1. Home
  2. Miscellaneous
  3. Full Impact Radio with Mr. Milo Beasley

FIP Radio #15 w/ Mr. Milo Beasley is now available to download at:

Here is the transcript:

MSL: And we are back on FIP Radio, and our very special guest at this time, is the vice president of DP Associates. It’s a rags to riches story, Mr. Milo Beasley, was a homeless man, or maybe you do have a home now, I don’t know. But you are basically second in command in DP Associates, one of the most powerful corporations in all of professional wrestling.

MB: Well maybe it’s just a rags to rags story because I still haven’t seen the riches. As far as having a home, the only home that I have is here in FIP. I wait outside the building for months on end, waiting, for that one night of glory, that Mr. Milo Beasley can finally make a star of himself, here in the FIP.

MSL: Well you say that FIP is your home, and I’ve never seen Mr. Milo Beasley advertised anywhere else in professional wrestling. So I guess you can say that Mr. Milo Beasley is FIP exclusive.

MB: He is FIP exclusive. And if they wanted to pay Mr. Milo Beasley, he would probably have a contract.

MSL: Now you are the first homeless man I’ve ever seen that is cocky enough to speak of himself in the third person. So for the fans at home, walk us through the history of Mr. Milo Beasley. How did you get involved in professional wrestling? Why were you homeless? What was your line of work before all of this wackiness in DP Associates?

MB: You know seriously, have you ever seen me? What kind of work do you think I can do? I can do none. Which is why one night in Lakeland, just happened to be strolling by some Latin-redneck-country-Hispanic bar, which if you could believe it, yes it actually was there, and some guy came up to me and said “Hey, how’d you like to walk out to the ring with me? Oh, I’m sorry you can’t walk!”, I said “That’s very funny sir, who are you?”, he said “Sir, my name is CM Punk. Would you like to be apart of the New Dawn?”, and at that point I was like “Sure, whatever, what does it pay?”, he said “Nothing, but you get to be on a DVD!”, and I said “That sounds like a very good plan to me!”. So I went out there and helped CM Punk on his way to victory, holding that FIP Title.

MSL: You say that the New Dawn didn’t pay you, at all? So what is the inspiration? Why do this? You can be out right now trying to collect change. Is this just for a change of pace?

MB: This is actually my nightlife. This is what I do. I collect change during the day, and FIP at night.

MSL: I’ve talked to Dave Prazak before the show, and privately as well, and Dave Prazak swears that you are an integral part of DP Associates, as far as the running of the corporation. After all, you are the vice president.

MB: HEY! There’s no running going on. Seriously, look at me.

MSL: Well ok, the operating of the operation. It’s not a paying gig you’re telling me?

MB: As far as I know, no. Maybe. Wait a minute, maybe Dave has taken all of my money. Nah, that can’t be, he’s such a nice guy.

MSL: Well, the money’s gotta’ be going somewhere…

MB: All this talk of money, you’re really starting to get on my nerves.

MSL: Oh, I’m sorry.

MB: I mean, seriously, you’re saying money, as if everybody gets paid here in FIP. Seriously, if I got paid, I wouldn’t need to be on the road collecting dollars, holding up signs, stuff I will, or will not do for money.

MSL: Well, let me ask you this then. Even though you have no background in professional wrestling, even though you have no knowledge or experience as far as this sport is concerned, give me your opinion, when you look at the FIP landscape, who do you see, as the guys to look out for, maybe the next stars of professional wrestling?

MB: That’s easy, it’s Delirious and Jimmy Rave!

MSL: Interesting. Anybody outside of DP Associates, or have you guys signed every piece of talent out on the free market?

MB: There is nobody else. I mean seriously, it’s DP Associates. If they were worth our time, they would be in DP Associates. You see what we did to Shingo? We bring him here for a few months, next thing you know, big Japanese superstar. The dude was seriously American when he came here, Japanese superstar now, I can’t believe it.

MSL: And that was your doing?

MB: Of course! I mean it was my idea to make him Japanese.

MSL: Now what is the creative process like in DP Associates? Is it a collaboration between you and Dave? Is it a 50/50 sharing of ideas?

MB: Oh yes, definitely. He tells me what to do, and I do it.

MSL: So 50/50 you would say?

MB: Yes. 50/50, definitely.

MSL: I’m not sure if you’re familiar with terms like 50/50. Usually that would mean you’re splitting the money evenly, but if you’re not getting any of the money…Maybe this is a foreign concept to you.

MB: I mean, Dave takes care of me when he’s in town. He puts me up in the greatest, the biggest, Holiday Inn Express that you have ever seen. He gave me the biggest extra value meal you have ever seen, the last time he was here.

MSL: From what fast food restaurant chain?

MB: Are we allowed to advertise?

MSL: Yes.

MB: He actually got me the Grande Meal from Taco Bell. On US-19 in Crystal River.

MSL: The Grande Meal. That’s the, you get to choose between soft tacos, tacos, and bean burritos…

MB: Yes it’s like tacos, burritos, you wouldn’t believe it. You get ten things. Ten. Ten.

MSL: And you ate all ten?

MB: I may have sold some for recreational purposes.

MSL: You were able to resell Taco Bell items. What do used Taco Bell items go for on the homeless market? I want to understand this industry that you come from as you’ve crossed over into my industry of professional wrestling. It’s now time for you to teach me…Mr. Milo Beasley has removed his headset!

MB: I really don’t know if I should be talking about this.

MSL: Are there like insider trading secrets?

MB: The black market, not the Black Market in FIP, used Taco Bell items should be very discreet.

MSL: You can’t really reveal.

MB: I shouldn’t’. I’m actually going to be in big, big trouble with Dave. He thinks I’m eating them. But seriously look at me.

MSL: Right. Clearly you’re not eating ten items from the Grande Meal.

MB: Probably not. Probably not. But hey, it’s what I have to do to get by here. Dave treats me good, puts me in the fanciest Holiday Inn, of course, it isn’t wheel chair accessible, but that’s okay, sometimes he tucks me in the bed.

MSL: Now no offense Mr. Beasley, but you do realize this is like the equivalent of if the Simpsons did an entire episode about the guy in the bumble bee outfit. This is essentially FIP Radio jumping the shark, by bringing you on the show. ‘Evening the Odds Guy’ and Riren will be e-mailing us any second now…

MB: Well I know why you have me here. I was the closest guy, and you pushed me in here on my wheelchair and I had no choice. I guess that’s what happens when you’re in a wheelchair.

MSL: I want to take you to task here Mr. Milo Beasley. We’ve seen you on many occasions, climb up on the apron, and do a summersault plancha to the floor. Now is there something about your paralysis that comes and goes?

MB: Actually, that’s another one of those 50/50 things…

MSL: I don’t think you really understand the whole 50/50 thing, to be honest with you. But go ahead.

MB: Dave tells me to do what I can, and to get up on the top rope, and I try my best, I pull myself up, and then when I get up there, I realize my legs don’t work and I fall.

MSL: Okay, and you happen to do a perfect summersault as you fall. It kinda’ looks like maybe you’re looking for change on the ground and the tilting of your head flips you over?

MB: I actually have a very big head. And, if I lean over, it just really flips me over, it’s nature. I can’t help it.

MSL: Now you may not understand this reference because obviously you can’t afford a ticket to see a movie, but how does it feel to really be like the Jar-Jar Binks of FIP?

MB: Oh, I’ve heard about him.

MSL: They had a Jar-Jar Binks toy at Taco Bell once upon a time, so….

MB: Oh man, you know what I coulda’ got for that?

MSL: Yeah, I don’t wanna’ know. That’s a trade secret and I don’t wanna’ know!

MB: I have seen this. One of the guys had it on some little miniature movie screen in the locker room, and I saw him, it was cool. Him and the Jedi were working 50/50, you know, they had that whole thing going.

MSL: Right yeah, definitely….

MB: I don’t know where you’re going from here.

MSL: Okay, well, I wanna’ thank you for being on the show.

MB: Yes.

MSL: We’ve hit a new low here on FIP Radio.

MB: A new low? I mean seriously…

MSL: Well no because usually our guests are standing up, and you can’t.

MB: You know, that’s supposed to be funny. You’re making fun of a cripple. You should be disgusted.

MSL: I don’t believe that you’re crippled, that’s the bottom line. And honestly I brought you on here hoping that I could agitate you, to the point where you would get up out of your chair and attack me.

MB: And obviously that isn’t happening because I can’t. The only thing I can do is try to wheel myself really, really fast and hit you with my knees.

MSL: Like a Pounce, but with a wheel chair?

MB: What’s a Pounce?

MSL: It’s um, how would you explain a Pounce? You probably can’t do it because you are wheelchair bound.

MB: Right. It’s like what cats do.

MSL: Right.

MB: Right, yes. I have a cat.

MSL: You have a cat?!

MB: Yes.

MSL: What would stop your cat from leaving? Since you don’t have a place to contain it.

MB: I nurture it, I love it. It has no eyes, it can’t go anywhere.

MSL: This is kinda’ like when South Park did the episode about Butters. And we learned things that maybe we never needed to learn.

MB: No. I have a cat. It keeps me company. I love it, it’s my friend.

MSL: Let me ask you this?

MB: Alright.

MSL: Can you give me your phone number? Because I have this friend Andrew, and I think you guys would get along, very well.

MB: Yes. Are you ready?

MSL: Yes.

MB: 152639.

MSL: Um, that’s only 6 numbers.

MB: 2518.

MSL: Okay, is 526 a real area code? Here’s what I’m gonna’ do. Even though this number is probably not real, I’m going to save it. I’m going to have Andrew call this number, and then we’ll find out from him what happened. And then maybe something interesting will have actually occurred…


MSL: The ice machine has broken! We have to take a break! There’s ice flying everywhere! We’ll be right back on FIP Radio!