. During the pitch, Daniels attacked Morley. He hit a Uranage and a BME on Morley. Daniels said Morley would bring art to TNA over his dead body. Daniels told Morley to get out of TNA because he offends Daniels. Morley fought back and hit a Clothesline and Back Elbow. Morley with a La Bandera Clothesline to send Daniels to the floor. Morley’s music played. It sounds like some serious 70s porno music (not that I would know what that would sound like — grin).

TNA pushed the 2-out-of-3 falls match at Genesis between ODB and Tara. ODB wanted to send Tara out of TNA. Jeff Jarrett walked backstage with a dude in a suit. Jeff would talk, later.

Matt Morgan came from the back. He was joined by Hernandez. Morgan and Hernandez will battle The British Invasion on Sunday. Beer Money, Inc. then came out for the Hour Turner match.

Hernandez & Matt Morgan v Beer Money, Inc. (No Contest)

Storm and Hernandez kicked off the battle. Hernandez shoved Storm to the corner. Hernandez flipped Storm over the ropes, but the “Tennessee Cowboy” rocked Hernandez with a Jumping Enziguri. Storm took control and nailed a Flying Neckbreaker. Roode took the tag and Beer Money, Inc hit a Double Suplex. Morgan made the blind tag and took down Robert Rode and Storm with a Dual Clotheslien. Morgan with a Splash on Roode and a Side Slam. Roode with a Kneelift and tagged out to Storm. Beer Money Double Whipped Beer Money. Hernandez blind tagged in and hit the Double Springboard Shoulder. Roode with Knife Edge Chops and a run to the ropes. Hernandez Pounced Roode and nearly knocked him out of the ring. Hernandez with the Super-Plancha on both members of Beer Money. Morgan made the tag on the pass. Rob Terry attacked Hernandez on the floor, leading to the DQ.

Grade: B

Jay’s Thoughts: This match was nothing more than a set-up for two future tag matches. I especially look forward to The Outsiders v Beer Money. As for Hernandez/Morgan v The British Invasion…yawn.

The Band came out tot he ring. Waltman jumped Beer Money. It was mostly Nash and Walt man doing the damage. Hall got a few shots in. The security forces rushed down to the ring. Eric’s music rang out and he walked out to the stage with the stick. Eric would talk, next.

TNA looked at the assault on Beer Money by The Band. Eric told Beer Money to be careful what they asked for. Eric didn’t know what he was going to do with The Band. Hall wanted a raise. Eric made the match between Hall/Nash and Beer Money. Hall just wanted to drink all Storm’s beer. I so hope this is just an act. Sting looked down from the rafters.

Tomko talked about being on the shelf for a year with an injury. He said he called A.J. but the new World Champ didn’t bother to call him back. That was when Tomko felt the need to put Styles in his place.

Desmond Wolfe came out for the next match. D’Angelo Dinero joined the announce crew for this battle. Wolfe stared at Diner. Samoa Joe then stomped down the ramp.

Desmond Wolfe d Samoa Joe

The Finish:

Joe tried for another One-Arm Orange but Wolfe converted it into an Arm Drag. Wolfe with a Superkick into a Hammerlock DDT. Wolfe with a Double Thrust. Wolfe with a Running European Uppercut. Joe with a Back Elbow and a kick.Wolfe caught Joe on the ropes with a Headbutt to the ribs. Wolfe with another Double Thrust. Wolfe tried for the Tower of London but Joe slapped on a Sleeper. Wolfe shifted free and nailed the Tower of London to take the somewhat surprising win.

Grade: B+

Jay’s Thoughts: What the heck is TNA doing with Wolfe? He gets a high-profile win one week and a trashing the next. He should have taken the WWE deal.

Wolfe came over and taunted Dinero. He said if he could destroy Joe, imagine what he could do to him (Dinero). Dinero started preaching to Wolfe. In the back, a black limo showed up. It was Ric Flair.

It was another Tomko video piece. He explained the reason behind the mask and the sneak attacks.

Jarrett and the suit stormed into Hogan’s office. Hogan said it better be damn important. Jarrett told Eric to take a seat. Jarrett said the young guys weren’t worth a damn, it was all about him. Jarrett said Hogan came close to defamation of character. Eric told Jarrett to stop talking. Eric said the facts were that the Jarretts started the company but would have failed in 3 weeks, if not for Dixie Carter. Eric said Jarrett tried to con everyone into thinking that Jarrett could turn TNA into something special. Jarrett told Eric to sit down and shut up. Jarrett called Hogan a “bozo”. Hogan said he could kick Jarrett’s “Hillbilly *ss”. hogan told Jarrett to get out of his office. Jarrett said it wasn’t over. Eric said Jarrett needed an attitude adjustment. Hogan said they could handle that.

Taz and Tenay ran down the updated Genesis card.

The screaming guitar version of Ric Flair’s 2001 Theme Music heralded the arrival of the “Nature Boy”. TNA took a quick break before the main event.

Tomko came out for the World title match.He got a big-time negative reaction from the Florida crowd. Styles then came out to a huge pop.

A.J. Styles d Tomko
TNA World Title Match

The Finish:

Tomko with an Oklahoma Stampede after bringing Styles back in the ring. Tomko punched and chopped away at Styles. Flair said he was in TNA because of the Hogan/Carter union. In the ring, Tomko hit the Big Boot. TNA took a quick break.Tomko had Styles trapped in a Side Headlock. Tomko with a Snap Powerslam for a two. Tomko choked Styles with his fore-arm and his boot. Styles started punching but Tomko countered. Styles hit an Enziguri and a Pele to take the win.

Grade: B+

Jay’s Thoughts: What a major disappointment. The whole masked man thing is pushed for weeks, making it look like Sting was going to turn heel. When it comes to light as to who the masked man really is, it’s a mid-carder. To top that, Styles defeated him so easily. Bad booking. And so it begins.

Tomko started to attack Styles, after the match, but Angle made the save. Angle handed the World title belt back to Styles and offered his hand. Styles refused it and Ric Flair grinned. Styles was actually booed for the disrespect.

TNA finished up with a look at the upcoming Kurt Angle v A.J. Styles battle at Genesis. It also touched upon Hogan and the other surprises at Genesis.

Final Grade: B

Final Thoughts: The momentum that was started on Monday Night Impact fell flatter than a Diva’s cleavage. TNA really needs to be careful that they don’t fall into a routine that kills their appeal to fans. Some fans, myself included, aren’t particularly thrilled to see Hall stagger to the ring with X-Pac. Sometimes, getting the band back together is not a good idea. I’ll give the show a few more weeks to get past it’s growing pains before I make final judgement.

–Peace

Jay Shannon
[email protected]
(1/15/2010)