SHIMMER Volume #24

** SHIMMER DVD Reviews by Brad Dykens **
May 2, 2009 – – – Berwyn, Illinois
SHIMMER Women Athlete’s Volume #24


“Everybody’s Favorite Girlfriend” Jessie McKay vs. “The Rate Tank” Kellie Skater: I learned from watching SHIMMER Volume #23 not to be so quick to judge these two skinny rookies from the land down under. Play-by-play announcer Portia Perez (filling in for rival Allison Ranger) called their style Australian Lucha Libre. Kellie Skater (not Slater) used her heel tactics to score her first victory in SHIMMER competition over the fan-favorite Jessie McKay. One question; can somebody tell me what a Rate Tank is?

The Experience (Lexie Fyfe & Malia Hosaka) vs. Tenille & Rayna Von Tash: The Experience assumed the role of professor as they taught a lesson to “students” Tenille and Rayna Von Tash. Tenille looks like a wrestler, something she probably learned from her trainer Lance Storm. Rayna was a little more flamboyant with her image, something which seemed to offend Malia Hosaka. I suspect her “gimmick” is exaggerated in order to mask her lack of skill in the ring. Her thick fiery red hair certainly is distracting (in a good way). Wrestling the veterans is exactly what the young talent needs, but the match went on far too long. It just makes the experienced team look bad when they cannot squash a team who clearly has a small fraction of their ability. Of course the job of the heels is to make the underdogs look good, and Hosaka & Fyfe did that on their way to eventual victory.

Amber O’Neal vs. “Girl Dynamite” Jennifer Blake: Not many wrestlers on the SHIMMER roster can generate the type of heel heat that Amber O’Neal gets when she saunters out to the ring and lifts the palm of her hand up as if to say “talk to the hand!” On the flip side, fans go crazy for Canadian spitfire Jennifer Blake! I have said it before, and I’ll say it again, she reminds me of that one naturally sociable girl in high school that every guy secretly falls in love with and she manages to remain friends with everyone in the world. She is one good seed, and a very good seed for professional wrestling. O’Neal falls under the same category as Fyfe & Hosaka, but her experience doesn’t always translate to victories in SHIMMER. She tends to waste time and it often keeps her from climbing up the ladder. The finish saw Amber climb up to the second rope, but foolishly tripped and crashed to the mat. Girl Dynamite recovered and exploded on O’Neal’s face with a stunning super-kick for the win! This would be Blake’s first singles victory in SHIMMER.

“The Latina Sensation” Mercedes Martinez vs. Madison Eagles: Madison Eagles is the more athletic of the three Australian imports brought to SHIMMER. As I so delicately (and respectfully) pointed out on my previous SHIMMER DVD review, Eagles is the perfect candidate for a boob job. Madison’s remarkable squared circle credentials more than makes up for her lack of upper body real estate. Her skills would be put to the test against one of North America’s greatest grapplers. Mercedes Martinez was coming off an epic match with Amazing Kong, where the Latina came up on the losing end of a bone-crunching Amazing-bomb. Martinez rebounded with a very impressive victory over Eagles, but still managed to pull the Aussie up a few rungs on the SHIMMER ladder. After the match, Martinez took the microphone and put Madison Eagles over as someone to look out for in SHIMMER. Both women embraced in the ring in a show of good sportsmanship. The crowd chanted “Mad-Ah-Sin! Mad-Ah-Sin!” as she made her exit to the locker room.

Pretty Bitchin’ (Nikki Roxx & Portuguese Princess Ariel) vs. The International Home Wrecking Crew (Rain & Jetta w/Lacey): The Home-wreckers wore surgical masks to the ring, not wanting to catch the Swine Flu or any other yet-to-be-identified air-born diseases from what they perceived to be a very filthy audience lacking any personal hygiene. Looking as hot as ever, Lacey generated some good heat with a contemptuous lecture to the fans before the match! I take back what I said about Amber O’Neals superior heat production, the Home-wreckers are 10 times better! Ariel played the face in peril role for a very long time, as Nikki Roxx grew frustrated on the ring apron. Eventually Roxx got the hot tag and turned the advantage back in the favour of her team. Roxx foolishly tagged Ariel back in about 60 seconds later and the Home-wreckers turned the tables on her again. Ariel hit one big move on Rain and got a second hot tag, allowing Roxx to go to down on both Home-wreckers – crushing Jetta with a stiff kick to the chest (OUCH!). Roxx battled both opponents until Ariel tagged herself back in again (too soon!). Pretty Bitchin’ worked over the Home-wreckers together until Lacey got up on the edge of the ring and distracted them as well as the referee. Suddenly Rain & Jetta recovered and took Roxx out, allowing Jetta to stretch Ariel into submission for the victory!

Serena Deeb vs. Cat Power: Meow. The sultry kitten from my home province of Nova Scotia makes me purr every time she appears on my television screen. She gets better looking every time I see her, and more importantly, her ability inside the ring increases with every match she participates in. That’s the perfect recipe for a future pro-wrestling star. As long as you’re growing you will gain respect from your peers and the fans. Cat Power had her hands full with indy mainstay Serena Deeb, who nine months later would get her head shaved on SmackDown!, when she joined C.M. Punk’s Straight Edge Society. I can’t help but think Serena was already on WWE’s radar when she stepped in the ring with Cat Power on Volume #24. Her character had already begun to change and her chest looked to be more-than-slightly enhanced at this point (I could be wrong). Let the Divatization begin. Serena set a ball of yarn down in the middle of the ring, hoping to take advantage of Cat’s feline tendencies. However, Cat kicked the ball of yarn into the crowd and showed Serena that she was serious about competing tonight! Cat impressed everybody by going hold-for-hold with Serena on the mat. Serena was rebounding from her loss to SHIMMER champion MsChif on the last DVD. Serena got back on the winning track with a great victory over Cat, who looked amazing and also benefited from the performance. You know it’s a good match when both the winner and loser end up looking good in the end.

Daizee Haze vs. Nicole Matthews: On the previous DVD, these two fought and Nicole Matthews shocked everybody by surviving 20-minutes with Daizee Haze, a veteran of the main event scene. The purpose of this feud is the elevate Matthews in the eyes of the fans, and the Haze is doing a good job of it! Portia Perez kept taking about a “game plan” on play-by-play, but would not provide any details of this game plan. Eventually Portia excused herself from commentary to go get ready for her Street Fight with Allison Danger. Instead of going backstage to prepare for her battle, she headed straight to the ring to help her Canadian Ninja partner! Daizee punched Portia in the neck, sending her back down to the floor. Daizee countered a Last Rights attempt by Matthews and connected with the Mind Trip for the win! Portia Perez jumped into the ring and attacked the Haze until Allison Danger hit the ring went right after Perez!

Allison Danger vs. Portia Perez: I love it when wrestlers respect the sanctity of reality by wearing jeans to the ring for a street fight. After all, who would wear spandex to a street fight in real life? Portia Perez was wearing a pink belt with some cute tight jeans that made her Canuckian arse look fantastic. Allison Danger on the other hand looked, and moved, a little bit Foleyesk – which is 100% acceptable since this was her first match back after giving birth to a beautiful baby just a few short months beforehand. That cute pink belt would later get ripped off and used as a weapon. Portia had hidden a hockey stick under the ring before the event, and grabbed it when the opportunity presented itself. A few minute later, Portia pulled out the yellow chain (which she used all the back on Volume #9, a fact that Dave Prazak remembered off the top of his head). Danger stopped the yellow chain assault, but then Nicole Matthews showed up and clocked Danger, who walked right into a solid kick from Perez! Perez then wrapped the yellow chain around Danger’s neck and yanked back on it callously yelling “save your baby, Danger!” Danger refused to give up, and eventually passed out, so the referee called for the bell and awarded the match to Portia Perez with an assist from Nicole Matthews. After the match, Perez continued to choke Danger while Matthews distracted the referee until Daizee Haze made the save! Probably setting up a tag team match for the next DVD.

Valerie Malone + Ashley Lane & Neveah: Valerie looks great, but it sounded like she was reading from a script as she hyped the main event. SHIMMER tag team champions Ashley Lane (aka Madison Rayne in TNA) and Neveah came out and said a few pointless words.

“Super Hardcore Anime” LuFisto vs. “The Croatian Panther” Wesna Busic w/Annie Social: When these two international super stars faced off on Volume #22, the story was a whole lot different. There was a mutual respect between the two hard-hitting athletes, and that was probably because Annie Social was not apart of the equation. Since then, Social has taken Wesna under her wing, and guided her towards an even more ruthless approach to her ring philosophy. That’s a fancy way of saying she turned super-heel. Wesna fakes an arm injury so that Social could choke LuFisto behind the referees back. Despite this interference, LuFisto kept fighting against the odds. Just when LuFisto was mounting a come-back, Social grabbed her leg and threw her off her game. Wesna planted LuFisto with the CB4-driver to get her win back from LuFisto!

MsChif & Cheerleader Melissa vs. Sara Del Rey & Amazing Kong: At the conclusion of Volume #23, Sara Del Rey & Amazing Kong both confronted MsChif right after she had defended her SHIMMER title against Serena Deeb. Del Rey & Kong were unified as they assaulted MsChif until Cheerleader Melissa made the save! The one flaw in the union between Del Rey and Kong is that only one of them can be SHIMMER champion, and I’m sure neither was about to concede to the other. MsChif came out with her tag team partner, Cheerleader Melissa, who was showing off her beautiful six-pack abs. TNA does your body good. Somewhere there’s a very lucky man married to that. Speaking of abs, Sara Del Rey has also gotten in tremendous shape since going crazy. About two minutes into the match, Melissa tried to slap Del Rey but failed on two attempts before surprising her with a strong style kick to the face. I think Del Rey actually started to crack up laughing. It was pretty funny, actually. Play-by-play announcers Dave Prazak & Portia Perez started laughing hysterically and called for two replays of the stiff shot. For the next twenty minutes, these tough athletes stretched, pounded, and bruised each other mercilessly. The finish saw Kong take out Melissa on the floor and then plant MsChif with the Amazing-bomb. Kong then picked up Del Rey and dropped her on top of MsChif for the 1-2-3! Del Rey & Kong continued to beat down MsChif after the match and Wesna hit the ring to join in the fun. SHIMMER tag team champions, Ashley Lane & Neveah, tried to save MsChif but they got immediately destroyed by Kong & Del Rey. Wesna picked up the SHIMMER championship, while Kong & Del Rey picked up the SHIMMER tag team championships. All three heels raised the belts over their heads to celebrate the carnage around them!

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