TNA IMPACT 08 13 2009


Location: Orlando, Florida (Universal Studios)
Date: August 13, 2009 (Taped: July 20-21-22)

Christy Hemme defeated Sojourner Bolt:

Lauren Brooke & Taz: Lauren Brooke asked Taz if Samoa Joe was affected mentally by his loss to Hernandez two weeks ago. Taz said Hernandez didn’t beat Joe, Joe beat Joe. Taz said Joe showed remorse and that is why he lost to Hernandez. Taz said he would get Joe’s head straight so he can beat Homicide for the X-Division title on Sunday at Hard Justice..

Hernandez defeated Doug Williams (w/Brutus Magnus & Rob Terry): Hernandez recently returned from a neck injury which he sustained due to an assault by the British Invasion.. After the match, Brutus Magnus attacked Hernandez from behind, but Hernandez quickly recovered and knocked Magnus out of the ring. Rob Terry jumped in the ring and knocked Hernandez out with the Feast or Fired briefcase (which belongs to Hernandez)..

Lauren Brooke & Hernandez: Hernandez shoved Lauren aside and grabbed the microphone from her. Hernandez cut an angry promo on the British Invasion in Spanish.

Mike Tenay & Bobby Lashley: Mike Tenay asked Bobby Lashley about tranfering from professional wrestling to mixed martial arts. Lashley said even when he was in wrestling, he was always training for MMA. Tenay asked if it was possible to be successful in wrestling and MMA at the same time. Lashley said he still loves wrestling and wants to continue, and right now he is living the dream of doing both wrestling and MMA. Tenay asked what the outcome would be the winner between Kurt Angle (one of the greatest wrestlers) and Lashley (one of the greatest fighters). Lashley said the fans would win and he thinks it’s going to happen..

Jeremy Borash & Dr. Stevie & Daffney + Jethro Holliday: Dr. Stevie said thousands of people have begged for the chance to take out Chris (Abyss) and he’s discovered that thousands of people hate Abyss. Dr. Stevie clarified that it wasn’t about pinning Abyss it was about ending the Monster Abyss’ career! Abyss jumped in and grabbed Stevie by the throat and said “why don’t you do your own dirty work? I’ll tell you why, because you’re a worthless bitch!” Suddenly “the Outlaw” Jethro Holliday showed up and bashed Abyss with a chair and jabbed him repeatedly in the ribs with it!

Lauren Brooke & Tara: Tara did this interview with her tarantula crawling up her arm. Tara said she was run off the road by a two-ton mack truck – a powerhouse called Awesome Kong. Tara said she wants to eliminate each of the Beautiful People one by one. Tara asked Lauren if she thinks Awesome Kong is afraid of spiders?

World Elite (Eric Young & Sheik Abdul Bashir w/Kiyoshi) defeated Rhino & Jesse Neal: Jesse Neal is never going to be a good wrestler. He is wearing basketball shorts and a grey sweat shirt. What kind of a trainer let’s their student perform like that? Lame storyline. Rhino wanted to tag in, but Jesse Neal tried to hot-shot the match and ended up getting pinned by Eric Young. After the match, Rhino yelled at his student and Neal apologized. Neal said he did his best, and Rhino said his best wasn’t good enough! Rhino slapped Neal across the face and GORed him!

Lauren Brooke & Rhino: I guess Rhino has turned heel over this. Rhino repeated that Jesse Neal’s best wasn’t good enough. Rhino said he has watched Neal make mistake after mistake after mistake. Rhino said he offered to train Neal and he makes a joke out of him and his career. Rhino said Lauren has never been in the ring so she will never understand. Rhino said he will fight, he will bleed, and he will DIE in the ring.

Tara (w/Poison, the Tarantula) defeated Awesome Kong (w/Raisha Saed) and ODB (w/Cody Deaner) and TNA Knockout champion Angelina Love (w/Velvet Sky & Marison Rayne): Cody Deaner tried to duplicate last week’s strategy and gave Awesome Kong a kiss! Kong got pissed and pulled the Deaner into the ring to give him an Awesome-bomb! Tara slipped in and rolled up Kong for the 1-2-3 while she was distracted by the Deaner..

Lauren Brooke & A.J. Styles & Sting: A.J. Styles talked about match number three of the best of three series to earn a shot at the TNA championship at Hard Justice. Styles said he’s let a lot of people down. Styles said one of two things is going to happen tonight; either he’s going to be a winner, or he’s going to be a LOSER..

Jeremy Borash & Team 3-D (Brothers Ray & Devon): Team 3-D talked about facing Booker T & Scott Steiner at Hard Justice this Sunday. Brother Devon said

Scott Steiner (w/Booker T) defeated Brother Ray (w/Brother Devon): Before the match, Scott Steiner talked about Ray & Devon watching the Steiner Brothers and Harlem Heat when they were growing up. Steiner said they were the World Tag Team champions because they are better than Team 3-D. Steiner said they would walk out of Hard Justice as World Tag Team champions too. Ray said what made the Steiners & Harlem Heat great was that they backed up what they said. Ray added an insult that Booker T & Scott Steiner were old and smelly just like garbage and the match began.. Booker T and Brother Devon both interfered since it was a No-DQ match. The British Invasion came down and distracted Team 3-D and took out Devon. Booker & Steiner double-choke-slammed Ray through a table and Steiner pinned him to win the match!

Mike Tenay & Kevin Nash & TNA Legend’s champion Mick Foley: This totally had to be Kevin Nash’s idea. Mike Tenay did the introductions and both men signed the contract without incident. Foley cut a promo about never having a conversation with Nash that didn’t revolve around money. Foley said he is proud to tell his kids that he is a champion, and asked if that means anything to Nash. Nash said the win was so tainted in the first place. Nash said he could have earned $20,000 at his last autograph signing if he had the Legend’s title. Nash said he looks at Foley and sees a guy who can write a best-seller, and has a beautiful wife and family. Nash said he doesn’t know why Foley just doesn’t stay home and write instead of wrapping himself in barbed wire. Foley said he does autopgraph signings for free because he loves wrestling and he loves making a difference. Foley told Nash to bring his intelligence, his height, and his good looks to Hard Justice and he’ll bring his passion and they’ll see what happens. Nash took off his jacket and shirt. Nash made the point that he was an athlete and a businessman while Foley is a pathetic wrestler. Foley asked if Nash used the “W” word on him (since that word is banned in the WWE). Foley said he was a wrestler and damn proud of it! Foley told Nash to bring his set of skills to Hard Justice and he’ll bring his and they’ll see how things turn out. Foley wished Nash luck and Nash said he thinks Foley is the one who needs the luck. Foley found humor in the fact that they were having a contract signing and nobody had gone through the table. Nash said he doesn’t get paid any more if he goes through a table or if he puts someone through it. Foley said he would put Nash through that table for free, or he would go through the table himself for free. Nash asked if Foley was serious, so Foley bounced off the ropes and put himself through the table! Nash could barely stop himself from breaking character and laughing at Foley. Nash was supposed to act like he was scared of what Foley might do at Hard Justice.

Lauren Brooke & Matt Morgan: Matt Morgan said he wasn’t feeling any pressure, and A.J. Styles was the one feeling the pressure. Morgan said Styles had his time in the spotlight so get to the back of the bus because it’s his turn. Morgan said he was so confident tonight that he was guaranteeing victory!

Matt Morgan (w/Kurt Angle) defeated A.J. Styles (w/Sting): Matt Morgan took A.J. Styles’ head off with a Carbon Footprint. After the match, Kurt Angle congratulated Morgan and the rest of the Main Event Mafia walked to the ring to celebrate.

The Main Event Mafia (Kurt Angle & Kevin Nash & Scott Steiner & Booker T & Samoa Joe -w/Taz-) & Matt Morgan: Kurt Angle talked about scouting Matt Morgan and always knowing they would recruit him some day. Morgan said he’s been the one selling himself to the Mafia all this time. Angle said one more favour and Morgan would be welcomed into the Main Event Mafia. Morgan said he wasn’t going to help the great Kurt Angle retain his title, and eagerly proclaimed that he would walk out of Hard Justice as the TNA World Heavyweight champion!