WWE RAW – April 9, 2012 – Washington DC
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
[ REVIEWED BY DARBY GATORADE ]
IN THE RING
RAW General Manager John Laurinaitis & David Otunga + Brock Lesnar + John Cena: JL introduced Brock Lesnar as a champion of champions and showed a clip of the impact he made last week (F5ing John Cena). JL called Brock the new face of the WWE and the man who will face John Cena at Extreme Rules. Brock came out and thanked “Mr. Laurinaitis” for having the wisdom to bring legitimacy back to the WWE. John Cena quickly interrupted and came out to confront his attacker. Cena said he came out to thank Lesnar for last week, and then slapped him across the face! Lesnar took Cena down and they grappled on the mat UFC style. A legion of WWE officials tried to pull them apart. A bunch of wrestlers ran out and tried to help out. Cena was bleeding from the mouth. Both men broke loose a couple times and started fighting, only to be pulled apart again. Lesnar was dragged out of the ring and Cena had a bloody grin on his face.
John Laurinaitis & David Otunga + Teddy Long + Eve Torres: JL blamed Theodore Long for what happened because he was asked to contain John Cena backstage. Eve came in and wanted to talk to JL, who told her to make an appointment so they can meeting 1-on-1 in Stanford. Eve said JL had her number, so he can call her.
TAG TEAM MATCH
WWE United States champion Santino Marella & Brodus Clay w/funkettes defeated Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger w/Vickie Guerrero:
John Laurinaitis & The Miz + Teddy Long + John Cena: JL said he owes The Miz for what he did at WrestleMania, and he has big plans for him, but it will have to wait til next week. Miz said NO PROBLEM and left. Teddy Long came back and brought John Cena to see JL. Cena said JL went out and got Brock Lesnar to put him out of business. Cena said he wants to compete tonight, and told JL to pick his opponent any time any place. JL told Long to go tell David Otunga he’ll be facing John Cena tonight.
Santino Marella + Tyler Reks & Curt Hawkins + Kane: Santino was looking for the Three Stooges, because he is a very big fan. Santino walked past Kane, who looked very angry.
R-Truth defeated Cody Rhodes: The Big Show came out and showed a clip from last week, which was from when he showed a clip of WrestleMania (a clip of a clip, wierd). Cody was distracted and got hit with a kick from Truth.
Santino Marella + The Three Stooges (Larry, Curly, and Moe): Santino came upon a box marked FRAGILE. He opened it and out fell the Three Stooges! They plugged the movie. Santino was happy to see them, and asked what they had planned. There was a lot of slapping. Larry wanted to catch up with the WWE Divas. Moe wanted to see the Cobra move, but changed it to the Moebra. Santino wished them luck and left them to think of some ideas. The Stooges went back to the box to think, but then Moe suggested they think “out of the box.” Get it?
Lord Tensai w/worshiper defeated Yoshi Tatsu by referee stoppage: Yoshi Tatsu openly challenged Lord Tensai on Twitter this week because he was offended. After the match, Tensai spewed mist into his hand and then applied the CLAW on Tatsu!
IN THE RING
WWE champion C.M. Punk + Chris Jericho (on screen): C.M. Punk said he told himself a long time ago he would make it to the top of the WWE because he was the best damn wrestler in the world – then along comes Chris Jericho. Punk said Jericho tried to get in his head by saying he was the best in the world. Punk said when that didn’t work, Jericho had to get personal and talk about his father, sister, and mother. Punk said when Jericho’s plan didn’t work at WrestleMania, he took it one step too far, when he poured whiskey all over him and smashed a bottle over his head. Punk said he had one thought in his head, that he smelled exactly like his father did. Jericho came up on the big screen and asked if Punk was still hung over. Jericho said Punk was shaking and suggested Punk was on his first bender. Jericho said Punk was in denial, and needed to admit that he was powerless. Jericho said the fans don’t see a champion right now, they see a pathetic loser. Jericho said last week he forced Punk to feel what it’s like to be C.M. Drunk. Punk said Jericho can’t break him with all these memories. Punk said Jericho’s mistake was not realizing he just made the biggest mistake of his life. Punk said he was now in a dark place and he was coming after Jericho. Punk said it was no longer about who was the best in the world, it was about him kicking Jericho’s ass!
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Mark Henry defeated WWE champion C.M. Punk by DQ: Punk was almost immediately disqualified for smashing Henry with a TV monitor. Punk was about to crush Henry’s head when Jericho’s music played. Jericho came out with two 12-packs of beer. Henry attacked Punk and gave him a World’s Strongest Slam in the middle of the ring. Jericho came in the ring and opened up a can of beer. Punk was suddenly revived and went after Jericho, who countered with a Code-breaker. Jericho then opened two cans of beer and poured it directly onto Punk’s face and chest. Jericho poured more beer on Punk, one by one by one, screaming DRINK IT IN! There was a puddle of beer in the ring when it was over. Jerry Lawler acted shocked on commentary, even though he pulled the same trick on Jake “The Snake” Roberts 15 years ago. Jericho took the WWE championship and held it above his head.
Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) defeated Zack Ryder by submission:
The Three Stooges (Larry, Curly, and Moe): Curly said he had an idea and he would meet Larry & Moe out there.
IN THE RING
The Three Stooges (Larry, Curly, and Moe) + Kane: Moe dragged Larry down to the ring by the nose. I don’t know who Moe is but Larry is the gay friend from the TV sitcom Will & Grace. Curly then came out dressed as an overweight Hulk Hogan, to the “Real American” entrance music. That’s kinda surprising they would do that. Curly is former MadTV cast member Will Sasso. Curly cut a promo as Hulk Hogan hyping the Three Stooges movie. Kane interrupted. Larry & Moe bolted, leaving Curly alone in the ring with Kane. Curly started “hulking up” but Kane destroyed him with a choke-slam!
Josh Mathews & Mark Henry: Mark Henry said he has beaten C.M. Punk two weeks in a row; once by count out and once by disqualification. Mark said John Laurinaitis has given him one more title match next week, but this time it’s No-Countout and No-DQ. Mark said that means he will be the NEW WWE champion.
Josh Mathews & Brock Lesnar: Brock Lesnar said 8 years ago he left the WWE and went to the UFC to become the UFC champion. Brock said he was proud that John Laurinaitis had the wisdom to bring him back and put him at the top where he belongs. Brock said John Cena could never hold his jock strap in a million years. Brock said he was not there to make any friends. Brock said he was not as proud as the WWE suits and ties, and the fans, are to have him back.
HIGHLIGHT VIDEO: The End of an Era match at WrestleMania… Triple H vs. The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell with Shawn Michaels as the special referee.
John Cena defeated David Otunga (w/John Laurinaitis) by submission: After the match, Brock Lesnar showed up and kicked John Cena between the legs from behind and then gave him an F5!