Just to start, I have had really weird Christmas holidays related to the IWS and I am going to get to that, but for the moment, let’s just talk about the main event.
Contrary to reports coming out of the IWS office and out of Beef Wellington’s mouth, the former funny man has fought for the IWS title before and even did so against the current IWS title-holder Kevin Steen, back during Kevin’s first title run in 2004. Steen beat Beef in Ottawa during the CPW WrestleFest that saw promotions from all over Quebec deliver marquee matches. I strongly remember the match because I lobbied for it, believing that Beef deserved a shot at Steen and his title. (And also in Gatineau, September 3rd, 2005, ExesS beat Damian and Beef in a defense of his IWS title. So, technically, Beef has never fought for the IWS title in Montreal.)
Beef has engineered what many would call tainted victories, winning Fans Bring the Weapons with ether pinning Viking and beating PCP Crazy F’N Manny in a Triple Hell match with a sleeper hold, so sure he deserves a shot at Kevin Steen’s title. And there is certainly an argument to be made that Beef was unfairly denied a shot at the IWS title for years after his two Ottawa shots especially during Viking’s title rein. Personally, I am excited about this match because I am looking forward to someone, anyone kicking Beef’s ass and historically in the IWS, no one has ever kicked Beef’s ass as completely or as thoroughly as Kevin Steen.
Although the Beef Wellington that Steen beat was the funny Beef, the Beef that didn’t take wrestling seriously, the Beef who thought pleasing the fans was more important than, you know, winning. The Beef Wellington that Kevin Steen will face in the ring on Saturday is one who is prepared to do anything to achieve his goals and to win what he considers his gold, the belt that Kevin Steen currently holds.
IWS Season’s Beatings
Card – Quick and Dirty
Saturday, January 10th
Le Skratch, 965 Cure Labelle,
Chomedey, Laval, Quebec
IWS Title Match : IWS Champion Kevin Steen vs. Beef Wellington
IWS Tag Team Title Match: IWS Champions Up in Smoke (Cheech and Cloudy) vs The Untouchables (Dan Paysan and Jimmy Stone)
IWS Canadian Title Match: IWS Champion EXesS vs Shayne Hawke
“The Big Rig” Brodie Lee vs. The Green Phantom
The Super Smash Brothers (Player Uno and Stupefied) vs. Sexxxy Eddy and the Evil Ninja
IWS Season’s Beatings Detailed Preview
But First A Word From Our Sponsor – Llakor (Dat’s Me!)
So, like I said above, I had a weird Christmas. First, at the IWS staff Christmas party, I am trying to avoid Joseph FitzMorris who is alternately trying to poison me with heavily sugared apple sauce or trying to sweet talk me into rolling sex dice so he can have any excuse to turn into an alcoholic octopus sex fiend, while out of the corner of my eye I see Viking and the Green Phantom get into it, Viking is completely pissed and basically sprays a beer loogie all over Phantom’s chest, Phantom loses it and tackles Viking into the Christmas tree, in the process knocking an even drunker Manny off his feet and Manny lands on his head, party ends in a near-riot, Viking is apparently out indefinitely with a back injury and Manny suffered the latest in a string of concussions this year.
I then go to the Laurentians to have Christmas with my parents, two sisters, two bros-in-law, two nieces, one nephew and a cat who flew in from Edmonton. Don’t ask why someone would fly in a cat for Christmas. And all through the holidays, I am calling Manny because the only match that I know anything about is Beef vs. Steen and that one I am supposed to hold off announcing because Beef announces at the Christmas party that he might get a gig acting as 50 Cent’s stunt double.
Unfortunately, Manny does every once in a while get hard to contact, but usually I can at least talk to him, he will tell me that he will call me back in ten minutes because he is going to the gym or tanning or at the firing range or about to walk into the Solid Gold or TD is about to pick him up and drive him to Two Mountains or his battery is about to die or something, something and then I usually don’t hear from him for two days, but at least I know he’s alive. But this time, zip, nada, zilch, nothing.
I get back into town today and I go to the IWS offices and someone has changed the locks on me. Plus, some guy that I never hired, calling himself the IWS Intern, is sending out IWS press releases and he has Manny’s Facebook password which has also been changed since the Christmas party.
I have absolutely no idea what is going on. I only figured out the card by calling the roster and asking them what match they were in. I have no idea what I am supposed to announce or when. I have a general idea on why these matches are happening from talking to the roster, but – you know what – screw it, I am the only who has the password to this newsletter and to the News section of the IWS message board so I am going to write what I want to write and FUCK ‘EM IF THEY CAN”T TAKE A JOKE!
Oh also, IWS Intern, just for the future, the former World Champion who broke Bruno Sammartino‘s neck – his name is Stan HANSEN, he is not related to the brothers from Slap Shot.
Beef vs. Steen
Why is it happening?: Beef won Fans Bring the Weapons and the Triple Hell Death Match.
Why it will be good!: Because Kevin is going to perform oral surgery on Beef without offering him the benefit of ether first. I mean that he is going Beef’s teeth down his throat.
Cheech and Cloudy vs. the Untouchables
Why is it happening?: Dan Paysan and Jimmy Stone beat the Super Smash Brothers to earn the shot.
Why it will be good!: Cheech kicks ass, Cloudy and Dan fly around like they were made of Indian rubber, and Jimmy Stone told me at the IWS Christmas Party that his New Year’s Resolution would be forcing me to write nice things about him. Good luck with that Jimmy!
EXesS vs. Shayne Hawke
Why is it happening?: Shayne Hawke pulled out a miracle victory against Brodie Lee at our last show. EXesS was Shayne Hawke’s Secret Santa at the IWS Christmas Party and gave him a contract for a shot at the IWS Canadian Title. (He did admittedly use it as wrapping for dog shit, but it’s the thought that counts, right?)
Why it will be good!: Their first two matches, seriously, two of the best IWS matches of 2008. Hawke won the first match and EXesS beat the shit out of him for winning. In the rematch for the IWS Canadian Title, Hawke beat EXesS until he was literally out on his feet and then Hawke had a little momentary lapse of attention and EXesS slapped on a submission blind and hung on like a dead man developing rigor mortis.
Brodie Lee vs. The Green Phantom
Why is it happening?: Phantom was scheduled to face Viking, but Viking is injured indefinitely. When I called Brodie Lee, he said that he had been hired to punish the Green Phantom, but he declined to tell me who hired him.
Why it will be good!: Hardcore Brawler vs. Hardcore Brawler. What’s not to love?
I know. I know. I know that some people think that Brodie Lee had a bad match against Necro Butcher in Montreal. Truth is, Necro was injured early in that match. A better test was Brodie’s IWS match against Shayne Hawke which was really good, although Brodie did underestimate our favourite Maudit Roux a little bit. I don’t see Brodie making that mistake against the Green Phantom. The X-Factor in this match: Historically, the Green Phantom has had his best matches when his opponent pops him one early – Onyx, Necro Bustcher, Kevin Steen. I think Brodie Lee is going to punch the Green Phantom in the face and then as they say, “The beatings will continue until morale improves.”
Super Smash Brothers vs. Eddy and Ninja
Why is it happening?: I am trying to think of a good nickname for Eddy and the Evil Ninja. Evil Sex? Sex is Evil? Ambush Sex?
Sex is a Battlefield?
Why it will be good!: IWS old guard against the IWS new guard. One team who are very underrated as being high flyers against a team who are very underrated at being hardcore.
Also Stupefied is awesome, but you knew that.
The truly weird thing about being locked out of the office is that I am the one with the tickets and the IWS DVDs. If people were talking to me I probably wouldn’t mention this, but since Manny isn’t picking up the phone and I am apparently no longer welcome in the IWS offices, you know what? Screw it – here is the thing.
This year is the IWS Tenth Anniversary. We would like to run an incredible Tenth Anniversary show. Remember how good our Fifth Anniversary show V was? But to have that great show we need to draw a few more people to Le Skratch so we can make some money to pay for that great show instead of just breaking even.
So bring a friend to IWS Season’s Beatings. Until Friday, if you buy two VIP tickets, the price is $30 instead of $40. If you buy two regular tickets the price is $25 instead of $30. And if you don’t have any friends, well, you probably didn’t get what you wanted for Christmas either, so in that case, buy a VIP ticket and a DVD for $30 instead of $40. Or hell, give IWS the Christmas present. Buy an extra ticket, walk up to a complete stranger wearing a wrestling shirt, give him the extra ticket and tell him (or her) that they owe it to themselves as wrestling fans to check out the IWS.
And let’s all make the IWS Tenth Year the best one yet!
The International Wrestling Syndicate’s next show is Season’s Beatings Saturday, January 10th at Le Skratch 965 Cure Labelle, Chomedey, Laval, Quebec, CANADA. Doors Open at 7:30, Show Starts at 8:30. VIP tickets are $20. Regular tickets are $15. $18+. Card and times subject to change. For more information go to http://www.syndicatewrestling.com or write to [email protected] and I will tell you anything I know. Maybe this IWS Intern guy will start dropping knowledge too. Who knows? Too soon to tell. Wouldn’t hold my breath though.