August 17, 2009 – St. Louis, Missouri
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
DARK MATCH: Primo Colon defeated Alex Riley..
IN THE RING
“Guest Host” Freddie Prince Jr. + Santino Marella + Randy Orton: Freddie Prince talked about being a life-long WWE fan; having hundreds of action figures, watching coliseum home videos, and the ice cream bars! Freddie said he gets to stand in the ring and be in charge tonight, but it was about what the fans want. Freddie said they were going to start SummerSlam right here tonight! Freddie said they would have Diva’s and United States title matches tonight plus Degeneration-X returns! Suddenly a mystery man in a raincoat and a hook (the killer from “I Know What You Did Last Summer”) came to the ring and threatened Freddie Prince Jr. – and then revealed himself to be Santino Marella! Santino started auditioning for movie roles in front of Freddie, including Freddie’s latest project “24.” Santino told Freddie to call Keiffer (star of “24”) and call his wife, the Wolf killer (Sarah Michelle Gellar, who is actually Buffy the Vampire Killer). Freddie told Santino to go backstage and rehearse some more, so he quickly left to do what he was told. Freddie was about to get the show started when he was interrupted by WWE champion Randy Orton. Orton said he was supposed to team with John Cena tonight, and he didn’t like it so he wasn’t going to do it. Orton said since SummerSlam is only six days away, he doesn’t feel like competing at all tonight. Freddie said they were in St. Louis, Randy Orton’s hometown, and he has to give the people what they want! Orton said he must be confusing him with someone who actually cares – and has nothing in common with the people of St. Louis. Freddie said Sgt. Slaughter made the match last week and he was not going to change it! Freddie sarcastically apologized and tried to leave the ring. Orton grabbed Freddie and gave him the neck-cruncher (does that move have a name?)! (Edit: Jay Hinchey wrote.. Hey the move that Randy Orton hit on Freddie Prinze Jr. last night on RAW is called an Inverted Backbreaker.)
WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH
Kofi Kingston defeated Carlito Colon to retain the WWE United States title:
VIDEO PACKAGE: Degeneration X..
IN THE RING
Mike “The Miz” Mizanin: The Miz said two weeks ago he was banned from RAW, but now he stands there a new man with a new attitude and a new look – but the SAME mouth! The Miz said in a few moments he will start his quest to become the NEW United States champion. The Miz told Kofi Kingston, mon, to enjoy his victory because the U.S. title will soon be his. Because I’m the Miz, and I’m AWESOME!
Mike “The Miz” Mizanin defeated Evan Bourne:
PARKING LOT: A white stretch limosine with “DX” spray-painted on the side arrived and Triple H got out. HHH had to coax Shawn Michaels out of the limo because he was nervous. Jillian started to mark out for DX until HHH put a trash can over her head! HHH said whenever you start to think it can’t get any worse, it does (wow, they just plugged TNA iMPACT!). Santino Marella showed up doing his character for “24” and Shawn Michaels super-kicked him!
IN THE RING
Degeneration-X (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) + Legacy (Ted DiBiase Jr. & Cody Rhodes): HHH & HBK started doing their DX gimmick when Legacy members Ted DiBiase Jr. & Cody Rhodes sneak-attacked them! Legacy beat the crap out of DX and answered their challenge saying “Yes, we ARE READY, for SummerSlam!”
WWE DIVAS TITLE MATCH
Mickie James defated Gail Kim to retain the WWE Diva’s title: After the match, Mickie James shook hands with Gail Kim and helped her up to her feet… in a show of good Divaship!
Josh Mathews & John Cena + Chris Jericho + The Big Show: John Cena said Randy Orton is the WWE champion, and uses all of his resources to be successful. Cena said Orton has a problem being a grown man – whining and complaining! Cena said everyone has problems, but they deal with the problems. Cena said after SummerSlam, the CHAMP IS HERE. Chris Jericho showed up and Cena has a big problem with him for dropping him on his head last week. Jericho said if Cena has a big problem with him, he has a GIANT problem with his partner. Big Show came in and predicted that Cena won’t even make it to SummerSlam.
Montel Vontavious Porter defeated Jack Swagger by DQ: Jack Swagger was disqualified for refusing to step back after a five-count when MVP was in the ropes and Swagger was punching him in the face.
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Freddie Prince Jr. returned to the arena and told the training that he was going back out there no matter what!
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH
Hornswoggle defeated Chavo Guerrero: Hornswoggle came down and went straight under the ring, so Chavo Guerrero naturally chased him. They reappeared and Chavo chased Hornswoggle backstage to continue the Falls Count Anywhere match. Chavo searched behind every corner. Chavo opened a door and got knocked out by a swinging paint can (like in the movie Home Alone). Hornswoggle came out of the opposite door and covered Chavo for the 1-2-3 to win the match! Chavo got up and blamed Mark Henry, but Mark said it wasn’t him. Chavo took one more step and bumped into Maculey Culken (star of Home Alone) – now it all makes sense! The WWE writers are very clever these days.
MAIN EVENT – NON-TITLE (LUMBERJACK) MATCH
John Cena & WWE champion Randy Orton defeated Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & The Big Show: Freddie Prince Jr. came out and yelled at Randy Orton before turning the match into a Lumberjack Match and added that none of the Lumberjacks like him! A crew of babyface wrestlers came out to act as Lumberjacks for the match. For some reason there was no commentary for the main event. The Lumberjacks were hostile towards Orton and Jericho, but pretty much left Cena alone when he left the ring. Major technical difficulties during this match. Half way through the commentary kicked back in. John Cena won the match for his team, but two seconds later he was RKO’d by his partner (Randy Orton)! Orton retreated while Big Show & Jericho attacked Cena in the ring! All of the lumberjacks went after Big Show & Jericho, but they fought them off successfully until Cena recovered and knocked both of them out of the ring!