1. Home
  2. Columns
  3. ECW (3/17) Extreme Exam

HeadLocker — Jay Shannon

The ECW Extreme Exam for 3/17/09

Our resident philosopher, Jay Shannon, dons his green baseball cap and Fitzgerald’s Hotel and Casino (emerald green) golf shirt to get in the spirit of the Irish season, as he brings us his latest ECW Examination

Welcome to the St. Patrick’s Day edition of ECW. You just gotta know that Hornswoggle would make a serious (make that not-so-serious) impact on the show. Get ready to laugh and to be amazed.

Hornswoggle laughed maniacally as he walked up on Teddy Long, dressed in full Irish Green. Finlay said Hornswoggle has been celebrating all day long. When Finlay and Teddy noticed that Hornswoggle had disappeared, Finlay admitted that they were in trouble.

ECW came from the home of the best Irish pub in the US, Dirty Nelly’s (on the Riverwalk). Christian came out to a roar from his peeps. Christian grinned as the crowd showed their love and respect. ECW showed Christian earned his spot in the Money in the Bank match, last week. Christian’s partner was M.V.P. I like the face turn. They faced off against “The Gold Standard” Shelton Benjamin and Mark Henry. Mark had Tony Atlas at his side for the match.

Shelton Benjamin & Mark Henry d Christian & M.V.P.

The Finish:

Christian threw a solid fist and slid under Shelton. Christian dodged the Spinaround Crescent Kick and hit the Inverted DDT. Christian took a shot at Mark Henry. Christian Monkey Flipped Shelton from the corner, but Shelton landed on his feet. Christian hit a Spinning Sunset Flip off the ropes for a two count. Christian was sent to the ropes where he nailed the now-called Fulcrum Prison Blues (Teeter Totter Kick in the ropes). Christian nailed a great Tornado DDT. Mark Henry got involved in the match. MVP and Christian dragged Mark from the match. Tony Atlas distracted Christian when he re-entered the ring. Shelton nailed the Paydirt after Christian popped Tony.

Grade: B+
Jay’s Thoughts: This was an OK match to just promo the Money in the Bank match at Wrestlemania and to push the 500th episode of Smackdown on Friday. Nice to see the heels take a win. Of course, this further pushes that no one in ECW can remain unbeaten for any length of time.

Matt Striker sent it to a video package about 12 Rounds.

Finlay was looking for Hornswoggle. He ran into D.J. Gabriel and Alicia Fox who were dancing in the backstage area. The Extreme Rewind focused on Evan Air Bourne. He has to be my favorite of the new kids. Evan would make his return…in the next segment.

ECW returned with a look back at Wrestlemania XX. That was one of the strongest cards in WWE History. Goldberg and Brock Lesnar squared off. The card was held at Madison Square Garden. Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young got lucky. Chris Jericho got screwed over, not in a good way. It was John Cena v Big Show for the US title. Eddie Guerrero beat Kurt Angle to retain the WWE Championship. WWE completely ignored the main event, due to Chris Benoit’s involvement. I hate to see that. While I could not and would not ever come to Benoit’s defense on any level, I do think that history is history. Benoit was involved in a massive Triple Threat match. Just because he did something so heinous, the others in the match shouldn’t be shadowed out.

In the ring, Jamie Noble awaited the return of Evan Bourne. Bourne reminds me of Sean Waltman around the GWF days as the Lightning Kid.

Evan Bourne d Jamie Noble

The Finish

Tyson Kidd watched on as Evan spun Jamie around and worked over Jamie’s arm. Jamie launched Evan into the corner. Jamie nailed a Short-Arm Clothesline. Jamie hit a Speed Leg Drop. Jamie cinched in a modified Camel Clutch. Evan got to his feet and hit several punches and kicks. Evan surprised Jamie with a Jumping Kneelift to the face. Evan then dropped Jamie with a Flying Clothesline. Evan walked the ropes into a Rewind-Rana (thanks Striker). Evan hit a Jumping Spin Kick and Standing Moonsault. Evan hit an Enziguri near the ropes. Jamie got the knees up. Evan caught Jamie in the face with a sharp kick. Evan hit the Shooting Star Press to win his re-debut.

Grade: A
Jay’s Thoughts:
The only reason this match didn’t get full marks was it’s short length. Evan was absolutely amazing and Jamie worked the match better than I’ve seen him work in years. The truth is the two fed off each other and pushed each other to new levels. I can only imagine the pending Evan v Tyson match will rival that of say…Jushin Thunder Liger v Brian Pillman.

Finlay found Hornswoggle teasing and taunting Katie Lea Burchill in the backstage area. He was throwing food and stuff on the Brit Babe. Finlay apologized and dragged his son away.

Jack Swagger was introduced to the San Antonio crowd. Knowing the rivalry between Texas and Oklahoma, it wasn’t hard to realize why the crowd was hostile. Jack said he wanted to come out and show off his good looks. He pulled a Booker T with his “2-time, 2-time” All-American chant.

Tiffany and Teddy talked about doing a Divas night on ECW. Paul and Katie Lea Burchill rushed in, smelling of corn beef and cabbage. They wanted revenge on Finlay. Teddy told him to take the fight to the ring. Matt and Todd talked about another (oh, joy) live episode of The Dirt Sheet, with The Miz and John Morrison.

ECW looked back at the bizarre love triangle between Big Show, Vickie Guerrero and Edge. Vickie set herself as the special guest ref between Edge and John Cena. he match was so one-sided, thanks to Vickie. Big Show came out, near the end of the match. Show and Edge dismantled Cena and trapped him in the ropes. Edge nailed the Spear and Show popped Cena with his Knockout Punch. Edge then Speared Big Show.

Paul and Katie Lea Burchill stood in the ring to face the Irish battler, Finlay. Finlay had the diminutive Hornswoggle at his side. Hornswoggle chased after Katie Lea (smart little guy).

Finlay d Paul Burchill

The Finish:

Finlay hit a Short Arm Clothesline and a Backbreaker. Hornswoggle danced on the announce table. Finlay was distracted but still able to flip Burchill over the ropes. Paul rushed Finlay’s back into the ring apron. The two rolled back in the ring and Paul tried to take the Irishman apart. Paul locked in a Rear Chin Lock. Finlay nailed a Jawbreaker and started throwing punches. Burchill knocked Finlay out of the ring. Burchill tried to fly over the ropes and straddle the ring skirt. The two men fought tooth and nail until Finlay caught Paul in the Emerald Fusion/Celtic Cross.

Grade: B+
Jay’s Thoughts:
If this match were booked right, it could be a main event. The whole England v Ireland situation could be promoted to the hilt. Of course, this is ECW and the writers do go that deep. Still a decent match. Hornswoggle and Katie Lea made for some interesting distractions but didn’t really help the match, all that much.

It was time for another Dirt Sheet. (What I wouldn’t give for a glass of warm milk and a Benadryl, right about now.) Miz and Morrison had the Bellas with them. Morrison made fun of Texans for being fat. Miz said the Bella Twins were now their girlfriends. Nikki said the Bella Twins like winners. hey sent it to a match review of Miz and Morrison defeating the Colons. The Bellas left with the Miz and Morrison.

Miz and Morrison welcomed the Colons. Miz and Morrison put on their Butt Face masks. They did a stupid rap thing. That came to a quick stop as Carlito and Primo brought out the Carlito’s Cabana set. The ring guys set the palm trees in place. Carlito said Miz and Morrison looked better with the butt masks on.

Carlito said Miz and Morrison were the first guests of the new and improved Cabana. Carlito and Primo offered an interesting Wrestlemania match. It was title unification match, which is way mega-cool. Miz and Morrison accepted and said “Be Jealous”. The Colons went to spit apple in the faces of Miz and Morrison but missed. Brie got apple all in her face. Nikki giggled at her sister. Brie shoved her sister to the mat. Nikki came back and to quote the legendary Joey Styles “CATFIGHT!” The various teams pulled the girls apart.

Segment Grade: C- (the Colon Brothers saved the segment from it’s normal F Grade)
Jay’s Thoughts:
I really hate the whole Dirt Sheet thing. It’s such a silly waste of precious TV time. Raw or Smackdown could use this garbage for filler on a 2 hour show. On a 1 hour show like ECW, this is a serious momentum killer. Tommy Dreamer, Tyson Kidd and Ricky Ortiz get ignored so Miz and Morrison can wear goofy butt masks and do a bad Ricky Ricardo imitation. The only redeeming thing about the whole segment was learning that the WWE is Finally talking about merging a few titles. I don’t really expect the belts to combine into one. Seeing the Bellas go at each other was also rather enjoyable, if you like too-skinny women fighting.

Final Grade: B
Final Thoughts:
Despite the drag by the Dirt Sheet, ECW showed well for a second week in a row. Evan Bourne was just beyond words with his abilities. The whole Finlay/Hornswoggle running skit was great. The opener was strong, as well. Well done, again.

–Jay Shannon
[email protected]